But right now I'd like to pause for a small chronic break. Time to change the subject.
There's a line in the Fleetwood Mac song, "Landslide." "Time makes you bolder, children get older, I'm getting older, too." I was, I guess I'm still a little scared of getting older. I am learning to accept it, though, and you know, it's not so bad as I had told myself. I think I psyched myself out. I saw my dad and where he was at, and said, "Man, if that's grown up I don't want any part of it." Other people's lives contributed, but none so much. I din't, and still don't, want to work at some dirt job, where I have to slave at some machine or even worse man, like, a shovel or something. Don't get me wrong. I respect the people that do that, because I won't. Getting older is benificial, cause through the course of getting older you learn things, like, at one point, at least, in your life you WILL work at one of these jobs. Going to college can get you out of this prison sentence. But getting older is not benificial here because I'm getting older I can't just pick up into college, I have to knowwhat I want to do. Also I think I'm coming to terms with not knowing what job I want to do for the rest of my life. For me I don't think it's what job I do for the rest of my life, but what I do while in this life. What thing I want to accomplish here.
I am the same person from high school. I haven't changed. I probably haven't even grown up much. I still talk to myself constantly, in my head, although sometimes it's audible. But it's never the things I should be thinking about, it's always wierd abstract shit, kinda like this. This quote came to me tonight when I was trying to fall asleep. "Only when I begin to think clearly will I begin to understand." Maybe this has some kind of "special meaning," seeing as how I never remember my dreams, a huge blank spot in my life. or maybe the thoughts or most of them, that occur right before sleep would be most insightful. (next page)
By: Will
