Nick could pin point the exact moment....second that he realized that he was in love with Brian. It was the scariest moment in his entire life. Definitely not the time to be making life altering decisions. They had wheeled Brian into the OR hours before to complete the final step in correcting Brian’s heart problem. They were having difficulties and something was happening, he wasn’t stabilizing. They were losing him and it was in that exact second Nick watched his entire life flash before his eyes. Followed by his future,. A future without his best friend, his partner in crime. His other half. The one person who could make him complete and he began to cry realizing that he was in love with Brian. As he was crying, he was instantly surrounded by family and friends. They were worried about him most out of all the guys. He was the one they knew would be the most affected. Words of encouragement were said and Nick sobbed harder. They had no idea at all.

"I never told him I loved him." Nick mumbled to no one in particular.

"He knows Nick. You guys are so close. Trust me he knows." Kevin said, trying to be supportive. Nick smiled a weak smile at Kevin, putting on a brave face. He knew Kevin didn’t understand what he meant by it, but he hoped that deep down Brian did know.

Brian had come through the surgery better than ever. But it changed him. Made him realize what he nearly lost. He had become more serious, more focused, more engaged. Nick remembered the night Brian had told him. He was the first to know out of everyone. It was the night his heart shattered. "Brian. There’s something I need to tell you." Nick began nervously. This was it. He was going to finally tell Brian how he felt.

"I have news for you too." Brian beamed, practically glowing.

Nick stuttered for a few minutes before Brian placed a calming hand on Nick’s arm. "It’s okay Frack. Just tell me."

Sighing, Nick decided to just do it. "Frick. I think.. I think I’m in love with you." He looked directly into Brian’s eyes which were full of shock. There was no disgust like he was expecting. Just shock. The longer Brian was silent the more nervous Nick got. "Frick..tell me what you’re thinking. Please say something."

"Ummm." Brian was thinking long and hard about Nick’s confession. "Are you sure Nick?"

"So sure. More sure of anything in my entire life. I’m in love with you." Nick gave Brian a weak smile and shrugged. "I’ve been in love with you for so long. I just needed to tell you. See how you feel."

"Nick...You know I love Leighanne. I love her more than I’ve loved anyone. That’s what I wanted to tell you, we’re getting married." Brian grimaced at the look of hurt on Nick’s face. He hadn’t meant to hurt his best friend, just be honest.

"Oh." Nick’s world was crashing down around him. He’d never remembered being in this much pain before.

"Nicky. I’m so flattered. That of all the people in the world to fall in love with, you fell in love with me. And I wish that I could return that love but I can’t. I do love you Nick, just not how you want me to." As Brian saw a few tears form in Nick’s eyes he felt his eyes mist as well. He knew that this would change their friendship forever, but he couldn’t lie to his best friend. He loved him too much to do that.

Nick knew that Brian was only being honest, not trying to hurt him intentionally but it was still hard. He needed to get away. "I’m sorry Rok. I have to go. And he went. He didn’t leave physically, just emotionally. Retreated to a place where no one could reach him. Somewhere that no one could reach him. Somewhere that he couldn’t be hurt, where no emotions were involved. He continued to love Brian from afar, painfully watching how happy he was with Leighanne. Letting it kill him piece by piece.

Now here Nick was at Brian’s wedding. He looked around and saw Kevin and Kristen and sighed. Brian found love, Kevin found love and here he was, alone. Alone, loving someone who was getting married. As he watched the ceremony he felt some of the pain lessen. He loved how Brian’s eyes twinkled from excitement. How his cheeks were pink and his mouth was continually in a smile. Brian’s happiness spurned on Nick’s happiness and he sat back surprised, finding himself smiling.

"You must really love him." A voice broke through Nick’s thoughts. He turned to face AJ who was looking at him with awe.

"What do you mean Bone?"

"You’re happy for him. Genuinely happy for him. You must love him enough that his happiness overrides your own." AJ suddenly looked tired, defeated and glanced sideways at Kevin.

And then it hit Nick. AJ’s problems with alcohol, depression started around the time of Kevin’s engagement. Kevin’s wedding. "I do love him and want him to be happy. But it’s still hard. I can’t watch them together without the twinge of jealousy. He was mine first." Tears threatened and Nick tried to stop them. Control himself.

"Nicky. He was never yours. Not that way anyways." AJ’s comment hit Nick hard and he flinched. The truth sucked sometimes. Sighing he put his emotions aside for a second and looked at AJ. Looked at the tiny creases at the corners of his mouth when he smiled, looked at the way his eyes expressed every emotion, every thought that he was feeling. Nick just looked at him.

"You never told him did you Bone?" The question surprised even himself as Nick spoke, looking at Kevin. AJ looked at Nick and then turned to face Kevin. He let out a deep sigh and then shook his head.

"I couldn’t."

Nick understood AJ’s pain. It had taken every ounce of strength for him to tell Brian.

They sat and watched the priest pronounce them man and wife and Nick felt his heart break just a tiny bit more. Brian and Leigh made their way down the aisle and Nick watched with tears in his eyes. As he passed, Brian smiled at Nick, beaming with happiness. As Nick was about to let the darkness overtake him, about to let the desperation of the situation consume him, he felt a hand engulf his own. Looking down he saw his fingers laced with AJ’s, the black painted fingernails standing out against his plain white ones. He turned to face AJ and felt his pulse race, his hand began to tremble and his breath came short. The two men’s eyes met and they smiled, seeing something in the other they hadn’t noticed before. Hope. Comfort. Excitement. The possibility of love.

Suddenly Nick’s heart didn’t hurt ass much, the pain dulling slightly. It would be a long road but now looking at AJ he could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe, in admitting to myself my feelings for Brian, it helped me find what I was really looking for. Helped me see what was right in front of me the entire time.

THE END

MAIN PAGE

My Bsb Fiction

View My Guestbook
Sign My Guestbook