A ficcy! I got a ficcy!

Slayers, A Poufter, and Absolutely Nothing

Gourry sat silently at the table in the run down Café. He was half-listening to the radio playing the song titled, "I Bet You They Won't Play This Song On the Radio", and half listening to the blob of flat-chested flesh that was his partner Lina beside him.

". . .So then I just told him he could shove his web-spinner up his ass, and THAT'S why we're on this quest, Gourry. Gourry. . .? GOURRY!!!!"

Snapping out of his almost permanent trance, Gourry Gabrieve looked at the infamous Lina Inverse, world renown bandit killer and sorceress "Ok, so we're on a quest to kill the Great Piggu, leader of the evil Pokemon?"

"NO! We're on a quest to kill Piggu, pet of Xelloss!"

"Well, WHY are we doing that?"

"Because Xelloss stole my panties at the Christmas party last year!"

"I didn't know you wore panties!"

**BONK** "owwwww. . . .*"

Much to Lina's horror, the blonde swordsman fell unconscious. Lina bent down to look at him, and cried out in surprise, "GOURRY?! GOURRY, WAKE UP! I DIDN'T MEAN TO HIT YOU ON THE HEAD SO MANY TIMES OVER AND OVER!"

Gourry's eyes slowly opened, only to roll back in his head, as his pulse slowed to a stop. In despair, Lina heaved her body onto his, and sobbed loudly, unaware of anything else around her. Anything, that is, until a voice piped up from the center of the room.

"He really kicked the bucket, ne?"

Lina looked up to see a very feminine looking man dressed in a delicate top and Lina's underwear. Shaking with rage, Lina screamed at the one who had spoke. "HOW DARE YOU COME IN HERE AND SAY THAT!? WHY DO YOU ALWAYS TORMENT ME?! WHY??"

The man just smiled his evil smile, "Sore wa himitsu desu. Come, little Lina, you should know me well enough by now."

She spat his name as if it's mere mention could bring forth demons and burn the tongue off, "Xelloss"

"Hai, that's me!" he said, the panties riding up his crotch slowly, "Good job!"

Rolling up one sorceress' sleeve, Lina growled, "That's it, you enigmatic bastard, this ends here. With L-sama as my witness, I will take my rightful vengeance for the grief you've caused me over so long!"

Pulling the wedgie out, Xel took off the panties, now stained with a strange brownish substance ((-just want to say; ICK!)), "Are you still mad about these silly little things? You can have them back if you want."

After quietly retching in the corner, Lina screamed, "No! You can keep them! Yech! I want to kill you because you never tell me anything important, and you killed Gourry!"

"Well, in that case, GO PIGGU!"

The small black pig with razor sharp teeth leaped at Lina, and chewed viscously on her arm, gnawing it completely off. The one armed Lina then fire balled the little swine, and turned to Xelloss. Without saying anything, she took out her can of Mazoku-Priest no-more, and sprayed the secretive trickster.

"Noooooo! I'm fizzling! FIZZLING! Arrrrrkkk. . . .*"

After kicking the blob of Mazoku to make sure it was dead, she picked up her slightly discolored arm and screwed it back on her body.

Lina then came face to face with a strangely transparent apparition of Gourry, "AHHHHHHHHH!"

After trying futilely to slice it twenty ways from Sunday, the flat-chested terror then busied herself with shivering uncontrollably and whimpering.

"Ano, Lina-san, you don't understand. I came to say I'm dead, and I'll miss you"

"F*&^ you! I don't care! Lemme alone!"

Gourry filled with a rage/despair uncomprehensible to his slow mind, and he drifted slowly out of sight, reappearing in a great hall. On a throne of bones there sat an attractive lady smoking a cigarette.

"Greetings, I am Zellus Metallium. I have a proposal for you."

"Ummmm, okay" Gourry said, not knowing what a proposal was, but thinking it sounded stupid to say otherwise.

"I can give you great power, magic, and a chance to see Lina again, and give her what she deserves"

Gourry was overcome by a feeling he had never experienced before. It was an emotion since then never had by a Testabournian, a need for revenge. Smiling slyly for the first time in his life, Gourry's eye's met the BeastMaster's, and his flashed menacingly.

"Yes, I accept"

Part Two (I know!More! ^___^)

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