It must have been cold there in my shadow,
To never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,
While you were the one with all the strain.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
And everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
For you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
But I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth,
Of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
For you are the wind beneath my wings.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
For you are the wind beneath my wings.

My grandmother told me a story the other day that I have been thinking about a lot lately... When my mom was young, she was engaged to a man named Mike (not my father). They were getting married soon and all the invitations had been bought, the dress was bought, and basically, the wedding was planned. My mom had paid for it herself. Well, she found out that Mike had been unfaithful. Instead of being devastated, my grandmother says that she went out to the driveway and had a bonfire, burning everything for their wedding. My grandmother said she looked just like a witch, dancing around that fire. What a woman. Here I am feeling sorry for myself and look at my mothers' strength, even at an 18 or 19 year old kid... I know this is a funny story but it also has me thinking about my reactions to life... So, now, with that out of the way let the story begin...

My mother has been there for us through both thick and thin... She never gave up on me and I know she never will. After my parents divorced, she made sure that we were happy as could be expected. We still missed our dad but she made life fun for us. I didn't realize it at the time, but it was at that time that she, Chris and I bonded in a way that can never be explained. Sure, Chris and I fought because we were brother and sister, but all in all, he had to help take care of me... And he did.

Life seemed tolerable at the time and even after my dad met Barbara, she tried to make the shock on us easier. As a matter of fact, she was never jealous of Barbara, like Barbara would like to think. I mean, look at the two of them... Not only is my mother beautiful on the outside, she is also beautiful on the inside as well. Barbara, well let me just say that she must have been absent the day they gave out looks and personality. I remember Barbara mentioning to me that she wanted me to be in her wedding and so my mom called my dad to ask what kind of dress she should buy me... And my dad didn't even know he was getting married!!! That was pretty funny...

When we moved back to Memphis, we moved back into the same house. That was bittersweet for me because on one hand, I missed my dad even more and on the other, I was happy to get to see my friends again. The neighbors were great and never mentioned my dad to us. My mother continued to be good to us, even though as an 11 year old, I didn't realize it. I blamed her for my dad being gone. I told her that I hated her and that she should have stayed with him. She was tolerant of my attitude until it got worse. That's when she sent me to my dad's to live. Not really unexpected... I had been threatening to move there anyway. So she sure showed me... :)

When I first moved in with my dad, I felt awkward being around my mom. That's because I never realized I could love them both at the same time... My dad talked bad about my mom so when he did that, I didn't want to agree with him because I loved my mother but I felt that if I didn't agree with him, he would think I didn't love him. I felt so torn... My mother never talked bad about our dad. All she would do when we told her what he said about her was say, "Ignore him... He's a jerk"; Nothing like the things he said about her... I always appreciated that. Thanks, Mom... :)

Once the whole "Second Chance" ordeal was over, I went back to live with my mom. She was the only one who had stuck beside me while I was there so it was only natural that I go back to her house... Plus, while I was in Second Chance, I had earned the privilage of going home and I went to my dad's house... I wasn't there for more than a few weeks before they yanked me out of that house and sent me to my mothers'... They told my mother that I would never survive at my dad's house because of Barbara... They had seen the way she was, too. At least I knew I wasn't alone in thinking she was a bitch.

So, here I was, 14 years old, starting high school. I felt so alienated from all my old friends because they had moved on to other friends and I was left out. So I did all I knew to do... I stopped going to school, making up every excuse to my mother... When I was at school, I would argue with teachers and sleep in class and not do my homework. My third year in school, I decided to get my GED... I was so nervous the day I went to take it but I passed with flying colors... This is when my life really began.

My mother had fallen recently and crushed her ankle, causing her to be bedridden and requiring a few surgeries... She stayed at my grandmothers' house during this because there was always someone there. I got a job as a maid on my eighteenth birthday. A few weeks later, my mother came back home and we were a family again... Not that we weren't before; we visited her at my grandmothers' usually every other day or so. But it was cool to have her home.

On my nineteenth birthday, my mother took me to a restuarant called "Stacey's". It was a nice restuarant and I had my first prime rib... My mother also ordered me a glass of wine because it was the beginning of my last year as a "teenager". I got sick and never have eaten prime rib again... I realized years later that I am allergic to wine. I still can't drink one drop without getting sick. But, still, I will not ever eat prime rib again... I look back now and laugh about that night... My mom felt so bad for me. This was a couple of months before my dad and his beast adopted Angela... I remember the night my dad called to tell me... My mother and I had just gotten home and Chris met us outside and told me that my dad wanted me to call him. He was obviously upset and he stayed outside to talk to my mother. When I hung up the phone after talking to my dad, I walked out of my room and my mom and Chris were standing there in the hall looking at me... Even though I was upset, I realized at that moment that this is the way it had always been and the way it will always be; Whenever anything in my life goes wrong, they have been and always will be there for me.

I moved out of my house a few months after that and got my first apartment. My mom spent the night with me a lot... It was kinda like I hadn't gone anywhere but I didn't mind... I was finally out on my own. It was then that Chris and I grew incredibly close... He also started coming over a lot. I loved having him there... He would always raid my fridge and I would laugh at the weird things he would put together and eat. He moved out shortly after that, and, for the first time in her life, my mother was alone. I felt bad for her. She had always lived with someone her whole life... First, with my grandparents, then with my dad, then with us. I hated when this happened and was thrilled when she started staying with my grandparents to help out her dad. At least I knew she would always have someone to come home to.

So, we have been close like this, I realize, for most of our lives. My mother will always mean the world to me and I will always cherish the closeness we have. She is close with Chris, too, but I think we are closer, in different ways... We have the bond of a mother and daughter, which is different (but just as important) as the bond between a mother and son. I have realized in making this page that my mother and I are already a lot alike. So much alike that we sometimes clash... But I love her and have vowed to do better... My mother has stood beside us when no one else would. She had faith in me when I didn't have faith in myself. She loved me when I couldn't love myself. She has made so many sacrafices for us that I know I will never be able to repay her. And she would never ask for anything in return. She is the strongest, kindest, smartest woman I have ever known and I will always look up to her. She has overcome things that I know I never could. Here I am moping about an ex-boyfriend and my mother has been through a divorce, raising two children on her own, the loss of friends she loved dearly due to death, the loss of a brother due to suicide, the loss of her father (whom she adored) and much, much more. I hope in time I can be more like her and take on the world with such a force like she does... I love you, Mom. :)