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Everybody who has seen the Kelloggs (what a gay name) Sultana Bran commercial will agree with me, those children should be thrown into a spikey pit with three mimes, two paedophiles, and twenty old people (you can never get rid of enough old people). For those of you that haven't seen it, I envy you, ignorance is bliss. It's the commercial where two little snooty kids break out into song about cereal.

Is cereal really that exciting? Of course not. They're just stupid children.

Lets narrow it down to Sultana Bran. Sultana Bran makes me want to induce vomiting and headbutt a pirate. Bran tastes like crap. It also turns into crap the minute it enters your body (old peoples' food, as they are worthless and can't even metabolise), so when you try to throw up, you throw up shit. It also looks like shit.

But they add Sultanas' into Sultana Bran. Little shriveled up midget balls. This is for the likely even of you throwing up, Sultana Bran lets you taste sour balls in your mouth.

But thats' not the worst of it. This commercial has a hard working mother wake up in the morning, trying to feed her ungrateful children. She is obviously a whore, as she can only afford to feed them Sultana Bran (also known as Shit). They start a song about how she has lost her mind, trying to feed them this shit. I respected them for a minute, as they acknowledged the shit was, in fact, shit. If I was the mother, I'd fly-kick the children at this point, stupid dirty fucks.

Anyway, I lose all respect for these fucks in the next five seconds, when they start singing about the cereal, and how great it taste. The whore then joins in and dances with her children.

Heres' what Kelloggs didn't want you to see (so they cut it out). Before the start of the commercial, both the children and the mother were in an insane asylum. They forced other patients to urinate at gunpoint and were kicked out. So they bought a house from all the money the mother earned from choking on dicks. After the song and dance, they all walk into a pit with flaming parrots, fat girls, and a 90 year old man eating brocolli.

I hope you feel better about that commercial now, at least you know they died.

Number of people who fear purple packages: