maddox.xmission.com

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Please  note. I am awesome.

Post Script: Kasey is awesome.

Bands that Rule: 
Ambience: A band that I am the only member of.

08.23.03 // Meditations: Part Two.
     You pollute the air I breathe. I despise people, and if I had things my way, Canada would be a state with the purpose of storing nuclear waste and POW's from the wastelands of our world domination. But instead, I am surrounded by idiots. People that have isolated themselves by routine, and created their own little worlds where they are god. Well everyone does it, and I'm no exception, however I have been dubbed a better god. . . so fuck your world, and don't tell me how to do things. I'm tired of your inflated ego's with nothing but empty sarcasm to stand on. Jesus, the next 18 year old prick that tells me how to do my job is getting two in the chest and one in the groin, or vies versa. IF I wanted your snot-nose pimple-faced remarks I would ask for them, or I would beat them out of you. I don't however, and if one more of you tells me that my work should be done differently, there will be blood shed.
     I put in my hours like everyone else damn it, and NO one needs seven managers pulling you seven different directions. It's a part of life, but it is changeable. Learn to fight back you cowards. If you lose your job over standing up for your rights, that what kind of fucking rights do we have in the first place? You should know what is right and wrong, and damn it, they do too. If you let people walk all over you, one day you'll find me stealing your check and pissing in your garden, which is probably inevitable anyway, but at least then you can say you tried and failed because otherwise the only thing you can say is that you're a pussy. I've tested the manager waters many times, and I let them know that I know when I'm wrong. I apologize, I fix it, and I fucking work my ass off to do things better because that's what I'm paid to do. Keeping that in mind, what are THEY paid to do? Because if they get paid more than me to stand around and bitch, there's a fucking problem and I should have that job. In fact, I could cover two shifts at once at the rate I'm going. 
     I bitch, and I fucking know it, but I get things done. When I'm getting paid I do not stop working, and not once will my arms be folded with a stern look on my face as I stand over an employee occasionally pointing like a dumb ass because I could be right there getting it done faster by using the pair of hands I was given by that whore I occasionally and mistakenly call a mother. Dictating orders didn't get shit done once in my childhood, and that's held true to today. I raised myself with the mindset that respect is earned and not given out by rank and number. Who the fuck raised you?
Current Music: Thrice-"Track 7"

08.22.03 // Computer Gaming.
     Just a forewarning, I'm not bitching too much this article. . . Why? Because I don't fucking want to tonight damn it, get off my case.
     Before I get into this too deeply, I would just like the reader to not that I specified COMPUTER gaming, since anything made on the console after Sega, sucks. The only exception to this rule is Halo because of the mass murder property and a special something called LAN multiplayer. As for the rest of it, well let's just say the games make better coasters than actually having any entertainment value.
      Computer gaming however, has had the power that consoles possess today for much longer, and the pretty shit has been done. It's all about kick ass gaming features these days. Pretty graphics still reside in all aspects of the gaming world, but CPU gaming has come much longer in the department of multiplay. Multiplayer gaming is undoubtedly the next frontier of gaming. I love the headphones, laser mouse, keyboard all simultaneously hearing desperate cries for mercy, kicking ass, and spewing forth pages of shit talk and insults, much like this site has become. Multiplayer gaming has become the rap-rock of it's genre in a good way. Everyone plays games now, and that means two things.
     1) The playing field has widened so that I may kick more ass, and be given the same in return.
     2) Professional level gaming is becoming more mainstream.

     Let's analyze the second point:
      No one really wants to see someone duke it out in Super Mario 3, but games like StarCraft: Brood War, Rainbow Six, Diablo, Counter Strike, Halo and Everquest (which blows) have given something special to the gaming community and paved the way for a new form of multiplayer. Fuck, even Mario Kart kicked ass in its day, along with the infamous Super Smash Brothers. All of these games make for fast, fun and efficient ass kicking. No one wants to play a game for 6 hours at a time anymore. Not single player anyway. Gamers today are playing 8 online or over LAN. Holding parties for just that purpose and spending big bucks to get hooked up over different connections. 
     I'm a big StarCraft: Brood War hippie. Let's face it, anyone who's played it- or 90% rather, knows it's addicting. I've been playing it since I was 12 or 13 online. Since it is a patchable, multiplayer game, it has evolved along with the times and well, it still reigns supreme with an active multiplayer system called Battle.net. 
     Rainbow Six is a "shoot em' up, reload and do it again" fast paced FPS. I love killing things, and while StarCraft offers mass murder, RB6 offers a more intimate feel when killing that one dickhead in France. Yes, the French even suck at online war.
      With games like these pulling in big bucks and gamers, professional leagues have opened up to root out the best of the best and companies suck as AMD sponsor people to sit on their asses and play computer games. What the fuck was I thinking trying to get a job? Anyways, this entails two things. One people will want that fucking sponsor and spend, or waste rather more time online. And two, sales go through the roof. It's the perfect machine, and the only thing that will kill it is a loss of focus, so please. I want my fucking STARCRAFT II. Pissing me off having to wait. I'm going to come down to Blizzard and make you EAT one of the "Action Figures." Man, they're fucking dolls. If I wanted a doll I would castrate myself, put on a dress and call myself this reader here. I want some blood damn it. Get off your asses while you still have one or you'll have one enraged gamer coming after you pencil heads. Have you ever felt the sensation of a Terran Marine sticking out of your anal cavity? Didn't think so, so don't test me. Get on your computer and I'll get on mine- we'll see what comes up. 
Current Music: Trapt-"Headstrong" ( white trash, untalented vocals, and lyrically challenged. . . )

08.18.03 // You're a shitty parent.
     I know I haven't updated in awhile, fucking sue me. And yes, you are a shitty parent. Don't tell me your kid wasn't an accident, because I know it was. You look at that child every morning and wish you had worn protection. You could give a rats ass what kind of person he/she is going to be as long as it's not loud or in your face. Why? Because I know you. You're the same people that come to my place of business the DAY, the NIGHT before school starts, 15 minutes to close hunting down three lists of school supplies and simultaneously blaming me for not having the shit in stock anymore. You're the same people that sling the misshapen runt around like a gorilla. You're an unfit parent and you would GLADLY leave the little shit in a dumpster if there were no repercussions on the flipside and DON'T deny it. You're the same parents that get some fucked up low rent apartment and leave shit stains on the floor because you were drunk or too fucking lazy to watch the little bastards. Or even worse, you raise them in the same fashion I was raise by NOT EVEN BEING HOME. Now, I'm not trying to start some outreach program for kids or anything, because I hate them all. However, the reason I want to euthanize most of them is because you can't raise a kid properly. You suck as a parent AND as a role model, and you know what- I'm sure your parents were just as shitty. Your kids are going to hate you just like you hate your mother or father. I will laugh my ass off when they put you in a home, or decide to move out and leave your ass on Social Security, well never mind, there won't be SS when your time comes. Well here's what I have to say to you lousy parents. . .
FUCK .!.._(^_-)_..!. YOU
     and your kids. I would gladly watch the spawn of hell tear flesh from limb from. . . 90% of the population, but you can still join them. The solution? Stop having sex, and since that IS NOT going to happen, try to think of the little tykes as a retirement plan. Things may start to look up from there.
Current Music: Drowning Pool- "Bodies"

08.08.03 // Religious Jerk wads, and why I'm a cooler God.
     I hate them, I want them to, upon confirming that the "other side" exists, burn for all eternity in hell while being beaten into submission by Satan's cock. I can't be any more graphic that that. They are the biggest and most gargantuan hypocrites to walk the earth. Some people call them Christians, or Jehovah's Witnesses, or MORMONS. They are all the same, and only differ in degrees of stupidity. How do I justify that? I don't, it's what I feel. It's what I know and so do you. The only people that will complain to this site are the overzealous dickheads of the institution we know as the "Church." You know, I wish that I could have people come to my house, talk about me, and get a Tax Exemption and free money for it. What the fuck does God have that is so special. Has he ever paid your toll on the freeway? Has he ever shot you dead as you made your way to another miserable day of slavery? Has he killed the people that annoy you? He sure as hell hasn't done these things for me, and if I were to be given his powers I would be the most kick ass God ever. Why? Because there was only one God supposedly, the other ones are just. . . "Off Brand" Deities. So if I were given his powers I would automatically be the coolest because I'm sure the current God either wears a pocket protector and suffers from nosebleeds, or has extremely long hair everywhere and dresses in Tie-Dye. Why would I think that? Because I'm right. He's either too much of a pussy to do anything because of the infinite possibilities represented by the Chaos Theory, and he's too much of a prick to realize that he shouldn't care about things like Freedom and Decency, or he has been asleep on the couch fried for the last couple million years. All he should care about is how big an explosion Guatemala could be. Or how many times he can piss people off by rearranging fault lines and moving tectonic plates like you would do to a spider's web. I love fucking with spiders. I get the same satisfaction from fucking up their web that took so long to make as stepping in a 10-year-old's sand castle. There is just nothing more relaxing than seeing the spider of the kid freak out and bitch. Anyways, back to me kicking ass. I would create the perfect woman God. She would be too stupid for words, because I don't want her bitching and ruining my chi. I would give her the most divine and perfect body, and a smile to die for. She would have red hair, no blonde hair, no it would change every day to whatever suited my mood. She would have mood hair, and I would name this creature Pamela Anderson. . .
     Ok, so God has done one thing productive. But I would one up him and stop her from making horrible TV series' like VIP and any other move/TV/acting role she has EVER been in. She would be good at two things, and neither is holding a conversation or acting.
     As for world peace. . . People don't make Jerry Springer one of the highest rated TV shows and promote Peace. People don't create nuclear arsenals, force other nations to submit, and make great TV like The Godfather and Scarface or Evil Dead and ask for world peace. They want the World in Pieces. I agree. I swear the movie Time Machine sucks ass 90% of the time, but the murdering kept me from falling asleep long enough to see the decimated moon holding a kick ass orbit around the earth as pieces rained down into the masses. Man, I looked up at the sky every night for two weeks after at the moon and wished it would flash and temporarily blind me before I watched it all go boom. I want to see mushroom clouds when I wake up in the morning. I want to smell the stench of decay, and feel the blood in the air. I want to see people trying to fight each other on crutches with m-16's and fixed bayonets. I want to see carnage, and I want to see it NOW. I want to see the state of Iraq, the town of Istanbul, and the ExxonMobil corporation usurp the oil from all of the Middle East while the US Forces drown Saddam in a drum of it, torch it, and watch the black curls of smoke kiss the sky in a mating ritual not of this world.
     But instead, all I can see is CNN talking about the retarded election campaign. Well you know what, VOTE ME FOR GOD. I will destroy shit and you KNOW you'll love it.
Current Music: Tool-"Part Of Me"

08.07.03 // Baby Factories.
     Women of the nation, close your legs. We do not need any more of your uncontrolled spawn running around "touching" everything up with their Cheeto soiled hands. They are machines anyway, cyborgs created to piss me off that only your oversexed exit could pass without suffering death. They are seek and destroy model creatures. They seek the most expensive thing around, usually identified in degrees of Shininess, and proceed to fuck it up with extreme attention to detail. When the deed is done, a sense of satisfaction consumes them as they happily display the ruined merchandise to their mother and say some dumb fuck remark like, "Look mom isn't it pretty!?" or, "Can I have this if I'm good?" "No dumb shit, you aren't good, your daddy left us, and your dumb ass just ruined it anyway- so give it back to the nice man who doesn't exist except to please me and your no talent idiot to be ass, and let mommy write a bogus check without ID...."is what she should say, but instead it's always something directed to me for some stupid ass reason like, "They're so cute aren't they?" (No, and if I ever thought that monster was cute I would kill or castrate myself.) or, "You want to take one home with you?" (Well, it looks like the runt of the litter, and there's not much meat on it- however, the Cheeto seasoning might be cause for a decent meal, how much for the lot?) and the ever depressing, "Yea, I have another one coming along- just found out last week!" That is the worst. When the other three are circling her doing some odd dance and screaming, "Mommie, Mommie, I have to PEEEEE!" She is patting her stomach with this weak smile and the only thought that comes to mind is a flash of me jumping over the counter in a full on jump kick to her stomach, catching her one handed as she flies back wincing and disoriented, kneeing her in the back so that she falls to her battered knees and round housing her in the back of the neck to end her miserable life. After the deed is done, I call lost and found about losing some kids in a dumpster and without ever missing a beat politely greeting the customer with a "Next in line please. Yes sir? Hello sir, will that be all?" I would like to hear from the reader's on this. However, if you are a poor excuse for a mother and are the disdainfully proud owner of a few shits of your own, please refrain from e-mailing me hate mail, or some weak defense about how your son or daughter or litter is better than everyone else's for any reason, because they're not, and unless you beat them as much as I want to, they will not ever turn out a productive citizen. They will turn out to be that one guy that comes through my line with filed teeth and more bracelets than he can count, something in the range of a car payment in worth, smiling every time I look at him in an effort to make me notice he is a moron with no sense of a budget. Good luck raising that future astronaut lady, I also look forward to putting him on a rocket to outer space, forever.
Current Music: The sprinklers just turned on. . .

08.06.03 // I'm not a terrorist.
     It seems that some of you pussy readers can't take a joke. Hell, I'm not even joking. You are the very Reason that I made this site. You and your kind are only good for cannon fodder and spawning tinier versions of the filth that you are. You know, today I started working and for legal reasons I won't say where, I also don't want you assholes bothering me. But hell, I didn't want to come home with threats of FBI Action. I would love to drag you by the ears into my front yard and beat your ass *Paul, so that I may relieve myself on your face after I relieve all tension this horrible, wretched world has built inside me over these years. To further the understanding of my coherent readers as to what the fuck I'm talking about, I have included an excerpt from this douche bag who sent me hate mail about yesterday's topic:
Dear Asshole:
     I am inraged by your site and the filth that you promote and the ideaas that you put into the heads of our youth. I want to let you know right now that i object to your devious and terrorristic actions and principles because they are wrong. You may not like me or my friends, but our president doesnt nneed to be laughed at. Im so angry at you because you are stupid and evil. If I ever saw you on the street i would beat your ass and shoot you, then who would laugh?? LOL. Anyways, I think that you are the one that should die from the things that you say because you should do un to others as you would want done un to you. Thats how I was raised anyway. I think that you should stop writing this site and close if down also because if you dont I will contact the FBI and make them do it for me. And if you are so bad ass, why dont you post a picture of yourself? Tell everyojen who you are so we can see how much of a big shot you are? LOL Fuck you asshole.
                                                        Regards,
                                                                  **********
When I was done crying, pissing myself, and outright laughing at this moron, I decided to reply:

Dear Kindergartner/President:
     Since you have decided to critique my evil and stupid opinions that no one told you to read, I have decided to do just the same. I will start by letting you know your e-mail contained around 13 errors in grammar. The funny thing about that is, two of those words or more I couldn't even find in an English or Spanish dictionary. Since I'm stupid and all, I thought I would check just to be safe. Feel free to never look at my site again, and I suggest that you won't since I am updating it right now with things you may find disagreeable. You never had to read it, and never will again.
                                                       Regards,
                                                                  God
     Why? I really must ask this question. Why is it that everyone who hates this site and the violence that it presents feels the desire to commit violent acts themselves in a show of utter hypocrisy and call me an idiot, stupid, or a moron. Why? It doesn't upset me that I am called names, I can take what I dish any day. . . but hell, haven't you read a BOOK recently? Don't you know how to fucking spell? I understand that you had a boner when you thought you had me cornered for some stupid technicality as all you people do, but it wasn't THAT rushed was it? Please, the next person, I BEG YOU, **I BESEECH YOU, spell-check the next time you hate me. Proof read the bullshit that you send me, so that I don't want to open a free vasectomy clinic after checking my e-mail. Did everyone in the trailer park get a computer this year? This is the fucking "Information superhighway," for Christ's sake, did some of you not pay the TOLL? Are some of you driving Pinto's? Are you the El Caminos of the world? No, you're the dumb ass that rides a bike in the middle of my lane expecting me to stop, slow down, or yield to your sluggish ass. You're the fucker that is spewing plumes of black exhaust into my air filter, through my vents and into my car. You are the people that make me hold my breath until I'm blue, just because I fear that stupidity may be transmitted through air or slurred speech. You are the people I want to kill, you are the scalps I want to claim. You make me want to walk in front of the Red Line Train, or the Metro Bus and end my life that just seems to be drained by you vampires. You're idiots, and you'll be damned if someone in this world occasionally picks up a book or spell checks their e-mails. You will topple any educated man in the "system" because you fear that there might BE a system if someone who knows that Strategery isn't a word comes into power. You might have to TRY to do things; you might have to pursue further than a high school education. You might have to PURCHASE Hooked on Phonics. Well here's the bottom line bitch, It works for me, and soon, you will too. Bush, look out- the ***Power of the Word isn't in the bible idiot, it's in the Dictionary.

*Paul is the name I chose for legal purposes because everyone named Paul is an idiot.
**Bill Hicks, RIP. Thanks for everything.
***32 people complained that I didn't capitalize the word bible, and mistakenly capitalized the word Dictionary. Well, I believe that the Dictionary is more Helpful than your spiritual bullshit, and this site isn't about what YOU believe, so fuck off.
Current Music: Disturbed-"Liberate"

08.05.03 // I want to hurt you.
     Hello reader. I thought that today I would let you know that nothing would please me more than beating random peoples asses. I want to be fucking Rambo, no Rambo is a pussy compared to what I want. I don't want bandoliers and spare ammo hanging off me as I tote an M-16 like a fairy with my shirt off. I want an arm cannon. I want a permanently attached shoulder fire rocket launcher. I will be dubbed the all-purpose / general-purpose ass kicker. I want to kill people three, no four times before they hit the ground, if they even hit the ground. Fuck, I want to vaporize people. I want to walk down a street, steal money from the retirement home, tip over caskets at the funeral home, incinerate your dog and little brother at your home and tip over shelving onto innocent people at Home Depot. I want to do it all. Destroy armored vehicles, squad cars, flight squadrons, radio flier wagons and still find time to play StarCraft, the greatest game ever created, allowing me to kick more ass online. Seriously, don't you want to display the skulls in your front yard on poleaxes of people who tried to ring your doorbell and sell you shit or make you convert? Well damn it, I do. I want to not only display them, but periodically douse them in kerosene and make tike torches out of them. I want you to piss yourself and have two heart attacks before you even think about coming to my house to teach me about the Church of Latter Day Saints, or whatever other cult you're from. I want to use people to shoot skeet. I want to play darts with your face. I want to do so many horrible and obscene things that I know will get this site banned for mentioning. So I won't. Use your imagination, unless you watch too much TV because if that's the case, you don't have one. I would fucking die happy, if I could stand on a pile of fifty corpses or more laughing uncontrollably with both middle fingers extended in the general direction of the rest of the world. I still have not fulfilled a few life goals that are very important to me. 
     I must steal candy from a baby.
     I must create the greatest, most kick ass song ever.
     I must destroy false democracy.
     I must expose everyone on this planet for who they are.
     I must sucker punch 35,000 people.
     *I must laugh in the face of George W. Bush for no more or less that three and a half minutes.
*This has been added because, well I think it's fucking obvious why.
Current Music: Dredg-"Penguins in the Desert"

08.04.03 // Mary Gentle Rocks.
     Having read the book "Grunts" by her at least seven times. I feel that it is of notable mention to let everyone know she just plan kicks ass. I think its a she anyway. These authors today are changing their names more than Prince. . . or The Artist. . . formerly- fuck it. Anyway, this book is the shit. It screams kick ass, and very much fulfills all my expectations of a thriller. There is rape, murder, senseless acts of violence, magic, Orcs with M16's, grenade launchers, whores, war, pillaging, eating of children, people bowing down and kicking ass left and right. It's full of action and people burning or blowing things up. I couldn't ask for more from this goddess / god of the pen. I'm sure this author has other works, but everything will naturally bow down to this book, so I'm not going to bother. If you haven't read this book, I hate you. If you have, you kick ass, unless you hated it. If you hated it then you should commit suicide. I will even spell check your suicide note or letter and make sure the proper party gets it so that I may recommend this book to them and laugh at how pathetic you are with them. Don't expect me to actually give the letter to anyone though, I'll probably wipe my ass with it and put it in your casket at the funeral so you can suffer more and still repel even the dead chicks. I mean, if you don't like this book you're probably too much of a pussy to get a good girl anyway. Be that as it may, you can save yourself and learn to like it, because there is no book that will kick more ass. Screw that boring psychological thriller shit, that gay "been there done that" horror, those sci-fi thrillers about wires and tubing. We want BLOOD because blood makes the world go round. The best part about it: It's about 360 pages of non-stop ass kicking. It covers all aspects of being cool, and I dream about doing half the things the main character does. It also has the aspect of kicking the asses of your superiors, and being your own boss. I only wish that form of chivalry was around today because MAN I would kick Bill Gates ass. I bet I could take Bush too, although he would make the greatest boxer being able to take so many hits as people with IQ's as rock bottom as his tend to be able to. Fuck it man, read this book I beseech you. If you like the kinky stuff, there's always the Orc / Halfling loving. Orcs raping humans and etcetera. Killing innocent children, even Alien Bugs that eat the dead much like the Orcs. The white mages scream and bitch and moan and DIE. The paladins end up quivering masses of intestines, and great and revered warriors cry "Mommy!" in this insanely cool book. Read it, and then read it again just in case you missed any of the ass kicking.
Current Music: NIN-"Closer"

08.03.03 // When I die.
     So during a discussion with an old friend, the topic was brought up as to what we thought about death. It's a pretty stupid ass question, what do you MEAN, "what do I think" of it? All I'm thinking is SOON. So I decided to spice it up. I asked what he would like done to his body after he died. Since this stumped his unimaginative TV rotted mind, I decided to lead the way as always in the discussion. If I am to die, I have to make some unimportant impact. This is a necessity. Therefore, I will be cremated, and baked into a batch of cookies or two and fed to children, since I plan on accomplishing nothing but the basics in this life. I only hope that my ashes will spawn some hatred and add to the mental capacity of the kiddos, so that they may scythe the earth of all that is good, leaving me to watch from my dark abyss crying in laughter. Sometimes I wonder if I am the only conscious being on the planet, and since it's probably true, I look forward to seeing the universe collapse on itself for some unexplainable reasons. Anyway, over some coffee, amidst the drunken kickers whilst we tortured them by playing Revolution 9 on the jukebox, (for those of you that don't know what "Revolution 9" is, I hate you- and will soon make you suffer it's unholy grating.) we discussed philosophy to see who could spew more bullshit meanings and so on and so forth. I always win. Anyway, the coffee refills kept coming, and the cigarette buts piled up until we once again arrived at the topic of death. I realize that I have accomplished nothing in my life so far, yet I am still ahead of 90% of my peers. I figured out that I would be run over by a bus at the shallow age of 23, possibly more than once. This all happened like a year ago. I had my tarot cards recently and found that I would die at an early age, a public enemy. So I'm damn disappointed at that. It is very important to me because I was raised to treat people how I would like to be treated, and if everyone hates me I will have grown to be a gargantuan asshole. I am only trying to point out that you are morons people. I really am sincere. I think I could be less of an asshole if the people of this planet simultaneously rammed their heads into a wall on cue ever now and then. That would be a damn nice piece of equipment. The Dumbass Button. I see this going places. Pay an exorbitant sum of money, or steal this bad boy, and at the press of a button. Anyone with an IQ lower than that of yourself will bow down and serve you drinks, do your bidding, or hurt themselves. I remember a MTG card to the effect of: "Target Player gets a drink for Target Player." Something like that would be sweet.
Current Music: Radiohead-"Idioteque"

08.02.03 // Prescription Medication.
     I would die before I go to a therapist these days. I fear that if I do, I will end up on so many medications that I will no longer have to eat solid food, for they will fill my stomach adequately. I know I have some mental issues, so does everybody that didn't grow up in Canada. Just the way things are. Now with doctors, physicians, psychiatrists, therapists, orthodontists, chiropractors, ect. . . ect. . . being able to prescribe medications for every fucking ailment you can imagine, our youth has become the walking dead. Why the fuck can't everything be cured by Tylenol anymore? When I was a kid, if I was sick, hurting, choking, coughing, bleeding in any way. I took Tylenol or Extra Strength Tylenol- depending on the severity of the case, and whether of not I needed my blood to coagulate. Now, there are children, I kid you not, trying to stab me because I'm their father, screaming at birds in the middle of a restaurant parking lot, so doped up you couldn't ask them who they were, where they were, or how they got there. It's a wonderful world we live in isn't it? I'll see you at the therapist.
Current Music: Motograter-"Suffer"

08.01.03 // It just rubs you wrong.
     Do you ever feel that you want to grab someone in the TV, pull them through and beat the living shit out of them? I only wish my VCR was big enough. I don't watch much TV for reasons dealing with intelligence and related traits. All in all, it's a waste of time, and it will eventually control you. It is an industry for entertainment, and it is created to take up all of your available free time as you are bombarded with ads and campaigns to buy useless shit. That's it, there's nothing more to TV. There is no greater good to entertain, no cause behind Croc Week on the Discovery channel. TV exists as a marketing device. Soap operas are addicting to some, and they NEVER END, why? Because while you're clenching your ass cheeks waiting to see if Julio will ask Sandra to marry him during a commercial, you are being bombarded with the deal of the century. . . every ten minutes. I have to really pause for a lack of a better way to say this. Ah well, fuck it. If you watch more than 4 hours of TV a day, you are a moron. You are wasting your time and your life. Get over you soap operas, also called football, wrestling, Days of our Lives, and cartoons. They are never-ending FOUNTAINS OF BULL SHIT. There is just enough content to entertain with the promise of more later, next week even. So that you will slither back to the tube and die on your ass. The only hope is that you will buy Resolve carpet cleaner or shop at The Home Depot, because they care. Because their deals are better than everyone else's and because you will not be cool unless you clean your mess up with the shiniest bottle of chemicals around. Hell, I don't really have a cause either. I just don't like you.
Current Music: Kittie-"Spit"

07.30.03 // Music.
     I love music, I really do, and I wish that it wasn't so god damn polluted lately. The new rap metal paradox just isn't working for me. However, I suggest in the light of being morons that we try new crossover genres. Cutting the bullshit, let us travel to two similar extremes with more impact. If you want to listen to people rap to guitars, why not listen to people Yodel to Pop, oh wait, It's been done. How about Jamaicans and Techno. Damn, I guess you got me there Corporate America. I guess everything has been done, and the people who did it are now fighting internet file sharing alongside their copycat musicians. The only problem is that no one's making a dime anyway, nor are they producing better music. I wouldn't pay for the shit that's out there now, and I think I'm only going to download music from bands that protest it. . . whether or not I like them. I guess to bring my topic to a focus, something I rarely care to do: Metallica's newest piece of shit, "St. Anger" is a release just begging to get them shot. Even the song "St. Anger" is devoid of any REAL anger. It's empty, It's fake. It's BORING. It's not rock. If I wanted to see a prison and wet myself, I would watch the movie "Animal Factory,"  or "American History X." Not this newly rearranged boy band put on game faces in a prison. The video is horrible, and the music itself is. . . well I refrain to go on because I mistakenly called it music. The noise is supposed to be a new, hardcore Metallica. It's better left as noise. If you want to be hard and appreciated MT, go back to the Death Metal when we couldn't understand what you were saying, and the fun was trying to figure out how many guitars were in each song.
     On a side note-- Music That Doesn't Suck --
     Dredg - Leitmotif
     Radiohead - All their music is pimp.
     Staind - Tormented and Dysfunction, anything after is horrible.
     CoLD - Self-Titled, 13 Ways to Bleed on Stage, Year of the Spider
     Deep Purple - Come on people. You must  love the oldies.     
     Kittie & Otep - Two of the few female bands I respect.
     Motograter - Even invented a new instrument.
     Endo - New band, check them out. Been promoting them for 2 years.
     Unloco - Same as above.
     Nine Inch Nails - All time greatest man ever. I would gladly bow down to him.
     Aphex Twin - Great techno
     Red Hot Chili Peppers - Have to love Flea.
     Sigur Ros - Good Shit, even some techno dabble.
     Pearl Jam - Soft shit, Hard shit, even some Grunge shit.
     *Kittie - Wanted a second placement.

     If there is any band that kicks ass and wants mention that I forgot or disagree with. Please e-mail me with your address, and I will send a postage paid envelope intended for your generous donation of $35,000 or more, along with coupons for all CD's, upcoming releases, merchandise, and concert passes. Upon receiving your check and items I will consider adding you to the list, possibly pending further donations.

*After receiving my package full of neat material possessions. I decided to give them their own spot as well as the current one. Their marketing PR wanted their name to have special meaning because they felt that being placed with another girl band made them look inferior, so they asked me to do a special on them, and them alone. Tough luck. Thanks for the goodies.
Current Music: Staind-"4walls"

07.29.03 // I hate people.
     I think everyone does deep down, but lately I can't stand to look at the surrounding community of gathered idiocy. It seems to me that we are in a downward spiral, I mean- look at the future candidates for the Democratic/Republican parties. They naturally make Bush look good, and strangely enough, there are people being paid SALARIES who fail to make that moron look good. I just feel that 90% of the people surrounding me should have their heads surgically inserted into their asses, so that I may live a more happy and carefree life. I remember one comedian named Bill E., who brought on the suggestion that the morons around us should wear signs. The songs to go along with his campaign are quite entertaining and catchy. Who else will support this program? Just my personal opinion, someone needs to destroy the good Reverend Al Sharpton.
Current Music: Ambience-"I love everybody"

07.28.03 // Meditations.
     I often wonder if people are really as stupid as they seem to be. Or if I am living in some alternate reality made just to piss me off with bad grammar and slang. I can't listen to today's youth, and amazingly that's one of the main points they try make these days: "No one listens to us, man." Well, the way I see it, the world isn't ready for a president named Dawg, or a Chancellor Dude. Now, being a big proponent of the word Dude, I must hold back somewhat. Call me hypocritical, but I feel I have earned the right to slack off because I passed all my watered down English classes. So you argue, "But Joe, I did too." Of course you did moron, it was from looking of my paper for a semester, and your parents paying off the teachers the next. At least that's where I live. We live in a world full of racism, poverty, taxation without representation, and the ability to sue a Corporation because some bitch spilled her coffee. It's depressing, It's a let down, It's America. Our children do not know the difference of "Your" and "You're" by the age of 17-19, honest and true. If that's not bad enough. The beast internet has spawned new kinds of slang that are now leaking into the spoken culture. If I hear one more person say "LOL" out loud, I'm going to shoot them, their families, and their pets. Grading English papers back in high school, I read it all, even the infamous "u" and "wuz." I have a migraine right now just thinking about those pieces of filth, and the papers too. The white rappers are the worse. Those fake perma-high freaks couldn't write legibly, or speak correctly to save their miserable lives. I believe they should be thrown in cells with a gun to their head, a straight razor to their crotch, and an English Literature book on the table in front of them to be given a choice. The test results would amaze me.
     I love to bitch, but a solution must be presented to validate any argument. The fact that I don't CARE to validate my arguments aside. . . I would push for a new program. "Gunpoint Education." Motto: 'All those that fail will be known by the bullet-holes.' If you mouth off in class, it's two in the chest. If you don't turn in your homework, it's a less useful finger or toe. If you are flirting with the cheerleader, you're both punished. I get her number, a date, and her virginity- and you get one between the eyes. See how TAAKS scores sky-rocket after this little program is put into effect. I know my idea is great, so save the applause.
Current Music: Ambience-"Self-Inflicted Lifestyle"
     

07.27.03 // I'm Poor, and Unemployed.
     Being unemployed is like wanting to get laid when you're single and not getting any. I feel a void, a gap in my life as I am lacking a Car and slave labor. How will I ever fit in? How will I be the productive citizen that George W. Bush wants me to be. How will I pay taxes? How will I get out of my parent's house? I have considered a few options:

     1) Selling drugs: I have done this before, but promised myself I would never do it again. It is horribly profitable and terribly easy. The only problem is that it's illegal. Oh yea, and I live in my parent's house. . . Making it a job in itself not to get caught.
     2) Becoming a male-hooker: I only wish I could become a profitable male. . . "escort," however I can not so this option is more or less bullshit.
     3) Start a Pyramid Scheme: I was thinking of selling soap or Avon-like supplies en-masse to morons, damn it would be good to be on top. My ex-girlfriend's mom was an Avon lady, now she lives in a recording studio illegally smoking weed every day with her daughter living apart from her at my OTHER ex-girlfriend's house. . . where she smokes weed every day. Both of them. . .
     4) Selling cigarettes to our youth: I used to do this back in my old town. It's easy money, and this is a rich neighborhood so kids will pay insane amounts to be cool. Just look at Gadzook's and Hot Topic. 
     5) Robbing a bank: I'm an impressive shot with a pistol. And I can fight, but hell, robbing banks is obsolete. Where's some rich old ignorant folks when you need them?

     These are all temporary fixes because I think I will find a job soon. However, with all this money I could contact Martha Stewart's colleagues and invest in some choice stock. . . Or start my own business where you pay me and my team to go and steal people's animals for ransom, or children.
Current Music: Crickets and shit.

07.26.03 // Make Me Cool.
     You know what I'm talking about when I say "Billabong" right? What the fuck does "Billabong" mean anyway? It means "Our company will  make you cool for a price." These clothing lines today, and the stores that sell them really disappoint me.  While Gadzook's promises individuality for 50% off with your next purchase of over $100.00, Hot Topic promises to make you the coolest Anti-Social banger this side of Who Gives a Damn for the low, low price of $50.00 for pants. There are so many questionable trends these days. Really, I only need 2 pockets. One for my knife, one for my wallet. . . and maybe one for your girlfriends number. These work pants that the soul-less youth are buying today have enough pockets to make a Marine Staff Sergeant proud. I swear, this must be stopped. I bet any one of those kids can fit grenades, bandoliers, and pistols in those pants. No WONDER we have school shootings, these 'bling bling' motherfuckers have pants big enough to hide AK-47's just like their rapper idols. They sag so far to the ground you can mix up the *clink clink* of their 'ice' that dangles from their necks somewhat reminiscent of a desirable ball and chain with the noise a loaded shotgun makes when it's falling as fast and far to the ground as belt-lines are. 
     I must give some necessary credit to some vendors however. And when I think of some  names, I will place them here.
     There are some new trends starting as well, IN the trend 'setting' shops. FrEeStYLeS for instance symbolizes all that is cool because they do not know proper capitalization. They also jack up their prices so that when I went there I got a $25 spike bracelet for $16, and I was supposed to feel like I was the coolest person alive. Turns out it was a piece of shit. My friend got "1/2 off" on a "Nobody Knows I'm A Lesbian," tee-shirt. Normally we wouldn't buy this shit. But that was way back when we had jobs and money to burn. We ran around the usual Abercrombie and Gap stores with a camera and our new. . . "gear," until we got kicked out. It was a good way to burn 2 hours. I noticed in my style assessment that Abercrombie is selling everything used. Being a veteran Thrift store shopper, I had to laugh. It seems that now our youth, and their parents more likely, are spending hundreds of dollars on shit I can buy for the price of a Hot'N'Spicy at McDonald's. My gorgeous counterpart Petra made the. . . somewhat moot observation that, "Hey, everything's ripped?" If this trend progresses, I will have saved thousands, and the workers of Abercrombie will be wearing little more than loincloths with the embroidered A&E. Good luck with that guys.
Current Music: Gravity Kills-"Guilty"