Twenty-Three

Aaron walked slightly behind a silent Nick. He didn't know what to say… what to think. He sighed.

Nick walked up the counter and turned around. He pulled out his wallet. "What do you want, Aaron?" he asked quietly.

Aaron shrugged, "Double cheeseburger and a coke." He almost whispered, not knowing what was going through Nick's head.

Nick nodded and ordered for himself, his little brother, his girlfriend, and even got a malt for Jackie. She'd probably want it when she saw it. Grabbing his own food, Nick walked off to a table.

Aaron took his and followed Nick, still silent. He was just waiting for Nick to blow.

Nick sat quietly and stared at his food, suddenly losing his appetite. He pushed it away with a sigh, taking a drink of his coke. He stared down at the table.

"Nick, I… I'm sorry…" Aaron muttered, not knowing if he should be sorry, but feeling sorry for something.

"What for?" Nick asked.

"I… For… um… telling Jackie… I guess," he answered, looking at his hands.

Nick shrugged, picking at his fries. He wanted to eat them, but couldn't get his hand to lift them to his mouth.

"Nick, talk to me," Aaron begged.

"About what, Aaron?" he spat, annoyed.

"Whatever is going through your head!" he answered.

Nick sighed deeply and spoke softly, "I never… I didn't want you to know. But I guess it was just a matter of time before you put two and two together, but…"

"But…?" Aaron asked softly.

"But… It's not something I admit to. If you remember that then I can't help, but fear what else you've gotta remember…" Nick trailed off as his voice cracked. For God's sake, they were in McDonalds!

Aaron sighed and sat back in his chair, not knowing what to say. He remembered a lot, but did Nick want to know what else he knew?

Nick tilted his head at his brother, "What are you thinking?"

Aaron shrugged. "Nick, I… I remember… a lot," he whispered, looking down, not wanting to see Nick's reaction.

Nick closed his eyes, "You couldn't… you were so young."

"Stuff like that's hard to forget…" Aaron whispered.

"How much, Aaron?" Nick asked softly, eyes still closed.

"You want to know what I remember?" Aaron asked looking up at Nick.

He nodded.

Aaron started from his mom's affair when he was six, and stopped when he got to Nick's attempt. "Want me to keep going?" he asked with tears in his eyes. Aaron was rambling. It had felt good to tell Jackie, but it felt better to tell Nick.

Nick shook his head and bit his lip, "I'm so sorry."

"Why are YOU sorry?" Aaron asked, "YOU have no reason to be sorry."

"I tried… Oh God, I tried so hard to protect you from this Aaron. All of you. I'm so sorry, you don't deserve this."

"Nick, but it's not… I mean, you don't deserve this any more than I do," Aaron responded.

"It's not the same…" he whispered, "I lived it. You had to witness it. It's not your problem."

"Nick, you're my brother," Aaron reminded him.

"So?"

"So? So?! So you're family problems are my family problems. They're my family too!" he answered.

Nick looked away, "I'm gonna go to the bathroom." Sadie wasn't the only one he'd run away from.

"Damn it, Nick…" Aaron muttered.

Nick said nothing as he stood up and took a step away from the table.

Aaron shook his head and sighed.

He turned around suddenly, "Do you hate me?"

"No," Aaron answered simply.

"Promise?" he wringed his hands.

"I promise."

Nick nodded and continued to the bathroom.

"Nick!" Aaron called out.

Nick stopped in his tracks and looked over his shoulder. He stared questionably at his sibling.

"Are you… mad at me?"

He swallowed and hesitated, "How can I be mad at you for something you couldn't control?"

"But… I told Jackie…" he reminded him.

"You needed to talk," Nick shrugged, "and I wasn't there to hear it."

Aaron nodded softly, "Okay…"

"I'm gonna go pee now," he smirked.

Aaron smiled, "Okay.”

After relieving himself, he walked back out to find Aaron sitting at their table, looking rather deep in thought and depressed. Nick didn't know how to make it better. They needed to talk, but he couldn't figure out what about.

"So you don't hate me?" Aaron asked when Nick sat down, looking up at his brother with his brown eyes.

"No…" Nick placed a hand on his shoulder, "Aaron, I don't hate you. Now don’t say that. There's no way."

"Do you hate Mom and Dad?" Aaron asked quietly.

He took a deep breath, "I love them because they're my parents. But yes… I hate them… a lot…"

"Good… me too," Aaron agreed.

Nick gave Aaron's shoulder a tight squeeze. "Why do you have to be a guy?" he joked, "Guys are too hard to deal with…"

Aaron chuckled, "I don't think Jackie likes Sadie much…" He didn't even know where that came from.

"Why?" he questioned, "What'd she do to her?"

"She didn't do anything, it's just… a vibe," Aaron said.

"Gotcha," Nick nodded. This was too awkward.

Aaron nodded and looked out the window.

"Aaron, why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Um… I don't know. I guess I was scared," Aaron answered.

"Why would you be scared?" Nick was confused.

"About what I saw…" Aaron said, "I didn't want to believe what you were doing. I guess… it made me realize you're not perfect..."

"Aaron… I… I was never perfect. We… I fell apart. I couldn't take it. For the next year after that, I wished you hadn't stopped me."

Aaron didn't know what to say, "There hasn't been a day that's gone by that I wasn't glad I walked in."

Nick shook his head, "I was in such a horrible situation. I knew it'd be better to be dead than live it anymore."

"If you weren't here… I don't know where I'd be. I would have been the one to find you and… it would have killed me. Could you imagine what would have happened to me… if you had?" Aaron asked.

"I'm sorry," Nick whispered, feeling tears rise to his eyes, "I never wanted to leave you… just… them."

"But… I'm part of them… aren't I? I mean, I am part of the problem…"

His head snapped up, "No… No, Aaron. You were never part of the problem, nor are you now. How can you think that?"

Aaron shrugged, "I dunno. I mean, I was part of your life and you wanted to get away from your life. So I guess… I mean… I figured…"

"No," Nick stated, "No."

Aaron sighed.

"Sometimes I ask myself… why me? Why did they have to focus on me, when they had four other kids?" Nick licked his lips, "But… If I had to choose between you or me getting hurt… I'd pick me without hesitation."

"Sometimes… I wished they'd… come after me to give you a break…" Aaron answered.

Nick smiled, "I remember when you were little. A few days before I'd tried to… Me and Dad got in a fight and you came into my room early the next morning asking what was wrong with Dad and why I was crying. You were so scared… not for yourself, but for me. I think you probably knew. Anyway, you climbed into my bed and I think you held me that morning."

"I hated when you and Dad would fight. I was waiting for the day you hit him back. You wouldn't have stopped, I know. You would have killed him," Aaron sighed.

He cocked his head, "Yeah… I probably would have. They… especially him… came after you guys a lot. That's why I had you all lock your doors at night."

"Why didn't you ever lock your door?" Aaron asked.

"Because I knew that if I locked my door, he may have went to the first door he came to. That would have been yours. Yours was the first door after the steps. He would have kicked it in, Aaron. He was always so angry."

Aaron nodded, "Thank you, Nick."

"Thank you more. You saved my life," Nick smiled sadly.

Aaron paused for a moment, "I owed you."

"For protecting you?" Nick asked.

"Yeah…" Aaron smiled, "For saving mine."

Nick gave a grin and actually blushed a little bit, "What are big brothers for?"

***

Sadie watched as the two Carters walked back into the building. Jackie still hadn't returned, but it'd only been a half an hour. She turned her attention to them and smiled lightly, noticing their upset faces.

Nick sighed deeply when he saw Sadie. He forced a smile back and took a seat next to her. "Any news?" he asked softly.

"None that I've heard. The doctors said the surgery went well, though…" She placed a hand on his knee.

Nick looked to her hand for a moment before lacing his fingers with hers. He sat forward, with his elbows on his knees, his hands and hers at his forehead. He didn't know if that was okay, but he didn't care either. The past hour and a half had been such an emotional roller coaster. He didn't even know how he handled it.

Sadie brought her other hand to his hair, soothing it gently. Looking over at Aaron, she asked with a smirk, "Where's my drink?"

"Oh damn… I left it in the car," Nick muttered, standing.

Aaron stood, "Don't worry about it, I'll get it. Where's Jackie, by the way?"

Sadie shrugged, "I don't know. She said she was going for a walk."

At that moment, Jackie rounded the corner entering the waiting room again. "Aaron… you're back…" she said softly with a smile on her face.

Aaron stood and kissed her, "Yeah, I'm back. We got you a malt… but it's in the car with Sadie's stuff. Wanna get it with me?"

"Sure," she agreed with a small smile as she took his hand.

Sadie watched the couple until they reached the corner before turning to Nick. "Okay… What's wrong?" she questioned, standing and running her fingers through his hair.

"He… he remembers everything," Nick answered, looking down at her.

Sadie's eyes went wide, "Everything?"

"Everything…" he repeated softly as he fought back tears.

"I know that he knew about the… attempt but…" Sadie gulped as she watched him fight his emotions. She leaned toward him and kissed his cheek innocently, "Don't hide your feelings, Baby. It's okay." She paused and whispered, "You never told me it was on your birthday."

He broke down and buried his face in her shoulder. He didn't want to cry about this anymore, but he couldn’t stop.

Sadie was surprised when he'd let go so easy. She tightly wrapped her arms around him as she watched Aaron and Jackie walk back into the room. She motioned for them to stay quiet as she comforted the man in her arms.

Seeing Jackie's sneer, Sadie flipped her the middle finger and kissed Nick's head. Aaron didn't know what to think. Jackie just shook her head at the two of them and sat down loudly, crossing her legs.

Hearing the others in the room, Nick calmed himself down as best he could. He reluctantly pulled away, rubbing his eyes with his fists.

Aaron's eyes welled as he started crying. He stood there awkwardly in front of the other three as he sobbed softly.

Jackie looked up at him shocked. Aaron never cried, especially not in front of other people. She gently placed her hand on his arm, looking up at him.

Nick watched his brother and didn't know what to do. He felt his own tears returning and grasped for Sadie's hand, which he held tightly.

Aaron glanced down at Jackie before looking away. He stared at his brother, "Nicky… I'm so sorry, Nicky…"

Nick stood and opened his arms slightly in an invitation, just to see if he would take it.

Aaron gave a choked cry as he ran into his older brother’s arms. It’d been too long since he’d felt that comforting embrace. He fell into him, holding Nick’s neck tight as he cried. "I don’t know what I would have done, Nicky… I don’t know how I could have handled losing you. I’m sorry that you went through that… I’m so sorry, but please don’t leave me. Please…" he sobbed.

Nick felt his tears return as he held his brother. "Aaron, it's okay. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere," Nick held on as tight as he could. "I promise, Aaron. I'm not going anywhere," he repeated as he kissed the top of Aaron's head.

Aaron just cried harder as he clung to Nick's body. Every thought, every fear, every sadness he'd ever felt for his family, he let out right then.

Sadie brushed away her own tears as she watched the brothers. She looked over to see Jackie's reaction.

Jackie sat in her seat, stunned at the emotional display. It took her a few minutes to realize that she herself was crying. Her heart broke for Aaron… and Nick as she watched them. ‘Just let them all be okay,’ she silently prayed.

A doctor walked in. "Mister… Carter?" she asked looking at her clip board, "Is there a Mister Nick Carter in here?"

Nick looked to the doctor, "Right here." He didn't let go of Aaron. He wouldn't until Aaron wanted to let go. He knew Aaron needed this.

Aaron's body tensed as he realized the doctor must be there about BJ. He whimpered slightly and buried his head in his brother's neck. He didn't want to know.

The woman smiled lightly at the two boys while sticking out her hand. "I'm Doctor Helt," she told him, "I've been assigned to Bobbie while she's here."

Nick reached and shook her hand quickly. He kept his other hand gently rubbing Aaron's back. "How is she?" Nick asked.

"She came out all right… Although, she's still unconscious at the moment," she paused, "I was told you know about her chances of recovery and the results of the blood test. Is this correct?"

"Yeah, that's right," Nick answered with a slight nod.

Aaron gasped and pulled away to look at his brother, "You knew? You knew and you didn't tell me?" His lip trembled as another tear ran down his face.

"I… I didn't want to worry you with all of that," Nick answered.

Aaron was upset about it, but at the moment didn't care very much. He laid his head on Nick's chest as he listened to what the doctor had to say. He was scared.

"I have been asked to inform you that Bobbie has a higher chance of recovery now. We'll see though… and… since there were drugs in her system, the police have been informed and will come to deal with her as soon as she's let out. Do you have any questions?" she looked around, "Any of you?"

"No, thank you, Doctor," Nick answered with a sigh as he closed his eyes.

Jackie shook her head lightly.

Sadie placed a comforting hand on Nick's arm as he still was holding Aaron, "It'll be okay."

Nick looked at her and forced a small smile. ‘How can she be so sure?’ he asked himself.

Aaron suddenly got embarrassed as he pushed away quickly. Brushing the tears off his face, he said, "I wanna go home."

Nick looked up at Aaron quickly. He looked embarrassed and exhausted. Jackie looked tired. Sadie… he knew hated hospitals. And jetlag was still hanging on to him. He sighed. "Yeah, let's go home," he agreed.

Aaron brushed himself off and reached out for Jackie's hand, hoping she wasn't ashamed to be close to him right now.

Sadie didn't touch Nick. She knew he was hurting and was totally prepared to be there for him, but she wouldn't overstep her boundaries. Although… she had no problem if he overstepped his own.

Jackie took Aaron's hand with a soft smile and held it tightly as they walked out of the hospital.

Nick walked next to Sadie. He sighed a defeated sigh and gently linked his fingers with hers. He needed to know she was there. They stopped and told the doctor that they would like to be called when there was a development. She agreed and with that, they went home.