Chapter Eight

Nick hopped in his truck and drove. He didn't know where he was going to go. But he had to go somewhere. He didn't know what to think anymore. He was so in love with Sadie that it hurt at times. Why did she insist on saying no? After all they'd been through, why did she insist on saying no?

He pulled up at the one place he always found some peace. The waterfront. He got out of his truck and sat on the warm hood. He inhaled the salty sea air deeply and looked up at the sparkling stars.

"Why can't I let it go?" he asked himself, "I had a dream, a goal, almost a plan. Married by twenty-three, first child by twenty-five. Was that so much to want?" He sighed and stopped thinking. He just looked at the beautiful stars and the peaceful ocean, and let his mind wander.

***

AJ sighed as they pulled up at a red light. The car ride had been silent since they left Nick's house. "What are you thinking, Jule?" he asked softly.

"I'm thinking… about things…" she sighed and reached over to take his hand.

AJ took her hand, and lifted it to his lips. "What things?" he pried gently.

"Everything... About Rory, the tour, Nick, Nick's parents, our fight, recording, my shoot coming up..." she locked eyes with him.

"What shoot?" he asked lightly.

"Oh…" she waved it off, "I have a shoot for Calvin Klein next week… Thursday… I gotta fly out to L.A. for the weekend…"

"What are you thinking about the things your thinking about?" AJ asked. He stopped and thought about what he just asked, making sure it made sense. He thought it did.

Julia giggled, "Just how complicated everything seems right now… but when I think about it… If it wasn't this way, then I wouldn't have a lot of things. I wouldn't have Nick as my friend, Aurora as my daughter, you as my husband. It makes it all worth it."

AJ smiled as he pulled up at the restaurant. "Complication makes the simple times sweeter," he stated, shutting off the car.

"True, true…"

***

AJ and Julia walked into their home. Dinner had been great. They’d talked and laughed about things that were going on. And they planned what they were going to do with the rest of their lives together.

As they stood in their hallway, taking off their shoes, AJ looked at Julia, he watched her. He was so lucky.

She saw him staring at her and blushed, "What?"

"You're beautiful," he answered with a smile.

Julia grinned, "I love you…" She stepped closer, touching her lips to his.

His arms instinctively went around her and he pulled her closer, pushing his tongue passed her lips.

The couple spent the night together, making love and cuddling until early in the morning. Both Alex and Julia felt that this had been put off for far too long. They'd both needed it and then felt closer than ever. They were ready to take their daughter back. Neither noticed how incomplete they would be without her. She was the physical creation of their love.

***

Nick came home not knowing much more than he had before he'd left. He wasn't sure what he wanted anymore.

Walking into his house, he heard the TV on and looked in to see his baby sister asleep. Her movie was still playing. He placed a blanket over her body and turned off the television.

He saw a figure on the couch in the living room. It was Sadie's. Sighing, Nick kneeled beside the couch, laying his head on the pillow.

Sadie stirred. "You're back?" she asked and said all at the same time.

Nick nodded and gulped, "Why are you down here?"

"This is where I fell asleep," she answered, rolling back over and burying her face in the back of the couch.

Nick closed his eyes and breathed evenly. He rested his cheek on her side, not knowing how she'd react, but needing to feel her there with him.

Sadie flinched slightly at the feel of him touching her. She rolled back over. "Let's go to bed?" she suggested softly.

He noticed her reaction and frowned, but nodded, "Yeah, okay." He took one more chance, leaning up and kissing her lightly.

She kissed him back, not wanting to hurt him anymore, but made it a quick kiss and got up off the couch.

He smiled lightly and stood. He stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do.

She took his hand and led them upstairs. She stopped in front of Aaron's door and peeked her head inside, finding Aaron and Aurora sleeping in Aaron's bed. His arm was draped around her.

Sadie dropped Nick's hand and walked in the room. She smiled and shut off the TV that was in his room, kissing the two children on the forehead before walking back to Nick.

He watched her compassion toward his little brother and the baby. He grinned. She'd make a good mother. The smile falling from his face, he shook his head and continued into the bedroom, leaving Sadie behind.

Sadie shut the door and followed Nick to the bedroom. She felt tears stinging her eyes, but shook them away. Standing there in the doorway, she watched him.

He took off his pants, but left his shirt on, something he rarely did unless it was cold. He knew Sadie liked being able to feel his skin. He climbed in and looked at his girlfriend in the doorway, his eyes blinking rapidly.

She walked in slowly, sitting on the side of the bed. She took off her pants and slid her legs under the blanket. She stared at the ceiling, not knowing what to say and feeling terribly awkward.

Nick rolled to face her, silently asking for permission to get closer.

She looked at him and offered a weak smile.

He sighed and scoot closer to place his head on her chest, "Is this okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah…" she whispered. "I love you…" she tried.

"God… I love you too, Sadie." He sat up to turn off the light before laying back down and snuggling closer to her body.

She sighed and looked at the ceiling, his head resting on her chest. She could smell his shampoo right beneath her nose. "I never thought that I would lost my mind, that I could control this. Never thought that I’d be left behind. That I was stronger than you… If only I knew what I’ve done, you know, so why don’t you tell me? I would bring down the moon and the sun to show… how much I care…" she softly sang as tears reached her eyes.

Nick listened to the whole thing, not knowing what to say. He tangled his legs with hers and released her long enough to take off his shirt. It was all so pointless. All of it. They loved each other. He hugged her and sighed, closing his eyes.

She kissed his forehead and held him close as the tears that she'd been fighting won the battle and fell from her eyes. She cried for him and for her.

He felt her chest jump as she sobbed and he leaned up, kissing her tears off her cheeks. There was no way he could make this better. He couldn't say he was sorry, because he didn’t feel guilty. And he couldn't say it was okay, because it wasn't.

"Nick, just… just hold me…" she begged, "Please?"

Nick sat up straight and pulled her small body into his, rocking them. Finally, he laid them back down and spooned her from behind, his arm clasped tightly around her stomach. He caressed her cheek with his nose.

It still wasn't okay. They still weren't okay. She knew that. She didn’t want to go to sleep not okay, but she couldn't stay up that long. She didn't know how long it would take. She let her eyelids fall shut and sleep over took her.

Nick let his tears drop after his girlfriend was deep in slumber. He was losing her. He could feel it. She was losing him and they were losing each other. How could this have happened? They may have been in love, but their relationship was in pain.