This blog.. is moving
Back to the very beginning to Blogger... I change around all the time depending on my mood.

http://downiefresh.blogspot.com

You will be able to find my posts there.

Thanks everyone!

Everything changes
Mood:  sad
My father passed away Thursday morning, March 22, 2007....

I made the drive home to my apartment tonight after being at my parents' house all week. It never seemed so distant until tonight.

I know we'll be ok. I know there will be changes, and things to get used to.

The feeling is so surreal. A part of me doesn't want to go back home knowing he won't be there anymore.

I won't open the door and find him sitting at the kitchen table reading a book... Or sitting in the garage with the door open... I will never hear his singing voice again... or hear him yell at me... or say things like... "I'm not yelling. This is my speaking voice."... or.. "Dow, go home."..

I want him back so much. I miss him so much.

I am so lucky to have the friends that I do have as a support system. My mom is right. There are people out there that care, and will be there when times are hard.

Thank you for being there for me and my family. This is an extremely rough time. We're not sure what we are going to do, but we are taking it one day at a time.

Paw... Dow kit terng lae ruk Paw mahk. Dow ja mai lerm arai ti Paw sawn ma. Dow whung wa Paw mee kwam sook laew mai suffer mahk. Duay ruk lae kaorohp yarng soong.

I love you, Dad.

I need some pain meds.... you may need some, too.
Mood:  not sure

So a lot of thinking and soul searching was done last night.

Career

I'm afraid I really don't know what my calling is in life. I wish I was one of those people that was sure of themselves and knew what they wanted. I just can't do that.

Growing up, I wanted to be in the medical profession, but the thought of blood and bodily functions turned me off to that. I studied business.. because I didn't know where else to go. My parents would always say, "Why business...? What are you going to sell??"..... and at the time I said, "I don't know.... why do I have to sell anything?" I can see where they were going with their question now.

In business, you have to be sharp.. know the business world, and have a lot of ambition. I can't say I exude those qualities, but I can't say that I'm lacking in them either.

I work very hard. I try to complete every task. I tackle as many issues I can that come my way. I ask for help when I don't know the answer. I always want to be more than what I am, and I hope one day to achieve it. (This includes going back to school for an MBA.)

I too, want to be successful. How do you measure success? I have learned people view success in many ways. Unfortunately for me, I view it superficially as being financially sound, having an incredible job, and the posession of material goods.

In addition to that... I hadn't thought about what else in my life would make me a success. It was pointed out to me that there are people who stay home and raise a family rather than have a career, and they may consider themselves successful for having a great home life.

That is something to consider.

Relationships

I just want to start this off by saying.. I don't feel old. I feel like I just turned 21 most days. I'm not sure how that's a precursor to what I have to say about relationships... but it's a statement I wanted to make.

I have been in 3 relationships in my lifetime. 2 of which were serious, and 1 in which was based off of lies. Most times I do not consider the latter of being of any significance, and it is embarrassing to speak of at times because I was fooled.

To that person, if you have found me and read my blog. I want you to know I forgive you, and I think of you and your family and hope everything is well. We were young at the time, and I hope in life, you've found what you were looking for.

In the first relationship I learned how to love. I also in the end, learned how to hurt someone and kill their spirit. But it wasn't just his spirit I killed, it was mine. We were young at this time, too. I didn't know how to handle the situation properly, and I was scared of what was to come. I was impatient for future scenarios, and couldn't stand not having him around. What I did was wrong, and I don't believe I have forgiven myself for that. It is, it seems, ancient history, but I still feel terrible for all that happened. I knew I loved with all my heart. I thought it would be forever. Forever cannot stand betrayal.

3 relationships... does that seem like a small number? It's funny because... in this current relationship, I have been in it since I was 18.

18 is young. How could our relationship sustain such a long period of time? Especially starting off at such a young age...? I have no idea. In this relationship, I did not take the same approach as the first. I had already learned my lesson.

In this, we work things through. We talk about how we feel. At times, it's like pulling teeth. One does not want to hurt the other by being truthful, but we know it must be done. We are open towards each other. We have grown together, inspired each other, supported one another. It's been 7 1/2 years. Time flies.

I remember when I met him. How I felt about him. How I thought I'd never see him again. I wanted to be able to date more people. Life does not play out as imagined. Maybe it's better that way....

Dreaming

Did I mention I'm a dreamer? I dream to hit the Lotto. :) I also feel I will win one day. :) I know that sounds crazy. I am a bit on the crazy side.

I dream of getting married most times, too. What am I going to dream about after I do...???

The Lotto. :D

Feeling Philosophical

I'm a romantic deep down. I set myself up for failure.

I expect the worse to fall upon me. If I am optimistic about events, and it ends up going south, I end up feeling devastated. Devastated is a pretty strong word, but it's true.

If I feel that the event could go either direction, I am calm and can accept a win or lose. I like the middle road.

If I feel I am going to fail, and I end up succeeding. Surprise!!!! That's a score for me. It rarely happens, but when it does, there is a feeling of complete satisfaction. In this situation, if I do fail.. the disappointment isn't as great.. and the hurt I feel is far less, than if I had expectations.

Now I feel silly explaining the ins and outs of my actions. =/

Life is what you make of it. Only you can decide what's right for you. The decisions you make and the actions you take are what drives you to be the person you are.

Goals are easy to set. The difficulty lies in achieving them.

Nothing is perfect. Once you feel you've reached perfection, you find another flaw... or someone else finds it for you.

And.. advice given to me when I was younger... "You'll be ok. I know you feel bad that it's over, but you have to remember you made the decision. It hurts, and you will probably cry, but ultimately.. you decided to end it, and in time you'll accept that it was for the best."

Mood:  hug me
I'm tired. Just thought I would write about the latest happenings.

...

Bears.. Superbowl this Sunday. :)

...

I'm boring :( .. I'm going to play the Sims. I've beaten it a million times.. It never gets old.

But first.. I will recap the last few weeks...

I think since Thanksgiving, I've been to A's condo every friggin weekend. :) hehe. Thanks for having me over!

New Year's Eve 2006/NYE 2007. I was not drunk, but a bit tipsy. Ann will not let me forget that I did not end up as drunk as she was. I tried. There was a plethera of food. Sushi from Mitsuwa, White Castle Sliders, Hooters Wings, and trays of Panda Express.. mm.. Orange Chicken...

I think the food absorbed the drinking. Really, I did try.

I had several cups of Ann's punch.. which was strong as hell..

I made Jello shots.. peoples reactions to them:

Had a lot of fun that night...

After New Year's, we did a chili cook off... or.. more like.. an eat off.. B/c no one judged the chili. I think A's was really good. Spicy. I vote for A's. Mine was mediocre at best. I make a better meatloaf. I have to practice with chili.

I think Chico's idea of taking a bunch of Wendy's chili containers and emptying them in a pot would have been awesome. It's cheating.. but it's damn good chili. I like when you find square pieces of meat in your chili.

That reminds me of a phone conversation I had with the transportation coordinator today. I called, and he picked up the phone before I heard the phone ring. I commented on his readiness to answer the phone. Then I asked him if he's ever had the experience of calling someone, and they picked up the phone before it rang.. not realizing you were already there.. and they start to dial in your ear... and then they put the receiver to their ear to find out you've been on the line the whole time. Yeah, I hate that. It's awkward.

Anyways, back to recapping..

For chili cook off day, I believe I bought Karaoke Revolution - American Idol. Yes, it is great. "Oh shit!!!! ... Breakaway...? I love that song!" We sang our hearts out. Oldie but a goodie I am currently obsessed with: "Alone" - Heart. Good song. I love Heart.

There was one weekend we just swung by and did dinner. Steak, Spinach, Rotisserie Chicken, hehehe..

Hung out the weekend after to catch the NFC championship game. :) Played more Karaoke.. watched some tv.

Now we're obsessing over Guitar Hero. I love this group of friends. We're geeking over video games.

Last week, went to Deo's bday at Finn McCool's.. I got to see people I haven't seen in a long time. I really like Laura.. She's really sweet. Good party :) hehe

I had a chance to see Princess.

And just hang out....

I like Deo's friends. They're good times.

I also got to see Paul. I haven't seen him in forever. He's still the same. Laughs at everything.. hahaha crazy.

Met Jade's cousins, too. Fobby. They cracked me up. They paid 20 bucks to learn a magic trick. I have no idea what came of it afterwards.



Had my first Irish Car Bomb. Surprisingly good. I chugged that thing.. and then we left. I was buzzed a bit on the way home. Here we are with the bartender. He looks ready for the picture. That's funny! hahaha.. My eyes are closed.. =/.. surprise.

Happy 30th Birthday, Deo!

The ride back to A's was fun. Hahah.. "my brotha.."

Happy Birthday to Dudo. Go ahead and drink that water!!

This past weekend, went to Sushi Para Too... and then went back to play some Guitar Hero..

I had found a used guitar at GameStop near my place and brought it to A's. I hadn't noticed until someone pointed out to me that the guitar had a smell. It reeked of Maple Syrup. It was nasty.. and if you jammed too hard on it, it would d/c from the PS2. How suck is that? Pretty suck if you ask me. So I returned it.

It was funny b/c I brought it back to GameStop, and the guy there knows me b/c he used to work w/Josh. So I point to the guitar and say, "Return.." and he asks.. "Whyyyyyy?".... all sad-like.. and I said.. "Well, this guitar... smells funky." At this point, I've already put the guitar on the counter. He leaned in and took a whiff. Looked up at me with a funny face.. and I explained it smelled like maple syrup. He leaned over to take another sniff... and I said, "Mark, you don't have to smell it again..." hahaha..

Gross. I hate the smell of maple syrup.

When I was in grade school, we would hang out in the parking lot before we were allowed in the school. Each grade by class had to form lines and we would march to class in a double line. Classes were split in half, 2 teachers to each grade... there's a reason I'm giving background.. I'm a girl... I like detail.. deal with it..

So one of the girls in my group and I were standing around talking before we had to form lines... and she smelled super funky. I mean.. this girl smelled like she was covered in maple syrup. She must've had pancakes for breakfast or something... b/c I could smell it standing a few feet away. So she came in close to tell me something, and I told her to back off.... "You smell funny", I say. She says, "You are so rude."

I felt bad for most of that day.... but I couldn't stand it.

Hmm.. I think that's it for now. I've rambled on about enough crap. Til next time...

Xmas 2006.
Mood:  lucky
Merry Xmas everyone!

I had a great Christmas this year!

No, I'm not engaged... =/ hahaha

It started off Saturday with Xmas Eve Eve. TM got together and hung out. Dinner was made, and we just enjoyed everyone's company. Played another round of Loaded Questions, and then ended up pigging out on Chinatown :) hehe

Xmas eve, I spent time with Josh's family. We got together and hung out eating finger foods and relaxing in front of a fire. I made kanom jeeb. It was a hit. I am DA BOMB... Played Spades, and a game called.. Mille Bornes. I like this game. It's good times. I'm thinking about purchasing it. :)

The next morning, went back to Josh's family's place and did Christmas.

It was fun.. Josh's brother, Daniel played Santa.

I got goodies :) hehe.. I <3 MP3 player... :sigh:

Also received candles, candle holders, The Little Mermaid on DVD, and a salt & pepper grinder (a nice one at that!)... Josh got 1gb of RAM for his computer. Had a good time...

Then it was on to dinner at my family's..

The house was decorated with lights. I had my dad stand in front of it. He was so proud. I love the look of it.

Dinner was a huge spread. And it was soooo good!



Before we ate, my dad mentioned how after eating, he would probably pass out. So Deo gave him his present to open, because he didn't want Dad to have to open it after xmas. Here is Dad trying to save the wrapping paper.

My dad really liked Deo and Laura's presents. It was so cute.. b/c dad was saying.. "I really was thinking of buying Bears gear for myself..".. haha! So, then I gave him the present Josh and I bought for him. (We bought my mom a picture frame, but it was scratched! I wanted to put a family picture in it to give to her... but now i'm making a scrap book for her. I called her today to tell her to get photos ready for me.).. Here is my dad <3'ing the dvd player..

haha! So.. he didn't even eat dinner. He was watching Thai Karaoke the whole time. It was cracking me up b/c he wanted to see more. Dad can never sit still for more than 5 mins.

After dinner, I gave Deo, Don, and Laura their gifts. We gave Laura a gc to Carson's... and this is what Deo and Don got:

Deo & Laura gave my mom a robe and bath and body lotions and soaps.

Overall, it was a great Christmas. I got to spend it with all 3 of my families. :)

Love you guys. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, too!

Belated birthday news
Mood:  d'oh
I completely forgot to write about Fall 26th birthdays! Now, I have broke the chronology of my blog. D'oh!~..

Josh drove his friend Tim and I, and in another car were his friends Garrett, Scott, and DJ. They're really nice guys.



We all had a really good time. The 1980's were gone that night. Here we are sober..



I think.. by the end of the night.. I was really wasted and probably was talking some shit I can't remember. One of the only times I've been able to hold liquor and not get sick and sit around dumb. I heart dancing and random picture taking.




It was a fun evening. There were so many people there. I missed a lot of the drama because I was on the opposite side of the room for most of the night.

People were super drunk, pukeage occurred, passing out. It was great. :D

I also got to spend my birthday with my siblings.



I loved that we ended up having a private party. There wasn't one person any one of us didn't know. The music wasn't 1/2 bad either. Had I had known this dude was the DJ, I would've requested some old school dance tracks.



Thanks for making 26 a good age to be!

Thanksgiving, Bua's Birthday, Secret Lovers, & High Fives!
Mood:  chillin'
I'm super tired. This weekend has been pretty long!

It started off Thursday with Thanksgiving. I arrived in the city around 2pm that day, and helped out with preparation and cooking.



We got a juicy big assed turkey this year.. 20lbs! It was really good. I heart Thanksgiving. We had so much food this year. Everybody is a talented cook :)

A*team was in effect that night. 1/2 of Team Dudo was there only b/c Dudo showed up later. I will join team Dudo another day. :D

Josh spent Thanksgiving with his father. They bought the premade dinner, and heated it up. I heard it was really good. :) I'm glad they got to spend the day together, as I am glad I got to be with TM.

After dinner, we played a round of "Loaded Questions". I heart this game. We get to learn so much about each other... and it's funny hearing all the fucked up answers.... (ie, "Smegma", "I have 2 cunts, the other one is Don.", "How to make cool ring tones", "Secret Lovers")..



I ended up going home Thursday night to sleep. I like sleeping in my own bed, and plus with the loft, I snore pretty damn loud. :D

Friday, I woke up and Josh and I relaxed a bit and decided to go work out. I walk/jogged about 15 mins on the elliptical, used machines for weights, and walked on the track for a couple of laps. I'm done with exercising for the year ;). Then I drove out for Buabies birthday. That was good times. Yay for dinner!



Afterwards, we went bowling. Getting there was kinda crappy b/c our the directions given were unclear... =/ Had to turn around 2x to get to the right streets, but in the end, we found our Brunswick Zone, and drinking, bowling, and arcade games commenced.

Bowling was a great idea... Had an awesome time. Lots of dancing on lanes, and silly names.
Our bowling names changed all night...

Here are examples of our fucked up humor...

Lane 25:


Lane 26:


Saturday, we lounged all day. We decided we were going to see Borat, and also decided on going to Sushi Para Too. We arrived at Sushi Para, to find out there would be a long wait. I put my name and phone# on the list, and we walked about and ended up at Aloha Grill. We finished dinner, and walked a bit more to find dessert, when I received the call from Sushi Para that our table would be ready in 3 minutes. 3 minutes??? I put my name down at 8pm.. and they called at 9:20pm.... Had we had not left and walked around.. it would have been almost an hour and 1/2 wait.. and we would have missed Borat!!!

Thank you Oiy for driving that evening. :) Crazy parking situation. I hate parking in the city sometimes. Can never find a damn spot, or you have to pay something. =/

Borat is hilarious. Already quoting the damn movie.. HIGH FIVE!....

Thank you A, for letting us stay at your place for Thanksgiving weekend. :). I like hanging out. If you want me to come by and make dinner one nite, all you have to do is ask, and... let me know what you want. Pot roast is easy. :D

Thanks for everyone for contributing to Thanksgiving by bringing side dishes, rolls, and utensils. Everything was greatly appreciated!!

On the last note of this evening, I have registered a domain for a new TM website. I will give you the link to it later. Right now, I'm waiting for the hosting capabilities to set in. I can't upload til it does. I have lots of dancing video takes from our bowling excursion. :).

Til next time...

Happy Birthday to you!
Mood:  special
Happy birthday A!!!

Ok.. that is all. :)

Ada's Farewell & Betty's
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Montell Jordan-This Is How We Do It.
Montell Jordan-This Is How We Do It


Starting a new blog. Wanted to see if this would work out better than Xanga. Oiy had pointed out to me that it sucks not being able to have people comment on your blog because they don't belong to a certain community (xanga especially). We'll see how this goes.


The last couple of weeks have been full of emotions. Starting the new job has been somewhat trying. I don't like the feeling of not knowing what to do. I'm sure I will be learning this job in no time... but I loved my old job. I loved the people. It's hard to leave people behind after 2-3 years of working together. Kind of feels like the first week at a new school. You're not sure of everything around you, and you're not even sure if you belong... but you'll make the best of it..





This Saturday at Betty's was great, too. Except for the end of the night. Don, sorry for almost killing us. =/.. I won't talk about it if you don't want me to. I also wanted to extend an apology over the stereo situation. I will chip in some monies if you plan on buying a new one.

I heart pictures with bouncers :) haha!




Ada's farewell party was good times. I love all of us being together, and I love Turbo Cranium! hehe..

ADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! :sigh: 2 years. I don't plan on getting married until after those 2 years. It wouldn't be the same. Unless I unexpectedly come across a large sum of money... I would fly her out. :) I mean.. if I was even engaged while she was gone.. I would wait for her to come back. I hate when people miss out.

I miss Ann. It was awesome hanging out all weekend. It felt like old times. Car rides, hanging out... New Edition.. hah! I can't believe I couldn't remember the name of your favorite song from high school! Everytime I hear it, I think of her. Duh... I should've guessed that first.




Congrats again on the condo, A. :) I likes.




I'm tired. You all have a goodnight.