NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. NAME:____________________________ DATE OF BIRTH:_________________________ HEIGHT:____________ WEIGHT:___________ I.Q.:________________ G.P.A.:________ SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER:___________________________ DRIVER'S LICENSE #:____________________________ BOY SCOUT RANK:________________________________ HOME ADDRESS:_______________________________ CITY/STATE:__________________________ ZIP:___________________________

1. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?________________If no, EXPLAIN:___________________________________________________

2. Number of years your parents have been married:_________

3. Do you own a van?_____A truck with oversized tires?_______A waterbed?_______Do you have an earing, nose ring, or belly button ring?_________A tatoo?__________ (If answering yes to any of the #3 questions, discontinue application and leave the premises QUIETLY)

4. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________

5. In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you? _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________

6. In 50 words or less, what does "DON"T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________

7. Church you attend:_____________________How often you attend:_____________

8. When would be the best time to interview your mother, father, and Priest/Rabbi/Minister? ____________________________________________________________________

*Answer the following by filling in the blank. Please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential, (that means I won't tell anyone-ever-I-promise)!

If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is________________

If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my________________________

A woman's place is in the_______________________________________

The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is______________________________________________________

When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her_____________________ (NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue application and leave premises. Keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

9. What do you want to be IF you grow up?____________________________________ I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

____________________________________________Signature (That means your name, moron!)

Thank you for your interest! Please allow four to six yrs for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write, since you probably can't and it would cause you injury. If you are rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases. YOU MIGHT WANT TO WATCH YOUR BACK!!!!!