Lying Awake at 3AM
A stream of consciousness piece, written somewhere between midnight and dawn. . .and not just by the clock.
Lying awake at 3 AM,
Smelling your fresh clean scent,
I feel so dirty.
The neighbor’s damn dog is barking again.
There’s the usual thud, and it falls to silence.
That scent invades my mind,
Makes me nauseous.
Why do I let you sweat your pain out all over me?
Why do I love it so much?
So much that I pretend to pass out,
Just so it can stop.
But I let you fondle my not-so-sleeping body,
And I lose my mind in visions of elsewhere,
Other days,
Other loves.
Love beats me down
Like a redneck cop,
Leaving welts of hateful caressing
On my too-pale flesh.
And I ask for it.
So long as we walk before windows,
I can keep my façade of control,
Bend you to my will,
Mistress of illusion that I am.
But the lights go down eventually.
I can’t hide forever in the shadows of other’s eyes,
Other’s minds.
Stripped naked by my own unsatiated lust,
Helpless as a half-tamed wolf.
That damn dog is barking again,
The thud,
The silence.
I wish this would end so easily.
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