CHAPTER SIXTEEN:
Now you waited. You didn’t have to wait long before you began to get anonymous emails as well as phone calls from well-meaning friends warning you about AJ's engagement. No matter how hard he tried to hide it, the news began to leak out. You knew it was coming, but couldn’t let on that you knew anything about it. At best, you feigned surprise and tried to act adult and put on a happy face...not very easy to do sometimes. The worst was when Kevin called right after the Orlando trip. Perhaps it was because you were physically exhausted on top of being emotionally exhausted, but whatever the reason, his call really got to you. You explained to him why you left during the show and teased that he was as busy as a piss ant in a watermelon patch and that you didn’t want to bother him, but you didn't even mention AJ. His words kept replaying in your mind...“Tonight never happened.” When AJ made that declaration, you knew for sure that he was serious and that he had every intention of going through with the engagement announcement, and by virtue of the fact that he made the statement, he was already trying to cover his tracks. “Did you know AJ was there?” Kevin asked. “Yeah. I saw him hiding upstairs.” you told him.
“*******, I want to tell you something, but I don’t want you to think I’m telling you for the wrong reason.” he began softly as you held your breath. "Surely AJ didn’t tell him about our late night tryst." you thought to yourself as you asked “What?" “You know why AJ quit seeing you.” Kevin stated. “I know he’s seeing someone else. He told me her name was Sarah. I’m sure she’s really nice.” you replied with a sigh. “Yeah…well, I’m sure. Did you know they’re engaged?” he asked. "I won’t cry…" you thought to yourself. “Um…no. That’s good, huh?” Your question fell on deaf ears and Kevin wouldn’t answer you right away. “Kevin?” you called. “I’m here. Look, this is between us, ok? I don’t wanna hear that Wes dropped this shit on the air, but..." he said as he paused and took a deep breath. "The truth is that AJ's been engaged for over a year now, but he just now decided he’d …uh, you know...maybe because Brian’s going to announce his engagement to Leigh." “A year?” you gasped. You were genuinely stunned. AJ had never told you that he was engaged all along. “Yeah sweetheart, over a year. I’m sorry. I just wanted you to know because I sure as hell don’t want you sitting around on Valentine’s Day thinking AJ's gonna call you and then you see this shit on the news. I’m not sure what he’ll say, but the truth is that he’s been engaged a long time." Kevin explained. “I’m...glad...you trust me enough to tell me. So, are you excited to get back on the road?” you asked. You had no choice but to change the subject. You never liked Valentine’s Day and you ranked it right up there with Grandparent’s Day...just another manufactured holiday. It was fine and well and good if you were knee-deep in a blissful relationship, but unfortunately you never seemed to be in ANY relationship on Valentine’s Day. For a while, you tried to console yourself by seeking out your other miserable, single friends, but you learned quickly that the only thing worse than being alone and miserable on Valentine's Day, was being with people whose emotions you couldn’t control. Hell, things were bad enough without watching other people cry and lament over their lost love as well.
After that, you decided your best friend on February 14th would be yourself. Whatever you wanted...whatever your lonely little heart desired, you'd indulge yourself in. The year before, you had woke up and decided to eat only chocolate for twenty-four hours. You had chocolate milk and chocolate donuts for breakfast, chocolate-covered granola bars and a Yahoo for lunch, and for dinner you bought a two pound box of chocolate candy, ice cream and Hershey’s syrup. Unfortunately, you got sick and didn’t really enjoy it, but the point was that you did what YOU wanted…even if it did cause you to puke your guts out later that night. As usual, when you woke up on the 14th you were filled with dread, but this time it was more than just dread...it was foreboding, for today was not only “St. fucking Valentine’s Day”, but probably also the day you would hear about AJ and Sarah. You didn’t want to get up, much less go to work. Once there, you were frozen by your anxieties, terrified to check the Internet or the wires. Kevin told you that the guys would be in Albany, New York that night and that he’d call you after the show. You even went so far as to make an on-air challenge to the listeners. Of course, they didn’t know anything about what was going on with AJ. You explained about your hatred of Valentine's day and asked for caller suggestions. “Help me take my mind off this!” you had pleaded. There were a few doozies, but one in particular that you agreed to. The owner of a tattoo and piercing salon offered free services to you and the radio audience loved it, and Wes was delighted when you actually agreed to get a body part pierced for the sake of the morning show. The 15th wouldn't come fast enough for them to hear your report!
One thing for sure…the worry and pain of having your nipple pierced definitely took your mind off of AJ McLean, and when it was over, you decided that you'd go back to chocolate. “Don’t take this hoop out. It will close right back up” you were instructed. To that you just laughed. You had serious doubts that you would ever touch your left breast again, much less try and take the damn hoop out. Now you had two problems...your left breast felt ten times larger than your right breast and was burning. Not only that, but the pain in your heart for AJ hadn’t diminished one ounce despite that fact. On your way home you stopped and bought a pint of Haagan Dazs, some bubble bath, and the sexiest lingerie you could find. Why? Not for AJ or Kevin or any other man, but for yourself. You were desperate to feel sexy and beautiful and you were very, very tired of feeling inadequate and not quite good enough. You wanted ice cream and silky bubbles, soft music, candlelight and frilly panties. You wanted to look in the mirror and see and feel a woman worthy of man’s love, even if it wasn’t AJ's.....
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN:
Even though you knew, and even though you thought that you were as prepared as you could possibly be, as you watched AJ's interview on MTV it felt like your heart was being ripped from your chest. You grasped at every tiny straw you could, remembering his words to you like “there’s things you don’t understand” and “this is eating me up inside because I can’t walk away from commitments.”, or even “I love you ******* ^^^^^^^." “He loves me…” you mumbled as you watched John Norris’s interview. “No you don’t. You’re a goddamn liar!” you cried, slinging the television remote across the room. “...liar...” you wept. As if he could read your mind, sometime around 10:00 that night AJ had the unmitigated gall to call. His exact words were “You doin’ ok?" You were not okay...you were far from it. In fact, you could barely talk. You wanted to scream and cry “No asshole, I’m not ok!", but you wouldn’t. You only blamed yourself for being stupid enough to believe he loved you and stupid enough to believe that everything he told you was the truth. After a moment, you somehow found the strength to offer a tiny, lukewarm “I’m fine…" You refused to give him the pleasure of seeing your pain and although you couldn’t stop how you felt, you sure as hell could hide it. “You wanna talk?” AJ asked softly. “No.” you answered simply. “Baby…” he began. You hung up. You had no choice but to hang in, hold on, and pray that the pain would subside. Every time they’d play a BSB song at the station, you felt yourself tear up. You fielded question upon question from heartbroken young girls who had no idea that you had any relationship with AJ...all they knew was that you KNEW The Backstreet Boys and that you was kind and sympathetic. They were desperate young girls who needed someone who “understood” to simply say “I know it hurts." You never divulged anything about your relationship with AJ, yet the listeners seemed to sense that you DID know what they were going through. In March, the Boys would play in Las Vegas and AJ wanted to talk. AJ “needed to talk.” as he said, but you needed to heal. You weren't sure how much more you could take, but you agreed to meet with him after the show anyway on the condition that you would have your own room. It was the only time you had ever made a conditional demand. You left nothing to chance and made your own travel arrangements and hotel reservation, so needless to say that you were shocked when you checked in and found that your room had been upgraded to a suite. There was no way that you could afford a suite at this resort...not on what a deejay makes. You also knew right then and there that the upgrade was undoubtedly an AJ mandate. You declined the suite, but the hotel told you that there were no other rooms available. AJ was really pulling out all the stops. He'd said that he couldn't lose you, never mind that his selfishness was killing you. The room was beautiful and large, overlooking the golf course. There were bouquets of fresh flowers, the obligatory pink gift bag from Victoria's Secret, and chilled champage. There was also a message from AJ waiting for you. “I’ll be back in the room by eleven.” it said. That was when you decided that AJ was about to get a big dose of his own bitter medicine and there wasn’t a damn thing he could about it. After all, the whole wide world knew that AJ was in love with Sarah and that they were engaged. At 11:00 you did call him, but not for the reason he was expecting. You wanted to let him know that you had arrived safely and that while you appreciated the lovely room, you wouldn’t need it because you would be sleeping in Kevin's room.......
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN:
Kevin knew that you were sleeping with him to get back at AJ, but he also knew that you loved him. True that it was a different kind of love than the love you and AJ shared, but in his eyes it was love all the same. At first, Kevin had struggled with that fact, but then came to the realization that he wanted it to be different. He wanted no part of being a carbon copy. That was the last thing he would ever want. He started to have a talk with you and tell you that you were doing the right thing for the wrong reason, but then he remembered how devastated you already were, and knowing you the way he did, he figured that you would be so embarrassed that you would never talk to him again, so he decided against it. It was after midnight when you got down to his room and Kevin wasn’t sure you would have the nerve to go through with it. He half expected you to change your mind at the last minute and run to AJ, but the fact that you didn’t spoke volumes. The truth was that Kevin loved you and he wanted your night together to be the very best, with soft lighting, sexy music, etc.
As far as he was concerned, you were beautiful, even if you were a far cry from the girls he usually went for. You didn’t hide behind a lot of make-up and your clothes were usually casual, not trendy. You were more into things made by The Gap or American Eagle than designers. Tonight you were wearing faded blue jeans and a tiny sweater. You didn’t even wear shoes and had apparently rode down the elevator in a five-star resort barefoot. Your only “accessory” was your room key card. Moonlight trailed through the open balcony door. “May I have this dance, Ms. ^^^^^^^?”
Kevin asked softly, to which you giggled and blushed. “You crack me up. Of course you may…" He put his arms around your waist and pulled you close. The music was sexy and very suggestive, starting slowly then building. You closed your eyes and together with Kevin's, your hips swayed in time to the rhythm…dancing slowly. You could feel his hardness as he pressed up against you. “Are you turned on? I am…” you whispered in his ear. “You have no idea…” Kevin groaned, his voice a half-whisper as he nestled his face against your neck. Both of you could feel your lust building, slowly in time with the groove of the music. It was almost dizzying…feeling his breath upon you, your bodies so close as they swayed, and you could feel his heart and pulse against your body. He pulled back a little and you looked into his eyes, realizing at that moment that it was the right thing to do. Unrelenting pent-up love in the form of hungry kisses began to flow, and much to Kevin's surprise, you met his kisses with equal passion. He was in total control of your desire, his lips and tongue dominating. So many times before, it was Kevin's love and friendship that had pulled you away from the edge, however, tonight he wasn’t pulling you away, he was pushing you toward abandonment. As he probed your mouth with his tongue, he massaged your back, pushing you toward the bed. You allowed him to pull your jeans off, then your top, so that you were standing naked before him. A tiny wicked smile crossed his lips as he gently touched your nipple ring, and when he did, shivers roared through you. “Fun…” he whispered. He removed his clothes and pulled you against him. Feeling his naked body, you felt as if you would explode before he ever made love to her. His lips explored your neck, face, and ears, and you trembled as you stood, held tight by his loving embrace. “*******, you’re beautiful.” he told you as he touched his finger to your lips. “No arguing." You could feel the edge of the bed behind your legs so you sat down...Kevin's hardness was only inches from your face. You gingerly touched him, eliciting a deep groan. “Scoot back…” he commanded. You did as you were told, keeping your fingers around him until you were lying on your back. Kevin gently laid down on top of you, your lips meeting once more. The skillful maneuvers of his tongue inside your mouth was only a seductive teaser of what was to come, and you could already feel your own damp eagerness, but Kevin remained in control. He was the master of this game of seduction for tonight, and he would decide when he would take you. He wanted every single nerve in your beautiful body to scream for him…not AJ. He wanted you to ache to feel him inside of you. Only then would he take you. Kevin's lips blazed a firey path toward your breasts, teasing your nipples, making tiny circles, lathing them with his warm tongue, then blowing gently. He flicked your tiny nipple ring back and forth with his tongue until you were in wanton agony, arching to push your breast further into his hungry mouth. You squirmed beneath him, opening your legs as you felt his erection brushing up against you. “Kevin, I need you. Please…” you begged. “Not yet…” he smiled as he lowered his lips to your stomach, caressing your skin...lower and lower. You opened your legs wider as he pressed against your thighs and murmured “beautiful lady." Your ache was so intense by that point, you raised your hips up to him and gasped as his tongue touched you ever so lightly. “Tell me what you want…” he growled.
You blushed and felt silly and wouldn’t answer him. A gasp caught in your throat as you felt his tongue dance very close to what would push you over the edge. He was a master at manipulating your desires. Once again he throatily instructed “Tell me *******. Come on…" Trembling, you finally whispered “I want to feel your tongue on me…in me. I want you to fuck me…" You were embarrassed, yet totally turned on hearing yourself “talk dirty.” Your words were almost incoherent with wanton lust. “Good girl…” Kevin said softly. As soon as he’d uttered the words, he lowered his face to the center of your being. His mouth was so hot and he knew exactly where and how to touch you to drive you into a frenzy...up and down, his fingers sliding and twisting into you, making your hips buck. He swirled his tongue around and around, sucking you gently, and as his mouth explored you, he continued to finger you...teasing you. His tongue then trailed down to where your juices overflowed around his fingers, where he would hungrily lap it up, then move back up to lick and suck you again. You begged for release now…your moans constant as you trembled under him. Now Kevin concentrated on one area, pressing harder and faster with his tongue, nipping as you teetered on the edge of ecstasy. You screamed as the first wave hit you and Kevin rode through your orgasm and the rippled aftershocks until you had come down. He let you calm a bit before removing his fingers from you, then retracting his path back up your body. Now positioned above you, Kevin half-whispered, “Open your eyes baby. I want you to see who loves you…" As he balanced above you, your eyes locked, and you could see that his eyes blazed with controlled passion as he plunged into you. You wrapped your legs around his waist and moaned as he moved in and out, your muscles squeezing around him. You dug your fingernails into his back as you felt yourself pushed once again toward ecstasy. Kevin laid fully down on top of you, his hands exploring you and his lips capturing yours once again. Faster and faster, your movements orchestrated into one by the raging passion between you. His lips descended, tugging your nipple ring as he plunged deeper and harder into you. He slipped one hand behind you, gently squeezing your bottom, then began to probe you with his finger, adding to the intensity. You frantically clutched at him, unable to hold on much longer. He slowed down and teased you a little more, then began moving sideways, causing your orgasm to explode. You looked up at him and he smiled, then plunged one last time deep within you. He was still for a moment, letting the exquisite heat from your muscles grip him and pull him over the edge. The feeling was so intense that you cried out and climaxed again…together. Kevin kissed you gently and sweetly on the mouth, lingering and not wanting it to end. Finally, he rolled over and gently pulled you into his arms. The two of you laid there together, your bodies bathed in a soft sheet of perspiration. You shivered a little and Kevin pulled the covers over you. “Marry me *******…” he said as you snuggled up to him. “Are you sure?” you asked. “I’ve always been sure. I've always loved you.” he replied sincerely.
CHAPTER NINETEEN:
“You’re not coming tonight? Why? What are you gonna do, hang at the hotel all night? Alone?” Kevin asked as he sat on the end of the bed watching you bent over, hanging your head upside down and brushing your hair. For two cents, he’d jump you and make love to you one more time before the photo shoot. You had teased him earlier about his sexual appetite, telling him that he was going to “wear it out and it would fall off” before he was 35 at the rate he was going. He blamed it on you and begged for mercy, but you denied his request for leniency and said that you'd punish him later. That made him a very happy Backstreet Boy. “I don’t know. I’ll watch television and catch up on some shows I’ve missed. It’s fine…” you assured him. “No it’s not. I want you there. I wanna show you off” he pouted. “I think that’s a compliment. Then again, isn’t Leighanne Brian’s DD showpiece? I’ll pass.” you said. You were laughing, but you still had vivid memories of your last encounter with Leighanne in Orlando at the Hard Rock. “*******! You ARE working your way through the guys, aren’t you? First, AJ...now Kevin.” she had accused. You gave her the required Hollywood kiss-kiss on both cheeks and feigned a smile. “Lock up B-Rok...he’s next” you whispered, causing Leighanne to look at you as though you had just dropped an ice cube down silicone valley. Dropping to your knees in front of Kevin, you laid your head on his lap. He bent over and kissed your head. “I love you…” he said softly. “Do you have any idea how good it feels to finally be able to say that to you?" You snaked your arms around his waist. “I love you back.” you smiled. “Come tonight…” he pleaded. “We’ll see. What time are you leaving? Four? Five?” you asked.
“Something like that…” he shrugged. “Ok, let me take a shower and a nap. Call me before you leave, alright?” you replied. Kevin rolled his eyes, but agreed. “If I don’t make it, I’ll catch you back here. You ARE coming back here before you go out, right?” you inquired as you kissed his mouth and the tip of his nose. “Of course." he replied with a mischievious look in his eyes. When AJ found out that you were with Kevin, he was livid. The only thing worse than anger, is anger you can’t express, but his hands were tied. He had no say so whatsoever over you and Kevin, and he hated it. He would however, make sure that you heard him out. He was sick and tired of you not taking his phone calls and hanging up on him, and the way he saw it, you owed him the courtesy of a civil conversation if nothing else. A little past noon, you slipped your card through the lock and entered your suite. AJ was waiting for you. “God, you scared me!” you gasped. “Where are your shoes?” he asked. “I didn’t need them, so I didn’t wear them.” you explained flatly. Angry that he’d let himself in, you sarcastically shot back “Where’s your fiance? Wait, let me guess…you didn’t need her so you didn’t bring her." “Stop it ********” AJ said. You poured a glass of ice water and sat down in a chair to face him. “How did you get in my room?” you demanded. “I paid for your room, that’s how.” he countered. You felt your face flush and tried to keep calm “Ok, thank you.” you said as you retrieved your purse and checkbook. “How much do I owe you?” you asked as you quickly scribbled out “AJ McLean” on a check, leaving the amount blank, then signed your name. “Remember, I don’t make that much, so keep it real.” you told him. AJ tore the check up and dropped it on the carpet. “I don't want your damn money, I just want to talk ******. I understand that you’re mad and hurt, and I can’t stand that I’ve hurt you. We can still…” he began. You could feel your blood beginning to boil and cut him off. “We can still what AJ? Still be lovers?" “We could. I love you *******” he said. You, glass of ice water in hand, abruptly stood up, took four small steps between the sofa where AJ sat and the chair that you were in, and tossed the water in his face. “Don’t you EVER lie to me again. Get out.” you yelled. When you turned to make your way toward the door, AJ grabbed your wrist, jerking you back around. “What the fuck is your problem?" he hissed. Are you that insecure? Jealous? I’ve been honest with you! I love you. Do you want me to beg? Is that it?” He began to shake you. “Please, please *******. Don’t walk out of my life. Please...I’m begging you...don’t. Is that what you want to hear *******?" You began to cry. “Don’t walk out of your life AJ, or don’t walk into Kevin's life?” you fired back. AJ possessively wrapped his arms around you. “Both.” he answered. He tried to kiss you, but you wouldn’t let him. “Don’t AJ" You broke free and took a step back. “I won’t do that to Kevin...I won’t! I may be old-fashioned, but I won’t cheat on him, and had I known that you and Sarah were engaged from the beginning, I never, ever would have been with you. I’m so ashamed of myself. I’m so ashamed of you." Tears welled in AJ's eyes. “You don’t understand…” he sighed and you blew up. “You’re so right AJ, I DON’T UNDERSTAND. You keep reminding me of that, but you never tell me anything.” you snapped. “I owe her alot, that’s all” he mumbled. “What AJ? What exactly do you owe her for? I mean, you’re saying that you owe her enough to marry her, but you don’t owe her enough to be faithful? I guess I’m just simple, because I don’t get it. Where I come from, if you were going to “owe” anyone, it should have been me. I was the one who was carrying your child, remember?” you protested. AJ refused to make eye contact with you so you continued. “AJ, baby look at yourself. You look like shit! What’s wrong? If this what being happy and being engaged to Sarah is doing to you…” your voice trailed off as you watched his hands tremble. “You don’t understand…” he repeated. You were back at square one and all you could do was shake your head. Your voice was heavy with resignation when you quietly replied “You're right. I don’t and I guess I never will. Not until either you tell me, Sarah tells me or the press finds out." “Are you going to marry Kevin?” he asked. His question threw you for a moment...how had he found out about the proposal? “To be perfectly honest with you, I don’t know" you said quietly. "We do love each other, but our relationship is in its baby stages so I guess we’ll have to see how things go. Maybe someday…" “Were you in love with Kevin when you told me that you loved me?” AJ inquired as tears broke free, inching down his cheeks. You took him by the hand and led him to the sofa, then sitting down beside him, you laid your head on his shoulder as he began to openly weep. “AJ, have you ever heard the term ‘love of my life?’ Well, that’s how I feel about you. Baby, right now I’m angry and I'm hurt. I resent the hell out of Sarah and I hate myself for that because I’ve never even met her and that's not fair to her. I’m angry about the abortion and I’m angry that I lost. You and I have that much in common atleast. Neither one of us likes to lose, but I lost you, my baby, my dignity, and my self-esteem all in one shot, but in spite of losing all of that, you are STILL the love of my life! There will never be another AJ McLean for me....Kevin knows that and I know that, but you need to understand and appreciate that someone held you in that regard and that someone loved you that much. When my Mom was dying, she said something to me that I've never been able to shake. It's always on my mind, day in and day out. I was so upset because she’d had a bad, painful day and I knew that she was going to die soon, but I couldn’t stop it and I couldn't help her.” You gently wiped the tears from AJ's cheeks as you continued and your chin trembled as you recounted your mother’s last day. "She said ******, don’t cry. Everything happens for reason. Sometimes, we just can’t see it right away, but don’t be sad and don’t be bitter. Someday, it will all make sense and you’ll say…God knew what He was doing. My mother’s words are what kept me going when I missed you or loved you so much that I thought my heart was shattering, and that’s what kept me going when I had to make peace with what I did to our son…” You sniffled, swallowing hard and trying to hold back your own tears. “My mother’s last words are what’s getting me through losing you.” you explained. You kissed AJ delicately on the lips and said “Everything happens for a reason…even loving and losing AJ McLean.”CHAPTER TWENTY:
AJ, or what was left of AJ McLean, was a hot topic. He seemed to be changing and evolving into someone no one knew. At first, fans laughed and ridiculed him, but as time passed, genuine concern set in. Rumors about “what’s wrong with AJ?” spread like wildfire and ranged from drugs to illness and even to AIDS. He “didn’t look right” and he “didn’t act right.” It was heartbreaking to his fans and the guys, but it was especially heartbreaking to you. Your relationship with Kevin remained good, but because of your job, you were unable to keep up with him or his schedule the way he’d like. Kevin suggested that you quit your job, move in and travel with him, however, you had a very simple, easy-to-understand excuse why you wouldn’t. You had already lost your pride and self-esteem to one Backstreet Boy...you sure as hell weren't ready to put your career on the line for another one. Atleast, not yet. You were doing what you wanted with your life and you weren't ready to give it up. The last person you ever expected to get a phone call from was Howie. It was sometime after the tour had ended and the guys were in a flux state of award shows tucked in between precious time off. Even though he’d kept his home in Orlando, AJ purchased a home in L.A. and was traveling back and forth. It was from AJ's L.A. bungalow that you got an urgent call from Howie, begging you to fly to the coast that night. He said that he would pay for your ticket...whatever it took. “I can’t Howie. You know that” you told him softly. “******** please? He’s bad, really bad, and you're the only one who can help him. He doesn’t know I’m calling you.” Howie pleaded. “Why don’t you call Sarah?” you asked, then stopped short, dangerously close to raging sarcasm. You knew that Howie was just trying to help his friend and that you had no right to take your anger out on him. It was difficult, but you managed to hold the reigns on your resentment. “He needs you, and that’s me talking, not AJ. *******, he’s been locked up in his bedroom for two days. Please?” Howie persisted. Reluctantly, you finally agreed. “Ok, but I’ll have to tell Kevin. I sure as hell don’t want him thinking that I’m sneaking around behind his back." To your surprise, Howie replied “That’s cool, but he already knows. He’s the one who told me I’d better call you." Your flight into LAX arrived at 9:00 that night. You had insisted on an open return ticket and a rental car. That way, even though you were on AJ's turf, you could easily leave. The fact that Kevin wanted you to come worried you. That was a sure sign that something was truly wrong with AJ. Armed with a Mapsco, a Dr. Pepper, and a knot in your stomach the size of Texas, you navigated your way to the area just south of Sunset. It wasn’t hard to find, just congested with traffic. “This would drive me up a wall…” you grumbled. Howie looked tired, but relieved when he opened the door. There was no sign of AJ. Hugging you, he softly said “Thanks *******. I can’t babysit him forever, but I’m scared to leave him alone and he won’t let me call Sarah or anyone else." “You flew me half way across the country to babysit?” you screeched. You could feel your anger rising. “No…No!” Howie corrected. He led you into the living room and sat down. “Once you see him, I think you’ll understand. He’s been drinking alot...too much, and he’s doing drugs for sure, but he won’t tell me what or where he got them.”
he explained. You were stunned. You knew that AJ could knock a few back because the first time you'd ever met him, it was to haul his drunk ass back to the hotel, but you had never seen him do any drugs of any kind. “Where is he now?” you asked. “Passed out.” Howie sighed. You followed him down the hall to a closed door. He knocked once. When there was no answer, he quietly opened the door. “AJ? You got company. You awake?” he called. The room was dark except for the light coming from the television. AJ was laying face down, wearing only boxers and appeared to be asleep sprawled across the bed. “Has he eaten anything?” you whispered. When Howie shook his head no, you replied “Can you fix something or order out? I’ll see if I can wake him up and get him moving.” You kicked your shoes off and crawled up on the bed. “AJ? Hey baby...wake up.” You gently massaged his back, shocked at how much weight he had lost. He was easily twenty pounds lighter than when you had seen him in Vegas. Still, he didn’t budge and right then and there you realized that Howie was right to call. Something was terribly wrong. You pushed AJ's hair away from face, then leaning close to his ear you repeated “AJ, wake up honey…” He finally moved a little and moaned. With a cold, wet washcloth you began to gently bathe his face and neck. “Come on baby boy....hello?” Your words were soft and sweet, trying to coddle him into consciousness. Finally, he lazily opened his eyes, but seemed unable to focus. “Wake up AJ. Come on, please?” you coaxed, struggling to pull him up into your lap. You cradled him and began to rock him gently back and forth. “Baby? Come on. Its *******.” You kept talking and bathing his face, rocking him, and trying to lovingly wake him from his stupor. It seemed as if he was trying to hold his eyes open, but it was impossible. He kept trying to talk, but his words were slurred, thick, and heavy, so it was impossible for you to make them out. Eventually, he managed a raspy “*******?" “Yeah baby, I’m here. Wake up now, ok?” you answered. Howie, who was standing by the bed, handed you a glass of water, but you shook your head. AJ was so out of it that he’d probably drown if you tried to force water down him. Instead, you dipped your fingers in the water, letting droplets fall to his tongue, then tracing his dry lips with your wet fingers. A single tear broke free and slowly trickled down your cheek. “You dumb shit…” you whispered as you kissed his forehead. “Don’t leave me…” he mumbled, his eyes still closed. “Shhh. It’s ok, I’m here. I’m right here…” you said as you continued to hold him.© Copyright 2002 All Rights Reserved. No part of this text may be copied or reprinted without the author's permission.
Chapters 21-25
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