Chapter Five

Nick sat in the chair beside his sister's bed, holding her hand lightly. This was the day BJ was to be released from the hospital. She was so excited that she got to go home with him. He wasn't sure how to break the news to her. No one had informed her that she was going to be arrested as soon as she signed those release papers.

BJ was ecstatic that she was going to be going home, but she had a feeling that something was wrong. So she asked as much. "Nick, what's going on? Why do you look so… nauseous?" she asked softly, "Did Sadie change her mind about letting me move in?"

Nick's head shot up, "No… no, Sweetie, no…”

"Oh, okay…" she smiled, lying her head back. "I can't wait to see Florida again. It's been awhile."

He smiled lightly, bending over to move a piece of hair out of her eyes. "Yeah… It's missed you."

She smiled back.

Nick saw a few police officers pacing out side the door. Rumor had it that Nick was going to try to sneak her out of the state. Rumor had it and rumor it was. He would never do anything like that. That would only create more trouble, "Beej…"

"What?" she asked, smiling up at him. She felt so much better with him there to take care of her.

Nick looked into her relieved eyes and couldn't take it anymore. He looked away, squeezing her hand tight.

"What’s the matter?" she scooted up into a sitting position, "Tell me."

"BJ, you know I'll always take care of you, right? If anything comes along… I'll take care of it," he stated.

"You keep saying that… Yes, Nick. I know," BJ responded.

He took a breath, "We're not leaving for Florida today."

"Oh… why not?" she asked.

"Because… you're not going to be with us today, BJ," Nick whispered, closing his eyes.

Her eyes went wide, "Why not? Where am I going?"

"You're… You're going to…" he shook his head. There was no away around it, "BJ, you're being arrested as soon as you're released. I tried to stop it, but there's nothing I can do."

Tears automatically filled her eyes, "What?"

He tilted her head to meet his eyes, "BJ, I promise I did everything I could to prevent this."

"I… I can't believe this…" BJ stated as the tears fell. "Mom and Dad would have stopped it…" she mumbled, wanting to blame it on anyone else but herself. She knew it was all her own fault.

Nick said nothing and removed his hand from her grasp. He stood up, "I'll go get the papers."

"Nick! No! Please! I'm sorry…" she cried after him.

Nick stopped in his spot. He could never stand hearing his sisters cry. This was no different. He felt his eyes watering as he turned around, "I did the best I could. I swear to God, Bobbi."

"I know, Nicky. I know. I'm sorry," she said quietly.

He sat down on the side of her small bed, "I'm going to get you out of this… and then we'll go home."

"Nicky, am I going to jail?" BJ asked in a small voice.

"No… no," he soothed, "No, you're not. Just a holding cell... I don't know what the conditions are, but no... It's okay, Honey."

She sighed, "Okay."

"I do know this much," he told her, "They want to hold you twenty-four hours no matter how it ends up. To make sure you're clean, I think…"

"Twenty-four hours?! They want me to stay in there for twenty-four hours?! Don’t they know I'm clean?! Can't they just run a test?! Nick! I've been in a hospital for a week and a half!" she yelled as the tears returned and her breathing quickened.

"BJ," he held her shoulders, "Calm down! BJ! Would I ever put you in a situation I didn't think you were safe in?"

"No, but Nick… I can't…" BJ said softly.

"Yes, you can… Just sleep a lot," he smiled, "Passes the time faster. And when you get there, ask them if you can call me and we'll talk. It's gonna be okay, Beej…"

She sighed, "Promise?”

He poked his sister’s nose, "Promise… Cross my heart, hope to die."

"Would you let a cat spit in your eye?" she asked with a smirk.

He laughed, "That's ‘stick a needle in your eye’ and yes… I would, BJ."

"I decided I'd give you a new one," she chuckled.

"Okay."

Nick had to watch as his sister was put into a police car and driven away. The whole time she had been crying and finally started begging to just be able to go home. It broke Nick's heart when she started pleading with him. But it was all for the best.

***

Aaron was waiting in Sadie and Nick's room patiently for Nick's return. He was still bitter that Nick made him stay behind. He sighed and looked out the window for the hundredth time. Finally, he saw the car pull up and ran to the couch where he jumped over the back and landed near Sadie who had been watching TV. He laid his head in her lap and sighed.

"I'm telling him how antsy you've been," she joked and he begged her not to. They heard the key in the door and both were quiet.

Nick walked into the room and stopped mid-step, focusing on his two loved ones. "Hey, guys…" he said quietly.

"Hey," Sadie said.

"What's up?" Aaron asked at the same time.

Nick chuckled humorlessly, "BJ is officially at the police station for the night."

Aaron sat up and nodded, looking to the floor. He didn't know what to say.

"How did it go?" Sadie asked, standing and walking over to him.

"As well as to be expected," he stated lowly, moving around her to the bed. Sorry if he wasn't really in the mood to talk a lot.

She nodded and walked back to the couch, sitting down and looking back to the TV.

Nick felt pretty bad. They were only worried about BJ. He breathed a sigh of relief as he realized it was almost over. He worked it out so that tomorrow morning he could pay her way out and they could leave for Florida. They were going home.

Aaron stood and went to go back to his own room. Nick wasn't talking and it was driving him crazy sitting there.

Nick shook his head. He didn't know what to do anymore. He didn't want to be mature and responsible right now! He was twenty-four, for Christ's Sake! All he wanted was to curl in a ball and cry, but no… He was Nicky, the older brother. The protector of all the Carters.

Aaron walked through the adjoining door and slammed in as it closed. Sadie jumped and walked over to the bed. She crawled in with her boyfriend, rubbing her hand on his arm.

Nick turned into her body, seeking some sort of comfort. He didn't want to have to know what to do anymore. He wasn't ready for all this. "He's pissed at me," he sighed, referring to Aaron.

"He's just scared," she said softly. She wrapped her arms around him and held him close.

"So am I," he whispered.

"I know… I know…" Sadie whispered back, kissing his forehead.

He whimpered just a tiny bit and tried to move closer, "I don't want to have to do this anymore. I can't have this many people depending on me."

"Depend on me, Sweetie," she almost asked him.

He looked up at her, "I can't do that… As much as I want to, I can't bring you into this."

"Why can't you let me in? You want me to be a part of your life… a part of your family forever, but you can't bring me in. I don't understand," she whispered, hurt filling her.

"I'm so sorry," he choked, "I want to… I want to so bad, but I don't want to at all. I want you here with me, sharing everything with me, but I can't, Sadie… I'm so sorry…"

"Why not?" she asked, feeling as if the roles had been reversed.

"So many reasons," he replied, pulling away from her embrace, "First, have you noticed how fucked up my family is? They're horrible. Did you notice the life style I live? The things I'm exposed to in public shouldn't even go on in our bedroom… Not to mention, have you taken note of what I'm like? Huh? I'm so unstable, I… God… And then to top it all off… I'm afraid."

"Yes, I noticed how your family is fucked up, and I know the lifestyle you live, and I know the things you’re exposed to. Most of all, I've taken note of what your like… That you're emotionally unstable, and that your afraid, and I've fallen in love with you," she responded softly, "Regardless of all that, you're all I need."

Nick refused to turn around as he lowered his head, "Right."

"What, Baby?" she asked.

Nick shook his head lightly, "Nothing."

"All I was saying is that… all of what you listed is what made you, you. And I love you. Why does it seem like that's not enough anymore?" she asked, not really wanting this to turn into an argument.

Nick's reply could barely be heard, "You really want the answer to that?"

“Yes.”

He answered her with a question of his own, "Would it be so hard… Would it be so terrible to just say ‘yes’?"

"Nick, don’t do this right now," she mumbled, rolling away from him.

Nick breathed deeply and closed his eyes, "Fine."

She just sighed as the tears filled her eyes. She hated when they fought, but she knew that he was frustrated and needed to be left alone.

Nick fought to gain control of himself, but knew he wouldn't be able to as he heard Sadie breathing. He didn't want to fight, but he knew he could never really explain anything if she wouldn't listen. He couldn't tell her anything if he didn't let her in.

Sadie could feel his anxiousness. "Why won't you just talk to me?" she whispered and she almost choked on her voice.

Nick walked to the couch and sat down. He wouldn't say anything to her if she kept telling him to talk and then ask him to stop when she heard something she didn't like.

She got up and threw on her shoes and grabbed a jacket. She threw open the door, slamming it behind her. She didn't know where she was going, but she couldn't sit in that room and be suffocated by the tension.

Nick let the tears fall after she left. He didn't want to be Nick Carter anymore. He wanted to live his life, not have it be lived for him. "I'm sorry…"

***

Aaron sat in his room and sighed. He felt like he was… four again. The phone rang, startling him. "Hello?" he asked groggily.

"Aaron, Sweetie?"

"Mom?" he asked, his voice cracking showing his surprise.

"Yes, of course, Honey… Who else would it be? How are you?"

"I was expecting anyone, but I'm fine I guess… considering I was just left here. Where the hell did you go?"

There was a pause, "What're you talking about Aaron? We thought you'd like to spend time with your brother."

"Mom, you're eldest daughter was near death, and you took off," Aaron responded.

"Oh Aaron… There was nothing we could do for BJ. She messed up and she can't expect us to cover for her again. You know that… Don't try to make this our fault. And as for leaving you… Well… we wanted you to spend time with Nick and you know him… He never would have taken you by choice, Aaron."

"I can't believe you," Aaron muttered, "You're so warped."

"Aaron, stop it… Now the reason I called. I know that Nick is leaving tomorrow… so I have a plane ticket booked for you later on tonight. I'm sure Nick will drive you if you ask nicely. BJ… well… she's an adult now. She has to learn from her own mistakes," she was silent, "So… It's under our code name at the airport. I'll see you home tonight then?"

"No, you won't," he said firmly.

"What?"

"I'm not going back there," Aaron said just as firm. He couldn't go back there. He wouldn't make it out.

"Excuse me, Aaron Thomas Carter?"

"You heard me, Mother. I'm not coming home. I don't want to, and you can't make me," he responded.

"Aaron…" she laughed, "Don't be silly. Where would you go?"

"Don't worry about it, you never did before," he replied, "I'm hanging up now…”

"Aaron-" click.

He sighed and laid back on the couch. He thought for a minute before standing and knocking on the adjoining door.

Nick thought he heard something, but ignored it. He didn't want to deal with it now.

Aaron stood there impatiently, before knocking again, louder.

He heard it this time. It was a knock. Thinking it was from the main door and no one could get in without him opening it, he called, "Who is it?"

"Who do you think?" Aaron asked, walking in the side door.

Nick gasped and sat up, his back to Aaron. He took deep breaths to calm himself.

"Mom called," Aaron said, moving to the window and looking out.

He was only mildly surprised. Jane could never stay out of someone's business for that long, "And?"

"Offered me a plane ticket ‘home,’" Aaron answered.

"And?" Nick whispered.

"I told her she was wacked and that I wasn't going home, and that she shouldn't worry about where I'll be because she never did before. Then I hung up," Aaron said with a smirk.

Nick almost smiled, but settled for a snicker, "Good for you, Air Boy…" He hadn't used that pet name for years.

Aaron smiled. "Well… that's all… I'll go back to my room now," he said and headed for the door.

Nick held his arm out, "No… Aaron wait."

He turned, "What's up?"

"Nothing," Nick closed his eyes, knowing how pathetic this was going to sound, "Could you just… sit with me for a while?"

"Yeah. Where'd Sadie go?" Aaron asked cautiously as he sat next to his big brother.

Nick flinched, "She… uh… She left."

"Good," Aaron announced with a smile and putting a brotherly arm around Nick.

Nick looked at his little brother. "So… where you think you'll be staying if you're not going back to Mom and Dad?" he teased.

"Well, I kinda figured… you have an extra room or two…" he said grinning.

Nick chuckled, "Try four, Kid… Four extra rooms. But I'm sorry… BJ already called me and Julia's old room."

"I wouldn't want to sleep in there," Aaron replied, "You had sex with HER in that room… yuck!"

Nick shot him a look, "Yes… but it's not like it's the same bed or anything… Besides… Julia is damn good."

"I could tell she would be…" Aaron smiled, "Besides, she's probably had lots of practice."

"Oh yeah," Nick rolled his eyes, "You get a lot of practice with four people."

"Please… there's got to be more than four!" Aaron said in reply.

"Nope… There's a guy way back when that she lost it to. One more. Then me. Now AJ. That's it, Aaron."

"Hm… I just… assumed with her looks it would have been more…" Aaron said, then paused, "Nick, how old were you when you lost it?"

Nick looked up in surprise, "Umm… Well…" He then realized how little he knew about his brother now a day. "Aaron… are you a virgin?" Nick asked getting nervous, but not showing it.

Aaron smiled, "Maybe, maybe not. Answer my question first, then I'll answer yours."

Nick cocked his head, "Julia was my first, AC. You can figure out the rest."

Aaron's jaw dropped, "Really? You and… Mandy never…?"

Nick groaned, "No… I didn't. She wanted to, and I wouldn't. Call me crazy, but I didn't think Mandy deserved to have it. It… My virginity was special to me, as corny as that sounds."

"That’s not corny…" Aaron responded, "but… Julia was worth it?"

"Yeah…" he smiled, "As much as I love Sadie, I wouldn't trade what I had with Julia for the world."

Aaron turned on the couch and looked at him, "Why? Julia's so… not Sadie… I really don't… I don't like Julia, Nick. I don't like looking at her."

"Looking at her? Aaron, Julia is very attractive."

"That's not what I mean… I know she's beautiful. I can't stand the sight of her. Especially when she's with AJ and Aurora," he replied.

Nick smiled kindly, "Sometimes I know how you feel… but AC?"

“Huh?”

"You promised to answer my question," he smirked

Aaron looked away from him.

Nick grew concerned, "You don't have to be embarrassed. I'm your brother."

"I'm not," he whispered.

"You're not what?" Nick's stomach tied into knots.

"I'm not a virgin…" Aaron muttered.

Nick bit his lip, "Oh."

Aaron looked away and bit his nails, feeling awkward.

The older brother sighed, raking a hand through his hair, "Where'd you lose it, Aar?"

"Where?" Aaron asked, "What do you mean?" He looked back at Nick.

He glanced away this time. Not wanting Aaron to see the disappointment in his eyes, "To who? Where were you? How many times? How many partners…?"

"Just one girl, twice… the first time was at home, the second was on the road…" Aaron answered, knowing he was disappointed.

"Are… are you still with this girl?" he asked quietly, "Aaron, I'm not mad at you."

Aaron nodded, "Yeah, we're still together. No one knows we're together though.”

"What do you mean?"

"No one knows we're a couple. Not her family, not mine, just some people from the tour that were sworn to secrecy," Aaron answered.

"What's her name? Where's she from?"

"Jacqueline Michals, from Tampa," Aaron answered, naming his best friend since childhood.

Nick smiled slightly, "Jackie?"

"Yeah, Jackie," Aaron answered with a big smile.

He nodded, "Well… good. I'm glad… Jackie's a real sweet girl."

"She's perfect," Aaron nodded.

"Mm…" Nick sounded, closing his eyes.

"What?" Aaron asked.

"Nothing," Nick responded.

"No, that wasn't nothing!" Aaron argued.

"Why are you getting upset?" Nick asked, staring up at him.

"I'm not. I just… I want to know what you're thinking," Aaron answered.

He shook his head, "You should have waited. In my opinion, you should have waited. But it's your life to live and if you're happy with what happened, then I'm happy for you."

"I know I'm only sixteen, but I love her. I know I do. I know she feels the same way. You're the only family member that knows, so… feel lucky," Aaron smiled, "Ya know Nick, most of my friends… lost it at… 13 or 14. I did when I was ready, we were both ready.”

Nick's eyes shown, "Good. I'm happy that at least you're turning out right."

Aaron smiled. "We'll all be okay, some of us will just take awhile to get there," he reassured.

***

Sadie walked back into the hotel, grumbling. She didn't care if he didn't want to talk about this. She did and for once she was going to do what she wanted. She used the elevator and got up to their floor

Sadie opened the door, "Nick, we need to talk. I don't care if you don't want to. I don't know what you're problem is. I tell you I want to listen to what's going on in your head, and that I want to know why you can't involve me in your family affairs, and you ask me to marry you, and get mad when I don't want to! Nick, can't you just-"

She stopped when she saw Nick and Aaron on the couch. Her face turned seven shades of red. "Oh… uh… hi AC…" she mumbled.

Nick turned away from both of them. This just wasn't his night. "Sadie," he spoke softly, "Perhaps we really should talk about this later."

"Yeah, maybe we should…" she said, walking into the bedroom and slamming the doors. She stripped to her bra and panties and slipped under the covers.

Nick looked toward Aaron, silently asking him to leave so he could fix his girlfriend. He was too embarrassed to say anything.

"I'll catch ya later. I'm gonna go make a phone call, and tell someone I'm coming back to Florida," Aaron said with a smile and a wink.

Nick gave a half grin, watching the door close. He raced to the bed where he saw her form laying, "Sadie…"

"What, Nick?" she mumbled into the pillow.

He climbed in beside her, "Sadie… please… I don't want to fight anymore."

"We never want to fight, but we never talk about anything!" she stated their main problem softly.

Nick was quiet as he rolled away from her, "I love you."

"Then why did you roll away from me?" she asked, "You know I love you."

Nick curled slightly, "Because… I dunno…"

"Nick, will you just… hold me?" she asked.

"Yes," he sighed, going to face her again. He pulled her to his chest, "I really don't want to fight, Sadie."

"I know, me neither, and I'm sorry I blurted everything to your brother. I wasn't expecting him to be sitting there," she mumbled, holding on to him.

Nick bit his lip as he thought about it, "I know you didn't mean to… and I don't blame you. But I really didn't want him to know all that stuff."

"I'd take it back if I could…" she whispered.

"I'd take back a lot of things," he gulped, "But let's not go into that."

"We're picking BJ up tomorrow, right?" Sadie asked, "then we can go home?"

"Yeah… then we go home. I'm looking forward to that…"

"Me too…" Sadie sighed.