That Day
That day,
I lay down beside myself
In this feeling of pain, sadness
Scared, small, climbing, crawling
Towards the light
And it's all I see and
I'm tired and I'm right
And I'm wrong
That day,
What a mess, what a marvel
We're all the same
And no one thinks so
And it’s okay
And I'm small and I'm divine
And it’s beautiful
And it’s coming
But it's already here
And it's absolutely perfect
That day,
When everything was a mess
And everything was in place
And there's too much hurt
Sad, small, scared, alone
And everyone's a cynic
And it's hard and it’s sweet
But it's supposed to be like this
That Day:
Sometimes there are those days that don’t go exactly like you planned. Like you hoped, like you expected. And it will change your life forever. But sometimes it’s something you’ve been wanting deep inside.
In the depth of your soul...
"I’m like fucking bored," Nick exclaimed as he was playing with his toes. He was sitting on his chair and looking out to the beach. He had no intention to go in the sea. He had no intention to go sun-bathing. He was just so bored.
"Come on, it’s not that bad," Brian said and he slapped Nick at his hands. He was playing with his toes again. Which looked absolutely silly. "Look around, Nick. There’s so much to see."
"Wow. How nice. It’s like 40 degrees out here. It’s crowded. I don’t like swimming with that lots of people," Nick sighed deep and leaned against the chair again. Not touching his toes anymore, cause Brian wouldn’t let him now.
"Why not? Who cares anyway? They don’t recognize us," Brian said to Nick. Which was actually true.
"I’m fat," Nick stated.
"Of course you’re not. What makes you think that?" Brian asked as he tried to look in Nick’s eyes. But he was looking up, straight in to the sun.
"People say so."
"Then those people are blind," Brian said. "How can they say such a thing. You’re absolutely beautiful."
"You think so?" Nick asked as he now turned to Brian to see if he was lying to him or not. But he could see the truth in Brian his eyes. He was not lying. Basically, Brian wouldn’t lie about such a thing anyway.
"I really think so. And you know that, so never forget it!" Brian stood up. Nick sighed again. Brian was packing. Nick saw it from the corner of his eyes.
"What are you doing?" He then asked. He loved to hang around with Brian. Like old times. It had been a long time. Ever since Brian got married, it had been way too long. Now he was with his wife every time. And it did hurt.
"We’ll go to a place where nobody’s around. If that’s what it takes to get you out," Brian said and he smiled. Sweetly. Nick nodded and was thankful for the fact he was here with Brian. He always understood what Nick was really about.
The best friend he ever had.
They had packed their stuff and were carrying them. Brian knew exactly where he wanted to go and Nick was walking with him. The sun was burning on their skins. Good thing they both wore shirts. They would be like totally red by now. Burned to the bone even.
The sand they were walking on, burned against their skin. They both wore shoes, but it were sandals. So their toes we’re getting lost in the sand.
"Damn, it’s hot!" Nick complained. "How much longer now?" He wanted to stop and they were far from the other people. So why didn’t Brian stop.
"We’re right there," Brian said. They walked over a cliff, till they were on the other side. There Brian let his stuff fall in the sand.
It was quiet. They could only hear the sound of the waves against the cliff, the sound of the wind blowing up the sand.
Nick sighed deeply. "Finally!" He dropped down his bag and his chair. Then he let himself fall on next to them. In the sand. Burning at his arms, which had no protection from the sand. But he felt good.
"Nick," he heard Brian say. He heard the sand crash under Brian’s footsteps that were walking up to him. He saw Brian his feet at the floor and then looked to his right. Brian was sitting in the sand and looked at him.
"What?" Nick asked as his hands went to Brian his shoes. Got the shoes from Brian, as Brian tried to speak.
"Can you promise me something?" Brian said, while Nick was now playing with his toes. Nick had undone him from his shoes. Naked feet.
"Of course," Nick said and he pulled his legs up and wrapped his arms around them. Brian crawled to him. And he did the same. Brian tried desperately to make contact with Nick’s eyes. Their knees were touching.
"Promise me you’ll never change," Brian said. Their eyes had contact and Nick just felt the connection they used to have. Had it gotten back to them? Was it just this one time?
"I’ll promise. But...Why?" he asked. A little confused. But yet he understood Brian.
"Cause you’re perfect the way you are."
"I’m not." Nick turned his head down and looked at his toes playing with the sand.
Brian raised up his chin, so Nick had to face him. "Nick, look at me. You are." Brian really meant it and he tried to convince Nick of the same he believed.
Nick nodded slowly. Not sure if he could ever believe that. If he even wanted to believe it. He just felt so alone. Like there was nobody in this world to hold him anymore.
"Let’s go swimming," Brian suggested as he let go of Nick’s chin and patted him at his knees. Gently. Brian got up on his two feet again and he pulled his shirt up over his head and tossed it aside.
Nick noticed how big the scar really was. "Wow." Nick let it escape his mouth as he examined the scar from the distance that was between Brian and Nick.
"What?" Brian asked and turned around to see if there was something.
"Your scar," Nick explained. "It’s huge."
"Mmm," Brian mumbled. "It’s not that huge."
Nick stood up and walked closer to Brian, to examine the scar with a closer look. He reached out his hand, running his thumb over the scar slowly. Brian shivered by the touch of Nick’s fingers at his skin.
Like an instinct, Nick let his fingers back away. "Did it hurt?" He asked.
"No, not that. Just you’re fingers feel so cold on my skin," Brian said. He grabbed Nick’s hand in his. Then he looked Nick in the eye again. "Come on. You gotta get naked now," he said with a grin on his face as he pulled up the shirt over Nick’s head and tossed it aside. Then he ran to the water. Running into the water.
Nick smiled and followed quickly. Brian was wet all ready. He dived into the water again. Nick slowly walked in. It felt cold. Then he dove into the water. Going straight to where Brian was swimming on his back now.
"The water is great," Nick stated as his head got out of the water again.
"It is," Brian agreed and he swam at his back. Making some circles. Nick swam some around. But he was still bored. He didn’t know why. Usually he loved to swim. He loved to dive. Now he wasn’t much into it.
"What’s wrong?" Brian asked, once he noticed there was something going on with Nick’s mind.
"Nothing," Nick said. He really didn’t know what was wrong. But he wasn’t happy with this swimming thing. And he was cold. So cold. Not only from the outside, but also from the inside. "I’m so cold."
Brian looked from a distance. He slowly swam towards Nick. "Stay under water," he said as he now swam next to Nick. "Hold out your hands."
"Why?" Nick grumbled. But he did so. He hold out both his hands and felt how Brian his warm hands grabbed his. Slowly Brian started to swam backwards, Nick swimming with him.
"Okay. Let’s take this as a sort of therapy. What’s up?" Brian said.
Nick had to laugh. A therapy? Then again, he did have to talk to Brian. But what about? He couldn’t tell everything he had been feeling for the past few months. "Nothing."
"Come on. You think I don’t notice that you’re struggling with something?" Brian now looked sad. It made Nick feel sad.
"I don’t know, Brian. I don’t know," Nick told him. The truth. He didn’t know what was wrong with him. And he really didn’t care either. Here he was with Brian. What else could he want?
"Wanna go back?" Brian asked him. Nick nodded. He really wanted to go back. It had gotten dark so quickly. The sun was about to set. Nick hadn’t even noticed that it had gone so quickly. They were here late.
So they walked back, lying on their towels. Looking at the setting sun. It looked beautiful from the sight they were looking at.
"Look at you. Have you gotten more tattoos?" Brian asked surprised. Nick saw him looking at his tattoos. Brian had gotten pretty close to him and he was leaning on his arms. Searching for Nick’s tattoos.
"No. What made you think that?"
"It just looks like you gotten more," Brian explained himself. He softly ran his fingers over the tattoos at Nick’s right arm. The softest touch. Like a feather.
It made Nick giggle. The touch of Brian’s fingers were sweet. Just what he needed right now. Sweetness.
Brian...
"Can I lick them?" Brian suddenly asked.
Nick felt himself blush. "What?" he asked.
"Can I lick them?" Brian asked as if it was so normal to ask something like that.
"Why?"
"Because."
"Brian..."
"Nick..."
Nick sighed. "Whatever." He just felt so weird with it. Why would he want that? Nick looked back at the sky. Still beautiful blue, only darker. The sun slowly leaving it, making room for the night.
Then he felt Brian his tongue at his right arm. Made him tremble for a second. Felt so good. Then it became Brian’s lips. Slowly moving up at his arm, going for his neck. Not that Nick was complaining.
Soft, sweet, gentle, quick kisses in his neck. Making him beg for more. God, it was feeling so good.
Up his jaw, till Brian reached his lips. Looked Nick in the eyes once more. Then he softly pressed his lips against Nick. Nick closed his eyes as he tasted Brian’s lips. Which tasted like so much more than he ever expected.
His tongue wanted to enter Brian’s mouth and the thought of it made him excited. Brian kissed good. He had never been kissed like this. Brian just took his breath away.
"Brian," Nick softly moaned.
Then Brian’s lips left him and Nick wanted them back. But Brian’s lips went somewhere else. Direction where his nipples at first.
He licked at them, took them in his mouth. His teeth softly biting in it. Nick liked it. Brian teased him and left the nipples again, going to his tummy.
"There ain’t nothing wrong with you tummy. It’s beautiful," Brian said to Nick as he kissed and licked him everywhere. Including his navel. Which got a good treatment, before Brian’s lips left Nick’s skin.
It made Nick feel cold. Like there was something missing at his body. And it were Brian’s lips that were missing.
But Nick wouldn’t let Brian go like that. He wanted Brian. Right now. Didn’t care what it would lead to. He wanted him right now.
So he flipped Brian over and kissed him again. Deep. Hard. Then he left and went to Brian’s crotch. Undid him from his swimwear. Saw his cock jump out.
It hit Nick.
Nick swallowed. Was this the right thing to do? What was he even doing? Wasn’t he just going into something that he needed, but what wasn’t right? Was this the right thing to do?
But he did it anyway.
His hands at his cock. Going up and down. Then his face lowered down. Pre-cum. Licked it off, then took the head of Brian cock in his mouth and started sucking it. Like he would like to be sucked. Like everything depended on it.
Brian pushed his whole cock in his mouth and Nick started to suck with all he had in him. Brian exploded in his mouth. Trembling. From pleasure or coldness. Nick didn’t know.
"God," Brian moaned when he came. He sighed, came back to earth and crawled over to Nick. Now above him, his hands supporting him on either side of Nick.
He kissed Nick again. As soft as he cold. Sucked at his upper lip. "You’re beautiful," he said to Nick again.
He wanted to do something different to Nick. Fuck him, but he knew he couldn’t. He needed something for it. Lube. Which they hadn’t with them. So he decided to do something different.
He toyed with Nick’s hair for a few seconds, while his other hand was busy getting Nick completely naked.
He grabbed Nick by his thighs and made Nick wrap his legs around him. Then he bend down, sat on his knees and his face went to Nick’s ass. Then his tongue came out and he put it inside of Nick. Nick stiffened shortly.
His hands were at Nick’s cock. Going up and down. While his tongue was inside of Nick. Busy. And Nick was close to coming. "Brian…," he moaned It went quick. Nick came. His cum over the back off Brian.
"OMG," Nick said again. He had to calm down for a minute there. He had never come this fast in his whole life. Which hadn’t been that long, but still...
Brian sat down on his butt. He looked up at the sky. Darkness closing in on the both of them. And they both kept quiet.
"Nick, I love you," Brian suddenly said.
"I love you too."
"I mean, that I’m IN love with you," Brian stated again as he couldn’t look into Nick’s eyes.
Nick caught his eyes for a second. "Oh…"
Quietness.
"Well, I guess I know what’s been wrong for the last time, Bri," Nick said and Brian looked up with watery eyes. He couldn’t keep his tears behind.
Nick tried to give Brian a smile, but Brian couldn’t smile back. "I realized something today. I love being around you. And… I love you in the same way too," Nick said.
It had took him so long, to understand where his pain came from. His loneliness. And all it took was for Brian to tell him, that he was in love with him.
It hit Nick, that it had been the same way for him. He loved Brian. Only Nick had been denying it.
"You mean that?" Brian asked and a smile appeared on his beautiful face. His eyes started to shine again, in the glimmering moonlight.
"I really do," Nick stated and he wrapped his arms around Brian and pulled him close.
And they looked at the ocean. Sun down, moonlight lighting it. They both had found some answers. On this particular day...