SD: Hypocrisy In Action
I'm writing this late at night before HMMT, in my notebook, but it'll be over by the time this is up for you guys to read. Writing is good, though. One of my online "pen pals" finally put into words the feeling I had about writing stuff down before typing it: When I transfer stuff from paper to cyberspace text, the process really forces me to reread everything for a full edit, instead of breezing through and copy-pasting. Speaking of which, I just avoided passive voice in saying "I am forced". On that note, I wonder, does "I am addicted" count as passive voice? Just a thought. See where "writing skills" have brought me.
The point: This will never happen, but I feel like dreaming a bit about it: I want to quit chatting on-line. I really miss the days when every time I had something to say to a friend, I had to post it via forum or e-mail (or use the phone, but let's not even go there). It feels much more like writing to send something like that, even if it be something as simple as a few lines asking about what's happening next week or describing what happened today. I know I'm a hopeless AIM addict, but allow me to reminisce. I enjoy it.
One of the troubles with chat is instant gratification. When I IM someone, I basically expect a response, fast. IM is intrusive; I can't pretend otherwise. I always, no matter how often it happens, find it odd when I make a flashing window appear on another person's screen and... don't get a response. Chatting commits me to everyone one the list on the short timeframe; as soon as I get a message, my obligation is to respond to it. Obviously, I speak in first person because this only applies to me. I'm not sure how others interpret it.
Another issue is politeness. As abovementioned, courtesy obliges me to respond to those who IM me. Therefore, much of the ensuing conversation becomes politeness and pleasantry, and it is often shallow and one-sided. Even when both parties engage one another in a subject, there is the hindrance of overlapping dialogue and, even worse, of knowing that the other is typing. I always find it difficult to override what the other person says, trying to battle for control of the conversation, and this stops me from typing when others type. How often is it that I guiltily send a message while the other is already formulating a response or statement? How often have I had to wait for something I don't even want to hear? How often do I engage in conversations that suck? Answer: Whenever people want to talk.
Finally, chatting sacrifices the depth and potency of real writing while losing the essence and presence of a real conversation. I don't edit or read through what I say on IM, and often it sound stupid as a result, because the text remains up there, proudly displaying my typos or misspoken words. I can't forget about a conversation and return to it later at a convenient time as I can with a message board or when responding to an e-mail. There is no "period of wait" for a well thought out response, only the expected and necessary response in the name of courtesy. The conversation controls me, and I feel less in control of the situation as I do when, for instance, writing on this site.
And despite chat's advantage of being very direct, it still lacks the true sense of a face-to-face talk. One of the most irritating things about chat is that I don't know what the person on the other end is doing as I talk. He could be reading it raptly, diverting it somewhere else, paying attention to something else completely, reading it on occasion, or sometimes, he does not respond, meaning that he ignores me completely or he is not even at the computer at the time. Not only does it lack presence, in the form of constant assurance of the other's attention or lack thereof, such a chat also immortalizes what I might not want back on the screen. Again, I may type something stupid on IM and send it, but in real conversation, such a statement should disappear into thin air, existing only in memory of the speaker and listeners. When chatting, the words linger with an odd "deja vu" feeling. And most importantly, the single most important aspect that I miss most is silence. Silence is a powerful tool in conversation, and it can be perfectly natural, occurring when talk trails off. But to me, there is never a "natural" silence online. I either force a silence by cutting off conversations or wonder vaguely why the other does not respond: There is no feeling of understood mutual quietness that I share when the converser and I just stay together, wordless. For a silence online, the conversation really needs to die... or meet some other "unnatural" conclusion.
As I reread what I've written and what I'm about to type, I decide that perhaps I organized this wrong. The point of this article is to discuss both the reasons why AIM grips me and why I dislike it... but I intended to save the latter point for last. Whatever, it'll be the same either way.
Chat is definitely not useless: Besides satiating the total attention-whore inside me, it allows easy communication which is perfect for shallow talk, schoolwork, and meaningless discussion - not that the three are mutually exclusive. Chatrooms are an excellent tool for Steege tests, and there is no better way to send an invitation quickly to plan to go somewhere or to meet someone than just to use the convenient computer method. IM can quickly accomplish many exchanges of information... as long as it contains no depth.
And when all else fails, chat is actually pretty reliable. It's certainly better for the phone, for one thing, and it's so much more convenient. People really don't check their e-mails all that often, especially not often enough to carry on a quick conversation between the two conversers. A message board is above this a little; being a place, by nature, of socialization, it's easier to converse across these. However, they still lack the directness and the utter lack of intellectual depth that a direct chat provides. And I won't lie: It is good to talk to more than one person at one time. If the case may be, I can juggle several soulless conversations at once, but I can really only focus on writing one thing or focus on talking to one person at a time in person.
So, what do I propose to do to fix this problem? Well, in the short term, very little. First of all, the habit is too addictive for me to break quickly or perhaps at all. Secondly, it remains extremely convenient as a form of quick communication, since so many people do it. But I still prefer, if possible, an exchange of better-thought-out messages with less spam and certainly less Scott Chen Time lyrics.
In conclusion, if you find this interesting, e-mail me, post on my forum, or... yeah, you can IM me, too. I'm not picky, as long as I get my attention.
SD
Feb. 24, '06
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