The picture on the cover of the CD stared up at him, almost accusingly. Even though it was only a picture, Justin could see the sadness in his eyes. They’d lost the sparkle that Justin had seen for three months, shining brightly every time their eyes met.
A brigade of memories assaulted him, filling his mind and heart with everything that had happened between the two of them. It had been a short period of time, only three months. And it had all happened over a year ago. But everything was still right there, still so fresh in his mind. Each and every feeling, every touch, every emotion he’d felt was as clear as the day it had happened. As much as that hurt sometimes, Justin had never allowed himself to bury them away. He’d promised Josh he’d never forget, and he’d meant it. It had been a short period of time, but it had also been the most significant time of his life. And there was no way he’d let go of those memories, of anything that they’d shared.
He reached out, hesitantly running a finger over the CD case, tracing a line across Josh’s face. A soft smile reached his face. He had an album out, in stores. It had been a dream of his. Every album before this one had simply been distributed at the club shows he did. There was no label backing him before to get the music out there, to market the CD’s. But he had a label now. Pride swelled in Justin’s heart. Josh had finally made it. He’d accomplished his dream. And Justin couldn’t have been happier for him.
Grabbing the CD, he paid for it quickly before heading home.
*****
The club was dark and Justin had found a seat in the back, hidden in one of the darkest corners. He simply intended to watch. After he’d bought the CD, he’d gone home and done some research. Tears had reached his eyes as he’d let himself look over everything he could find about Josh’s life since the two of them had parted ways. It was bittersweet. He was so proud of the man he loved and wanted to find any information he could. But at the same time, it hurt reading about the things Josh had accomplished, and knowing he wasn’t a part of his life anymore. Josh had moved on, leaving Justin behind.
But when he’d seen that Josh was doing some club shows around his home, he knew he had to go. It would hurt, it would be hard. But he knew he had to be there, had to see him again. But he had no intention of interfering. Josh was moving on with his life, getting all the success that he deserved. And Justin wouldn’t do anything to hurt that. He wouldn’t step back in and cause confusion. Last time had been hard enough.
His eyes scanned the stage as he waited for Josh to appear. He was confident that he was far enough back, hidden beneath enough darkness that there was no way Josh would pick him out of the crowd.
And then, suddenly, Josh was there, on stage before him. Justin’s breath caught in his throat, his fingers gripping the table in front of him tightly. He hadn’t forgotten what the emotions felt like when he looked at Josh, but it was still mind numbing. He wanted nothing more than to be able to go up there, wrap his arms around Josh, press his lips to the soft skin beneath his fingers. But he restrained himself. This wasn’t about him. This was Josh’s night and he was only here to observe, then slip quietly back into his life alone, without Josh.
It happened near the end of the show. Josh was sitting on a stool, guitar resting across his lap. He took a drink of water before setting it down and addressing the crowd before him. His words hit Justin, slamming into his chest and knocking him senseless. Josh was talking about them, about the things they had shared. He was talking about finding your one true love but then losing them. He was talking about Justin. And about how much he still felt, even though they were apart now. Josh’s soft smile reached Justin, all the way at the back of the club. And just that quickly, he was back on that beach, Josh’s arms around him, sharing laughter, sharing love.
As Josh picked up his guitar and began to play, the notes wrapped around Justin, just like they had the first night he’d met this amazing man. And Justin recognized it immediately. It was his song, the song Josh had written for him, the night he said goodbye. Josh was sharing it with the world, sharing it with complete strangers. Justin wasn’t angry. A warmth spread through his body, sliding across his skin. Josh still felt it, still felt enough for him to want to share this song. And to want to explain to everyone the inspiration behind it.
It was only then that Justin let himself believe that maybe Josh hadn’t moved on as much as he’d assumed. That maybe Josh was missing him just as much as Justin was. That maybe, somehow, they were still meant to be together. It was the first time he let himself believe that he’d go back, back to the beach and back to Josh.
*****
The house was empty, but not abandoned. And his car was parked in the community parking lot, so Justin knew he hadn’t gone far. Stepping off the deck onto the sand, he made his way up the beach. He’d walk as far as he had to, if it meant finding Josh. As the docks came into view, Justin saw Josh’s boat, docked in the same place it had been the last time he’d seen it.
Walking along the docks, he approached the sailboat, memories of their times spent together on it filling his head. He stopped short suddenly, eyes trained on the boat. Josh was there, shirt off, swim trunks riding low on his hips. His back was to Justin and he appeared to be working on something. Justin took a deep breath and finally took another step forward.
“You asked me once if I trusted you. We were talking about the boat, about going sailing. Do you remember?” Josh spun around, eyes searching wildly for the voice before they landed on Justin’s face. Shock was apparent and Justin smiled softly. Josh took a hesitant step toward him, almost as if he wasn’t sure he was really seeing what he thought he was. His mouth opened to speak, but nothing came out. “Do you remember my answer?”
“You told me you trusted me with your life.” Justin nodded and climbed onto the boat, moving so he was right in front of Josh. The tender look in his eyes was mirrored in Josh’s own a moment later, as the shock wore off.
“I meant that. And not just about the boat. I meant it in every way possible. I still mean it.” And there, standing under the warm sun, eyes boring into each other, matching smiles drawn up on their faces, Justin reached out and let his fingers link with Josh’s, pulling him closer with a gentle tug.
There was so much they needed to say, so much they needed to talk about. But as Josh’s lips closed over Justin’s, words were no longer necessary. Their actions said everything both of them needed and wanted to say. Their kiss spoke volumes. It spoke of love, and of trust. It spoke of apologies, and forgiveness. It spoke of giving up whatever was necessary to be together. It spoke of the happiness they felt with each other and the sorrow they felt while apart. It spoke of forever.
And in that moment, they both knew they’d never make the same mistake they’d made before. They both knew that they’d do whatever it took to be together. And that they’d never have to say goodbye again because of lack of communication. In that moment, everything of the past year, all the pain and sorrow, was forgotten. And in its place was a joy that spread through both of them, shinning brightly.