CRYING SCENE- concert, backstage, huddle with all but chad -JERRY- god, please help us make this show a success, let us entertain and uplift -QT- and may it be thy will that i get busy with all the bomb ass ladies in the house -MICKEY- dont be asking the man that! -QT- i thought you were the man? -MICKEY- I'm the man, but hes the man -DOUG- Lord, I'm not asking for any special attention, but during the urban number, let me breakdance as awesomly as your only son would break dance -JERRY-amen -ALL 4- amen (break apart) -QT- Where's Chad? -DOUG- He's with Heather, he'll make it -MICKEY- Boys fallin' hard for that chick yo, his brain's gone mush -JERRY- He's in love, one day you'll understand -MICKEY-What? You think mickey Parke's not sensitive? Im sensitive as a bitch! _____________________Chad and Heather backstage ___________________ -HEATHER- I'm sorry Chad, I've been wanting to tell you for a while, but I had to find the right moment. -WORKER- 20 seconds Chad .. -HEATHER- Im not saying its over (Chads face lights up) I'm just saying we should see other people and not see each other anymore k? (Chad is sad and walks to the stage) -DOUG- Chad? Come on! (Chad is sad.. he runs towards the stage) _____________________________ON STAGE_____________________________ -ALL-(singing) Girl the way you do me (do me do me do me do me) -MICKEY- Hey ohohohohohohhh ALL- Girl the way you do me (do me do me do me) MICKEY- heey oh oh oh -JERRY- Girl my heads on fire since our very first kiss dreamed of us together now we're dreamless took me up to your room to show me who you are.. The cup is running over.. -DOUG- Or maybe its your bra. -ALL- Girl the way you do me, makes me say wassup when your finished in on the floor feeling down feeling up (mickey repeats) girl the way you do me, driving me insane, i never felt this way before. -MICKEY- I tell you how im feeling theres no where to being. Im one out of a million and then the kissing filled in, girl I know your moody you have no call (chad leaves stage) thats the what I like it, your what I like to hold (Chad is backstage) -ALL- Girl the way you do me, makes me say wassup when your finished im on the floor feeling down, feeling up.. girl the way you do me driving me insane, ive never felt this way before. -MICKEY- ?? Cant wait to unrap you, you know I am feeling you are you feeling me? (chads crying) -ALL- Girl the way you do me, makes me say wassup when your finished in on the floor feeling down feeling up (new sound guy takes over) Girl the way you do me driving me insane i never felts this way before (Sound goes off, Chad is crying) -CHAD- If you didnt phone me, the skys turning black, I wish my mom woulda loaned me, a couple of prozac. (piano starts) But I waont let it get to me, I know you just forgot. Cuz girl your always with me, even when you not.. (The crowd is silent.. "we love you chad!" and screams, the guys leave) __________________________SCENE- THEIR HOUSE________________________ _MUSIC- GIRL THE WAY YOU DO ME..... -QT- Look on the bright side chad, at least ya got some, how much did yah get? -CHAD- It wasnt like that, me and heather were in love.. -MICKEY- Man please, ya barely knew baby girl! - CHAD- We went 2 and a half times! -DOUG-The half was a very heavy phone call -JERRY- Just think of the good times, you know like the first kissJ -CHAD- (moans and leans into doug) -DOUG- Didnt get that far. They held hands alot -QT- Did you go all the way? You know, did you get the palm? (Door slams.. whatev guys walk in) -MR.BRUMER- are we intruding -DOUG- Ah yeah we got kinda a private thing going on -MR.BRUMER- Oh im sorry anyways Tom told me about what happened on stage yesterday -CHAD- Im sorry about messing up the song -MR.BRUMER- Chad, generally a performer addlibbing on the stage is like a knife slashing the throat hard, last night however.. Magical TOM- Chicks get all gooed up over that boo hoo crap -JERRY- Hey, what happened to the music? -MR.BRUMER- That was Marvin Boyd working the sound board, kinda a one man musical swat team we keep around incase od trouble. The point is, MTV has made us an offer -TOM- MTV, that stands for your big chance -MR.BRUMER- If 2gether does a video of the way you do me, with chad crying, they'll guarentee us heavy totaion and also do a making the vid. -TOM- I swear to god im tenting -MR.BRUMER- And we've got Kurt Baron to direct -QT- Kurt Baron? My god he directed that Whoa video, 3 inches of fury (holds his 2 pointers showing 3 inches) -TOM- We've not done, his brother burt has agreeed to direct the making the video -MICKEY- Wait, we get both Baron brothers? Thats off the hook yo! -JERRY- (High 5s mickey) yeah! -MICKEY- Wahoo thats what im talking about! -DOUG- Alright, hold it, hold it holdit, this whole thing depends on Chad crying on camera. Now we dont do it unless its cool with him ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SILENCE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -CHAD- Okay fine, exploite my pain, suzk my life dry! -ALL- YEEAAHHH!!! -DOUG- ALRIGHT!!! ~SCENE-QT LOOKING IN THE MIRROR AND JERRY IS DOING BENCH PRESSES~ -QT- (frustrated) Look at me, look at this arm, I look like courtney cox! -JERRY- So workout, what does your doctor say about lifting? -QT- I think she said it was good for me, I was kinda busing staring at her, she's got dumps like a truck! -JERRY- Come on, Ill spot ya, come on! (ON BENCH PRESS) -JERRY- Ready, lift alright bring it down, you can do it, you can do it, come on qt, bring it down bring it down now eplode, go go go, you the man, you the man! Alright not bad! Alright lets do it again -QT- AGAIN?!?!?!?!? -JERRY- Yeah 2 sets of 12 wraps twice a day 4 times week (qt leaves) Good idea, take a break. ~~SCENE- DOUG IS VACUMING BY THE DOOR~~ ~DOORBELL~ -DOUG- well well well if it isnt the little girl who ripped my brothers heart out of his chest and ate it lie a deliscious apple -HEATHER- Hi doug, is he in? -DOUG- Sure come on in, Ill hold him down for ya this time -HEATHER- I wanna get back with him -DOUG- Well yah dont get a second chance with us linus' Unless of course your my ex wife in which you get 12 -HEATHER- Look, i saw a bunch of girls wearing please chad please shirts and i started to miss him, I mean he's getting really famous -DOUG- Goodbye -HEATHER- HEY!!!!!!!!!!! -DOUG- Dont let the door hit ya where the good lords split ya (shuts the door and goes back to vacuuming) whatever ~~CONCERT FLASHES~~ ~~ A FLASH OF A MAKING THE VIDEO SIGN~~ -DIRECTOR KURT BARON- (CLAPS) Boys and girls, we'll be reading to go in have a moment and when we do roll I want total silence, absoulate perfection -BURT BARON- However, if anyone feels like addlibbing or causing arow, that would be great! -CHAD- (PUTS DOWN HIS CELL) Thats the 3rd message ive left for her, why wont she call me back? -DOUG- Forget about her! Just focus on giving us a solid miserable performance -CHAD- I dont wanna cry on cue! I wont do it! -DOUG- Look was Kate Winslet *really* crying in titanic? -CHAD- Her boyfriend just sank to the bottom of the ocean.. yeah -DOUG- I hear ya, I got your back (looks over) hey (whistles) Chads having a little trouble with his crying on cue thing -JERRY- No problem, QT, tell him about your condition -QT- My diesease is terminal, theres no known cure, so its only a matter of time before I.. -CHAD- (INTERRUPTING HIM) QT, I dont waana be tricked into it! -JERRY- Hey Chad! Look at that poster! -CHAD (GETS HAPPY AND EXCITED) Aww look at the kitties theyre so cute, that little one looks like an ewok! No, na no I will not do it! -QT- Ill cry on the video, all I gotta do is open up my eyes too wide, i did it when I was 8 when I wanted to stay up past my bed time (opens eyes wide) Ready? Okay look its coming there it is im crying!! im crying immmmm crying! -MICKEY- Damn man this is wack! Ill make him cry! Come here boy! (Marvin stops him) -MARVIN- Hey -MICKEY-AHH! -MARVIN- To your corner my man! -MICKEY- Who the hell are you? -MARVIN- My name is Marvin Boyd -MICKEY- Ohh yeah, the one man swat team, sucka i hated you before I even mtet you! Wait.. you look familiar -MARVIN- Yeah, we all look alike -MICKEY- NO WE DONT!!!!! (CHADS CELL RINGS) -CHAD- Its her! Everony shuup! Hello, heather? Where have you been? Did you get my message? He waht? Ill ya back. (Turns to Doug) You threw heeather out? You butthole! (Chad punches Doug in the stomach, Jerry trys to stop them, but Marvin pulls him back) -DOUG- ohhhhh ohhhh -MICKEY- ooh nice punch yo! CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON MAD CHAD AND THEN GOES TO A COMMERCIAL BREAK -JERRY- Why did you stop me? -MARVIN- Never get between brothers -CHAD- I hate you! -KURT- Oh I think hes crying, ACTION! -BURT- No no kurt youhave to say it like you mean it, do it again -DOUG- You didnt even give me a chance to explain! -CHAD- I know why you threw heather out, if I got back with heather id be too happy to cry for the stupid video! -DOUG- You are so totally wrong -CHAD- Im gonna go find Heather, Im gonna bring her back and your gonna apoloagize to her -DOUG- Or what? Youll wuss punch me again? -CHAD- No, Or im not your brother anymore! (They walk away) -KURT- And cut! Well that sucked! We'll take a 2 hour break, right im off to court to explain to a certain chilian bimbo that sperm does not Daddy make transpol. -BURT- Aaan Cut, that was perfect SCENE- IN THE HOUSE, MARVIN IS PACKING UP HIS SUITCASE IN THE KITCHEN WITH JERRY AND QT -QT- Mr Brummer says your a trouble shooter -MARVIN- Im helpful. I helped 182 when they didnt blink, I helped Bizkit when they wouldnt limp -JERRY- So uh how come your not helping out Chad and Doug? -MARVIN- Man, sometimes brothers just have to have it out. From cane and able to the unholy brothers Hanson.. -QT- Hanson? -MARVIN- Lets just say there once was a 4th Hanson, and too much gasoline (he leaves) ~~ QT MAKING SOMETHING ~~ -JERRY- What the hell are you doing? -QT- Ive got an hour til we get back on stage, ive still got time to bulk up. -JERRY- You cant change your body that fast! Look, all ya gotta do is walk the walk, think ripped, mooove ripped, you'll look ripped (shows him) Leave room for muscles Your pecks are 2 barrells of gun powder. Step aside. (walks) Stone cold, alright. (QT 'walks the walk') -QT- Hows this? -JERRY-Work on it (makes silly face and leave) -QT- You got it _________________________SCENE ON THE PATIO_________________________ -DOUG-Yo whats that gunk? -MICKEY-SPF 85 My man, dont want no cancer eatin' my face! -DOUG- Then whats the reflector for? -MICKEY- For my tan! -JERRY- Hey uh im really worried about Chad -DOUG- He picked that slut over his own brother, let her worry about him -*SOUND-DOOR*-DOUG LOOKS- -DOUG- Well, Chads back.. with her -JERRY- Hey ya comin'? -DOUG- Im cool -JERRY TAPS MICKEY ON THE SHOULDER- -MICKEY-(moans and goes in) CHAD INSIDE WITH HEATHER LAUGHING, AND HOLDING HANDS, TURNS TO JERRY AND MICKEY -CHAD- Hey, ya seen Doug? -MICKEY- On the patio, but uh he doesnt want to see neither of y'all -CHAD-DOUG! -DOUG- Why if it isnt Chadwin, and the skankily Heather -QT- Waaup everyone! -MICKEY- Ha look at this fool Ha! -JERRY- *ahem* You been working out? -MICKEY- ooh yeah man you look pumped -CHAD- Doug listen, I didn't mean to hi you before, I meant to shoot you, but I dont believe in guns. -DOUG- Was that an apology? -CHAD- Yeah, now apologize to Heather for throwing her out. -DOUG- So thats why you apologized. Just so I would! -QT- Hey Hey, no rough stuff boys -DOUG- I wanna know why you wanna get back with Chad -HEATHER - Because I thought we'd have a future together. -CHAD- See! -HEATHER- I thought someday we could get a house togheter, and a dog.. and a picket fence! -CHAD-Thats exactly what I want -HEATHER- And then All the other boybands could come over and I could go to all the awesome parties and tom cruise would be there! And he looks at me, and I look at him.. and we talk and then he tells nicole to wait in paris, and then we would be together. -CHAD- Haa.. Heather wait.. I thought I knew you, we're shared so much. Remember the sandwich? Okat this is not how its supposed to be.. -DOUG- Heather I think you should leave -HEATHER-CHAD! -CHAD- Heather, please go, please -HEATHER- Are you dumping me? -CHAD,- No, I just dont think we should see each other anymore. -HEATHER- 'Kay .. *_...MUSIC- GIRL THE WAY YOU DO ME..._* -QT- I should have taken her down! -DOUG- Theyll be others bro.. -CHAD- NO THERE WONT! -JERRY- Chad, whats that I smell? Coud it be a fresh pint of bubble gum icecream in the freezer? Huh? ha ha ha ha ha -CHAD-I'm never gonna fall in love again, I'm never gonna date again, Im never gonna laugh again, and Im never gonna eat sandwiches again. And Im never gonna cry again. (walks away) -MICKEY- Maan, just because your love lifes dead, you gotta ruin our big video! -DOUG- dont worry about him, hes probably just getting that ice cream --------------CHAD WALKS TOWARD THE GARBAGE WITH A CHAIR---------------- -*MUSIC- GIRL THE WAY YOU DO ME, MAKES ME SAY WASSUP, WHEN YOUR FINISHED I'M ON THE FLOOR FEELING DOWN, FEELING UP... (HE GETS IN THE GARBAGE) GIRL THE WAY YOU DO ME, DRIVING ME INSANE, I NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE... -COMMERCIAL- -BACK- -CHAD- IN THE GARBAGE THINKING OF MEMORIES WITH HEATHER...MUSIC PLAYS... HEATHER, WHY'D YA DO ME LIKE THIS? I THOUGHT WE HAD IT GOIN ON (IMAGES OF HEATHER ON THE PHONE WITH CHAD ON THE SIDE TRYING TO GET INVOLVED BEGIN) -DOUG- Dont worry, he knows how important this video thing is -MICKEY- Where is he? -DOUG-Well, when he was a kid he always had a favorite spot to go when he was depressed... CHAD! -CHAD Chads not here right now, just some cereal boxes and a couple of hungry mans -DOUG- So it didnt work out, the truth is, it never works out.. men and women have to have each other, but they hate each other. Its gods little joke, SO LAUGH IT UP! -*SOUND-DOORBELL*- -JERRY- Ahh man, its the laws deom the label, we should be shooting right now! -CHAD- You can forget about the video! Im not crying! -MICKEY-CHAD!! (OPENING GARBAGE DOOR) Get out of the damn trash can! And stop being so damn selfish! -CHAD-OWWW!!!! -DOUG- Lemme talk to him -QT-You handle Chad, Ill take care of pretty boy -JERRY- Uh, lets try staling first, if it doesnt work, then we'll bring in the big dogs. -QT- Alright, but you let me know when the leash is off! -DOUG- I know exactly what yah feel man (TALKING TO THE TRASH CAN WHICH CONTAINS CHAD) Haha, I remember when I was 5 years old I was in love with a 6 year old girl named Betsy Fear, oh man she was stacked 19, 17, 18 wahoo back that ass up, haha, I remember when we first met.. ________________________OTHER 4 AT THE DOOR_________________________ -MICKEY-What up dawg? -JERRY- Haa haha -QT- heeey -TOM- Every minute in the studio time is $1600! Your costing me money asswads! -JERRY-Tom, we're pretty pissed off -TOM- Whats the prob? huh? Did they run out of those little hello kitty stickers down at the mall? -JERRY- WE were talking and its like your just the manager of whatev but you should be running the place.. -MICKEY- Yea man, your the one got it goin' on.. Why can you not rise? -TOM- Lemme tell you a little story I like to call the decline and fall of the caucassion in the recording industry! -DOUG- (WITH CHADS GARBAGE CAN) And that chad is how I lost both my heart and a 1976 Cavalier, so ya see what Im saying? Before you give your heat to a women, make sure thats what she wants! -CHAD- Your right, your right about Heather, your right about me, dammit your right about everything! -DOUG-not everything, remember that bypass I tried to perform on whiskers? -CHAD- But you cant keep making decisions for me Doug, you treat me like kis, Im not a kid, Im a mature adult. Hey look half a twinkie. _____________________WITH TOM AND THE OTHER 3_______________________ -TOM-Sad but true, Im white, Im wealthy Im well educated and the man keeps me down -QT- You mean God? -TOM- Damn we gotta book, wheres the linus'? -DOUG- We're not goin', Chads not ready -TOM- What the hell does that men? Chad get your molotious ass out here! -DOUG- Nobody talks to my brohter that way! Now we're gonna sit here, and burn your companies money til hes ready to go. You dig? -TOM- OKay -CHAD-Thanks man -DOUG- Ha, its all good -CHAD- I know the videos important, but if Im not feeling it, It do it -DOUG- Chad, you feel exactly how you wanna feel, screw the video, if your happy, hell be happy, and if your sad like when mom and dad got decapitated in thats car crash (Chad leans on his shoulder and cries) Hes ready. __FLASHES OF MAKING THE VID APPEAR__ _SCENE- INFRONT OF TEH TV, READY TO WATCH THE VIDEO__ -DOUG- This videos gonna be awesome -MICKEY- Yo man, it was all you pimp, you cried like a woman -CHAD- I only cried 'cuz Doug was such a jerk to me. Thanks man -JERRY- Now remember this is just a rough cut. -QT- Yeah, rough on me, Im gonna look stupid and scrawny! (MUSIC STARTS PLAYING FROM THE VIDEO- GIRL THE WAY YOU DO ME) -JERRY- I took care of the scrawny part. I had the label higher a body double for the openeing where you take your shirt off . -QT- For real? -JERRY- Check it out *VIDEO- Girl the way you do me (do me do me do me) Yeah Yeah hey ohh.. Girl my heads on fire, since our very first kiss, dreamed of us together, now we're dreamless, took me up to your room (QT opens his shirt, shows belly button and then.. womans chest) To show me who you are. The cup is running over.. Maybe its your bra. (Video continues) -ALL IN SHOCK AFTER SEEING QT'S "BODY"- -MICKEY-Dayum, nice cans QT! -JERRY- Oh they screwed up, I am so sorry QT -QT- Sorry Dude I look awesome!