You lay there quietly, head propped up on your arm, elbow resting on the bed. Your legs are intertwined with his under the sheets and the weight is a gentle comfort, something you’re use to. The soft hair is slightly ticklish against your smooth legs, but not enough to bother moving your legs away from his. He’s still asleep and right now you’re enjoying watching him, watching his chest rise and fall slowly with his steady breathing, watching his eyelids flicker slightly as he dreams. And you hope it’s you that he’s dreaming of.

But you know it’s probably not.

You’re only in town for a few days and he’s been with you most of the time. And the days have been good, full of laughter and playfulness. You get along so well, connect on a level you know few people ever find. You’re right for each other in every way. Things between you are tender and gentle and you get to see a side of him few people ever get to see. But you also know there’s a hidden side, a side only one person ever gets to see. And that person isn’t you. So in the mornings, when you wake up before he does, when you lay watching him sleep, listening to his heartbeat through his chest, so fucking in love with him, you let your guard down. In the early morning hours, you let the tears fall.

The rain is coming down softly outside, and you figure it’s poetic justice that it’s raining while you have teardrops on your cheeks. They betray everything you keep hidden inside all day long, everything you’d like to keep hidden, but in the morning light of dawn, you can’t help it. You’ve never loved someone the way you love him. And you know he loves you to, in his own way. But it’s not enough. You’re not enough.

Because even though he’s here with you right now, even though he’s in your house and in your life and in your bed, his heart is somewhere else. With someone else. Someone you’ll never, ever be able to compete with.

Things between you had started simply enough. You’d known each other when you were younger, been friends. So when your handlers thought it’d be a good idea for the two of you to be seen together, you both figured why not. And you’d grown together. You had the connection of fame to share between you. You understood his schedule and he understood yours. You’d found friendship, true friendship, with him. And he with you.

And then, you’d fallen in love. It hadn’t been part of the plan, but it had happened regardless. So you’d told him. You remember the day vividly. It hit you, sitting in a hotel room with him somewhere in the US. You’d been sitting together quietly, listening to music, his head bopping to the beat of the song. And you’d looked at him, and like a lightning bolt to your heart, you’d just known. It had scared you and you’d been nervous and flighty for the rest of the afternoon. Until he’d finally taken your hand, pulled you onto his lap, and gently asked you what your deal was. When you told him, a tender smile reached his lips and he pulled you close, cradling your face in his hands before kissing you softly. And sitting there, wrapped in his arms, you’d felt loved.

And for years, you’d been in an ignorant sort of bliss, deeply in love. Until you realized he hadn’t ever, not once, said the words back. He always just pulled you close and kissed your lips softly. At the time, it’d felt like that was his way of saying it back, showing you how much you meant to him. And in hindsight, you knew you did mean a lot to him. Just not enough. Because there was someone else, had always been someone else. Even before the two of you were thrown together, he’d been in love with someone else. Someone that, no matter how hard you tried, you’d never be able to win him away from.

It took you awhile to pick up on, but when you finally did and thought back over all your conversations over the years, you wondered how you could have been so blind. Because, through it all, there was always someone else. And once you were aware of it, the signs were easy to pick up on.

Now, in the early morning light, as you watch him, you see the signs that he’s starting to wake up. The fact that you can read those signs, know what to look for, is bittersweet. You know him well enough that you know the exact moment before he awakens, but it shouldn’t be yours to know. This spot beside him should have never been yours to have. Not when he was in love with someone else. It hurt, but you know that was never his intent. He’d tried as hard as he could not to hurt you. And it would have worked, had you not woken up and decided to be perceptive one day.

Now the only question was, were you glad you knew, or do you wish you still lived in ignorant bliss? You weren’t sure.

He stretched his muscles and buried his head deeper into the pillow for a moment before his eyes slid open, coming to rest on your face. His smile was tender and it broke your heart. Because you knew this was it. This was the last time you’d have Justin Timberlake in your bed. It wasn’t fair to either of you, and as much as it hurt, you were letting him go. You didn’t want to pretend anymore. You’d tried for awhile, trying to hold him as close to your heart as you could, for as long as you were allowed, hoping it would be enough for you. But it wasn’t. You were leaving today, and you were letting him go, letting go of his heart, letting it fly free to the place you knew he wanted it to go.

He must have sensed something, seen the look on your face, because he sat up, reaching for you, pulling you to him and wiping softly at your cheeks with the pad of his thumbs. Following the line your tears had followed. You saw the questions in his eyes, but reached up, placing your fingers against his lips before he could voice them. If he talked right now, you knew you’d lose control.

“I love you, Justin. You know that.” He tried to speak again, but you continued before he could. “And I know you love me too. In your own way. But I know your heart lies somewhere else. With someone else.” You saw the shock on his face at your statement. He’d had no idea you knew and you could only smile wistfully.

“Brit...”

“Don’t. Not yet. Let me finish.” He nodded and you looked down at your hands resting in your lap before looking back up at his face. Unshed tears were blurring your vision, but his eyes still burned into your soul. “I’ve probably known it longer than I’ll ever admit to myself. The signs were all there. I just never let myself see them. I wasn’t ready to see them. But I know now. And it’s not something I can ignore any longer. It’s not fair to either of us.”

“I never meant to hurt you, Brit.”

“I know. JC was there before I ever entered the picture. Now that I’ve let myself see it, I can see how strong your love is. And you guys will be happy together.” You leaned in, resting your head against his bare chest, breathing deeply. Just a little longer, then you’d let him go forever. Finally, you pulled back and looked at him again, noticing that his eyes were shimmering as well, unshed tears swimming in the blue orbs. “I’m letting you go, Justin. I’m letting you go to him.”

“Britney.” And he couldn’t say more. You knew he wanted to, almost needed to. But the words wouldn’t come. You leaned in, pressing your lips to his softly, one last time, one final goodbye.

“We’ll talk about this later, J. And we’ll be ok someday. I just need time.” You felt his arms go around you, pulling you close. And even though it wasn’t goodbye forever, it felt like it. Because this was the love of your life, the man you’d imagined spending the rest of your life with. And that dream was over now. It hurt, more than you’d let on, but you knew someday that you’d be ok. Above it all, you and Justin were friends. Someday, you’d get past this, get over the heartbreak, over the hurt. And you’d be able to be his friend again. And it wasn’t want you wanted, more than anything in this world, but at least it was something. And something was always better than nothing.

The End

This was based off a song called "Understand" by Tony Lucca.

Understand

Sunlight when you wake up
Fills the first breath that you take
The air that we both share so well
Slowly you begin to rise
And all the dreams left in my eyes
Come true as far as I can tell

The lightning in your laughter
Shining brightly after
Tell me all that’s on your mind
Morning brings the best to me
When all you are is next to me
And love is all that I can find

I wanna understand
Said I wanna understand

Till then I watch you sleep
Count each moment by your heartbeat
Pray that you’ll be dreaming of me
Whisper just like thunder
It’s your spell you got me under
Love so blind I just cant see

Still I can’t seen to close my eyes
And lie there under Florida skies
Hear the raindrops dance in my mind
Kinda like these tear drops
They fall and yet they fear not
The betraying trail they leave behind

I wanna understand
Said I wanna understand

It seems you wanna hold my hand
But I know you love another man
I just wanna understand