Saturday, July 22, '06
Episode 3: Half Full Metal
The fair boy sat on his haunches before the pool, and the fat boy sat next to him on his cushioned bottom, cross-legged.
The fair boy supported himself on his left hand. In his right hand was an object of beauty and power. It was smooth, black, functional. He peered into the pool, and he saw his smooth, untanned complexion reflected within it, his ravishing, untamed mohawk, the logo of Sony's PlayStation Portable.
The fat boy shifted his weight from the right half of his pelvis to the left and back again, typing hunched over, furtively, into a laptop. "Careful," he said, "Don't fall into the pool. You'll ruin the PSP."
The fair boy snorted, sat back on his rear end, let his feet dangle into the water. "You're such a worrier. Besides, it doesn't matter if the PSP doesn't work. I just need to have it. Hell, it hasn't worked since an hour after I got it; you know that."
"Yes," said the fat boy, "But if it stops working you won't be able to sell it, and then you'll be evicted from your house and you'll have to get a job or go back to college."
"No!" the fair boy cried, and he leapt to his feet with great conviction and justice. "No, I'll make sure that nothing happens to my -"
The fair boy slipped on the puddle created by his feet and threw out his arms, landing crunchily on his back. The PSP remained intact. He breathed a sigh of relief.
The fat boy shook his head disapprovingly. "Just don't splash any of that stuff on this baby," he said.
"Why the hell do you have that out?" asked the fair boy, sitting down again. "Pardon my rudeness. This's the first time that I've spoken to one of my neighbors since I dropped out of college."
"That's okay!" said the fat boy, returning to his hunched position. "I'm researching hentai."
"You're what!?"
"It's a long story. It started right when we got out of high school, actually. I'll tell it to you sometime. I'm a game programmer now."
"Oh," replied the fair boy, and he headed out of the apartment complex's pool area and into the fat boy's apartment.
"Wait!" said the fat boy, panicking and knocking his laptop into the water. "Oh, fuck, my hentai - ! Wait!!"
There was a minor explosion, and the fair boy fell hard on his back. The fat boy's apartment door flew off its hinges and landed a few inches from the fair boy's head. In his right hand was a lump of twisted black metal. He was stammering.
"PSP.. gone... Rent... fucked..."
The fat boy sprinted up. "I cannot believe you! What made you think you could go into my apartment!?"
The fair boy coughed, eyes watering. "That damned anime song.. driving me insane... eighteen hours a day straight..."
Even as they spoke, the speaker inside the fat boy's semi-demolished apartment was continuing.
"The PSP is broken," whispered the fat boy, "Civilization has been destroyed. This was our last chance to maintain government and order in a deserted world full of the malevolence of human nature... Do you see how we've sunk!? My own traps destroyed the last remnant we had of organized law!"
"My God," said the fair boy, "We have. Is there any way I can make it up to you? My next payment is due in only two weeks.. It's a conspiracy."
"I... I could try to make a game..."
The fair boy squinted in spite of himself. "I thought your game-making software just bit the dust."
"No," said the fat boy quietly, "That was my hentai stash."
There was a moment of appreciative silence, during which the fair boy felt his life flashing before his eyes.
"So," said the fair boy, "We're not toast. All we need to do is to make a game. And I will pledge to you all of my assistance."
"Yes," muttered the fat boy, and as he spoke, his voice became stronger and more confident. "... Yes, we have limited time and limited resources and illegal music... what can I do..."
He broke off for a few seconds. The fair boy looked pleadingly. "Well?"
"I have it."
"What!?"
"Do you promise to stay on task?"
"Yes!" said the fair boy fanatically, eyes desperately seeking help.
The fat boy's eyes filled with glory; speech rose in a dramatic climax. "We are going to make a hentai game - 'The Fat and the Unfair.'"
Home.