By time they got back to the hotel that night, and in all the confusion of Lance yelling about his furniture and then all of them helping him move it back, JC didn’t get a chance to go to Justin’s room to apologize. And the following morning, he woke up to find Justin already gone from his room. No one seemed to know where he was.
Finally, JC gave up and instead headed downstairs with Chris for some breakfast. Once they had grabbed some food and were seated at a table in the room set up for all the celebrities, Chris turned to JC.
“So what exactly happened between you two? I mean, I know bits and pieces here and there, but I don’t know the whole story. Either side of it.”
JC sighed. “The same thing I knew would happen. When he told me he wanted to do a solo album, I wanted to be happy for him. I really did. But the minute the words were out of his mouth, visions of him becoming this huge solo star, like we all knew he would, flew through my mind. I envisioned it going to his head. I figured it would just be a matter of time before he stopped hanging out with us. That suddenly he’d have this new group of friends to hang out with and we wouldn’t be as important to him anymore. And as much as I don’t want to believe it, everything else I thought might happen did, so this might not be any different.” JC paused before continuing. “Images of him leaving the group, leaving all of us behind to do it on his own, passed through my mind.”
“Don’t you mean me, instead of we?” Chris asked. JC looked confused. “You were scared he’d leave you. Scared he’d become too big for you. Not the group, but you.”
“I don’t...I didn’t mean...”
“It’s ok, Jace. He’s your best friend. Even now, after all that’s happened, you still consider him your best friend. There’s always been something more between the two of you than between the rest of us. I didn’t mean that you were being selfish. It was just more personal than just the group to you. You were afraid he’d leave you behind.”
“He did leave me behind, Chris.” JC reminded him.
“Did you even try to stop him? Did you even try to talk about it? Or was it set in your mind that it was going to happen, therefore it had already begun? You forget I’ve known you for ten years. I’ve lived in close quarters with you for about eighty percent of that time. I know you, Jace. And I know how you work. If you think something is going to happen a certain way, then you stop fighting for it to happen another way. It’s gotten you in trouble before but the difference then was that you had Justin to help pull you back, to help you start fighting again. This time, Justin can’t help you fight for it unless you talk to him, let him back in. Maybe he’s willing to fight. Maybe he was willing all along and you just were so caught up in the way you thought things were going that you missed it.”
“What the fuck are you doing in a god damned boy band? You’re way to smart for any of us, Chris,” JC said, sitting back in his chair, shocked by the wisdom that had come out of Chris’s mouth. He knew Chris was smart. He also knew Chris paid attention to the people around him far more than anyone else he’d ever know. Chris knew how to read people, but it still amazed him each and every time.
“It’s just my cover. I can’t let on my plan to take over the world to too many people yet so I figure by being in a boy band I can throw them off my trail for now.” He smirked at JC before filling his fork with eggs and stuffing them into his mouth, leaving JC to think over what he had just said.
*****
By the time JC’s car got to Collins Park, Justin was already there. He saw the younger man under the tents, talking to Danny Masterson. JC hung around for awhile, waiting for a moment to talk to Justin alone. He knew this was not the time or the place for the talk they needed to have, but he needed to apologize for yesterday. He’d been out of line by flipping out on Justin without even listening to his side of the story and he wanted to make that, at least, right before they went out there in front of all their fans.
Finally, he found Justin sitting alone, drinking from a bottle of water. Taking the seat next to him, he could feel Justin tense up beside him and couldn’t bring himself to look at the younger man.
“I’m sorry. For yesterday. Joey told us that you were sick and I’m sorry I went off on you without finding out the real reason you weren’t going first.” He finally turned so he could see Justin’s face, but he couldn’t read it. At all. It disturbed him more than he was willing to let on. He’d always been able to read Justin perfectly. It came with knowing someone for as long as they’d known each other and being as close as they were. It disturbed him that after only a year of being apart he could no longer read the man he claimed was his best friend. He waited, holding his breath subconsciously, for Justin’s answer.
“Whatever.” JC let the breath out of his lungs and stared at Justin. He’d honestly expected a little more than that. Even with everything they’d been through, he’d expected more than an indifferent ‘whatever’ to come from Justin’s mouth. Something inside of him broke. He felt it, deep within, trickling slowly through his body, threatening to come seeping out in the form of tears. It confirmed all of his fears over the past year. Justin didn’t care. Didn’t give a damn at all. Didn’t care that their friendship had slipped away, that they barely knew each other anymore, that they had to find out the latest news in each other’s lives by mutual friends or a damn news program on TV. Justin just didn’t care. JC vowed he wouldn’t cry. He wouldn’t let Justin affect him like this. So he took a deep breath and stood slowly, turning so he could see Justin. He still wouldn’t look at the older man standing before him and his eyes were hidden by sunglasses, preventing JC from reading them.
“Ok, whatever. Just...whatever.” He turned and walked away slowly, willing the tears away.