i hate being ditched...
i really do. i hate being left behind. i hate to look around and realize i'm standing all alone. i hate it when ppl don't say goodbye. all my life it seems like ppl have been abandoning me. it hurts. its traumatizing. i always feel as if ppl don't see me. i always think that anyone i submit myself to will eventually leave me. maybe not today. maybe not tomorrow. but eventually. i always see myself as a temporary relief. i'm just today. not tomorrow. thats why i close in. i start to shield this wall around me. i want so hard for it to break down. i just wish someone would come and try to penetrate this wall of mine. faithfully. because its hard. everyone eventually gives up. i hate being like this. i hate being so insecure and scared of losing ppl i love. i just don't trust people. i don't trust my luck. i don't trust my worthiness. the day someone breaks down my wall and lets me fall into them, i will cry. because then they would have done what i think is impossible.

its as if the world is balanced. when i'm happy. the rest of the world is sad. as my life gets better. everyone elses start falling. everytime something good happens to me. something bad always comes around in another direction. its like fate. i'm destined to have only that amount of happiness in my life. but thats ok. i've learned to accept it. everytime something hits me full force in the face. i tell myself i should have seen it coming. makes me completely paranoid and brings me so much stress. but i can't do anything about it. the world can't be a perfect place. "without suffering, there'll be no compassion". i hate that saying. yet its so true.

When the road gets dark
And you can no longer see
Let my love throw a spark
And have a little faith in me

And when the tears you cry
Are all you can believe
Just give these loving arms a try baby
And have a little faith, faith in me

Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me, ooh
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith, faith in me

And when your secret heart
Cannot speak so easily
Come here baby
From a whisper start
To have a little faith in me

And when your back's against the wall
Just turn around and you, you will see
I will catch your, I will catch your fall baby
Just have a little faith, faith in me

Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith, faith in me

Well I've been loving you for such a long, long time
Expecting nothing in return just for you to have a little faith in me
'Cause see time, time is our friend
'Cause for us there is no end
And all you gotta do is a have a little faith in me

I will hold you up
I will hold you up
And your love gives me strength enough to have a little faith in me
oh, heeeeey, oh darlin'
have a little faith in me

Faith

...good song

The Voice Within - Christina Aguilera
Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl it's alright
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly

When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

Chorus:
When there's no one else, look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength that will guide your way
You'll learn to begin to trust the voice within, yeah, oooh

Young girl don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away, oooh
Young girl just hold tight
And soon you're gonna see your brighter day, oooh oooh

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul

Repeat Chorus

Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know
(Be strong)
You'll break it
(Hold on)
You'll make it
Just don't forsake it because
(No one can tell you what you can't do)
No one can stop you,
you know that I'm talking to you

Repeat Chorus

Young girl don't cry I'll be right here when your world starts to fall

slightly autistic
they used to say i'm dense. but now i know i'm just slightly autistic. howd it happen? i don't even want to think. recapturing all the possibilities would be traumatizing. they say i'm stuck up. i would gladly give a smile. talk to me, i wouldn't mind. i may seem to ignore you. but i actually hear every word. thats how i know more than i should. i hear things. and thats not what i look like. the face i wear is just a mask thats been planted there. i try to rub it off. so call me fake. because i am. they say i'm sad. maybe i just zone out once in awhile. i can't help it. it just happens. call me again. i'll come back. if u see a an extra glitter in my eyes. ignore the frown. because its not there. they say i'm sarcastic. i just don't know my reply. they assume me as being uninterested. or impatient. but u know what they say about assumption. the average human brain can concentrate for 12 and a half minutes. thats a reassuring fact. if theres anything to blame, its on me. because i stutter. sentences clutter in my head. to most, thats called guilt. to me, thats called uncertainty. or anxiety. some see depression. some see a rebel. i just see me waiting for life to roll. waiting to stop sitting and start moving. i won't change. ive accepted. so accept. because thats the only help there is. or friggin leave me alone.

Always Be My Home - Rachel Lampa
Verse 1:

Your heart will always be my home
No matter where I go
No matter what may come
You'll be my shelter in the storm
A harbor safe and sound
Where only true forgiveness can be found

But still
I wanna run away
Go it all alone
When will I ever learn from my mistakes

Chorus:

And I can't live without Your love
Cause Your eyes have seen beyond
The things I'm guilty of
I won't be afraid
To turn back down the road
Cause Your heart will always be my home

Verse 2:

And when I've cried a thousand tears
You've always wiped them dry
And watch me as I spread my wings and fly
To a place
Where holiness begins
And mercy never ends
And I will find my freedom once again

But still
I wanna run away
Go it all alone
When will I ever learn from my mistakes
(Chorus)

Bridge:

Your hands are always open
To catch me when I fall
I feel a million miles away
But thats no distance at all

Oh, But still
I wanna run away
Go it all alone
When will I ever learn from my mistakes
(chorus)

want
humans have a tendency to want more and more. i am human. its like when i get what i want, i want more. its like when i satisfy myself, the world creates something better. i have a hunger for the unknown. i have a lack of adrenaline, something my body needs. i'm drawn to the stars. i want to climb that mountain peak.

goddess

Water Goddess


What Main Element Would You Be Goddess Of? (With Pics)
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Camo Obsession
Why am i so obsessed with camo gear? i was sitting there and it just came to me. i never even thot there would be a reason behind it. i just thot it looked cool. but here it is:

well, like i said, it looks cool.

camo came out of the military. the military requires strong young ppl. if living for sixteen years did anything to me, it made me stronger. i'm not gonna pretend and take shit from anyone.

camo is for hiding. sometimes i really wish i'll win an oscar. i try so hard to act like i'm your average happy girl.

camo is a survival gear. no matter what happens i wanna be able to stand up in the end. if i trip, ill just get back up and turn the corner.

My God
eight days. eight different msn names. now im ready to share the whole thing at once.

the other night i felt your arms around me and i knew that everything would be alright. i never knew undying love until i found your embrace. with that touch u showed me that i am not alone. u showed me that there is a you. i remember the tears that fell. i remember finding another identity deep down inside. a soul that i try so hard to live up to. u showed me the reason i feel so alone in this world. when i was down when i was falling. u lifted me up on my feet and held me up tall. u guided me out of the storm and showed me the rainbow at the end of the road. forever and always by my side; an unsaid promise so strongly bounded by the heart and felt by the soul, that forever unbroken i know it will be. trust i give to u. to hold onto my wings, until i can truly and freely fly away.