Tuesday, May 9, 2006

my cowboy bebop theme song is go go cactus man




Uh... yeah. I swear I was Hiko Seijuro just yesterday, but apparently I've become less arrogant overnight. Cool. >_>

A feeling of dread is descending upon me - one that surpasses the feeling of dread I had for the US History AP. My piano competition is in a few days, and only now do I realize the gravity of the situation...

Because I think that this might be the last chance I ever get to prove myself, to find some sort of distinction. I've failed to earn any distinction in junior year classes, in standardized SAT/AP tests, in multitudinous math competitions, in work or community service, in NHS, in FBLA, in extracurriculars, in Chemistry competitions, and of course in writing... I've loved my junior year, but really, it has existed as a long list of failures and mediocrity. Whether due to lack of dedication, lack of talent, or laziness and forgetfulness, I've accumulated nothing on this record.

This year has proven thusfar only that I do not excel at anything. I came close in math, I believed, but the math department chose to pass me over in favor of five others...

In four days, I'll go for the last thing I have left. It's a last ditch attempt. As my entire life of math was judged six days ere, my entire life as a pianist will be judged. I wish the best of luck to Kevin, who'll be playing there as well, but I want to win something...

I don't want to beg for pity or to seem presumptuous, but I'm sure it'll seem both ways. If you're reading this, don't try to tell me that my junior year hasn't been a failure. Just wish me the best of luck on Saturday..

6:22p.m.


In other E3 news, the first MGS4 trailer was released, and that applause did it no justice.

I guess I could easily have waited a few hours for the final 15-minute trailer, but I couldn't resist. It's amazing how quickly my mood can change. Even after recognizing instability, I forget the extent to which my emotions can oscillate.

... But the PS3 will be fucking six hundred dollars. How the fuck am I supposed to work with that?... My soul is worth less than six hundred dollars, but my soul also requires MGS4 to survive... God damn it...

7:11p.m.

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