'Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear
take the wheel and steer
It's driven me before
and it seems to have a vague
haunting mass appeal
But lately I am beginning to find that
I should be the one behind the wheel...'
I guarded my head using my arm as a shield from the flying bottle of wine. The glass shattered on impact on my arm and piereced through my skin. The red plasma gushed from the source of the opening and flowed directly down towards the cold tile flooring. My eyes watered at the excrutiating pain. I reflected upon how I had lived my life for the past eight months. The verbal and physical abuse became overbearing.
I thought I loved this man, and the place I lived became known to me as home. I was wrong. I was dead wrong. It began as a love blooming to overwhelming proportions. As time progressed, the love subsided and the humanity did as well. He began to come home in the early hours of the morning, drunk. I didn't think much of it until he began taking out his rage on me.
'Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there with open arms and open eyes
Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there
I'll be there...'
Night after night I sat in our room, crying. I didn't want to leave at first because I loved him and I thought I could encourage him to change his ways. Now, I couldn't leave because for fear of my life. I wanted to be like every other twenty-four year old out there in the world, but Alex showed me it was impossible. I was rarely let out of the house besides going grocery shopping, or tending to his needs. The thought of sneaking out never crossed my mind. The fear held me captive and bound me to this wretched place that was supposed to be my sanctuary.
'So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own drive?'
After hauling the wine bottle at me, Alex passed out on the couch. He didn't care that I cried, or that I hurt. All he cared was if I betrayed him or not. He was like a hawk that circled overhead of me, watching my every single move. I was no longer allowed to converse with the male population; any male besides him.
I carefully pulled myself up from the curling position on the floor I was in and went to the sink to wash my wound. There was no need to go to the hospital for these things anymore, because they already know me by a first name basis. After a while, I learned how to mend my own injuries. I cleaned the cut and bandaged it sloppily. I let the sunlight shining in from the kitchen window penetrate me. Outside, I saw children playing and the ravishing clear blue sky illuminated by the golden sun. I saw the little boy holding a girl's hand as their mothers came to separate them and parted ways.
'It's driven me before and it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around
But lately I'm beginning to find that when I drive myself my light is found...'
The realization of the situation I was in hit me as hard as a snow blizzard in Chicago. I needed to escape and not worry about the consequences. I have dealt with the abuse for far too long now and my life needed a jumpstart. I took advantage of the opportunity of Alex passed out and rushed to pack my things. I threw into the suitcase as many clothes as I needed and all the precious momentos that belonged to me. I went to the secret hiding place from behind the closet and grabbed all the money I had managed to save over the months. Seventy-two dollars couldn't get me very far, but it was a start.
'Would you choose water over wine?
Hold the wheel and drive...'
I went into the living room and searched for Alex's sleeping figure. He was still passed out. I held the suitcase close and took one last look around the hellhole and walked through the double doors and out to my freedom, where Alex could hurt me no more.
'Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there with open arms and open eyes
Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there
I'll be there...'
Incubus- "Drive"