When Zac got out of the shower and got dressed, he was surprised to see Ricki sitting up in bed, watching the door. He walked out of the steamy bathroom, glancing up at her quickly. Her eyes quickly dropped to the floor. Zac sighed and pulled on his shoes and socks.
"I have to leave in a few minutes." He said.
"I know." She said quietly.
She watched as he finished dressing and put his damp hair into a ponytail. He zipped up his carry on bag, and picked up his light jacket.
"Well, I guess this is good-bye." He said.
"Yeah." Ricki said.
Zac paused a moment. "I'm...really sorry for...everything. I'm really sorry we couldn't get along better...and I'm sorry I've caused you so much trouble." Zac said. He bit his lip, waiting for her reply.
"You couldn't help it. It wasn't all your fault."
"Maybe, but I can't help be feel the oppisite." He said.
They were silent for a few moments. Ricki looked away from him. "When are you going to be back?"
"Hard to say." Zac said. "I dunno. Prolly not til next fall."
"Oh." Ricki said.
"Well..." He glanced at the clock. He should have left fifteen minutes ago. "I have to go." He said slowly.
"Okay." She said. She got up, and they awkwardly hugged. They pulled apart, Ricki looking at the floor, and Zac looking for his suitcase. He picked it up, and looked at her.
Should I kiss her good-bye? Would that be leading her on? What should I do? God, I have to leave...I should be gone...But I want to kiss her so bad...I don't even want to leave....
Zac bit his lip and Ricki looked up at him. He sighed, then opened the door.
"Bye." He said.
"Bye." Ricki said, her voice just above a whisper.
The door shut quietly, and all the sudden, Ricki was left alone.
Go, Ricki. Go get him. Don't just stand there. You almost lost him once, don't do it again. Go ricki, go. Go get him. You have to go. Don't let him leave...
Ricki heard her heart urging her to fly out the door and down the hall and down the stairs, where he was leaving. They told her to follow him, stop him. But her feet remained glued to the floor, her mind telling her that it would be foolish.
Zac felt a lump in his throat as he walked down the hall of the dorm. He made it to the end of the hallway and the top of the stairs. He paused.
Go back, Zac. Go back to Ricki. Don't leave. You don't want to leave. She needs you, and you need her. You can't leave...
Zac's mind screamed at him to stop and go back. He wanted to run back to the room and hug Ricki, kiss her; Tell her everything was going to be alright. But somehow, his feet kept moving. Towards the parking lot, the airplane, and California. Ten thousand miles away.
Ricki looked around the room. Only a few of his things were gone; It basically looked the same. But something was missing....him.
"He's gone." She said. "Gone." No matter how she said it, it didn't sound right.
Zac looked out the window of the airplane as the ground became smaller and smaller. He sighed, taking a sip of his bottled water. Too late to go back now...
He just wanted everything to stop. He wanted the noise in his head to stop. He wanted the dull pain in the sides of his forhead to go away. He wanted everything to just go away. Except for Ricki.
She could stay... He thought. Once they were high enough, he was able to put on his headphones and unbuckle his seatbelt.
Ricki. Ricki. Ricki. She was all he could think about. He closed his eyes, trying to shake the image of her sad face from his mind. He couldn't be thinking about her all through the next few months. He would never get anything done.
What did she expect me to do? Stay? What did I want to do? Stay? That would be impossible anyway. We can't be together. Who am I kidding? If I were to stay in college and stay with her, my career would be over. I can't do that. I only came to college to take a few classes and be done with it. My music is my life. If I stayed there, that would be over. But then again if I leave, me and Ricki are over. What am I supposed to do?
Zac frowned and turned up the volume on his headphones. Right then, he would have given anything for peace of mind for five minutes. But he could tell that was something he wasn't going to get for a long time.
"I don't know what to do, Mary Anne." Ricki said. She fiddled with the straw of her drink. The two women were sitting in a coffee shop, just hours later. Ricki hadn't been able to sit still after Zac left for good, and she had gone to get Mary Anne.
"You should have told him."
"But I couldn't!"
"Why not?"
Ricki sighed. "I don't know. I wanted to....so bad. But I couldn't say the words."
Mary Anne frowned at her best friend. "That does't sound like true love to me."
"I never said it was."
"Ricki if you're so nuts about him, then go get him."
"Mary Anne, he's halfway to California now."
"So fly to California."
"I couldn't."
"Why?"
"Because I would look stupid."
"Ricki, you know what?"
"What?"
"Lemme tell you something. True love isn't about looking stupid. It's not about being right or wrong, or being foolish. It's about living and breathing that one other person out there, that person just for you. It's about knowing, deep deep down, that he's yours and you're his. It's knowing that you can't live without that person by you every waking moment, or wanting to be right there with that person. I can't tell you what to do; You already know."