Chapter 18




*The next day, at the airport*


"Bye baby!" Nick said kissing Rachel deeply.

"Bye my love!" she replied almost in tears. "Call me often!"

"I will!" he said kissing her again. She wrapped her arms around his neck and stared at him.

"I love you!" she said.

"Me too!" he replied. He wasn't sure of his feelings but he didn't want to hurt her by telling her, especially today because she was leaving. They heard the last call for Calgary's flight.

"Well... I gotto go now.." she said crying.

"Shh...don't cry! I'll call you!" he said taking her loggages. They hugged a last time and she left him alone in the middle of the airport. He stood there for some minutes trying to see if he was feeling something like he used to when Mandy was leaving him. There was a strange feeling inside him but he couldn't tell what it was. He walked out and got in is car. It was early in the afternoon so he thought that his mother was probably home. He drove until he reach his family house. He walked out and admire the house he had bought a year ago for the ones he love. It was very beautiful and old fashion. He took his keys and opened the door. He knew instead that his mother was home because of the great smell of chocolate cookies that was floating in the air. He walked to the kitchen and saw his mother sitting at the table reading the newspaper.

"Hey mommie!" he said sweetly. She looked up and a smile crossed her face immediatly.

"Nick!!!" she shouted happily. She ran to him and gave him a big hug.

"Hey! How are you?" he said happy to see her.

"I'm great! What are you doing here??". She was very pleased to see him standing there.

"Well, I'm on vacation for 2 weeks..." he said giggling.

"Oh my god!! That's right! I'm sorry, I totally forgot! You know, with Aaron's and Leslie's schedule... I'm all mixed up!"

"Yeah I know!" he laughed. "So you made cookies huh?!?"

"Yeah! And it happens to be your fave sweetheart! Great that you're here to eat them...all!" Jane laughed.

"Hahaha!" he teased sitting at the table.

"Do you remember what you were saying when you were younger?" she asked putting the big plate full of cookies on the table.

"No... what??!?!?" he said curious.

"You were always saying that my cookies were the best and that you could always smell them from miles away!" she said sitting next to him giggling.

"Oh really?" Nick laughed. "Maybe that's why I'm here right now and I don't know it..."

"Yeah! Or maybe you just need a little talk..." she said seeing in Nick's mind. He looked at her curiously and smiled. His mother always knew what when something was bugging him. During all his childhood, he couldn't hide things from her.

"Umm...maybe!" he smiled.

"So, what is going on?"

"I talked to you about Rachel right?"

"Oh yeah! Rachel! When are we gonna meet her?" she said.

"Well... " he started. He didn't know how to say it. Actually...he didn't know what he was saying. "I'm not sure if you're gonna meet her someday..." he added looking down.

"Oh..." Jane said.

"I'm ... I'm not sure if I love her..." he said shyly.

"I see... and you didn't talk to her about that right?" she said knowing her son.

"No..."

"Well...what I can tell you is that... if you doubt... it's not a good sign! Well...that's how I see it..."

"You never doubt of your love for daddy?" Nick asked even more shy. He knew that he was wrong by not telling Rachel the way he was feeling but it was something hard to tell.

".. I don't think so...I mean, it's normal that someday you doubt a little...you wanna know if it's the right person for you and if you really want to spend your life with this someone... but you probably knew, when you started dating her, that you weren't gonna spend your life with her right?"

"Yeah... I think I just needed someone to be with... but... I did like her!!! She's a beautiful and really sweet girl but yesterday when she told me she was gonna leave tomorrow I was... kinda happy!!! Am I wrong?" he asked confused.

"No you're not! But you're probably not as much in love with her that you were with Mandy... you know, Mandy was someone important in your life, she was your first real love... you spent 4 years with her!" Jane said patting Nick's shoulder.

"Umm yeah. Maybe I'm not over her yet... " he sighed.

"You're right. Maybe you're just not ready to have a serious relationship yet." she said understanding.

"But when will I be ready?" he whined what made Jane giggle.

"I can't tell you! The only thing I can tell you is that you'll know it... as soon as your heart will be ready to love someone else, you'll know it!" she said getting up to take milk in the refrigerator.

"Thank you mom!" he said.

"You're welcome but... " she paused.

"but??" he giggled.

"But I think you should tell her what you're feeling... she has to know!" she said putting a glass of milk in front of Nick.

"Yeah! I should have told her before she left..." he sighed.

"She left!?!?" Jane exclamed.

"Yeah... 1 hour ago... she's going back to Canada... " he sighed again. "I can't break up with her by the phone!"

"No you can't!"

"Aaaw..what am I gonna do?!?" he whined.

"Wait a little..I mean, she's gonna call you ? You're gonna talk together?"

"Yes..." he said confused.

"Well...talk to her and try to be sure of your feelings! I know I told you that if you doubt it's not a good sign and you're probably not ready to have a serious relationship but be sure of what you are feeling because maybe I can be wrong..."

"I don't think so... but you're right...I'll wait until I talk to her again..." he smiled. "So, where is everyone??" he added seeing that her mom was alone in the house.

"Well your father should be home soon...he went to the grocery store and your sisters are at school..."

"Oh yeah! and Leslie is with Aaron?"

"Yes! She's doing the first act for some of his shows! She really likes it!" Jane said thinking of her children.

"Hey! Who am I seeing here eating all my cookies??" Bob Carter said enterring in the kitchen.

"Hey dad!!!!" Nick jumped of his seat and hugged his father.

They all sat at the table and started talking about the tours, their life, what was new with them. Bob and Jane were really happy to have him back for a while and Nick was very happy to see them again. He couldn't wait to see his 2 sisters coming back from school. He decided to stay there for the dinner because anyway, he had nothing else to do.





**That evening, at Kevin's house**


Kevin was alone in his bedroom thinking. A week ago, he had sent some divorce paper to Kristin. He didn't want to talk to her but he knew he had to do it. He wished he was still a young child and that his mother would get things right for him but he knew he had to face reality. His ex-wife cheated on him and he could never trust someone like he used to. Kristin had probably read the papers and the letter in wich he was saying that he wanted to keep the house and other things like that because anyway, he was the one who had paid for all this stuff. He was surprised that he didn't get news from her by now because he knew that she was probably angry. He hoped that she'd call or give him some news soon because he didn't want to work things out during that rehearsal week with the awards's stress and the charity concert. He was laying on his back, his arms behind his head when he felt that he was really tired. He looked at the clock beside him and it was showing only 10 pm. Suddently someone knocked at his bedroom door.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"You can take your shower now!" Stacey said smiling. Kevin realized that he was waiting for her to get out of the shower so he could go.

"Oh!" he said like if he was waking up. His mind was all mixed up. "Thank you!" he added laughing.

"Why are you laughing?" Stacey asked.

"Nice pajamas Stace!" he answered laughing.

"Don't you like it? I bought it for you..." she said with a pout before to giggle.

"I really like the pink sheep!" he giggled.

"I knew it!"

It was a very cute pajamas with pink and baby blue animals drawns on it. It was cute but it was the first time Kevin was seeing someone of 26 years old wearing such a thing. He wasn't use to this. He laughed at her again and got into the bathroom. Stacey walked to the other bathroom, next to her bedroom. It wasn't a big bathroom...there was actually no bath and no shower so all her makeup stuff were invading the sink. She started brushing her teeth when the doorbell rang.

"Damnit!!" she said. She looked at herself in the mirror and laughed of the way she was looking. Because of her pajamas, she was looking much younger. She kept her toothbrush in her hand and walked to the door. When she opened it, she saw a beautiful girl who seemed to not be really happy. Stacey looked at her curiously. She had seen this face before.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

"Yeah. Is Kevin there?"

"Of course! It's his house!" Stacey laughed but she stopped when she saw the girl's face. "Come in!" she added. The girl walked in and started walking to go upstair.

"Oh wait! he's in the shower right now... but you can wait for him in the living room..." Stacey said not really sure if she could let her enter in the house. But...she seemed to know Kevin well. Anyway... maybe she was a friend of someone of the family she had seen on some pictures...but she couldn't remember where she had seen this girl.

"Thank you but I'll wait for him in the bedroom..." the blondy girl said unhappy.

"Ummm... well wait here please...I'll get him!" Stacey said running upstair. She knocked on the door.

"What is it?" Kevin asked stopping the shower.

"There is someone for you downstair..." Stacey answered feeling really shy.

"Who?" he asked surprised. Who could probably want to see him at this time.

"I don't know..well..I'm not sure. You should go see yourself..."

"Alright!" he whined. He wrapped a towel around his waist and got downstair. He walked in the living but suddently stopped when he saw who was sitting on the couch. "Kristin! What are you doing here?" he shouted surprised.

"Well ... it's my house too remember! Looks like your little bitch doesn't know it yet!" she said.

"What!?!" he asked confused. He had totally forgotten Stacey right now. "Anyway! What are you doing here for real?"

"I received your damn papers! How can you do this to me? You want everything we shared!" she almost screamed.

"Well that's because I'm the one who paid for all this stuff!!! I don't see why you should have anything!"

"Well...well..." she was out of word.

"Look Kristin! Don't you think we should talk about this tomorrow! I'm really tired and I don't feel like talking about this right now!" he said trying to get things right.

"Yeah right! So you'll have time to fuck your little bitchy!!!" Kristin shouted really angrily.

"What?!?!?" he shouted remembering that she had seen Stacey.

"Yeah ! You did your big scene at the hotel but you aren't really better than I am! The minute we break up, you already have another girl in your bed! Really nice Kevin!" she said as she stood up.

"You don't know what you're talking about!!! You probably never had friends anyway cause you always end up with them in your bed!!!" he shouted.

"You're just a big jerk!! You're not finish with me! If you think you'll get everything so easily because you're the one who paid... believe me, it won't end up like this!!!" she screamed as she opened the door.

"Get out!!" he screamed too.

Kevin sighed and sat on the couch his face in his hands. What was gonna happen next? Was she gonna sue him or what? God he hated his life right now. Tears of rage were stinging his eyes. Then someone touch his shoulder.

"Are you alright?" Stacey asked worried. She was feeling so responsible for what happenned. She shouldn't had let Kristin come in the house.

"Umm yeah.." Kevin said looking at her.

"I'm really sorry!!!" she replied sitting next to him.

"Why?"

"I should have ask who it was...but I knew I had seen her face somwhere but I couldn't remember where... so I thought it was a friend or something..." she said.

"It's ok... you didn't know... " he replied almost crying. He was looking at the floor like if he was in another world.

"Are you sure you'll be alright?" she asked caring.

"Yes I'll be ok... " he sighed. "We'll never be able to talk together!!"

"Yes you will... you just need some time..." she said trying to comfort him.

"You're probably right...I'll call her tomorrow. We have to work things out right now or I'll go nuts!" he said standing up.

"Ok.." she whispered looking at him going upstair. He stopped and turned to her.

"Did you hear everything?" he asked.

"Yeah...well..I didn't want to but you were talking loud.."

"Ok..I'm sorry for what she said about you."

"It's ok I didn't take it personal.." Stacey said a little angry about what she heard. That Kristin wasn't really sympatical. Stacey walked upstair to finish brushing her teeth. As she walked in her bedroom she screamed when she saw Kevin sitting on the bed.

"Don't ever do that again!!! I almost had a heart attack!!" Stacey shouted laughing.

"I'm sorry!" he said looking sad.

"What's wrong?"

"Do you think I did right to send her those divorce paper?" he asked.

"You sent her divorce paper?!?!?!?" Stacey exclamed.

"Yeah...last week. I thought you knew... are you sure you heard everything?"

"Yes but I didn't understand what you were talking about... "

"Well...now that you know... do you think I did the right thing?" he asked again.

"Well..." she started sitting next to him. "I don't know...are you sure you don't want to be with her again?"

"Yeah...I think.." he paused. "I just don't know if I could trust her again... we're always away from each other..."

"Yes but don't you think she could think the same thing about you?" Stacey asked.

"What!?!?" Kevin exclamed.

"You're surrounded by girls! There are tons of girls who run after you! Girls scream and faint because of you! It's easy to get false idea... just look at Kristin earlier... she thought I was a new girl in your bed... " she said smiling.

"Yeah but she've been with me for 7 years! She learned how to deal with it! She was there at the beginning of the backstreet boys! She've always been there!" he almost screamed.

"Then maybe she just couldn't take it anymore to be away from you..." Stacey said remembering what happenned 7 years ago. Kevin opened his mouth like he was gonna talk but he stopped. He thought for a moment and then talk.

"If she can't take it anymore, that's because were not meant to be together..." he said standing up.

"Here is your answer" Stacey said.

"Yeah! Thanks a lot!" he replied.

"No problem!" she said looking at him leaving.





***The next morning at Brian's house***


Amber rolled in the bed trying to reach Brian's body next to hers but she soon realized that he wasn't there. She woke up and look at the clock. 9 am. It was early so she wondered what he was up to. She walked in the hallways looking for Brian in all the rooms and she then found him talking on the phone in the kitchen.

"Ok... see ya later" he said before to hang up.

"Hey sweetie!" Amber said smiling.

"Hey !" he replied sitting at the table. He didn't kiss her and almost didn't look at her so Amber wondered what was bugging him again.

"You're up early this morning...what's up?" she asked pouring coffee in a cup.

"Nothing! I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep..."

"Oh I see! Something is buggin ya?" Amer asked.

"no.." he answered.

"Ok.." she said starting to be frustrated of his short answers. "So, who was it on the phone?" she added trying to change the subject of the conversation.

"Why are you asking so much questions??" he asked a little rude.

"Sorry! I'm just trying to have a conversation here!" she said now angry.

"It's obvious that I don't want to have a conversation huh?!?" he replied angry too.

"Yeah! Since a week!?!?! Sorry to be a weight in your life for now!! You just had to say it if you didn't want me to come here!!" Amber said standing up.

"That's not what I meant and you know it! I'm really preoccupied and you know why!"

"Yes I defenitly know why and I'm starting to wonder why you're so worried about it! I don't see the point of being so nervous to go pick up your dog! You should be happy about it!!" she said with rage. She couldn't take it anymore. All this time she was trying to understand him and support him, showing him some love but he never saw anything of this.

"You don't understand..." he sighed.

"Of course I don't understand! How do you want me to understand when you're not explaning to me!! You're just staying there, not talking, getting on everyone's nerve!" she shouted. "Oh... and nevermind! Just do your own little things like you did for the past week ! I'm going to take a shower!" she added leaving the kitchen.


She went upstair furious. What was wrong with him? Was he nervous like that because he still had feelings for Leighanne? She have been most worry about Leighanne wanting him back and never thought about Brian's feelings for his ex-fiancee. Nick have been really honest with her when he said that she had nothing to worry about but what if he was wrong? She was scared now. He meant a lot for her and couldn't think of being away from him. The heat of the water made her feel better and she stopped worry for some minutes. When she got out of the shower, she put her dressing gown and went downstair. She looked in the kitchen but Brian was gone. There was a piece of paper on the table.


Hey sweetheart!
I decided to go play some golf and go the gym to destress a bit. I'll go dinner at Kevin's house... if you're not angry anymore you'll be able to come as you wish. And I'll go pick up Tyke around 7:30pm... so see ya at dinner or later tonight... Love,
Brian
xxx





*** In Nick's Gardens ****


Nick was laying on his hamack in his garden next to the pool, looking at the ocean. He was so happy to finally be at home after all that touring. He've missed the ocean so much all that time... but it was kind of strange for him to be alone here in his garden...Usually Mandy was next to him and he was playing with her hair goofing around. He tought about what his mother have said when he told her about Rachel and he didn't know if she was right or wrong...Maybe he wasn't over Mandy yet...he missed their long talk and her smile but one thing was for sure he didn't missed theire fight and he wasn't really sure if he was really missing her or just his old life... Today was a brand new day for him and he got everything for a good start... A new girlfriend who seems to really love him..she was pretty..charming..lovely ...but something was missing... his heart wasn't beating as fast as he was when he first dated Mandy. He wasn't sure of his feelings but he wished he was. When he first met Rachel he was really attracted by her and at some point he was sure to have a thing for her. But like is father had said last night after the dinner maybe "that thing" he had for Rachel was just friendship...he knew that his son had talk a lot to her about is feelings from the past so maybe it was the first time for him that a girl was listening to him without judging him. Nick was so confused at this moment...maybe his parents were right all the way ...but if they were... he have made a big mistake cuz he knew that Rachel have given him her heart and that she'd be hurt really bad is he told her that now he wasn't sure anymore of his feeling for her... especially after pratically a month... How could he be sure?... If he'd make a mistake?... If he really loves her?.. but what if he doesn't...

He poped up the volume of the radio when he heard his favotire song.. it was "open arms" from Journey... This song that he first wanted to ask Rachel for a Dance but someone did it quickly so he watched her dancing with this other guys and felt horrible... "What's wrong with me??!"he asked to himself..."For the love of god somene pease tell me..." then he heard the phone bell..."hello?!"he said

"guess who's calling?!?!" The girl's voice replied

"Hey Rach!!!"he said happy to hear her voice

"How ya doing sweetie?!"Rachel asked...that was the first time they were talking to each other since she left.

"Not too bad!!I was thinking of you!!"he giggled

"Really?!?!I did not stop thinking about you since you left me at the aiport!!"she said

"ok!!"he laughed "So how is it going out there?!" Nick asked walking to the pool and then he sat on the side of the pool with his feet in the water.

"Well ..it's going ok!!! I have to go back to class this afternoon..."

"Poor Baby!!" Nick teased.

"That's not funny...I won't be able to study...I have your face in my head and I hear your beautiful voice all the time!!I am not even able to watch TV it's your new video everywhere and it makes me cry when you look sad in it!!"Said Rachel wih a little cute voice.

"hooo don't cry baby!!it's all fake!!"he laughed

"I know... But I miss you already!!how am I supposed to act, away from you for a month... god!!"

Nick didn't answer he was lost in is tought...she'll be away for a month...how can he see swhat he was really feeling for her...

"Nick?!?!" Rachel said.

"Huh?!?!"exclamed Nick "Hummm yeah..."he said really not knowing what she just said.

"So are you going out tonight?!?" Rachel asked.

"Humm I don't know... Maybe I'll go shoot some hoop with Brent in the park!!"he replied

"That's great!!Well honey I really have to go I have a class in an hour and I'm still at home so I'll call you back tonight ok?!"

"Alright Take care sweetheart!!"said Nick

"You too!!!Bye ...I love you!!"said Rachel passionatly

"me too... Bye!!"he said before to hang up...he let the phone on the table next to him and look at the ocean away... He was suddenly feeling happy that she called...but when she said those words..."I love you" he felt something strange.. he knew he had to tell her back...but that was hard not knowing if he was lying or not...



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