I smile at darkness,
at flickers of light
stabbing me through
my tears.
I fade with each
fading line,
going back in swirls
of memories,
     memories I
would rather give
life to later,
     much later
at a time when ashes
can be thrown at the passing
of new wind.
    and rain ...
         and rain ...

it always rained
outside my windowpane
when I crept onto corners
        of my double-decked bed.
it always rained
     when I cringed with
              unlabeled pain.
it always rained
     and I would let the
blurred raindrops
        be my tears.

I smile at your darkness,
at invisible smiles
you never could show
in your hidden rhymes.
I let my past fade
with every fading
     of your past
and I dream of ashes
I can throw with the wind.
    and the rain ...
         and the rain.

it rained too
when my own child
stood by his bedroom window
to shed tears at my own pain
he stood there
staring out at droplets
on green brown leaves
seeking meaning within
the distance
            I
                 held between us.
not understanding
why I had to have my own tears
when his were enough
to shatter the night.

I smile at this darkness,
this familiar black
of knowing and yet not.
holding,
grasping my own
soul and stripping it
naked
to the warmth of night.
I let my fears fade,
as darkness
fades,
into lightness of
knowing.
and I dream of ashes
I can offer to the passing wind.
    and rain ...
        and rain.

(a poem by ces b millado)

                 https://www.angelfire.com/pq/conper/
To:www.angelfire.com/ok/cesmillado/
Subject: :-))
Date: Fri, 4 Dec 1998 07:54:11 -0800
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i shudder at the sudden
rush of your metaphors,

my senses drown
as i desperately
cling to my poetry
and gasp for pitiful
        meanings.

so
i sink deeper
into my tireless imaginings
and grapple for the old shadow
that blend with the raging light.

i shall breathe the moondog
that weds silhouettes
at every burst of dawn,

then spy on the sunbeam
thrusting into my skullwall.

i'll sail in the constellation
of your doubts and fears

and stand not to flinch
at the rush of sudden
tears,
because
i am afraid to fade
in this detoured silence
in this moment seemingly
pregnant with promises of myth

and let go of my
prejudice
to wither into the night.

i wince at the glow
of a smile beyond
your songs closing
our distance
catching us
unawares,

as i too cringe
with the thought
when my verses
should divorce
my own pains.

i smile at this rush
of sudden metaphors,

my senses drift
into the sunrise
and the freedom
to be the sundust
that rides
     the wind

awaiting
the rain      
...the rain.