Chapter Three: The Danger of "Knowing"
Outside on the mountain, the light was a pale grey as it gently lit up the scenery. The small river
near the forest glinted with flashes of sunlight, sparkling with silver flashes as fish swam
through. The morning light also fell upon a small house, sitting on the top of a hill. It was
newly constructed, but little, homey details were already in place -- flowers on the windowsills,
and a good luck symbol painted on the front door.
Inside, Goku lay on his back in bed, frowning. It was the infamous morning after the wedding,
and Goku was in a bad mood . . . or, at least, in as bad of a mood as the cheerful man could get.
He had been assured him that the wedding night would be an amazing experience, but in Goku's
opinion, it had been anything but.
Oh, it was memorable, all right . . . memorably embarrassing. Goku had realized for the first
time that "knowing how" to do something did not necessarily mean that he would be good at it.
He'd hurt her. Goku's face scrunched into an expression of regret and pain as he glanced at his
new bride, who was finally sleeping peacefully. If he thought too long about it, he could still
hear her surprised cry of pain -- she had assured him she was all right, but Goku had seen the
tears glistening in her eyes. He himself was a little sore, but nothing like ChiChi had been.
Goku turned away from her, rolling on his side so he faced the rest of the room. He didn't know
how he could face her now . . . not after the previous night. What was supposed to be --
according to Master Rôshi -- the greatest night of their marriage had been both a painful and
humiliating experience.
Failure was something completely alien to him -- and as such, Goku had no clue how to deal
with it. With it, or with this horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach.
ChiChi made a small noise in slumber, and Goku stole a glance at her over his shoulder. He'd
been so sure of himself the night before -- the flashes of understanding that had come to him had
made him too cocky. Goku had gotten too confident with himself . . . and now, he'd hurt her.
He wouldn't blame ChiChi if she decided she didn't want this marriage thing after all, promise or
no promise.
His stomach lurched, and he realized that he didn't want that to happen. He was afraid to lose
what had been just beyond his grasp, as startling as that was. Goku had gotten too used to the
intimacy that he and ChiChi shared, and he didn't want it to go away.
Goku rolled over again, and he watched ChiChi sleep. He chewed nervously on his bottom lip,
wondering what he should do now -- what, if anything, ChiChi wouldn't feel uncomfortable with.
His stomach was churning with uncertainty, and finally Goku reached out and touched her hair.
ChiChi's black locks were spread over her back, and Goku brushed the dark strands away. When
ChiChi didn't stir, Goku paused again, then slowly, he moved close to her and wrapped his arms
around her waist, feeling her warm skin and the soft fabric of her nightgown.
They'd both gotten dressed again afterwards, following a few minutes of embarrassed silence.
Neither of them had spoken -- indeed, they barely looked at each other -- and that was when
Goku's thoughts had begun to harry him. Goku, a man never used to introspection or
self-examination, had been paralyzed by all the self-doubt that suddenly assailed him.
He buried his face in ChiChi's hair, hoping to lose himself in the sweet smell of it, but stiffened
suddenly when ChiChi turned over in his arms and opened her eyes. She blinked a few times,
looking bleary, but when her gaze focussed, she smiled a little.
"Good morning," ChiChi yawned casually, but Goku didn't miss the slight wince that spasmed
across her face for the briefest of seconds. Or the deliberate slowness with which she moved
when she changed positions.
"Morning," Goku mumbled, letting his arms drop and releasing her. He scooted away to his side
of the bed, hugging his pillow tightly. He barely trusted himself to touch her anymore.
ChiChi frowned. "Goku-san, what's the matter with you?" she demanded, and Goku's insides
froze. Here it comes, he thought. "Why are you hiding?"
His mouth twitched, and Goku felt a sensation inside him like he had just thrown up, and his
stomach was painfully empty. "I . . . I don't . . ." he stumbled over the words, feeling like an
idiot but knowing nothing else he could say. "I . . ."
"Goku-san?" ChiChi propped herself up on one elbow, her expression quizzical. "Are you all
right?"
Goku opened his mouth to speak, but found that no words came. He looked at ChiChi, and his
insides tightened up like when she kissed him . . . but he felt like he was going to lose an
important fight. He stared wordlessly at her for a few seconds, then suddenly blurted out, "Don't
make me go away!"
When no reply reached his ears, Goku peeked over the corner of the pillow and saw ChiChi
gaping at him, her mouth hanging open in what appeared to be shock. Slightly encouraged by
the lack of anger, Goku swallowed hard and forced himself to speak. "I know you don't want to
be married anymore, but I'm just starting to like it, and if you'd just let me learn some more --"
His next words were silenced as ChiChi's pillow hit him in the face. Goku sputtered for a few
seconds, then shouted in surprise as ChiChi whapped him again. "Son Goku, where did you ever
get a stupid idea like that?" ChiChi yelled, the confusion gone, replaced by the emotion Goku
had hoped she wouldn't display. "Why would you think I don't want to be married? Is this some
crazy way of telling me that you wish you hadn't? Because if it is, then let me tell you --"
"No!" Goku cried, and ChiChi halted her tirade, still glaring. "I - I thought you wouldn't want --"
"Why?" the fury slipped away, and once again Goku was startled by the rapidity of ChiChi's
mood shifts. Now she gazed at him with concern. "Why wouldn't I?"
Goku sat up, seizing her hands in his in a sudden gesture of sincerity. "Because I hurt you!" he
burst out, pointing at the blood on the bottom sheet. "You pretended you weren't, but I could
tell! Why don't you find somebody who knows how to do stuff right, and who doesn't make you
cry?"
One corner of ChiChi's mouth lifted, and she squeezed his fingers. "Oh, Goku-san, it always
hurts the first few times, no matter who it is. It's not your fault."
"Really? You're not just being nice?"
"No. If it was your fault, you'd know it," ChiChi winked at him, probably trying to lighten the
mood, but Goku was still too nervous. He wasn't used to such uncharted territory -- everything
about marriage was new to him, and there was no manual to read. There wasn't even anyone he
could watch and copy! "Relax. It's all right."
"Okay," Goku sighed in relief, and he grinned widely, scooping ChiChi into his arms for a giant
bear hug, pressing his face against her shoulder. "I'm so glad! I didn't hurt you on purpose."
ChiChi laughed and hugged him back, her fingers grazing his spine in a way that sent warmth
shooting through Goku's body like a wave. "I know. Do you feel better now?"
Goku nodded wordlessly, holding her tightly. He'd never thought of how much ChiChi meant to
him, how much it terrified him to think that he might have pushed her away. Was this feeling,
this fright -- was it love?
"So how about breakfast?" ChiChi pulled away, quirking an eyebrow at him. "Are you hungry?"
At the mention of food, Goku's stomach rumbled loudly, and they both laughed. But before he
could answer, Goku looked at ChiChi again -- really looked at her, like he had at the wedding.
He saw how her eyes lit up when she smiled, and how nice her hair was when it just tumbled
around her shoulders naturally. How seeing the nightgown straps sliding off her muscled
shoulders made his breath catch.
Goku shook his head, noting the surprise that sprang across ChiChi's expression. He grinned at
her, swept an errant lock of hair out of her eyes, and kissed her firmly. When he drew back,
ChiChi was staring at him with a mixture of confusion and pleasure.
"It's too early," Goku told her, lying down and tugging on her arm. "Let's wait."
******
Chapter Four
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