It became a daily routine. They'd wake up in the morning, sometimes after the sun was already over the horizon, shinning down on the sand and water, but more often before the sun had risen. One of them would head over to the other's house and they'd sit on the deck, coffee mugs in hand, and let the day wash over them. Most the time no words were spoken through the first cup of coffee, but it was never awkward. It was comfortable.
In the afternoon, when the day was still young and the sun was shinning high in the sky, warming the earth, they'd head down to the beach, slipping their shoes off, before heading the few miles up the sand to the public beach. They'd browse the outdoor shops before stopping for lunch at a small café, sitting outside and watching the tourists. When lunch was over, they'd head back down the beach, talking about their lives, their hopes and dreams. Talking about anything.
The evenings varied, slightly. Sometimes, they would sit at Justin's house, Josh pulling out his guitar and playing soft melodies while Justin sat at his laptop and typed. His words were back. Josh had unleashed something inside of him again, and they flowed through his mind and out his fingertips onto the screen. Sometimes Josh would sing, his voice mixing with the music he created, the words and melody wrapping around Justin, bring the words faster and faster. Other times, he simply played, and that was wonderful too.
Other evenings, they'd head back down the beach to the jazz club located on the main strip. Sometimes they'd just sit and listen, other times Josh would get up and play. It wasn't an open mic kind of thing, but the owner was always more than willing to find the time for Josh.
The first few times they'd gone, they had simply sat there, listening to the music swirling around them, seeping into their souls. But the third time they'd gone, the owner had spotted Josh. Apparently, he was pretty well known within the club walls. The owner, with a little help from Justin, had talked him into going up on stage. When Josh sat down at the piano, Justin had been shocked. He knew Josh played the guitar, played it well. But he had no idea the man could play the piano as well. Josh's fingers started off slow, sliding intimately along the keys. It was effortless and it amazed Justin to watch. But then, he opened is mouth to sing, his voice coming out strong and sure. Justin's mouth dropped open and he could only stare in awe at the magic being created on the small stage.
With Josh, the music touched a place deep inside of Justin, a place music had never been able to reach before. Somehow, it seemed to mean more, seemed to speak to him more than ever before. Justin never knew music could feel like that, never knew it could get deep inside your mind and soul. The intense feelings he'd felt that first night he'd heard Josh play were now a common feeling inside him. They left him feeling happy and alive. They were emotions he hadn't truly felt in quite a long time.
It was the same with Josh, himself. When Justin was around him, talking and laughing with him, he felt alive. He felt free. He'd never before felt so comfortable with a single person in all of his life. It amazed him that this man could make him feel so intense and aware and vulnerable and free all at the same time. Justin wasn't sure what was going on inside his own head, but he was feeling emotions he'd never felt before, for anyone. And he knew, they both knew, it was only a matter of time before something would tip, breaking the careful balance of friendship they had between them into something much more. And as much as that scared Justin, he was also willing to welcome and embrace it.
*****
One evening, a few weeks into the summer, Justin was sitting out on the beach by himself. Josh was in his house on a phone call with some producers. He was, as Justin had found out later, an independent artist. Apparently he was pretty wealthy, his grandparents having left him all of their fortune when they passed away a few years before, so he financed most of his own albums, with a little back up help from some entertainment groups. He was getting ready to head back into the studio in the fall and was talking with other producers, people he wanted to collaborate with, now.
Justin lay back on the sand, hands resting behind his head, and closed his eyes, letting the memories of the past few weeks wash over him. He felt a presence wash over him and smiled, knowing it was Josh without even opening his eyes. Nothing was said between the two as Josh sat down next to him, finally lying down so his head was resting on Justin’s stomach. Justin let one of his hands trail down, sliding through Josh’s thick brown curls, tangling in them and tugging gently. It felt like the most natural thing in the world. When they were together, nothing else mattered outside of the two of them. Not the fact that they were both male, not the fact that Justin had a girlfriend. Not even the fact that they led two very different lives, far apart from each other. All that mattered was that moment and the memories between them, although short, that led them up to that point.
Justin felt Josh’s eyes on him and he opened his own, tilting his head until their eyes connected. The intense feeling he got the first night he’d seen those deep, soulful eyes hit him again, a shiver of excitement running through his body and over his skin. Slowly, and without a word, Josh let his hand run up Justin’s arm until his cheek was cupped in Josh’s palm, his thumb rubbing softly against the skin. Justin wrapped his hand over Josh’s shoulder, pulling lightly until Josh maneuvered himself, resting half on top of Justin, their faces only inches apart. He could feel Josh’s warm breath ghosting over his skin.
“Are you sure about this? There’s no turning back once we pass this point,” Josh said, his gaze steady on Justin, his eyes locked onto the blue ones below him. He was searching for the truth and Justin was more than ready to give it to him. In one of the most open, honest moments of his life, he smiled and ran a hand up Josh’s back.
“I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.” Josh must have seen the honesty, the truth, in his eyes because he smiled back, bringing his head down, his lips closer. Justin raised his head, meeting him halfway. His eyes closed of their own accord, bracing himself for when their lips met, knowing it was going to be an amazing thing. And then they were there, warm, wet lips on top of his own, softly moving with and against his. The intensity behind it shot like electricity through Justin’s body, causing him to gasp. As his mouth opened for the sound to escape, Josh swept his tongue inside, licking at the roof of Justin’s mouth, twirling against his own tongue. He fought back, their tongues battling passionately, slipping and whirling together.
Justin wrapped his arms around Josh, pulling him closer, never wanting to let go. It was unlike anything he’d ever experienced before. The passion, the need was almost a physical entity, eating up at them, propelling them deeper into each other. The slick, wet slide of their tongues, dancing and battling combined with the soft noise of the waves lapping at the shore, creating their own music. Music. With Josh, everything was music.
Justin was lost inside the kiss. Everything else was inconsequential. All that mattered was Josh, here with him, lips on top of his own, tongue sliding against his. Nothing else mattered. Finally, with a breathless gasp, Justin pulled back, eyes still closed, breathing deeply, coming down off the edges of ecstasy. His eyes opened slowly, the sensations still riding strong, filling his head, making him dizzy. He met Josh’s own eyes, looking at him intently. The deep blue orbs were filled with emotion. Lust, want, need. But also slight fear. Justin could see it clearly but there wasn’t enough oxygen in his brain to comprehend fully how he knew this look. All he knew was that he did recognize it. Instantly. Reaching up a shaky hand, he ran it reassuringly across Josh’s cheek, the pad of his thumb running over Josh’s lips. He smiled, dispelling any fears Josh had left. He wanted this, wanted it more than anything. And he’d do whatever it took to let Josh know this.
“It’s ok, Josh. I want this. Nothing else matters. Just you and me.” Josh could only smile, still breathing deeply, still lost in the emotions the kiss had caused inside his own body. Moving slightly, he let his head rest on Justin’s shoulder, burying his face in Justin’s neck, kissing the skin softly, just a press of lips. But in this moment, in their own little world, it made perfect sense.