Justin sighed and glanced over at Tony. He wanted to tell him, but at the same time, he was afraid of Tony’s reaction. The two of them had been best friends for years. Forever in fact. Their parents were friends before they were born, so for sixteen years, they had been together, almost nonstop. Their families were so close they even spent holidays together.
Their junior year had just started and Justin figured it was finally time to tell someone the truth about him. He almost needed to tell someone. It was so very lonely having no one to talk to about it. Tony had been his first choice for obvious reasons. Aside from the fact that they were best friends, he knew it would be easier, and possibly less painful in the long run, than telling his parents first. Even though Tony’s opinion of him mattered, it just wasn’t quite the same as his parent’s opinion. He could live without Tony in his life if he absolutely had to. He didn’t want to have to, but he could. His parents were a different story.
Justin sighed again and this time, Tony’s attention was turned from the TV to him. His voice was amused when he spoke.
“You just gonna sit there sighing all night, or you actually gonna say what’s on your mind?” Tony knew him so well and was more than aware Justin had something to say. He had known all day, but had been patiently waiting for Justin to bring it up. But now it looked like he needed a push in that direction.
“I, um...well.”
“J, just spit it out.” His words were harsh, but he tone wasn’t.
“I just don’t want you to hate me. And I’m afraid with what I have to tell you, you just might.” Tony sat up from his position lying on the floor and gave Justin his full attention.
“You’re my best friend. There is nothing in this world that could make me hate you.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Justin mumbled just loud enough for Tony to hear him.
“Justin, what is it? Seriously, nothing could make me hate you. Ok, well maybe if you told me you slept with my girlfriend or something,” Tony said, then glanced cautiously at Justin. “Wait, you didn’t sleep with my girlfriend, did you?” Justin shook his head.
“This is about as far from that as you could probably get.” He sighed again.
“What is it, man? You can tell me.”
“Well, I think. No, I know. Yeah, I um, well, you see, the thing is...” Justin was stuttering and he knew it. Tony gave him a warning look. “Shit. Fine, I’m gay.” And there, for the first time in his life, the words were out of his mouth in front of someone other than his mirror. He covered his eyes and waited. Waited for the reaction he knew Tony was going to give him. Waited for the anger and the harsh words to come.
“Shit, is that all.” Yep, there they were. Wait, no. Is that all? Huh? What does he mean is that all?
“What do you mean is that all?”
“Well damn Justin, you made it seem like a huge deal.”
“It is a huge deal.” Justin said, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Ok, yeah, it is a huge deal. But you made it seem like you were dying or something. It’s not THAT big of a deal.”
“So, you don’t hate me?”
“Why the hell would I hate you? So you’re gay? So what?” Tony said, shrugging his shoulders for effect.
“I guess I just thought that you might have a problem with it.”
“Justin, were you gay two minutes ago?” Justin could only nod, confused. “How about yesterday, were you gay yesterday?” Again Justin nodded. “And two weeks ago, were you gay then?” Justin nodded again, furrowing his eyebrows, completely confused.
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“You were my best friend two minutes ago, yesterday, and two weeks ago. And you were gay then. So why do you think now is going to make a difference? So you’re gay. You’re still the same person. I just happen to now know that you like guys instead of girls. It doesn’t change who you are, J.”
“Do you mean that?”
“Of course I do. I told you there was nothing you could say that could make me hate you.” Tony smiled smugly at him and turned back toward the TV. Justin smiled his first real smile of the day. He had been going over and over Tony’s reaction in his mind and of all the possibilities, this one was the one he had least expected to be the outcome. That had gone much better than he had expected.
*****
The school year passed by quickly between classes, sports, and simply hanging out. Both he and Tony had made the JV basketball team and that took up all of their winter and most of their spring. Before either of them knew it, it was time for final exams. The past year had brought a lot of new things into Justin’s life. He’d had his first boyfriend, and even though things had ended between them, Justin would always be greatful for the experience. Justin hadn’t loved him, but it was nice having someone to learn everything with. Mark was in the same place as him. No one knew he was gay either and it had worked for both of them. Tony had somehow found out about Mark and had set the two of them up.
Not a thing had changed between Tony and Justin and that was something Justin would always be greatful for. Tony treated him just like he had before Justin had told him the truth. He still hadn’t told anyone else. In a small Tennessee town like Millington where everyone knew everyone else, something like this could potentially have the power to ruin him. Tony’s reaction had been wonderful, although unexpected, but he wasn’t sure the rest of the town would have the same reaction.
But he wanted his parents to know.
*****
The first week of summer vacation found him sitting outside his house, on the makeshift basketball court, with Tony. A basketball sat between them since the game had ended minutes earlier and they had been reduced to rolling it back and forth to each other across the court.
“I want to tell them.” He spoke suddenly, after a long silence between the two and it took Tony’s mind a minute to catch up.
“You’re parents?” Justin nodded. “So tell them. I’ll be right there with you if you want.” Justin looked up and smiled at Tony, silently thanking him.
*****
That night, after dinner, Justin pulled his parents into the living room and sat them down. He sat in the chair across from them, Tony sitting on the armrest for support.
“I have something I need to tell both of you, and it’s pretty major.”
“Don’t worry, he’s not dying or anything. He just likes to overreact like he is or something,” Tony said, grinning at Lynn and Paul. Justin shot him a hard glare before turning back to his confused parents.
“So, I guess I’ll just come right out and say it.”
“Usually the best way,” Tony said quietly, but Justin caught it and turned to face him again.
“I thought you were here for support.”
“I am,” Tony reassured, grinning.
“Guess I couldn’t tell,” Justin said, rolling his eyes. He turned back to his parents who looked amusedly at the two boys. “Anyway.” Justin took a deep breath. “I’m gay.”
Lynn’s jaw dropped and she turned quickly to Paul before meeting Justin’s eyes again. Justin dropped his head at the shock he saw in her eyes, sure as soon as the shock wore off it would be replaced with anger, or at the very least, disappointment. She was kneeling in front of him, pulling him into a hug in seconds.
“Oh baby, I’m so sorry. I’m you’re mother, I’m suppose to know things like this. How could I not have known? I can’t believe you had to go through this on your own.” Justin was shocked.
“So, you’re not disappointed or mad?”
“Of course not! I’m just sorry I wasn’t there for you through this. I’m a horrible mother.”
“You’re not a horrible mother. I just didn’t want you guys to know yet. I hid it on purpose. You weren’t supposed to know.” He reassured her. After she pulled away from him, he turned to look at his father. “Dad? You haven’t said anything.”
“You’re still my son, Justin. And I still love you with all of my heart. That’s never going to change. It’s not something I’ve ever dealt with before. I can’t say I even know anyone else who’s gay. But it’s not an issue. Understood? You’re mother and I love you no matter what.”
Justin smiled at his parents, pulling them both into a hug.
*****
By time their senior year started, it seemed most of the school knew about the fact that Justin was gay. After his family had taken it so well, there wasn’t really anyone else he had been afraid to tell. He figured that he had the support of his family and his best friend, and with that support on his side, he could handle any negative reactions.
No one seemed to be too bothered by this new revelation and for the most part people treated him the same.
Chad was the exception. They played basketball together and had been friends for the first three years of high school. When Justin had come out to the rest of his friends, Chad had climbed to his feet and stood, hands on his hips, glaring at Justin.
“I can’t believe you never said anything before now. I had to play ball with you for three years, changing in the locker room with you. How do you think that makes me feel now, knowing you were probably checking me out the whole time.” Justin caught the eye roll Tony sent his way before he turned to Chad.
“Believe me, I wasn’t checking you out. You’re my friend Chad. That’s all I think of you as.”
“I’m not your friend anymore. I can’t be friends with someone and have to wonder if they’re secretly gonna be checking me out all the time.” And he turned and walked out of the room.
“Idiot,” Tony mumbled. “Anyone else share his opinion? Cause if so, you might as well follow him right out the door.” No one else moved. And none of them did share his opinion. Everyone else seemed to feel the same way Tony felt; that Justin was the same person he had been before he told them.
*****
By time basketball season rolled around, Chad had taken to purposely running into Justin, throwing a shoulder or an elbow in his direction, whenever they passed in the hallways, and he made it his personal goal to practically plow him down on the court.
One afternoon at practice, the team had been split into two for a scrimmage. Chad and Justin had been assigned to guard each other. A phone call for their coach interrupted their scrimmage and as he walked toward his office to take it, he told them to continue with the game.
Justin had the ball and was taking it up-court when Chad ran into him, throwing his full body weight against him. Justin went sprawling backwards onto the ground, his head bouncing painfully on the court. He lay stunned for a moment before sitting up slowly.
“What the hell was that?!” Tony yelled, moving quickly to where Chad was standing over Justin.
“Oh come on, it was just a small push. It’s not my fault the faggot can’t handle it.” The word hit Justin like a stab to his insides. They slammed against him and that, along with his still throbbing head, was enough to make him gasp for breath. The hatred he heard behind the words was almost worse than the words themselves. He’d never known anyone that possessed that much negative passion before. But before he had time to react, Tony reacted for him. He jumped on Chad and wrestled him to the ground.
Their coach returned just as Chad and Tony hit the ground. He yelled as he moved quickly toward them, but Tony still got a few punches in before he was grabbed roughly around the waist and hauled off the now bleeding man below him.
“Why are you defending him, you a faggot too?” Chad spat, climbing to his feet, holding his bleeding nose.
“I’m not even dignifying that with an answer. But as to why I’m defending him, it’s because he’s still sitting on the ground in a daze from the concussion you probably gave him. It’s what friends do. You seem to have forgotten the meaning of friendship.”
“Enough!” Their coach yelled loudly, causing both men to stop their argument. “You, in my office now,” he said, pointing to Tony. “You, go clean yourself up then join us there,” he said, turning to point at Chad. “Now!” He yelled when neither of them moved right away. After they both walked away, he turned to Justin. “Are you ok? Can you get up?” Justin nodded weakly and climbed to his feet. His head was still throbbing and didn’t seem to be slowing down any time soon.
Reaching an arm out to Justin, he helped him start to walk slowly toward his office. Once the three of them were seated inside, the coach turned to them with expectant eyes. He clearly wanted an explanation.
Tony and Chad both ended up getting suspended for a game. After Chad was gone, he turned to Justin and Tony, smiling apolitically at Tony.
“I didn’t want to have to suspend you too, but there was no way I could suspend him for slander and not get you for fighting. You understand?” Tony nodded. “I think, even though the fighting was wrong, that standing up for Justin was very noble.”
Noble yes, but it still didn’t stop the pain inside Justin when he remembered Chad’s harsh words.
*****
Their final summer after graduation was over as fast as it seemed to start. They had a precious few weeks left before Justin headed off to the University of Memphis for a degree in Dance. He eventually wanted to be a chorographer. Tony was heading to Los Angeles. It had always been his dream to be a musician. He wanted to be a singer and songwriter. He didn’t necessarily want to be famous, but he wanted to make music and he figured LA was the best place to go for that. So, college plans on hold, he was leaving Tennessee and heading out to the West Coast, all by himself. Justin admired the fact that he was willing to just let go of everything and everyone he had ever known to travel all the way across the country for something that might not even work out.
They were both aware how many people wanted to be musicians, and the ratio between those and the ones who actually made it. It was a dream that Tony was willing to take a chance on. He had the drive and determination to go for it and not give up.
At the end of summer, Tony helped Justin move all his stuff into his new dorm room on campus. He was leaving the next morning for California with just a trunk full of stuff.
“Well, this is it. It’s been one hell of a ride, huh?” Tony asked, once Justin was situated in his room.
“Definitely.” Justin sat quietly for a moment. “It’s gonna be strange without you around all the time.”
“Yeah, but I’m just a phone call away. Don’t let this ruin the friendship we’ve kept strong all these years.”
“Not a chance in hell. You’re stuck with me, Lucca.” Justin grinned, climbing to his feet. He pulled Tony into a tight hug. “Good luck man. I know you’ll make a name for yourself out there.”
“I hope so, man. I hope so. And you better find some time to come out and visit. Otherwise I’ll have to come back here and kick your scrawny ass, Timberlake.” Justin laughed and released Tony.
“I’ll be out. You better at least have a couch for me to sleep on by then too.” Tony turned to leave but Justin stopped him before he walked through the door. “Hey Tony. I just wanted to thank you. For everything. Especially these past couple of years. I don’t think I would have made it through as well as I did without you.”
“We’re friends, J. Nothing can come between us. I seem to remember telling you that two years ago. You didn’t believe me. But it’s the truth. I’ll give you a call when I hit LA.” And with that, he was gone.