“I asked Megan to marry me, and she said yes.”

Justin was up and out the door, slamming it hard behind him before anyone else could react to JC’s statement.

*****

JC’s eyes fluttered open as he brought an arm up, coving his eyes from the soft moonlight filtering in through the window and right on to his face. Stretching slowly, languidly, he twisted to see the clock on his bedside table. A figure sitting in the chair across the room caught his eye, causing him to jump up in bed, pulling the covers closer to his body. His heart beat rapidly in his chest, threatening to burst out.

“Jesus, Justin. What the hell are you doing?”

“We need to talk.” Justin said as he made his way over to the bed, sitting on the very edge, body facing JC.

“It’s three in the morning. What do you want?”

“You know what I want,” Justin said, looking down at the sheets. JC sighed and covered his eyes with his arm again. “What is it, exactly, that you’re doing here?” Justin asked, gesturing wildly.

“This is my house, Justin. My bedroom and my bed. I think I have every right to be here.”

“Not what I meant. You know what I mean. Why are you marrying her?”

“You bastard!” JC yelled, sitting up, face inches away from Justin. He reached out, grabbing Justin’s shirt in his fist, pulling him even closer. “This has absolutely nothing to do with you.” It was a soft hiss and Justin flinched slightly, but held his ground.

“Nothing?”

“Absolutely nothing.”

“Do you love her?” Justin asked, eyes trained intently on JC’s own. JC’s grip on him loosened and he pulled back

“Yes.” One word, one single word ripped through Justin’s brain, through his heart, and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

“Are you in love with her?” He opened his eyes again, meeting the blue orbs in front of him. But JC dropped his eyes to his lap, hands clenching and unclenching. “Tell me you’re in love with her and I’ll go. I’ll leave right now if you say it.” The quiet stillness swept over both of them as Justin awaited JC’s answer. Then, just as Justin thought he wasn’t going to answer, a soft voice filled the room, defeat sounding loud and clear.

“I’ll only ever be in love with one person. That will never change, J.”

“Then why are you marrying her? If you’re still in love with me, why are you marrying her?” Justin’s voice was just as soft, but it was filled with pain instead of defeat.

“She wants the commitment you didn’t. She gives me what you couldn’t. What you probably won’t ever be able to give.”

“So you’re simply settling for something not quite as good?”

“What the hell am I suppose to do, Justin? No one is ever going to be as good as you. Not to me. But am I suppose to wait around for you, lonely as hell, for the rest of my life? Or just until you decide that it’s me you really want and not some girl that you make yourself believe you’re attracted to and want to be with?”

“Like you have any room to talk, JC. You’re gay. Yet, you asked a girl to marry you. How is that any better? God you’re such a hypocrite.”

“The difference is, that I actually care for Megan. No, it’s not you. No one will ever be you. But at least I’m not just dicking her around, sleeping with her to make myself believe I’m straight, then tossing her out the next morning.”

“No, but you’ll marry her under the pretext of love. You’ll stand up in a church full of family and friends, and before God and all of them, vow to love her forever. How is that any better?”

“I don’t think this is really any of your concern. You gave up any right to question what I do with my life when you walked out of it.”

“I love you, Josh.” All the anger was gone. The fight was gone from his eyes and his voice. All that was left was the pain of the truth.

“And I love you. But I won’t wait around forever for you to decide that you’re ok with being with me. You knew that Justin. Besides, it’s not like you’ve been sitting at home, all alone, pining away for me. You’ve been with plenty of people since we broke up. So it’s ok for you, but not for me?”

“I’m not marrying any of them.”

“And I am. So simply be the friend you wanted to be to me and be a little bit supportive of this. You wanted to just be my friend, so be it, J.” JC turned over, pulling the covers back over him, dismissing Justin and any more conversation. Justin sighed and turned, heading for the door. When he reached it, he stopped and turned to look back to JC, tears in his eyes, threatening to spill over.

“I love you,” he whispered into the quite room. “Goodbye.”

*****

It had been a rough five months, full of listening to wedding plans, and honeymoon plans, and future plans. Plans that didn’t include Justin. He sighed. It was all anyone seemed able to talk about anymore. JC was getting married. And it was killing Justin inside. JC had wanted Justin to figure it out, to figure out that JC was who he really wanted to be with. He’d wanted Justin to make the commitment and be comfortable with it. And now, when Justin had finally figured it out, was ready to give up everything for JC, it was too late. Funny how life worked sometimes.

He’d tried as hard as he could to be supportive, to give JC the support a friend would give. But it was so hard sometimes, when all he wanted to do was pull him back away from Megan and hold him close, telling him how much he loved him. Instead, he would smile, the fake smile he’d learned to perfect over the years when he wasn’t in the mood to deal with the media, and keep his mouth shut, keep his hands at his side.

Supportive friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

*****

The five guys were sitting in Joey’s living room. Joey, Chris, and Lance were discussing plans for JC’s bachelor party. So far, they seemed to have half the western hemisphere invited. It was going to be the blowout of the century, according to Chris. JC was sitting quietly, taking it all in. Justin had his eyes trained on JC. Something wasn’t right. Suddenly, JC looked up, meeting Justin’s eyes. He smiled slightly, a small, sad smile, as he stood, catching the attention of the other guys as well.

“Megan called off the wedding.” He left the room quickly, before the questions could come.

*****

“You really need to quit making random announcements like that. It’s throwing us all for a loop,” Justin said, sliding the glass door shut and joining JC on Joey’s deck. JC turned to glance at him for a moment, but didn’t say anything. “You wanna talk about it?”

“Not much to talk about,” JC said, shrugging.

“Jace, it’s me here. I know you better than probably anyone else in this world. It’s bothering you more than you’re letting on. And that’s ok. But don’t just ignore it.” He stepped closer to JC, resting a hand on JC’s shoulder. “Despite everything we’ve been through, we’re still friends. Talk to me.”

“She loved me so much, Justin. But I just couldn’t. No matter what, I couldn’t make myself feel the same. I feel so horrible.” His shoulders slumped slightly and he turned, facing Justin, his back resting against the railing. “She said she knew that she wasn’t enough for me. She knew that I wasn’t what she really wanted. And she loved me enough to let me go.”

“Just like you did for me,” Justin said quietly, dropping his gaze to the ground. JC nodded his agreement.

“I wasn’t enough for you either. You needed something more. Just like I did with Megan.”

“That’s not true, Jace.” Justin looked up, his eyes meeting JC’s. “You were enough. You are enough. I just never let myself admit that before. You said I went from woman to woman, trying to convince myself I was straight, but I think that it was more than that. I think I was trying to find something comparable to what I had with you without even realizing I was doing it. But nothing compared. Nothing even came close. Which is why none of them ever became anything more. And it wasn’t just because they were women and I’m gay, because there were guys in there too, sometimes.” Justin paused and reached out his hand, grabbing JC’s own and linking their fingers gently. “I don’t know why I was so afraid of having what was right in front of me. Maybe I was afraid it was all too good to be true. Maybe I was afraid of getting hurt one day and was subconsciously protecting myself before it happened. But I know now that you’re what I want. What I need.” JC’s eyes met Justin’s again, searching the depths of his blue orbs for truth in Justin’s words.

“You mean that?”

“With every piece of my heart. I was an ass, Josh. And I’m so sorry I’ve hurt you. But I know now that you’re who I want to be with. Nothing more, nothing less. Just you. I was dreading the day you were going to marry Megan, because I knew that it would all be over, for real. There’d be no going back. And that scared the shit out of me. I love you, Josh. And I’m finally ready to show you that. Everyday, for the rest of my life.” A small smile crept over JC’s lips.

“Took you long enough.” JC said, a small smile creeping over his lips. “Come here, jackass.” It was spoken lovingly and Justin grinned, moving happily into JC’s arms. His own arms went around JC, hands running up and down JC’s back. “Please tell me you meant every word you just said. Don’t hurt me again, Justin. I can’t take it again.”

“I promise I meant every single word. I love you, so much. And I’m done being afraid. I’m done pretending there’s not something there when my heart knows there is. I’m done being away from you. All I want is you. I’m yours forever.”

And there, held tightly in each other’s arms, the promise of love was made. They’d both been through so much. Hurt, pain, sadness. But underneath it all was a love stronger than either of them could have ever anticipated. And that was all either of them needed. Nothing more, nothing less.