1.
The Baby with the Bathwater
On a dresser lay the junk of a previous day’s life. There was a set of keys, most of which were
orphaned from locks long ago discarded and forgotten, except the one from his
ex-wife’s house. This she left for him
out of absent-mindedness. Not hope.
And there was the usual assortment of trinkets that are
apt to be pulled from a man’s pocket at night--some lint, a black plastic comb,
bits of paper that included a folded bank statement, a crinkled lottery ticket
that was thoughtlessly given to him as an unwrapped birthday present by his
teenage daughter (that happened to be worth a little over thirty-seven million
dollars), some faded receipts, a cell phone, a few coins, and a business card
for a massage therapist, handed to him weeks ago by a client at the car
dealership where he worked. A fine coat
of dust that had accumulated on the fake wood laminate over the past few weeks
united all of these items.
The owner of all this stuff, Jon Zirko, was out on his
balcony, enjoying the singing of birds on a hot, urban summer morning. And yet,
as the caffeine sped up the workings of his mind, he couldn’t help but to
ponder over the upcoming detritus of his day, a jumble of details that grew
more confusing with every draw of his cigarette.
Distracted by disjointed thoughts, Jon butted his
cigarette, turned to go back inside and banged his mug on the closed glass
patio door, shooting coffee up to his unshaven face and all over his tattered
robe. This event put him outside of
himself for a moment as he imagined how comical he must have looked to at least
one of the residents behind all those dark windows in the building across the
way. He had just entertained somebody,
and wasn’t that a good thing, worth more than the cost of his dignity?
Jon’s smirk fell when he went back inside and saw what
his previously sleepy lids had missed before.
His bedroom was a mess. And
because he had to be off for work in fifteen minutes, he had only a few moments
to spare to tidy up. He normally
wouldn’t bother with cleaning under such time constraints, but it was Friday,
which was different. Because, although
every Friday normally came and went without any distinguishing event to
separate it from a Thursday, Jon always had the idea that he might go out after
work, pick up some sex-encrusted vixen and bring her home for a wild night of
passion. And James Bond never bedded a
woman beside an assortment of stained coffee mugs and an overflowing trash can.
So Jon cleaned up with the reticence of a teenager who
has just been scolded by his Mom. He vacuumed, stopping to pull up a toe-nail
that had wedged in the carpet, shoved
work papers into a drawer and then swept away the dust on the desk that was
revealed by the clean spot from the paperwork. This exposed all the rest of the dust in his room so, moving to
the dresser, Jon snapped up his keys, comb and cellphone, put those items back
in his work pants pocket, slid the dusty coins in as well, and then shoved all
the accumulated bits of paper (including the lottery ticket) into his waste
basket. Finally, on his way out, he
dropped the trash bag down the garbage chute.
There. Done.
2. Thump
Morning rush hour traffic. A sea of souls and smog that should be an epic story of
adventure, like that of the sea faring days of discovery where salty men slaved
under the sails of a great vessel, bearing toil and boredom as they headed
toward a new land. Except that this epic repeated itself day in and day out,
and the new land held promise only of the same old challenges of yesterday.
At least this was how Jon felt as he glanced over at the
luxury Lexus automobile that was crawling along on the highway beside him. The
handsome W.A.S.P. businessman sitting in that luxo-cruiser didn’t appear to
notice that he was a part of this crew, however, traveling with Jon and all the
rest of his mates. That man, drinking
bottled water with one hand, wildly gesticulating with it at the same time as
he held a cell phone to his ear with the other, was in his own private
office. He hardly even touched the
steering wheel as he wheeled and dealed his way to work.
What keeps that man insular and above the rest of us,
motivated with such ambition that he misses the fact that he is just one cog in
this great wheel inching toward smoggy Gotham? Jon wondered.
A horn honked behind him, imploring Jon to move ahead as
his lane moved, for two seconds, a little faster than the next one. Then he was stopped again, this time beside
a rusty old Honda, driven by a young black man who was obviously still new at
this rolling, morning ritual. Jon could
tell that he was observing a rush hour novice by how the driver held the wheel
with both hands and craned his neck forward, trying to see around the traffic
in front of him, as if there might be an end somewhere down the line; a pot of
clear sailing at the end of the rainbow.
Jon entertained himself by imagining how this young man
was probably living in a hut somewhere in Africa just two years ago, having
never seen a road wider than a dirt lane that ran through his village. Maybe the odd tourist-chauffeured Range
Rover caused the nearest thing to a traffic jam when it had to honk to wake a
sleeping hyena that lay in its path. And now, through some great feat of
personal courage, this same young man was surrounded by more people, and more
vehicles, in one place, at one time, in this one moment, than he had ever seen
in his entire life, just two years ago when he lived in a hut.
Of course, on the other hand, Jon imagined a whole
different scenario. This young man may hold an engineering degree, or have been
educated at Oxford, and was now borrowing the car of the friend that he had
sponsored to come over from Kenya because his own Mercedes was stolen last
night and he had to get to the boardroom by nine to explain why his
multi-national corporation should go forward with the hostile takeover of that
other multi-national.
Then the next lane started to move. Jon put another cigarette in his mouth,
waited for the lighter to heat up, and wondered how he could be such a slave to
addiction that he’d force himself to drive a three-year old lease trade-in from
an ex-smoker, with no air conditioning, just so he could have a smoke on the
way to work. And even then he was
breaking the rules. Only a small spray
bottle of “new car” scent, secretly tucked in the map pocket, saved him from
severe disciplinary action.
Traffic was moving again, with the left lane gaining over
the middle lane, allowing the Lexus driver to lunge into a hole in the traffic
just ahead of Jon, who had been caught dawdling in thought. He had to hit the brakes to avoid hitting
the Lexus, just catching a glimpse of the luxury car’s driver giving him a
friendly wave, as if to say, “Thanks for letting me cut you off.”
Just then Jon felt the thump against the back of his car.
He looked in his rear view to see a very pretty young
woman behind the wheel of a long-snouted eighties model Firebird. Her mouth was agape, ostensibly with shock,
and Jon couldn’t help but notice that she looked like she was giving fellatio
to a well-hung ghost as her head bobbed back and forth and tears welled up in
her eyes. Finally the girl lifted her
hands to her face and started bawling her eyes out. Jon’s car and hers were locked bumper to bumper, stopped in the
middle lane of the freeway. Horns
started honking. It was not a good
place to be.
So Jon got out of his car and sauntered back to the one
that had just hit him. When he tapped
on the girl’s window she jumped with fright, then fumbled with the power window
button. Her screeching voice spewed out
of the interior with increasing volume as the window finally started sliding
down…
“Oh’m’gawd! Oh’m’gawd!” she wailed. “Like, why did you do that? Why did you stop like that? Oh’m’gawd! My boyfriend’s gonna’ kill me!”
“Alright,” Jon began, taking on the role of the calm
father figure. “Are you hurt at all?”
“What? Hurt? No!
Like…”
“Okay then we’d better pull over to the shoulder before
we cause another accident,” Jon interrupted.
For Jon, the tension was unbearable as he watched the
girl gingerly pull to the shoulder, swinging her head frantically to see every
possible point in space where another car might come out of nowhere to smash up
what was obviously her boyfriend’s polished, pimped, penile enhancement.
Finally, Jon and the young woman stood back to back on the shoulder, silently
assessing the damage to each of their vehicles. It only took Jon a few seconds, with his experience managing the
service department, to realize that the cracked polymer bumper on his Mazda
would have to be replaced. That wouldn’t go over very well with the boss, who
would be too stressed out to care that it wasn’t Jon’s fault.
As he gazed along the line of the crack, Jon was spooked
at the sight of the girl’s boot heel landing a kick on the damaged plastic hard
enough to shake the car.
“You tool!” she cried, “What kind of, like…Oh who just,
like, stops in the middle of the fucking highway?”
“Okay, Lady,” Jon responded calmly, since it was his job
to do that and he was very seasoned after nearly ten years behind the service
counter. “I don’t have time for this.
If we could just exchange our info…”
“Oh, like, you don’t have time? YOU don‘t have time?” The
girl stammered and then started screaming obscenities about how Jon was a
selfish bastard and this was all his fault.
And while Jon patiently waited for his attacker to wear herself out, a
passenger in a passing car joined the attack.
“Yeah! You tell him, Girlfriend!” This other woman
screamed. To Jon’s great surprise, this
second attacker made him lose his patience and start his own gum-flapping
assault.
“Shut the fuck up!” he screamed to this second
attacker. Then to the first, he
continued on. “I had to brake for the
asshole that cut me off, Lady! Now legally
this is YOUR fault for not leaving enough space to stop in time. So if we could just exchange our insurance,
I’ll be on my way. Alright?”
The girl withered from the attack. Finally all her energy fell away until she
rested back on the hood of her car and let her gaze drop to the impact dimple
that wrecked the aggressive point at the front of her boyfriend’s car. Then she started rummaging through the purse
that she had been flailing about like a shield just a moment ago. Her hand trembled as she whimpered.
“Could I, like, just write you a check? If I go through my insurance again ah…Do you
think like, five hundred would cover it? I’m good for it.” She looked away then, speaking to herself
when she continued. “Oh fuck, Jed’s gonna’ freak on my life.”
The morning sun burned the back of Jon’s neck as a wash
of faces in cars passed this drama, relentless, uncaring. Only carnage would have beckoned second
glances. And yet, for Jon, there was a
bloodless carnage right there in front of him.
The girl was wrecked, smashed up, defeated. Knowing he was right didn’t
make him feel any better.
Still, there was nothing he could do about it. “I’m sorry but I have to go through
insurance,” he said, as comfortingly as possible, given that he was giving her
even more bad news. “You see this isn’t
my car. So I have no choice.” Jon handed the girl his business card and
took control of writing out his insurance information as well as hers while she
frantically pushed buttons on her cellular phone. Jon realized the girl was “text messaging.”
“Here you go, Miss.” Jon said as he tried to hand back
her papers. She was too busy to notice
him, thereby allowing him to notice the message she wrote on her phone…
“OMG! B/F
CAR HIT BC OF A-HOLE. L
”
“Ah, Miss Stewart?” Jon said again, now that he knew her
name, phone number and address, “You’ll have to go to a collision reporting
centre within twenty-four hours because if I do and you don’t…”
“What?” Miss Stewart replied as she hit the “send”
button.
“This A-hole is trying to tell you something.” Jon
replied.
Jon
finished his ride to work lost in the great movie script that wrote itself in
his head. Scene One: Big Oil Tycoon, rushing to work, cuts off
Poor Everyman, causing Stripper with Heart of Gold to hit Poor Everyman. Scene Two: Big Oil Tycoon makes it to Big
Oil Meeting, none the wiser to the chaos he has just caused, only to be
interrupted by a call from his Golfing Buddy Physician. Just as he is about to ink the world’s
biggest Oil Deal, Big Oil Tycoon learns that he has six months to live, and
gives all his money to some Poor Everyman in the bowels of the building. Scene Three: Meanwhile, the main Poor
Everyman finally gets to work, puts on his cop uniform and is promptly sent on
a call to rescue the very same Stripper with a Heart of Gold from her Heartless
but Muscle- bound Boyfriend.
Scene…The rest of the Movie: Poor Everyman, confronting
the Boyfriend (who has a gun--no--a “Rambo” knife--pressing at the Stripper’s
throat) calmly speaks with great compassion and wisdom through a cool blue haze
of sunlit cigarette smoke. So cutting
and true are his words that the boyfriend’s resolve falters and the knife drops
just long enough for Poor Everyman to lunge at the Boyfriend and engage in a
life or death struggle. Finally,
wounded, gasping for breath through a punctured lung, Everyman wins the battle
and saves the girl, who naturally falls in love with him.
Thankfully, for movie audiences everywhere, this story
would remain in Jon’s imagination.
As did most of his life.
3. Imaginations of a Lamb
Even without knowing that he had just thrown thirty-seven
million dollars down the garbage chute, Jon couldn’t help but feel that this
would not be an ordinary day. He might
fall in love this day, or be mowed down in the crossfire of a gangland gun
battle that spewed out into the street. Aliens might finally make contact. He felt this inspiration for a full ten
seconds before he rationalized it away, putting the feeling down to a simple
caffeine-nicotine rush. Just a chemical
imbalance in his brain.
After all, aside from the fender bender, which only
promised more hassles for Jon than he would normally face on a typical workday,
there was nothing to indicate any impending doom, epiphany or alien invasion. He was still in the same line up at the
“Tommy’s Coffee,” five cars back from the window as he normally was at this
time. And even though he was already
late for work, he was still at the same spot in line as he always was when the
driver in the car at the server’s window decided to hold up the line for ten
minutes because the customer decided that she now wanted her bagel
toasted/received cream instead of milk in his latte/ or whatever.
Jon sat in his idling car and gazed with envy through the
front store window at the completely barren serving counter, inside the coffee
house. Half a dozen brown uniformed
girls were rushing around, pouring coffees and buttering bagels for all the
drive-through customers except for one young lady who appeared to be staring
right at Jon, even though he knew she was just staring off into space, thinking
about so many more important things than the fact that nobody was smart enough
to park their car, get out and actually walk into the store to be served.
Scene:
A long line of cars sit idling in line at a coffee house drive-thru. Tight on the faces of various frustrated
drivers. Some sigh, other’s light
cigarettes, some, resigned to the wait, talk on cell phones. One man gazes forlornly. His POV: a server stands idly inside the
store at the walk-up counter. His look
becomes curious, almost enlightened, just like the look on the ape’s face from
the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey, when it picks up a bone and learns to use it
as a smashing tool. Now the same theme
music (Also
Sprach Zarathustra) fades in as the man switches off his ignition.
He
opens his car door, gets out and walks to the store, all shown in slow motion
against the backdrop of classical music that drowns out all of the cries of all
the angry customers who remain trapped in their cars.
Cut
to: Man’s POV inside the store as he approaches the door, coffee in hand. As he opens the door, the music switches to
the sixties classic, Woolly Bully. Now
the shouts of the angry drive-thru customers intermingle with the music. The Man walks proudly, ignoring cries of
“Hey asshole! What the fuck do you
think you’re doing!” etc.
Finally
he gets back in his car, looks back and forth as if wondering how he can now
get out of the line up of cars that he is trapped in. Finally he starts the car, puts the gear in reverse, looks back
at the driver behind him and mouths the words “I’m backing up now.” Then he starts to slowly back up, causing a
flurry of panic among all the other drivers behind him who must also now back
up to avoid being hit by the cars ahead of them. Drivers shout with anger, drop cellphones and newspapers,
etc. They honk their horns. Suddenly one horn honks louder than the
rest.
That
startled Jon back to reality. The
driver behind him was honking because the line had moved forward by one
car-length and Jon hadn’t noticed for an entire three and a half seconds.
He
obediently moved forward. At the same time, somewhere in the world, a cow was
prodded to move a few steps closer to its slaughter.
4. All
Filters Clog
Uptown
Auto was where Jon went to make his money.
A sprawling parking lot, filled with new cars in front and used in back
surrounded a shimmering, glass façade building inside of which Jon had been
surrendering his soul to calculations and invoices for so long that the heady
days of his youth now appeared like scenes in somebody else’s movie. He knew that he’d once had dreams, could
remember them, but no longer feel them.
Inch by inch, his life had become all about work. As Springsteen once sang “Sooner or later it
just becomes your life.”
Of
course, the vacuuming of Jon’s soul could only have happened by slogging away
at one job for so long, and so it would have to be, and was, a very rewarding
career. When he wasn’t crunching numbers
on the computer or badgering mechanics for estimates on cost or time, he was
dealing with people, which, for the most part he enjoyed.
Right
now, for instance, he was handing the receptionist her coffee and she was
responding with the same plastic smile that she offered to customers. Jon didn’t care that her perma-glow, toothy
grin was meaningless, for he was into beauty of any kind, whether it included
affection or not. If somebody could
have told him that, at the very moment that Cheryl, the receptionist, was
smiling at him, that the building that housed his little home was about to go
up in flames (which, in fact it was) he wouldn’t have cared. Just so long as he
could have that moment to appreciate true esthetic beauty, Jon would be happy.
“And
how are you today?” he asked.
“Just
great!” she replied, “I had a fantastic workout this morning.” And, as Jon wondered if Cheryl meant that
the “workout” was at the gym or in a most bizarre position in bed with her
boyfriend, a cyst began to develop in her ovaries that would cause her to frown
with just as much sincerity at her doctor exactly five years and twenty three
days from this moment when she would learn that she would never bear a child.
But that night, five years and such from this moment, Cheryl would drop really
meaningful tears when she realized that her husband would not be able to take
the news. And from that moment on, Cheryl would live every moment as if it were
her last.
If
she could have known that tragedy would make her life honest, at that moment
that she smiled at Jon, he would have had the esthetic treat of his life.
Unfortunately, humanity has a way of treating time as a linear thing, even as
clichés try to teach us that “time flies” and yet a “watched pot never boils.”
As
he continued on his coffee run from the reception desk to the parts counter,
Jon glanced up to the mezzanine of the building where his boss’s office
remained empty. That was good.
“Mr.
Lund.” The dealership owner thrived on being a study in contrast. He loved to
be an oxymoron: a corporate, capitalist, hippy. If he happened to make a
half-mil a year, it was only because the necessarily environmentally evil
products that he sold—automobiles—were the most environmentally-friendly
manufactured and most fuel-efficient automobiles ever developed by the world’s
best engineers. And if he must hire beautiful young women receptionists to
collect his customer’s money to make their experience at the dealership as
pleasant as possible, then so be it.
And if he must personally interview every beautiful young woman who
comes along, knowing that if she is at least half way competent, she will stick
around for a few months until she gets married, or gets anything more glamorous
than a receptionist position, well then, he is simply performing a necessary
evil. By making sure that the next
receptionist is equipped with all the necessary “t-and-ass-”ets that are
required to convince all of his customers to hand over their credit cards in
order to purchase the goods that his rich family allowed him to legally
acquire, while, at the same time, giving him the ability to rationalize the
strange way that fate has rewarded him with sex and money for his part in
helping to delay the destruction of this planet.
As
usual, Mr. Lund was late for work on this day, since the last Friday of every
third month was a time for reflection and study by every “Higher-Power Student
of the Next Order.” So Jon might have
just enough time to get his damaged vehicle in the shop before his boss had a
chance to come down from the mezzanine to ask why a dealer-owned vehicle was
being pushed in to the body-shop ahead of profit-bearing customers’ cars.
“Triple-quadruple,”
Jon said as he handed over the cup to “Johnny” the body-shop “dude.” Here Jon
was, in the bowels of industrial wasteland, appealing to an underling, who was
half his age’ and who’s name just happened to be the same as his own was when
he was five years old.
“Yo…Wha’sup,
Dude?” the younger “Johnny” asked as he took his coffee and guzzled it back.
The
two “Jons” faced each other in the neon-lit, hissing atmosphere of all the
welders and sanders in “Johnny’s” body shop.
“Not
much” Jon replied. “But I was wondering if you could slip my demo in before
T.H. strolls in. Think you could slip
me in ahead of the madding crowd?” Jon asked.
(“T.H.”
–“Tree-Hugger”—as in, “The Boss.”)
Johnny
was a determined “dude” who was hell-bent on making it big as a “body” man,
having no idea that, because his dad had died in front of him when he was
fourteen, only after having uttered his final, fatherly words, “Tell your
mother that I love her and please, Son…” that he was destined to become the Bob
Dylan of the new Millennium as soon as he let go of this same father’s much
earlier words “Get a trade, in case it doesn’t work.”
But
for now, as much as his conflictions pained him, Johnny made it his mission in
life to worship the designers of the sheet metal that he repaired. So naturally, he asked, as the Mazda rolled
back into the shop, “Holy fuck, Buddy! What happened? Get stabbed by a fuckin’
hydro pole?” which he followed up with his customary, machine-gun-style laugh,
“ha-ha-ha-ha-know-what-I’m-sayin’? Ha-ha-ha!”
“Naw…Some
chick rear-ended me.” Jon replied with all the machismo required in the dust
and grease underworld.
“No
shit?” Johhny replied. “Was she hot?”
“Oh
yeah.”
“Well
hey! I hope you rear-ended her too.
Know what I’m sayin’ buddy? Ha-ha-ha.” Johnny machine-gunned.
“Oh
yeah.” Jon replied. “Bent her over the hood of her boyfriend’s Firebird. Yep.
Right there on the highway.”
“Old
Man’s Firebird, eh? How bad was it?”
“Oh,
its nose got bloody.”
“No
shit. Was it new?” Johnny appeared genuinely concerned now.
“No
it was one of those ugly early eighties with the screaming chicken on the
hood. Eighty two or three. Totally
pimped.”
“Aw
shit, Buddy. Her old man’s gonna’ be pissed.
That’s a fuckin’ classic, man.”
“Yeah
I guess.” Jon was getting tired of this banter. “Anyway, I got two more coffees to deliver. I’d appreciate it if you could get on that
bumper soon as you can, Johnny.”
“No
problem, Buddy.” Jon turned to go but
Johnny couldn’t stop talking once he was on a roll, even if it was only to
himself. “Eighty two eh, man I’d
fuckin’ kill her.”
Jon
finally made it to his desk in the service department, sat down and rubbed his
eyes before getting to work on the old stained-ivory computer. Invoices needed
to be written up, printed, matched with owner’s keys. Jobs had to be lined up.
A lot of paperwork needed to get done today and his partner, Bart, would
be handling the service desk. That was
the plan anyway, since Bart could only handle so much number-crunching before
all of the eye fatigue and mental work affected his “mental condition.”
Jon
rubbed his eyes once more, savoured the darkness for a second as Johnny’s last
words reverberated in his head. I’d fuckin’ kill her. He remembered the dying squeal of a dog that
he’d once hit as it ran across the road.
And then the sight of his daughter, when she was nine, quivering, crying
when she saw him screaming at her mother.
He
wanted to stop the world’s rotation for just one moment.
Just
stop.
5. A Calming Insanity
“Where my car?
Jun! Where my car?”
So much for stopping the world. Jon opened his eyes to the sight of Steve, the spring-loaded
Chinese salesman whose shimmering black hair danced around his throbbing
temples when he got excited.
“Which car is that?” Jon replied with a droll quietness
that only infuriated Steve even more.
“JSX-FIVE-TWO-TWO-TREE-ERR-ONE-FIVE…”
“Whoah!” Jon interrupted. “Steve, we don’t all have your
photographic memory for V.I.N.’s. What car are you talking about?”
“Car I see you drive home yesterday. Erectric brue
Mazda!” Steve almost screamed. “Base model O-tree! I sell dis car today. Today! Customer come in to sign dis morning!”
Jon tried to think of an answer that wouldn’t cause Steve
to jump over the counter and wring his neck.
But he couldn’t, so he instinctively grabbed the armrests of his chair,
putting himself in flight-mode before he replied “Oh that car? Ah…Steve…It’s in
the body shop. Little bit of a crack in
the bumper.”
“Crack in the bumper?” Steve visibly shivered.
Carefully cloaked beneath layers of civility and
understanding, Jon’s latent racism allowed an image from an old war movie—that
of gritted teeth jutting from the peeled back lips of a Kamikaze pilot who was
hell bent on diving his plane to his death in order to sink a warship, killing
thousands of his enemies in one shot. Never mind that Kamikazes were Japanese
and Steve was Chinese. Racism thinks details
are for wimps.
At the same time, Steve was seeing all of his life’s
hopes and dreams come crashing down in flames.
Jon was the uncaring devil, casually mentioning that he had come to take
him to hell. And Steve didn’t even
drink caffeine.
“Listen Steve,” Jon replied, “everything happens for a
reason. Maybe this is serendipity coming to call, you know? I mean just maybe…”
“I don’t want sendipitee! I want my car!”
Just then a huge hand, Bart’s,
landed gently on Steve’s shoulder, making his spring snap up a little. Steve
spun around on his centre strut and looked up at the seven- foot tall giant
that was looking down at him.
“Chill, my excited brother,” Bart
said.
A big, bold American fighter pilot,
sure of aim and righteousness, swooped down to save the S.S. Jon from the
kamikaze death-dive.
Bart was lost in the woods one fall
day when he was thirteen years old.
While his mother lay on a moldy, threadbare couch, splayed out in a
drunken stupor on the front porch of his family’s farmhouse, he had slipped
away to the forest, hoping to find something, some kind of magic friend, to
replace his absent mother and his long dead father. Instead, he only found himself mired in brambles until he finally
realized how cold it was and how dark it was getting. He wandered, alone and crying, for hours until he saw something
shining through the forest. So he
walked toward it until he found a golden tree.
Liquid light shimmered gold from the base of the trunk to the tip of its
highest branches. And beyond it, the
forest cleared, revealing his house where his mother stood on the porch, clean
and sober, waving to him to come home.
A week later the police brought him
home after he had wandered off for the seventh day in a row. When Bart finally revealed what he had
found, and was trying to find again, to a social worker, he began a medicated
life of drug therapy in homes that could only be called institutions.
His life, though peaceful on his
meds, was unbearably dull. So in his later teenage years he began to hide his
pills, flush them down toilets, do anything that might allow him to find that
tree of gold again. And though he never
found it, he did discover gardens of tropical flowers that grew under every
hospital bed. He also found an almost
invisible laser beam that pierced through everybody’s head, and which carried
information from one mind to another, all over the world. Sometimes though,
that information carried a command: “We must kill Bart.”
He’d run, hiding from his killers,
from one closet to another, always being chased out by demons until he finally
found solace in a padded room, where piles of pills would be forced down his
throat.
The cycle repeated itself for many
years until one day when he passed Mr. Lund in a hallway where Jon’s boss was
being treated for depression. Mr. Lund,
always willing to see through rose-coloured glasses, was fascinated by Bart’s
description of the interconnectedness of all minds, which echoed his own
philosophy.
Thus began Mr. Lund’s mission to
save Bart from the institutional merry-go-round by giving him a job, which
caused no end to the headaches for Jon, whose job it was to train a
schizophrenic to perform tasks for which he had no experience and no aptitude.
6.
Physics, God, or Fate
Steve sat at his desk and stared at
the clean white table-top. Aside from
his computer monitor, nothing else littered his workspace except for a picture
of his wife and five year old daughter. And even that photo was tucked up by
the corner of his monitor so as not to interfere with his professional
environment.
A clean white field of nothing
feasted his eyes, so that he didn’t have to look up at the cars that he
wouldn’t sell today, or the bald spot on the back of the head of the man named
Jon, way over in the service window, who had destroyed his life. Nor would he
have to look up at the customer who would surely be walking in any moment to
sign a deal on a car that he didn’t have.
Incapable of ever seeing past
disaster, Steve stared into the picture of his daughter until the frame
disappeared from his view and the little girl took on three dimensions. She grew old in his mind. Her smile became a frown, and finally she
spoke to her daddy. “How come you never
provided for me? You never put me
through college. I was going to be a doctor.
And, because of you, I am nothing. I am nothing, Daddy!”
All because of that cruel man named
Jon.
Steve allowed bile and hatred to
wash his soul until he found himself willing Jon’s death. His force of will grew strong and passionate
with every passing second until he felt as though he could make his wish come
true, just by putting it out there for God to hear. Yes, perhaps God would
punish that evil man for wrecking the deal that would surely be the one sale
too few to give his daughter the career that she would one day surely wish for.
And finally, when he was sure that
his wish of revenge had left his body, to travel toward its destiny, Steve
sighed with relief, and looked up to see his customer standing before him. So he stood up and extended a handshake,
along with a sudden new confidence.
“Ah, Mrs. Chong! And how are you dis Morning? So good to see
you.”
“Where’s my new car?” she
asked. Steve, incapable of ever
understanding how skilled he was at turning a bad situation around, had no idea
that in the next second he would think of a reply that would save his
daughter’s imaginary future.
Steve’s evil wish, meanwhile, rested
out there in the ether. As surely as a
cloud might litter a blue sky, his desire floated along, waiting for God or
physics or fate to carry it along to its destiny.
Many outrageous theories of the mind
have been put forth and never proven. Telekinesis, mind reading, levitation,
what have you. And so, of course, there is no way for any of us human beings to
ever know for sure that Steve’s evil will could have traveled down a number of
streets, stopped for traffic signals, just like any other mortal vehicle, and
implanted itself in the brain of another temporarily disillusioned soul, who
also happened to be named “Steve.”
Although this “Steve” was christened
with that name from birth, as opposed to having chosen that name, humbly and
nobly, to “fit in” to his new society, it may all be a coincidence. Maybe
thoughts cannot travel, the way one warped or enlightened mind may speculate,
across some elusive laser beam, or any other way. Or maybe they can. And maybe some great Divinity had a good laugh
by taking one man’s evil wish, scooping it up out of the blue, and dumping it
in another man’s mind. Another man who just happened to have the same name as
the author of the wish and who just happened to be in such a position in time,
space and temperament, as to have the power to at least enact part of the
original author’s wish.
Maybe that wish fell into the
dungeon of Jon’s home.
7. The Dungeon
Steve Drinkwater had every good
reason, save for his own lack of good reasoning skills, to be pissed off that
morning. There he was, gazing at the mound of garbage that was overflowing from
his building’s garbage bin. On any normal Friday, he might have accepted, as he
usually did, the fact that few of the tenants in the building for which he was
the superintendent, ever read the notices to separate their recycling from
their garbage. Or to tie their bags securely before they dropped them down the
chute, so that he wouldn’t have to spend hours shoveling dried noodles, coffee
grinds and maggots back into the big blue dumpster that sat in the middle of
the dimly-lit, brick and mortar ringed room.
It was a medieval space that harkened back to the old days of the
underworld of a dark, uncaring city. And yet most people today have no idea
that such bowels of necessary darkness and stench still exist.
Except for people like him. For
Steve Drinkwater was one of those people who blindly accepts whatever good
fortune happens to come his way, even when his every instinct told him that it
was all too good to be true, because he somehow managed to convince himself
that he had done the right thing, and so he shouldn’t trust his cynical
instincts.
Until all his good faith in his
misguided self came back to bite him in the ass. As when the secure, great
paying job that dropped into his lap eventually led to moments he had never
foreseen, like this one, where he faced one of the worst tasks that any man in
modern society could be expected to perform. To literally shovel shit.
So what if he was born with a face
that “only a mother could love.” And
how could he help himself from thinking that when all of his childhood friends
teased him about it. Maybe, because
he’d put up with all that harassment as a child, and grinned and bared it
without becoming a serial-killer, that he was entitled to believe that a
beautiful woman actually meant it when she said “’Till death do us part.” Maybe
she was the reward for the dues that he paid. Sure, he was a way for her to get
out of the trailer-park life. And certainly her parents had pushed for her to
marry into a stable relationship for once.
But maybe, even though he never saw it in her eyes, she did fall in love
with him. Maybe he could believe her words of love.
But now, ten months to the day after
she had left him after nine years of peaceful marriage, with a five word note
left in the middle of the apartment that she had stripped to the curtain rods,
Steve Drinkwater was also faced with the fact that the lump in his abdomen that
he thought was the psychosomatic symptom of a broken heart, was actually a
terminal, cancerous tumor.
He’d only found out yesterday. So of course he had yet to tell anybody that
he was dying, or give notice to the building landlord, or book a flight to
Tahiti on a credit card that he’d never have to pay off. So, no matter what horrendous thing he did
today, all the news clips would report him, through all the eyewitness reports,
as one of those great family guys, whom you would never suspect of doing such a
terrible thing.
Except that he couldn’t think of any
particularly terrible thing to do. All he could manage was to turn a dusty box
up on its end, sit down, light a cigarette, and stare at all the split-open
bags of garbage that it was his job to clean up. Numb in his heart, already
dead in spirit, Steve sat in the dark asshole of the building, smelling the
putrid mixtures of rotten eggs, slimy old vegetables and orange peels.
Smoke rings rose up before Steve’s
eyes as a sudden wave of hatred washed through him. From utter numbness, Steve
was shocked to find this hatred pierce his heart from out of nowhere. He wanted
to kill, with violence. He didn’t want to kill a man named Jon, even though the
original hateful wish was meant for such a man, because this “Steve” didn’t
know that “Jon” except as a tenant that he occasionally passed in the hall and
who never caused him any trouble.
So this Steve interpreted that hatred as a desire to
kill all the stupid thoughts he’d ever had, all the mistakes he’d ever made,
the very ideas he’d always had about himself.
And finally, when all the killing was done, and all
the corpses of negativity and self loathing were buried, all that hatred flew
out of Steve Drinkwater in one great primal scream, at the end of which he
tossed his cigarette into the garbage heap and marched right out of his entire
life.
Five minutes later he was in his
car, driving to the airport with nothing but the clothes on his back, his
wallet, and a sense of freedom in his heart that was so glorious, and so
intense, he could barely see the road for the tears of joy in his eyes.
At the same time, a flame burst to
life, way down in the dungeon of Jon’s home.
8.
The Spark
Jon leapt out of his seat with such
a start that the office chair rolled back and slammed into a filing cabinet.
Cheryl swung her head around to see what all the commotion was about.
“Jon?” she asked, “you okay?”
“Yeah,” he replied instinctively as
he noticed that Bart was also gazing back at him from the service desk. And so were the customers beyond.
“Just a…A muscle cramp.” Jon shook his wrist as if to get rid of the
spasm that he lied about to create an alibi for something he couldn’t
explain. But the fact was that he’d had
a full mind-body spasm. The instant between when he was sitting at his desk,
writing, “ignition coil replaced in…” to the moment when he found himself being
stared at, his memory was blank.
For a second Jon wondered if he’d
had a stroke. But then he found himself wondering why he was here. Not here at the dealership, but why he was
here on this planet. And of all the
faces that stared at him, he wanted to ask, What makes you all tick?
“Ah…I just have to check on
something,” he muttered. A second later
he was marching out to the body shop. Again, he was unaware of several seconds
of his existence. Johnny turned around, wielding a welder, a flame scorching
white-hot beside the welding mask that covered his face.
“Yo…Johnny!” Jon shouted over the
noise of the hissing fire and all the rest of the cacophony of industry.
“Yo!” Johnny replied, after spinning
around with the startling welcome of Jon’s index finger stabbing his shoulder.
“You can’t be fuckin’ doin’ that…” Johnny said as he raised his mask to reveal
a playful smile.
Jon never noticed. He just burned with wonder. “What did you
mean when you said `I’d fucking kill her?’”
“Whaddya mean?”
“I mean, when I was walking away,
earlier, you said ‘I’d fuckin’ kill her.’”
“Yo, Dude, are you coming unglued?”
Johnny replied, truly mystified.
“I don’t know. But I know what you said, and I just wanna’
know how literally you meant that.
Okay?”
“Dude, I’m a fuckin’ pussy,
man. Ha-ha-ha. Know what I mean? I might
spank her hot little ass, you know?
Ha-ha-ha-ha. Bad girl! Bad girl! Know what I’m saying?”
“Right.” Jon replied, wondering why
he’d asked.
“Yo, Jon, man, you okay?”
“Just curious, that’s all.” Jon was
embarrassed.
“Dude, you know I’d never hit a
chick.”
“Yeah, of course.”
“I was just sayin’ it’s a fuckin’
shame, a ride like that getting damaged ‘cause of a blonde move. You know?”
“Yeah,” Jon replied as he turned to
go. He started to walk away, wondering again, what had just happened to him.
“Fuck, man,” Johnny continued
talking to himself, “I’d never hit a
chick. ‘Course, boning a classic like
that, some asshole might fuckin’ shoot her! Ha-ha-ha-ha.”
Scene: A collage of rippling biceps flailing
about. A fist lands hard on Miss
Stewart’s cheek. Blood flies out of her
mouth as she falls to the floor in slow motion. She looks up with terror at the muzzle of a double-barreled
shotgun. The man holding the weapon,
out of focus down at the far end of the long gun, screams, “It was a fucking classic,
you stupid bitch!” We hear the sound of the gun cocking, then see a blast of
white light and flame explode from the muzzle.
The sound of the blast was the sound
of the door slamming behind him as Jon locked himself in a bathroom. He pulled out his cell-phone and the paper
with Miss Stewart’s number.
She was laughing when she answered
the phone. “Hang on a sec,” she said to somebody on her end before she
acknowledged Jon.
“Hello?” she said, restraining her
laughter.
Jon hung up. He reached for the door
handle, and his sanity, and then his phone rang.
“Excuse me.” Miss Stewart said
sarcastically. “I said, hello?”
Jon froze long enough to elicit
another response.
“You just called me. Who is this?”
“Ahhhh…” Jon stammered.
Long
pause. Jon looked at himself in the
bathroom mirror and tried to recognize the man looking back at him.
“Oh,” Miss Stewart spoke to somebody
on her end of the line, “Like, I’m speaking to ‘Ahhhh.’”
“Its Jon Zirko.” Jon replied with
force. “The guy you hit this morning.
Sorry, we ah…got cut off.”
“Oh…And, like, what do you
want?”
“I want to know if you’ve reported
the collision yet.”
“Ahhh…No…I was gonna’ go at lunch
and why the fuck are you asking?”
“So…you’re okay then?”
“Ahhh…No! My boyfriend’s car is smashed up. Remember? He’s gonna’ freak.”
“How bad? I mean, how badly is he
gonna’ ‘freak?’”
“He’ll, like, fuck me up. You know?
What’s going on here?”
“You don’t sound too worried.” Jon
persisted. “I mean, I hear you laughing
and…”
“Okay Mr…Zirko, or whoever, I’m
gonna’ hang up now so I can keep laughing until like, my jaw gets wired
shut. Okay? So like, have a good
fucking life.”
“I’ll fix it.” Jon practically
shouted.
“Fix what?”
“Your car, Miss Stewart. Your goddamned car.”
“Okay…And why would you…Ahhhh…”
“Look, Miss Stewart, you’re not
making this easy for me. So you wanna
drop the dripping sarcasm for a second and listen?” Jon allowed a pause, just
long enough to know that she was speechless. “You bring your car down here to
Uptown Auto on your lunch hour and I’ll have my body shop take care of you and
arrange for a loaner or something to get you back to work. I’ll need your car overnight so maybe you
can arrange to stay with a friend. And
then, well…tomorrow…your boyfriend’ll be none the wiser. Like…Okay?”
Jon heard Miss Stewart clear her
throat, and then reply, carefully, “How
much do you think…”
“We’ll do this under the table. You can pay my body man cash direct to
him. Whatever he arranges, I know he’ll
give you the best deal in town.
Anyway…don’t worry about the money right now.”
“Shhhsh.” Miss Stewart whispered to
somebody at her end.
There was a long moment of silence, during which John
remembered looking out the side window of his parent’s car when he was a
teenager. The sun was setting over a
field. He was driving fast, and no
power on earth could stop him.
“Okay,” Miss Stewart replied with a softness that
melted Jon’s heart. “You said… `don’t worry about the money right now?’”
“Yeah. You need directions to the shop?”
“Ah…Well…yeah. I guess I do. But,
like…Why…”
Jon cut her off to explain how to
get from where she was to where he was.
9.
Bad Girl!
He hung up just in time to hear the pounding on the
bathroom door. And then Cheryl’s voice…
“Ah…Jon?
Phone for you. Line…Five.”
“Line five,” was code for “Bart needs help, because
he’s losing his mind again.”
Jon flung the door open to see Cheryl jump back,
startled, from his sudden action.
“Okay, just
give me a moment.” he said as he marched past her.
“His hands are starting to shake.” Cheryl replied to
nobody. Since Jon was already long
gone.
“Yo, Johnny!” Jon shouted to his body man, who was
bent down over the bumper of the “erectric brue” Mazda, this time with a sander
in his hand.
Johnny was so startled by Jon’s finger stabbing his
shoulder that he dragged the sanding tool across a clean spot on the bumper,
causing even more damage.
“For fuck sakes!” Johnny shouted as he whipped around
with his finger still pressed against the trigger of the electric tool.
“That Firebird is gonna’ be rolling in shortly after
noon!” Jon shouted over the buzzing of the sander.
Johnny finally released his trigger finger, causing a
deadly silence to wash over the shop that made Jon question his sanity again.
“Sorry,” Jon replied as both he and Johnny looked at the new scratches on the
Mazda’s bumper. “I just wanted to let
you know that…ah… that Firebird that I was telling you about, you know, driven
by the hot chick?”
“Oh yeah?” Johnny asked.
“Should be rolling in this aft. Along with the driver. I told her that you’d
accept a cash deal .”
“Cool!” Johnny responded. “She really as hot as you
said?”
“Oh, fuck yeah!” Jon replied, again with the required
machismo. “You got any plans for tonight?”
“I don’t know.
Why don’t you tell me? Ha-ha-ha-ha!”
“Put it this way,” Jon laughed, “You play your cards right, you’ll get to
choose between taking her money…or giving her that ‘bad girl’ spanking!”
10.
Lockdown
“Don’t swipe that card!” Bart shouted to a burly,
redneck customer whose hand was frozen on the credit card that was about to be
shoved through Cheryl’s card machine.
“Why not?” the man asked as he gazed at Bart, who hung
over the service desk like a man hanging over the railing of a sinking ship.
“You don’t want my money? Fine! Just give me the keys and I’m outta’ here!” the
customer replied as he shrugged his red-checked flannel jacket on his
shoulders. But his hand still held his
credit card, ready to be swiped, since he couldn’t believe his luck.
“You’ll let the snakes out.” Bart snarled at the man
as Jon walked back into the customer service office. The customer, a man who looked like he’d won a thousand barroom
brawls, could do nothing but let his jaw drop.
“Hey, Bart,” Jon said softly as he put his hand on the
quivering giant’s shoulder.
“All the asps will slither out…The door will be
unlocked, Jon.” Bart replied, shaking with fear as he turned to Jon’s soothing
smile.
“No Bart. The
snake lockout is secure. I called the credit card company last week about
that. Remember?” Jon replied. Even though this “snake” issue had never come up before, Jon had
learned from experience that Bart could be convinced of any history that had
never happened.
“Its secure?” Bart asked.
“Oh yeah. Let me explain,” Jon replied as he gently
turned Bart away from the counter and directed him toward the back office. As they turned, Jon looked back at Cheryl
and nodded to let her know that she could go ahead and get on with business.
“Back in a minute.” He
said to the other waiting customers, who all stood in a unified tableau of
fixed stares.
The customer, still paralyzed with mental shock,
released only his arm muscles to swipe his card, without ever wavering from his
wide-eyed gaze on Bart.
Jon closed the windowed door to the world behind them,
leaving all the people who demanded his attention in sight, while still locking
them away for as long as he could get away with, which wouldn’t be long. Automatically focusing on all those faces
that allowed him to earn his pay, he felt his hands lean Bart’s great shoulders
against a wall that was hidden from prying eyes.
Bart rubbed his hands together nervously and stared at
the speckled linoleum tiles on the floor as Jon sat on a desk, folded his arms,
and tried his best not to care about his customers, since, if he didn’t first
take care of Bart, he’d soon have no customers, and no job, to care about.
“The snakes are locked away, Bart.”
“Yeah.” Bart replied without emotion, still staring at
the floor. “I know.”
“I’ve had the C.I.A. sweep this office. They assure me that…”
“Alright, Jon.
You can stop now. I’m
back…Okay?” Bart interrupted, finally looking Jon in the eye.
Jon forced himself to look back at the pockmarked,
haggard, fifty year old, bespectacled face that gazed back at him. “You’re okay
then?” Jon asked.
“Yeah.”
Jon had never seen Bart recover from his illness so
quickly. He wasn’t sure how to deal
with it, considering how insane he had just acted himself.
“You’re on your meds, right?”
“Yeah. I think I was a little off on my timing this
week,” Bart replied with a long, drawn out sigh. If he hadn’t been with a friend, he might have simply died of
embarrassment right then and there
The door to the office could be locked from the
outside, locking in anybody inside, as if made for an insane asylum. “I’m going
to lock the door now, okay?” Jon asked softly, knowing that Bart knew that it
meant he’d be locked in. “Just to make sure that…the snakes…ah…”
“That
I don’t cause any more trouble.” Bart responded, looking back at the floor.
“I just think you need some time alone…” Jon lied, as
he reached for the door handle. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. Do you need anything? A coffee?”
“No I’m fine…Jon?”
“Yeah?”
“I look at you now and…” Bart paused, tilting his
head, and questioned everything he thought to be true.
“Yeah?” Jon replied, thinking of how many people were
waiting for him to get back to work.
“You look as lifeless as that desk,” Bart replied,
nodding to a desk that was covered with long forgotten junk.
“I do?”
“Yeah.” Bart replied without looking at his boss and
savior. “I mean, a minute ago, you were like a knight in shining armour. Now…now you look like a thing.”
Jon felt a knife stabbing his soul.
“But you’re not, really. Are you?” Bart continued, finishing his thought.
Jon found himself stopped cold by the question,
staring at the foreign thing that was his hand on the handle of the door that
separated him between the asylum and the working world.
“No, Bart,” he replied, “I’m just something in
between.”
11. The Train Rolls On.
Jon walked up to the service desk,
looked at the half dozen customers before him, and thought to himself, okay,
let’s just get down to business, keep up the momentum and see what happens.
“Okay, people,” he said, “the snakes are gone. So who was next in line?”
Everybody looked at each other, since nobody could
remember, after the freak show, who was supposed to be up next. Jon offered no
help for a moment, choosing instead to allow whatever was going to happen, to
happen at the price of his entertainment.
He was amused by how easily the polite, modern way of society can be
derailed. How, just because one individual jumps off the tracks for a moment,
everybody from the engine to the caboose suddenly loses all sense of the order
of things.
Finally there was a collective clearing of throats,
followed by a number of polite pleasantries like…
“I’m not sure but…I believe you were here first.”
“Oh are you sure? Well…”
“That was interesting. Was I here before you?”
“Well…I am in a rush but…”
Jon observed that a tall, slim character stood apart,
waiting patiently for everybody else to seat themselves back down in the
train. If this had been an episode of
Star Trek, that man would have been Spock.
“Sir?” Jon said to the man.
“Ah, yes,” the man replied, “Ernest Frankman. I’m here to pick up my Six-Two-Six? Oil change and rad flush.”
John looked to the “outbox” and, sure enough, Ernest
Frankman’s invoice and keys were right there where they were supposed to be.
With a minimum of fuss, Jon explained the work that was done to Mr. Frankman’s
car, and then directed him to Cheryl to pay his bill. And while he carried out
his banal duty, Jon was mystified by how thrilled he was to be alive, even
though nothing had changed in his life from twenty minutes before.
“So. Who’s
next?”
After a moment of stunned silence, one customer took
advantage of the moment.
“Rick…Ah…Richard Goodhead!”
“Okay…let me see here.” Jon replied. He looked at the out-box, pretending to do
his job. Again though, his synaptic
connections were going haywire, forcing him to face a memory of a bully from
high school who might have been this customer.
Finally he came back to the present, looked up the invoice, and
remembered that this guy’s paperwork was always filed under the first customers
invoices where, if it were an alphabetical system, you’d find the letter “d.”
“Oh yes!” Jon laughed, Mr. Dickhead! And what do
you want to complain about this month? He almost said out loud.
Then Jon quickly regained his serious composure.
Because, despite all of the furious freedom that the spark had given him in the
past twenty minutes, the great fear inspired by a history of thousands of
life’s daggers still kept him glued to the rails.
12. Manfire
Mr. Drinkwater, now well on his way
to the airport, had no idea what he had set in motion. Maybe his subconscious knew, because every
time he blinked, he saw his cigarette butt twirling through the air, the heater
glowing orange as it flipped end over end, before landing in the garbage. He thought nothing of the palm trees and
sandy beaches that waited to coddle him into the next life. And he thought nothing of his former
life. And of course, he had no idea
that the police who would try to place him under arrest for arson would miss
his flight by just five minutes after it flew out of their jurisdiction. Or
that he’d be dead before extradition proceedings worked their way through
bureaucracy.
All Steve Drinkwater could think of is how fire is a
strange and wonderful enigma. How it is nothing physical. Just raw energy that burns clean through the
physical world, reshaping it in countless ways. He had no idea that right now, this great, flaming force was
turning blue paint into a blackened bubbling liquid that dripped down the sides
of the dumpster in the dungeon of Jon’s home. Fire was changing everything in
that space.
Moist, brightly coloured things were
shedding those colours, drying out, steaming, and curling in on
themselves. Some of those things were
already turning to dust, not knowing that they would vaporize, fall back to
earth as countless building blocks, and become new, brightly coloured objects
of desire. And those things would be
displayed on shelves. They’d be wanted
again, as different things, rather than being discarded, unwanted bits of
garbage, languishing in a dark, lifeless place.
Even the still, dank air found itself sucked viciously
into the flames. Once calm with
stagnant laziness, fire sought out this sedentary atmosphere and chomped it up
with its teeth of relentless energy. So
great swirling winds came from all that air rushing into the hungry mouth of
fire. Torrents of wind swirled and
danced around, carrying dust and light flying things that were whole new
entities from what they were moments ago.
Heavy, dull slabs of cardboard became free-floating, gossamer wings.
It was all a wild party,
spontaneously erupting out of stark, still depression. Indeed, some things that
were light and free to begin with, simply leapt up and rode the crest of the
flames like surfers catching a wave, riding up and above all the madness.
These
little bits of party paraphernalia bounced along the dusty ceiling, just
waiting to escape into the bright blue world when the doors finally swung open
and the fire hoses blasted an entirely new force of nature onto the scene.
Soon, torrents of water began to
douse the fire. But not before all those little things escaped into the sky.
And while this inferno of flame and steam drew hungry news trucks to the scene,
Steve Drinkwater raced down the highway wondering if that isn’t just what a
person is. Fire. After all, when you take away all the
heaviness of physical substance, what is left?
What remains before the eye when the illusion of sight is cast
away?
Raw energy. Electricity, the constantly burning fire,
makes life happen. It burns always. Carries passion, thought, memory and
emotion from mind to body. Man is made of fire.
Why then, Steve wondered, do we
spend our lives trying to douse it?
13.
Just a Wee Bit of History
Jon followed Mr. Dickhead’s
ass out the door with his gaze, only to be greeted by a far more pleasing
sight. A BMW 750 pulled up in front of
the service office. And when the
driver’s door opened, a pair of crossed, sheer stocking-layered legs dropped
down to the pavement. When they uncrossed themselves, two red stiletto shoes
lifted those sensual pillars vertical.
This sight reminded Jon of how he had been so affected
by the sheer beauty of womanhood lately.
Instead of the force-field of hairspray, he had started to notice the
hair. The eyes, instead of the mascara
that hid the wrinkles around them. The
legs rather than the trackpants.
And suddenly, those legs that dropped from the Bimmer
inspired a forgotten moment to rise in Jon’s mind. He remembered leaning
against a lamp post when he was seventeen.
He had just gotten laid and was waiting for a friend to show up so that
he could tell his buddy all about it.
But his friend was late. So all
Jon could do was stare across the street at the sunlight that was glinting off
the windows of an office tower as it burned its way up into the sky
He remembered the spring breeze in his hair, the spent
muscles in his legs, the blood pumping in his veins. People were rushing to
work on foot, in cars, and on busses that whooshed by every few minutes. And everything from the diesel smoke that
spewed from those lumbering machines to the beautiful women traipsing by in
business skirts was a sight to wonder about.
All was good in his life.
Until a month later.
He was at a keg party when his buddy let him know, as well as every
other guy there, that he had done the same girl a week after Jon. So Jon went
inside the house to hide his humiliation, picked up an open can of beer off a
littered table and puked when he downed a cigarette butt along with the ale.
And when he rose from the floor he saw on the television that nobody was
watching, how the bodies of hundreds of U.S. marines were being pulled from the
rubble in Beirut. He was destroyed for a solid month, until the shallowness of
the pain of youth was replaced by its bold naivete.
14. Za-Za
John felt all of the best and worst
of those moments of his glory days when Ms. Szabo sashayed to the counter with
all the elegance that comes naturally to a super-rich woman. With all the
pampering that she could afford, Zara Szabo looked like she could be Cheryl’s
older, worldly sister, even though she was old enough to be her mother. Jon knew that. Indeed, even though he’d never met her before, Jon knew
everything that the news media could reveal about this tortured, elegant lady.
They called her “Za-Za,” in playful
comparison to that other, more famous rich Hungarian lady from Hollywood. She
got the name two years ago when she was arrested for drunk driving. And, although she never slapped a cop the
way Ms. Gabor did, she was reported to have “acted with extreme belligerence.”
Which was no surprise as she had just recently found out, again through the
media, that her husband, who owned the wrecking yard right next door to Uptown
Auto, had been keeping a mistress (who actually was Cheryl’s age) in a condo
downtown.
He became known as the “Horny
Hungarian,” as the very public divorce trial proceeded. Guys in bars patted each other’s backs as
they followed the exploits of this thick-chested, heavy accented “man’s
man.” They admired his wealth and his
wit, and most of all his virility, when it came out that the “Horny” one
actually had a number of mistresses, in a number of countries.
Women in hair salons and day spas,
meanwhile, learned to love and pity “Za-Za,” who quickly lost her reputation as
a “rich-bitch” as she showed up for court every day with a stoic expression on
her face. She rarely answered to
reporters, except to offer a warm smile along with the odd cryptic answer to a
pointed and often invasive question.
“Ms. Szabo! Did you know about the
other women?” A crusty gumshoe would shout.
“Every dog has his day, and now the
night has come,” she’d reply as she adjusted her fur stohl and disappeared
behind an entourage of lawyers and bodyguards.
The trial went well for her for
almost a year as her “dream team” attacked her horny husband’s assets like
hyenas tearing apart a carcass. It all
looked hopeful for the childless Zara until the day that one of her brilliant
attorneys uncovered a connection between a mistress in Moscow and the Russian
Mob. That was the end of it.
The authorities swooped in from
everywhere, seizing and freezing accounts and properties and any Hungarian
jewel that they could get their hands on. Days later, the Horny Hungarian
vanished without a trace, leaving “Za-Za” to fend for herself. Suddenly she was the sole owner of an auto
wrecking business that she knew nothing about, and which was facing bankruptcy. And she couldn’t sell it off since everyone
knew that the company had been financed by gangsters.
So Zara struggled to run a business
by herself, using a strength that she learned when she was a teenager, back in
her hometown in Hungary. An only child,
Zara had learned to forsake her youth, to hold back her dreams in order to work
on a farm to support her invalid father.
Sure, the communist state helped financially, but it was still left to a
blossoming beauty of a teenager to change bedpans, to cook, to bring in the
extra dinars to support her father’s special needs. She could never leave home at night because the aunt that took
care of her father during the day had to leave to tend to her own family in the
evening. If Zara ever let a dream of romance or passion cross her young heart
and she let herself run with it for more than a few minutes her dad would fall
out of his chair or suffer some other indignity, leaving Zara to find him lying
on the floor, sobbing, when her
instinct forced her to run home.
Somehow, the flower of her beauty
never wilted. Indeed, in the six years
of her lost youth, every moment of hardship served to make her spirit stronger,
her eyes brighter, her body lithe and shapely.
So Zara was ripe and ready for some excitement in her life when her future
husband winged his way back from the new world with all his western riches to
sweep the young beauty off her feet. At
the age of twenty-one, Zara was flung far from her dreary, small town existence
of servitude, out into a world of new possibilities, and a lifestyle that she’d
only imagined that a princess would enjoy.
Twenty-five years later, Zara’s
youthful lessons came back to save her.
Like riding a bicycle. She
learned how to learn things that were forced upon her for her very survival. How to give up luxuries like therapy in
order to learn accounting. Still, she had even greater challenges to face in
her middle age than she had had in her youth. Because now, after living like a
queen for so long, she was jaded by the realization that even royalty can be
crushed by reality. There is no “happy
ever after” ending for anyone, necessarily, even for a princess.
And she had to face that fact,
knowing that she might struggle against all the creditors and predators that
fought to take her down, only to know that any knight in shining armor that
came to her rescue might turn out to be another womanizing bastard, just like
the first one. And, while she had to
struggle for the hope of a brighter future, she also had to do it all under the
public eye that followed her every move.
Which is why she couldn’t take her car to the BMW
dealership to face the pitying, prying eyes of people she’d known for
years. All the princess had left was
her dignity. And she wasn’t about to
give that up to some service technician, who would surely have been warned to
treat the “poor Za-Za” with kid gloves.
Zara’s only fault, her only sin, was to trust in her
love for a man who couldn’t have been trusted to throw a drowning man a
rope. And now, because of it, she was
utterly alone in the world, with only half a life left to live.
Provided she could get that far.
15. False Parts
Now she was standing before Jon with
all of her wounded-bird loveliness. Her make-up was perfect, but her hair was
windblown and one button of her blouse was opened lower than she realized,
allowing a lacy bra strap to expose itself, from under a collar that had blown
almost to her shoulder.
“Do you service BMW’s?” she asked.
“Absolutely” Jon replied, a little
too cocky.
“With genuine parts?”
“We can get them pretty fast,” Jon
replied with still more confidence. Was
she testing him, he wondered? “What can
we help you with?”
A young mom came in with two
toddlers just then. One of the kids was
screaming. Zara couldn’t help but be
startled by the shrill cry and she swung around, accidentally making eye
contact with the straggly-haired mother.
Although Jon couldn’t see it, he knew Zara’s gaze intimidated the poor
woman enough to take her attention away from her crying kid long enough to say
“Oh…I’m sorry.”
Zara turned her attention back to
Jon with out replying to the mom.
The kid kept wailing until the mom
took him outside, leaving her other kid squirming in a chair.
“Well ah…ah I was driving to work
yesterday morning,” Zara began. The
wailing kid’s screams wafted in from outside, grating on Jon’s nerves. Zara
paused, obviously nervous, herself.
“Yes?” Jon prodded. Outside, the mom spanked her kid, which made
him only scream louder.
“Yes well I was driving to work when
I noticed something wrong. I ignored it
because I was late for a meeting with my lawyer.”
“And what did you notice?”
“Well…ah I’m not sure. It was like a
noise.”
The mom brought her kid back in,
having finally stopped the screaming.
But now the two kids started fighting.
“Like I said, Zara continued I was
on my way to my lawyers office. And
then, this morning it got worse but I
forgot my office keys…” Zara heaved a sigh.
Jon looked at the fighting kids and
suppressed an urge to scream.
“So I had to turn around to go back
for the damn keys and then it started to get worse. By now I was late for a meeting, see and so I had to take the
freeway, which only made things worse because I hate the way drivers stare at
me when I’m stuck in traffic and blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blahba blah. Bobbled-de-blah blah……”
The kid shrieked again. All of the freedom and wonder that Jon had
been feeling a few moments ago was gone.
The world had become one big knot of tension, the way it used to be.
“Blah-blah-blah-blah…”
Jon rubbed his forehead, pressed his
fingers hard into his greasy skin.
“Are..Are you listening to me?” Zara stammered.
“With all due respect,” Jon took a
deep breath before continuing, “I need to know what this noise sounded
like. So if you could please get to the
point, Ms Szabo, then maybe I can help you.”
He knew the mistake he’d made even as it rolled off
his tongue. And there was nothing he
could do about it.
Zara bit her lip and dropped her
gaze to the floor. Finally she squeezed
her eyes shut, as if silently enduring some great torture. Some stabbing pain in her soul was so
obvious, and it was so obvious that Jon had thrown the dagger, it made him want
to die.
Before he could apologize, Zara
looked up, just to the counter, then gradually raised her eyes to meet his as
she spat out her words. “You could have
at least pretended not to know my name.”
“I…I’m sorry I just want to know
what’s wrong with your car,” Jon pleaded like a lovesick puppy as Zara turned
and stormed out the door.
As her high heels clicketty-clacked
across the floor, Jon, the mom, and both of her suddenly captivated toddlers
couldn’t help but be transfixed by the humiliated princess as she flung her
door car door open, slammed it shut and then burned rubber in reverse gear as
she tore out of the lot.