Draft One
Here's a fun activity. First, call all of your friends over to crowd around the Spectrum so they can all read this article and publicize me. Then do those which apply.
- If you've heard the name "Chuck Norris" before this in your life, clap your hands.
If you've heard a Chuck Norris joke in the last 24 hours, stomp your feet.
If you know who Chuck Norris is, do the hokey-pokey and turn yourself about.
If you've told a Chuck Norris joke in the past 24 hours, curl yourself into a fetal position and beg the Almeida for forgiveness.
Now count the number of people who responded to none of these things. These, my friend, are either very lucky people... or lying through their proverbial teeth. The phenomenon of Chuck Norris is a painful fact of existence at AB. Something is distinctly amiss when one meets someone whom one barely knows, and the first words ones exchanges involve "roundhouse kick". Chuck Norris's appeal is surprisingly wide; at first I thought that only internet junkies got a kick out of Chuck Norris, but Chuck Norris can kick anyone and anytime.
I'm sure that there was a time when Chuck Norris jokes were funny. However, a day eventually dawned when their novelty wore off, when the inherent leetness of Chuck Norris gave way, when primetime ended. This day was Monday.
Monday night, FOX broadcasts new episodes of 24, currently the greatest show on television. Why has 24 suddenly seized control of the school in the last few months? To tell you the truth, there's no good reason why it has seeized control of the school in the last few months. By all rights, it should have seized control of the school four years ago.
24 first aired in 2002. It appealed to viewers by introducing a beloved gimmick, playing on the anti-terrorist mood of America, and gratuitously satisfying the masses' call for peerless competence. In the show's maiden season, the producers emphasized first and foremost that events occur in real time. Over the course of a season of 24, only 24 hours pass in the world of TV, an idea both limiting - due to its rigid structure - and exciting, due to its mysterious potential. The infmaous "24 Clock" permeates every episode, a constant reminder of the urgency of the situations. It's a gimmick, but it's original - and utterly successful.
24 also solicits audiences based on its primary objective: fighting terrorists and killing them. In a strongly anti-terrorist time, perhaps FOX and the rest of the right-wing propagandists have taken advantage of the mood of the nation to promote a strong pro-American feeling agenda. Who doesn't want to watch terrorists getting owned, killed, and punished in the name of the law? If I'm a victim of this propaganda, by all means, I'll take it. This is America, dammit, and we will watch whatever shows we like, especially if they involve a testosterone-charged Caucasian male with a ridiculously testosterone-charged voice.
Jack Bauer. Despite the draws of The 24 Clock and the patriotism, the true reason for 24's continued success - and for the sudden uprising at AB of 24 - is the ludicrous nerve and skill of its protagonist. Jack deserves the praise he receives. Jokes fly left and right about Chuck Norris killing people, but when someone says that Jack Bauer killed 93 terrorists in 96 hours, he is dead serious. Jack has quite an illustrious list of accomplishments, but to list them all is folly. A solid 50% of Jack Bauer's actions are not sanctioned by the government, and the other 50% aren't sanctioned by anyone at all. A typical "Bauer Hour" consists of Jack, after being awake for 20 hours, making illicit deals with terrorists to get them out of jail. And Jack Bauer is always right. In all of 24's existence, he has never made a wrong call - nor has he ever failed to achieve a 90% hit rate.
One of the beautiful traits of 24 is its ability to make everything go wrong... and to resolve it in the end, sort of. In my junior year, I can relate startlingly to this. A conflict, struggle... a resolution. Never a perfect resolution, and often a sad resolution, but it always solves at least one problem. 24 of course was probably not intended to serve as the allegory for the life of a stressed out high school student, but its recent popularity is inexplicable. Sure, Season 5 has been amazing, but why not give it a poetic spin? We can pretend that it's just a much more badass and less poorly written version of Catcher in the Rye - captivating hopelessly inept AB kids one hour a week on the dreaded Monday night, transporting them to a fantasy hell: West Los Angelas, Counter-Terrorist Unit. Where the men are competent, where the terrorists are sitting ducks, and where Jack Bauer prowls.
SD
May 10, '06
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