Clone High Quotes
Note: When mentioning the name of a famous person or historical figure, I mean their clone on the show, not the real person. If you've seen Clone High, you already understand this.
"You know what hurts the most, Joan? This nail I just stepped on. But there's a metaphorical nail in my other foot, which hurts the second most, and it's from you backstabbing me. So maybe instead of the nail metaphor, I should have used a stabbing one. But it's too late for that now, isn't it?!" - Abe
"Hi, I'm Ottawa's Tom Green. I live in Hollywood, thank you. So some of you may have been mean to a kid with ADD. That's not cool. Coffee? Anyone for - coffee anyone? All right, sorry. I like cotton candy. Check out my muscle. Potato chips. It's a Ferris wheel. So I guess what I'm trying to say is - plastic bag! Plastic bag! Plastic bag! Plastic bag! Plastic bag! Plastic bag!" - Tom Green
Cleo: "For a fundraiser, I'm hosting an open mouth kissing booth"
Joan: "Oh! For herpes awareness?"
"Behold, the soothing power of this enchanted sweata' vest! ...BEHOLDIT!" - Scudworth
"It can't be true. But then again, it rhymed. So it must be." - Abe
Random guy: "My discomfort with a man kissing another man is STRONGER than my hatred of ADD!"
Paul Revere: "HEY! Let's all accept Gandhi and shun Abe instead!"
Crowd: "YAY!"
"...and what will become of Gandhi?! I'd tell you, but I haven't seen the script yet. They were supposed to send it to me but there's this guy at work who totally hates me. If he gets me fired, I'm going to kill his dog!" - Narrator
"Unacceptable!? Did you see the pool? They flipped the bitch!" - Scudworth
"DAMMIT! I haven't been to the Olive Garden in like FOR-EVER!" - Scudworth
Gandhi: "No, no, it's 'Saaaaaaaay whaaaaaaaaaaaat?'"
George Washington Carver: "Say what?"
Gandhi: "Saaaaaaaaaay whaaaaaaaaaaaat?"
George Washington Carver: "Say what?"
"Be quiet, someone's trying to bang Catherine the Great over here. Or should I say Catherine the SO-SO?" - JFK
"This is a tough time for me. Without Cleo I'm a broken man. Hey, let's all go swim in my pool. And by pool I mean bathtub, and by swim I mean SEX!" - JFK
"School AFTER school? No WAY! I mean one school's enough for the G-man but two schools is like WHAAAAAT?" - Gandhi
"I don't take orders from YOU or ANYONE! (Phone rings) Hi Cleo. Sure, I'll take your order." - Abe
"ABE! Your cart's rolling! Abe it's gonna hit that animal cracker display! It's moving REALLY slowly just step forward and grab the handle! ABE!!!!" - Joan
"I can stay UP all night LONG! I accentuated the "up" and also the "long" for what I hope are uh obvious reasons. So let's get back together and BONE UP on the PXJTs! Haha!" (Whispers) "Guess what the "p" stands for? PENIS! Haha!" - JFK
"This was a wake-up call! A wake-up call about needing to sleep!" - Abe
"Mr. B what's your damage? Ever since Scangrade got here you've been acting like such a little bitch-bot!" - Scudworth
Gandhi: "Abe, remember how I was so excited about seeing the movie American Pie that I couldn't sleep the night before? And remember that scene where the guy has sex with the pie? Well I don't. Because I fell asleep in the theatre."
Abe: "Why don't you just rent it?"
"At first I just stayed up socially. But then I used to cut class and hide out in the parking lot to stay awake!" - Joan
Mr. B: "Are you a) handsome b) smart c) scrap metal or d) all of the above?"
Scangrade: "That's easy! I'm a and b, but not c so I can't be all of the above. But you can't fill in TWO ovals! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" (Falls apart)
Mr. B: "The answer is c, you *beep*wad!"
"AHH! He's been genetically engineered with a zipper! AHHH! Who's driving the van?!" - Gandhi
Abe: "Joan, how could you lie to me?"
Joan: "Abe, try to understand, I..."
Abe: "Oh, I understand. You sold us all a bill of goods, and those goods turned out to be bad. Then you sold me up the river."
Joan: "That may be, but I sent you up that river with my heart as a paddle!"
Abe: "But you took that paddle, and smacked me in the face, and I wear my heart on my sleeve, so when I wiped my face, I got heart all over it."
"Oh god. I can't believe I almost slept with Joan of Arc...Hot." - Cleo
"I just totally rhymed! I rhymed! Wait, rhymed, rhymed! I DID IT AGAIN!" - Gandhi
"I will be able to see and hear EVERYTHING they taste and smell!" - Scudworth
"THE Ashley Angel from O-Town? From TV's gift to pop music and the world O-Town?! Wow. He's like Jesus and the Beatles rolled into ONE!" - Abe
"G-spot rocks the g-spot!" - Gandhi
Abe: "We made a deal. No touching below the eyebrows."
Gandhi: "Everyone knows that celebrities are completely hairless. They digitally add the eyebrows later to make sure they make the right facial expressions."
"Thanks Joan. I'm kissing my girlfriend because of you." - Abe
"You've got crabs, ass-face!" - Krabby Kakes
"I love you both! One in a completely platonic way and one with a fiery passion that most people know but once in a lifetime. By the way that one's not you, Joan." - Abe
"Any group that uses this many fonts and is bold enough to use all these exclamation marks must be incredibly powerful! And soon in fact, this Thursday in the cafetorium, I WILL BECOME THEIR LEADER!" - Scudworth
"Man, I look like a JACKASS in these rainbow shorts!" - Abe
"I opened for the California raisins on their '89 tour. But these days the only dancing fruits kids want to see are the Backstreet Boys!" - Larry Hardcore
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