Anal Cream
‘Hurry up Ashley! I want to go home and watch TV. There's a Mickey Mouse special on today that i just cant miss!’ shouted Dan, shedding a few tears. His trousers twitched slightly as he thought about what Mickey and Minnie might get up to.
‘Calm it Dan, Erik wanted the extra soft facial cream so that's what he’ll get’ said Ashley as he carried on searching round Boots.
‘Ok but hurry’
‘Look Dan, i didn't spend 8 hours in the shower this morning just to go out for a mere 10 minutes ok!’ he screamed.
‘Ok ok, I'll miss Mickey Mouse’ sighed Dan.
‘Right lets see.....‘Nice n soft’ no that wasn't it, er... aha! here it is super sensitive anal cream’ smiled Ashley feeling very pleased with himself.
‘Anal cream?’ asked a somewhat confused Dan.
‘Look just because Erik has anal acne i don't want to hear you teasing him!’ Ashley shouted causing the whole shop to look at him. ‘ lets just go eh?’. So he took the cream to the counter and paid for it like a good boy. Then they got in the car and went home.
20 minutes later they pulled unto the house. Dan jumped out of the car quicker than Gary Glitter when he went to visit the Nursery. Ashley gathered his shopping which consisted of Anal cream, hair gel, hair gel, hair gel and just a tad more hair gel.
He walked up to the door and heard a spine chilling scream leave the house. He rushed inside to his bedroom, quickly pulled on his superman costume and bounded into the room.
‘What's going on here?’ he boomed.
‘Oh nothing’ said Jacob who was holding Trevor down with his hair and trying to pierce his nipple with an old knitting needle.
‘Oh, my mistake’ said Ashley. ‘Wow that got me into a bit of a sweat, i might just er...go take a shower’ he said noticing that the MTB camera van had pulled up outside. He was never one to waste good shower footage.
‘So Erik.....’ said Dan with an evil grin on his face ‘ how are you? on the back side.... i mean right side of things today?’
‘Yeah, sure Dan’ mumbled Erik.
‘Yeah? So did you see that programme last night? all about asses?’ he giggled.
Erik looked up from his Murder She Wrote book, ‘ what are you on about you fool?’
‘Like you don't know, your anus cream’ he fell about laughing.
‘Anus cream?’
‘Yeah, you know.....your anus cream, that Ashley bought you’
‘Ashley didn't buy me any anus cream. My anus is fine thank you very much’
‘But.......I.....he........God why am i always the nerd of the group?’ he said storming off to his bedroom decorated with Barbie wallpaper.
‘What was that all about?’ asked Jacob, wiping the blood off Trevor's chest, who had passed out from all of the pain.
‘I don't know, but I'll have a bloody good word with Ashley about it when he gets out of the shower. So I just have to occupy myself for the next 9 hours. You guys want something to eat?’
‘Yeah ill just have a burger please. I don't think Trevor wants anything’ he said looking down at the poor lifeless hulk. He threaded thought a few pins and screwed the end on tight before stepping back and admiring his work. Not bad he thought, he wiped his knitting needle with a baby wipe and began to knit a nice new woolly jumper for himself on those cold winter nights.
8 hours later Ashley emerged from the shower looking refreshed and new. Everyone was in bed except Erik, he figured he just wanted one of their ‘ long talks’ so he casually went over and sat down.
‘Hey’ he smiled.
‘Oh yes i find it very funny young man. I didn't want anyone to know about my anus acne but no, you have to go tell them don't you’ he cried.
‘Huh? Erik you don't even have Anus acne, the cream was for Erik the camera man. He had worms and acne which was why he needed the cream pronto. It was supposed to cure both’ Ashley said.
‘Oh......yeah right. I’m going to go to bed’ he said looking slightly embarrassed. ‘So does this camera man come round all the time then?’
‘Yeah, every morning around 7 depending on his wife. If she's up then she’ll wake him later otherwise.....’
‘You know a lot don't you?’
‘well being in a room with someone 17 hours of the day, you kind of get to know them’ he said.
‘yeah i suppose. well goodnight’ he said before running off to his room before the late show started. He had a brand new box of Kleenex that wanted to be used. Ashley sat up all night watching re-runs of Coronation street until Reg Holdsworth bored him into a very deep and painful sleep.
~~~~~The End~~~~© Beccy.T 2001/2002 ~~~