Title: State of Mind
Series: Our Wicked Ways
Author: Aceetha/Dawn
E-Mail: shyspyke@toowicked.com
Disclaimer: This is pure fiction. Nothing in this story happened. I don't know the BSB's. If I did I wouldn't be sitting here writing this alright.
Howie sat down on the couch. He couldn't believe it. NO, it couldn't be true, not Brian. Not with Nick. Not Nick for that matter. She must have heard wrong. That was the only explanation."I heard right Howie. You know it as well as I do. I mean, look at their friendship, the way the behave towards one another."
Howie got up, now getting angry. She couldn't be serious. She actually believed this was true?
"Don't talk like that Leighanne" he said.
She only looked at him.
"You know it's true. The way they look at each other. The fact that Brian is spending more nights with him than with me. Come on Howie, open your eyes. It's true. Brian is sleeping with Nick."
Howie shook his head. In his mind he could see images of Nick and Brian smiling at each other. He could see Nick staring at Brian during concerts. He could see Brian giving Nick hugs and kissing him on the cheek all the time. No, it couldn't be. NO!!!
"Where is..Brian now?" he asked, looking at her.
"Nick's room" she said, trying to keep tears from falling once more.
"Let's go" he said.
"What. NO!"
He looked at her.
"I wanna know the truth Leighanne. And you deserve it. Let's go."
She nodded, and they walked out of the room together.
*****
I take the shirt AJ hands me and put it on. Brian is already dressed in his shirt and a pair of sweatpants. I think they're mine, and at any normal day I would have had a hard on already. But not today. Not now.
They know. Kevin and AJ know. Kevin walked in on me and Brian, and AJ, well it seems like he already knew. At least he's not freaking out, so I'm guessing he knew. I don't know how he know though.
I get up from the floor and sit down next to Brian on the bed, looking at AJ. Kevin seems to still be in shock. The tears have stopped falling from his eyes, but he's just sitting there on the floor, staring straight ahead.
I put my hand around Brian and give him a smile. "It'll be alright" I say.
"Will it?" he asks, and I know he's serious. I know he is wondering what we're gonna do now. And I'm wondering the same thing. There's only one thing I know. I don't ever wanna loose him.
"I won't let you go" I say, and kiss him on the cheek.
"I'm glad you won't" he says, and moves his head so he can give me a soft kiss.
"Eh. Nick? Brian?"
We both turn and look at AJ.
"Yeah?" Brian says.
"Just wanted to make sure you hadn't forgot about me. Listen. I know this is weird, sure as hell is for me, but we really need to talk about it. How long?" He makes a gesture with his hand, poiting at the two of us. Oh yeah, he want to know how long we've been together.
I look at Brian. Are we really going to do this?
"Since the end of the millennium tour" he says, and I nod. God I'm glad he's decided to do all the talking. I don't think I can open my mouth right now. And if I can, it'll be a mindless babble coming out.
"That long?" he says, and the two of us nod.
"And you love him Brian?"
Brian turns to looks at me, and his entire face is suddenly beaming of love, of all the feelings I know he has for me. The feelings he never showed anyone but me, until now.
"I do love him. More than anything else."
"Then why did you marry Leighanne?"
God, I knew that was coming. And Brian did too. I wonder if he has an answer.
"I don't know. I guess I was afraid I was going to hurt her. I was afraid that if I broke up with her, she'd want to know why. She'd deserve to know why. And I wasn't ready to tell anyone. But everything got messed up. I know I should have told her, and I should never have married her, but..I don't know. It was all so confusing. All I know is that she deserves someone who'll love her in return, and, I don't love her anymore."
Now tears are falling from his eyes, and GOD damn now I'm gonna cry as well. I had no idea he felt that way, so confused I mean.
BUT HE LOVES ME. He truly does. And I love him. GOD, I LOVE HIM.
"So I guess you want a divorce then?"
Our heads turn towards the door in less than a second, and I think Brian would have fallen off the bed if I hadn't had my arm around him.
"Leighanne" he whispers, and I, I can't say anything.
*****
Oh my God, Leighanne. How long has she been standing there, listening. How much did she hear. And how can she seem so calm. Has she been crying?
"Howie, Leighanne. Come in" AJ says. They walk in, and the two of them sit down on the floor next to Kevin and AJ.
I stare down in the carpet. It's green. Got these black spots on it. I think it's supposed to be that way. It's a pretty carpet. I think I want one just like it. I'm just gonna sit here and study it. That way I don't have to look up and see Leighanne. God, how can she be so calm.
"You two know?" I can hear AJ ask.
"I just found out." That's Howie. "Leighanne heard Brian talk to Nick on their honeymoon, telling him that he loved him. I found her crying and made her tell me. I'm guessing by Kevin's state of mind and your behaviour that it's true. They're fucking."
"HEY" I move my hand to Nick's lap, holding him down so he won't get up. I know he was about to jump at Howie. He's got a short temper sometimes. His hand comes down over mine, and I grab a hold of it as if it's the only thing that keeps me falling of a cliff.
He's my lifeline right now.
"They're in love D" AJ says at the same time as Nick says "How much did you guys hear just now?"
"They can't be" Howie answers, as Leighanne says "I heard Brian explain why he didn't tell me. And..I'm sorry Brian, but you should have told me. I wouldn't have made a big deal about it. I can see it now, how much you love Nick. And if your choice is to be with him, then I'll let you go. And I won't tell a soul until you decide it's time."
I can't believe it. She's being nice. She's found out I'm cheating on her, and she's not freaking out or trying to kick my ass.
I lift my head and look at her.
"I don't think I'm ready to tell anyone yet."
"We're not ready" Nick says, and leans his head on my shoulder, playfully biting me. I can't believe he's doing this IN FRONT of the others. Of course, this is Nick we're talking about here.
"So. Leighanne, you're gonna get a divorce?" AJ asks, taking control of the conversation again.
She nods. I know she won't tell anyone, and that it seems to be alright. But I can't help but think about what I am going to tell the press. We've been married less than a month, and now we're getting a divorce.
"Brian, Nick. You two agree not to tell a soul for now?"
"Oh don't you worry 'bout that AJ. I ain't tellin', and I know Brian here won't either" Nick says, his head still resting on my shoulder.
"Oh, and guys. Try not to be affectionate around us alrihgt. Cuz it's gonna take some getting used to."
"Alright Bone" I say, trying to hold back laughter. He's being so cool aobut all this. Kevin is still far away, and Howie is having a hard time believeing what he's hearing. But AJ, he's being...WAIT! He must have known. HOW?
"Eh, AJ. How did you find out?"
God, me and Nick are thinking way to alike these days. Must be a side effect of the time we spend togheter. Well, if that's what I gotta live with to be around him, then so be it.
"I heard you in the bathroom after the wedding"
OH MAN. He heard that. Well, yeah. I know I wanted to know, but damn.
"So. Brian, Nick. You guys gonna be alright?" Leighanne asks. Man, if she keeps this up I'm gonna start believeing she actually thinks it's alright.
"Yeah" Nick says with a grin, his hands moving around my body to hold me in a hug. I lean into his embrace, closing my eyes. God how right this feels.
"As long as the two of us are together, we can conquer anything."