day# 5433
i tried to hold my breath long enough to kill myself today. it didnt work. they always said it wasnt possible, i was going to try and prove them wrong. i imagine if someone had been watching me it would have been an eerie sight, me sitting at my kitchen table in ostrige print boxers and a ski mask, with one eye slightly more open than the other, a bowl of toasted oats cereal resting innocently on the table, static continually [playing?] on the radio a bit too loud for comfort,. i draw in a long breath, let about half of it out, and sit there in the cold chair for a good minute, watching ghosts dance across my mind. finally when i sensed my lungs about to give into the taunting demons protruding from the table surface, i clasped my hands around my mouth and tried to physically force the air back down into my gut., feeling the needles pinch out from my chest,. forcing it out of my mind, looking instead to the headlines in the paper: "boy astounds scientists, kills self by holding breath!" .. a few more seconds,, i think,, maybe a few more seconds will do it. but alas,, the air escapes me and i feel greatly disappointed, in my abilities to overcome my physical downfalls. i slowly walk to my room and lay down for a nap. when i wake up, i realise the only product i got from my pathetic fake suicide attempt is a headache.
life goes on.
its all a joke, i'm not at all suicidal.
liar
