I too belive in completing things, more even than my sister.I am the eldest sister, the dark sister. I am supposed to be dark, but I can't seem to be truly dark anymore. I do my job, killing and destroying what I like, when I feel like it. But recently I have stoped feeling like it, I do not take pleasure in my work.What is the point? I destroy, they build back up, I kill, three more childern are born. Every time I make even the slightest headway, I am pucshed back farther than I came. In less than a year we will be back to the begining, and any time beyond that there will be. . . well, I can not imagine what will happen then, I only know I will not be able to exist, but I will not be able to exist. I can not imagine that being a plesent thing to happen. Existing, but not existing, life without death. . . So for now I try a bit harder, but I can not find it in myself to care, I look to my end, not with fear, and not with hope, but with apathy, I know it is approaching, but I do not CARE! I know my apathy springs from that of my sister, and I worry for her. She who has spent her life careing for others, who depends on others for survival, she is not fareing as well as I; and I am fareing badly. She is dieing slowly, from the inside out; and she knows it. That feeling must be worse thn this one, being eaten alive by apathy when you depent on emotion to survive, like starving to death, but never feeling hungry. Why did he return, only to leave again? Why did he return at all? We were doing so WELL! We were almost happy again, she was so close to forgetting, so close to being herself again. Why did he return? Where did he return FROM? he was DEAD. we all saw him die, and now he has returned, and disappeared again, probably back to whereever her came from, like a shadow. But he seemes so REAL, even I fell for the deception, and let him in. I only hope my sister can forget again, befor the hope kills her, before tha apathy eats her away. If only. . . if only. . . Why?

Well. Half begun is never good. I might as well continue. My name is actually important, so I will not tell you. I am one of three, sisters of the soul, and of the body. We share a mind, a purpose, and in some times, a body. We are all the same, but very different. I, the middle sister, am the most vocal. I spent my time in the here and now, protecting. I do not know what I am protecting, how I am protecting, or even what I am protecting, but I know I am protecting it. I think my very existance protects it. I call it the Balance. The capital letter is important. It feels like it is the balance between good and evil, if it ever tips too far in one direction, the world will rip itself apart, and it all will have been for nothing. I have been doing this, existing, for as long as I can remember, and I can remember quite a far way back. I wonder sometimes when it all began, but then I remember flashes, and I am glad I can forget. You have no idea how comforting forgetting is. I can no longer remember the begining, only that I was there, and that I lost something very important. If you find it, please, return it. I am here now, telling you this, and I do not know why. I think it is because I am failing, I do not care anymore. I do not care about anything anymore, the only lifeline I had was cut, so long ago I do not remember how, and the rope itself is fraying. I hold on, just waiting, because of a promise. I do not remember what the promise was, or who promised it to me, but I remember it exists, and that it WILL be held to. I know many things, like my name, my sisters, my job, and the promise, but I was never told them; they are a part of me, deeper than the identity I now wear. I am only sixteen, but I am the bearer of a purpose. Mose people never have a true purpose. I am older than I appear, I know I am older, that I have been around longer, that I am not what I appear to be. I am what some call an 'old soul' but it is more than my soul that is old, it is my very self, someday I will shed this person that I am and become myself, who I truly am. I feel pain, but I can no longer feel true joy. I felt it once, in a dream half remembered at wakeing, and I know I will never feel it again. I know one other thing, I am waiting for someone, someone important. I do not know who, but I have an idea why, and an idea what will happen when he comes. I know he is male, because that is all he could be. I know he is my enemy, but he is also everything I am waiting for; he is my equal, my opposite; and it has been said that opposites attract. I dread his comeing, but I also long for it, I long for answers, and everything he represents, for me, he is an ending, ending to waiting, ending to this time of uncertanty. Whatever else he brings, he will bring change, and that I will welcome. When will he return? When?

Well, this is interesting. It is 10 on a saturday night, and I am once again bored out of my mind. I have a serious case of cabin fever, Gaia is down, and I can nae get a livejournal. Such is life. So, here is out rant to the world.

If you do not know who I and my sisters are, do not bother to read this, it will just confuse you. To recap, I speak in green, and this is an UGLY green, there are no good dark greens in hex colors, this upsets me. My older twin speaks in Dark Red. Because it looks like dried blood, that and I like it. Our youngest twin sister speaks in Because it is nice, and opposite of my oldest twins. If you do not know our names, we will not tell you, it is too dangerous. We are triplets, of sorts, at one time we were one person, we can REMEMBER being one person, but we are three, different people. with different lives. We are the same age, but have age differences of well over 1000 years, confused yet? Good. So are we.

I will start. I am the middle sister, the honorable one, who cares for mortals, but can not bring herself to be one. I am not good, but I can not bring myself to be evil. I have friends, a family, and a home, but I am disassociated from my emotions, unfeeling, uncaring. Do not fear me, I am not the scary one, but do not treat me like anyone else, I have been bent, and I am near to breaking. I have a skill with weapons, and empathy, I know what you are thinking before you do, I can read the currents of your thoughts, and I do not care anymore. I can see things before they happen, and the future is not a cheerful place. Neither am I, not now, not anymore.

I am the oldest triplet. The dark one. I have lived for centuries, I can remember all that ever was, but I would never tell you that. I know your past, and I know when you will die. People seem to like me, I am a likeable person. But you should not. I would rather kill you than look at you, but I have an obligation, so I will not. I feed off death, but I dislike pain, it annoys me. You are a pityful person, but I tolerate you as long as you leave me and my sisters alone. I am always alone, my sisters my only company, but this will soon end, for my time is comeing. No one understands me, no one could. But I understand you, your need for life, for joy. I do not need life, joy, or sucess, I am already dead. I have no enemies, I have destroyed them, even if they do not know it. When the time comes, this world will all be mine, and there is only one way to stop me.

I am the youngest sister. The 'nice' one. Ha. I may have been nice once, but this world corrupts you, and it has corrupted me. I used to be young, and naieve, but no matter how my sisters tried to protect me, I saw the real world, and addapted to it in my own way. I am all you have ever desired, and you can have me, for a price. I am the beautiful one, the light, airy, almost fae one. But I am perhaps the most human of us all. I do not belive in love, I have seen what happens to love when it faces death, love dies, nothing can stop that. There is no hope, only truth, and the truth is not very pretty. Yes, in this world good has always won, at least the big battles, but that is because evil has been going after those who would one day hold the fate of the world in their hands. I hate to break it to you, but evil has us. The only thing that can bring a worl to darkness sooner than evil is apathy, and it has set in. Where once there was hope there is now despair, where once was light there is now darkness.

Even now, apathy eats away at us, when we should act, we not hold, let someone else deal. But in some things, there is no one else, in some realms, we are the only line of defence. The defenders stand aside, the walls begin to fall. When no one is there to tale up the call to arms, who will lead the charge?

Not I.

Not I.

Not I.

Where is the one who once brought joy? Where is the one who holds hope? What ever happened to forever? When we are about to fall, not in death, but in apathy, where is the one who can pull us free? He does not exist, and so our world crumbles to dust.

Goddess Bless us, for we have fallen, and shall not rise again.12/6/03

Hio! I am bored bored bored! So I decided to update my rants.
I have not otherwise cause I am lazy lazy lazy. I like candy corn. Tis yummy. Eat some, then come talk to me at the wander inn. Is funfunfun. I am there ALWAYS. Being bored. I like the beatles. They have goodgoodgood songers. Ranting is fun. I should/will do it more. If I remember. I hope this is long when I am finnished. I like long rants. They end up with actual content, not just rambelings of the becki. Stuff. That is a good word. Stuff, stuff stuff stuff. I like stuff. I have no actual thought going on in my head right now. It is funfunfun. I wish I had more food. TAGELACH!!!! Yummiest food ever. I met Terry Pratchet. That was very cool. VERY VERY COOL! He was funny. It was great. I am hungry. And bored. Fooie.
I have decided to memorize the lyrics of all the beatles songs. I am working on this goal by playing them over and over and over very loudly and singing along. This is more fun than it sounds. Trust me on this one. I wonder, one sec.
ORANGE CHICKEN!
YUMMY!
Dindin in 5 minutes or less. Funfunfun. YAY! Happy! Done-for-now! <^_^>
On a totaly different note, my watch is still dead. very thuroghly dead. funfunfun. I should really get it a new battery.

Becki, Queen Pixy of the Slightly Ovoid Table

Last updated 10-7-03 7:29 pm Earth Standard Time

I am making spagetti. So I can talk now. For a while. My trip was funfunfun, add dashes as nesecary (sp) I am glad to be back, but I am once again bored out of my mind. I am waiting for my couzin (I know thats not how it is spelled, but I like this spelling) to make me coppies of the 7th season of Buffy, I watched the first few at their house, and now I want to see the rest, they are funny. The only even slightly slightly scary one I watched at 3:00 am and all the lights were out and I was the only one awake so I had sone trouble sleeping. But it was still fun.

Got bored of that color, for now, I think my water is boiling, I hope it is I am hungry, I think I am done for the night, I will eat then sleep. Wow, this was like a paragraph with absolutely no content. Talk to y'all later.

GOOT! GOOT! GOOTITY! GOOT! GOOT! GOOT!

Becki, Queen Pixy of the Slightly Ovoid Table

Last updated 8-10-03 10:10pm

Hi! I back! Obviously. I am hungry, but momy wants me to listen to a song I am not paying any attention to, so I can't eat, fooie. (24 seperate counts of arson? what kind of song is this?)Song is over, I go eat now.

Becki, Queen Pixy of the Slightly Ovoid Table

Last updated 8-10-03 9:56pm

After last nights half an hour stream-of-conciousness that was so much fun to write, I have decided to set aside some space to rant in. The fonts will chnge colors as I have mood swings But this is the basic color for when I am lazy. pink is for excitement, like GOOT!, or SPOODYBOOP, or cool news like I took the test to be a library page, which wil be fun :P green is for stuff that is random, not very good, or very bad, like, I am in existance, odd moods, I need to find a prettier green. this one is not that great. blue is for calm-happpy, like I am serene, I am calm, I WANT A BIKIT! I am now fond of Brittishism, like bikit for cookie, and snog for kiss, kiss is a better word tho, snog sounds, so so so wrong. Red is for when I am ranting and raving about something, all angry like, not angry now so back to Blue, blue is my normal personality, calm with short bursts of randomness. If you read the rant on the first page you will see that I think someone spiked my popikles. I am now POSITIVE my popikles are spiked with some happy-making drugs. I am so bored and lonely, my sister is in camp, Li is leaving, Saah never wakes up, and Sa R. is not back from camp yet. Fooie. Goot. Still not sure what goot means. I think it is a word like whatever, cam mean whatever you want it to. But no-one but me says it, YET, I plan on making goot a big word in my new world order, either that or goot-spoodyboop will become my new password for my secret society. You are ALL part of my secret society, the name of my secret society is the Slightly-Ovoid-Table-Stairwell-Group-Club, aka. The Slightly Ovoid Table OR The Stairwell. my secret society is so secret, I only found out it existed like, two minutes ago, I found out y'all were members one minute ago, isn't that cool? Ranting is fun, I should do it more often. I hope someone reads this, I feel like I am talking to a wall. If I do not know you and you would takl to my email me at intrepidcat@yahoo.com, please, I am SO BORED! I have run out of things to say for now, so TTFN (I love Winny-Ther-Pooh) PS. My watch is still dead! GOOT!

Becki, Queen Pixy of the Slightly Ovoid Table

Last updated 7-26-03 3:55 pm