JOURNAL 17


10:08 pm, 04/06/01

subject: i am an idiot!!!

I repeat, I am the biggest fool in the whole world and I am SO mad at myself right now! You know what happened with Evan? He has actually re-arranged several appointments that day to see me and even made it to Disney's parking lot. Unfortunately, his agent called with an appointment with a director and producers who were only in town for few more hours. Since I told him I was staying at a Red Roof Inn, he actually drove to the one on Harbor Way (closest to Disney) and called around to find out which hotel I was staying. Moreover, he left me a note at Red Roof and had the girl at the counter assured him that she would get the note to me. Evan even had her double check my check-out day to make sure I would in fact go back to the Hotel before going back home. But obviously, I did NOT get that note. So Evan called Red Roof Inn and his note is still there, and that the light should have been blinking on my room's phone that night indicating I have a note to pick up. Here is why I am the stupidest person in the world....

MY ROOM'S PHONE WAS ACTUALLY BLINKING THAT NIGHT!!! Duh, I am so retarded. Since I was too lazy to call the front desk that night, my friend called instead and told me it was just some wake-up call from the morning. Thus, we all ignored it! Man, why did I have to be so lazy! If I only had a brain, I should have known that we never had any wake-up call. Guys, I feel so horrible and so MAD at myself. But again, I believe this is fate. The time for Evan and me to meet just hasn't arrived. I wanna kill myself right now for being so stupid, lazy and brain-dead! Err...give me a week, I'll probably get over it.

So now, Evan has asked Red Roof Inn to send the note to my house. Why did I let him go through this whole mess?! I really didn't have any doubt at him...and now, I feel like the biggest jerk in the whole world. Gosh, I am gonna go cry now....