*** THE CASUAL GAMER ***
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Brownies: The Dark Renegade of Desserts
The mysterious brownies, seen here for the first time in their native habitat. Unfortunately, these brownies have nuts in them. Nuts' chemical makeup actually changes when in contact with brownies, causing the nuts to turn into poison.
Brownies are a widely eaten, popular dessert. But how much do we really know about them? Their contents are a closely guarded secret known only to a few, such as the mysterious Betty Crocker. And she died a long time ago. Did the secret die with her? What's the real story behind such a seeminly simple delicious treat? Can these dark renegades of food be trusted, and are they good?
When Soccer Moms and dessert afficiandos around the country go to make up some yummy brownies to treat their families, most simply reach for a store-bought box of mix. They have only to add a few simple ingredients, bake, and BAM! There's the ominous dessert, ready to endulge in. But what exactly is in the elusive Brownie Mix?? I don't think anyone knows for sure. At first inspection, it seems that there may be some sort of artificial chocolate flavoring, and perhaps sugar. But what is really in there? What makes the magic happen? How does it go from brown slime to scrumptous treat? To find out, we must examine the effects that brownies have on the users.
Most of the time, addicts can tell you what's stringing them out on a line, but not with brownies. Many brownie addicts, including myself, have no clue what they are even eating. It is a plain-looking, brown, cake-like substance that somehow tastes incredible. It looks like chocolate, but tastes different. And it needs not fancy colors, frostings, packages, toys, or sprinkles to get itself into innocents' bellies. It strikes hard and fast, leaving you wanting more and more. Most people will not or can not stop until every brownie within sight is eaten, or unitl their stomachs explode from a binge of gluttonous proportions. And there is the brownie, laughing to itself. Always getting that last laugh. Because it knows that you can't resist. It spreads its terror like a viral infection of epidemic proportions, without morals or conscience to stand in its way. The only resistance to its wrath is diabetes, which physically prevents addiction to the dark sugar-cakes (a little know fact: diabetes is actually a genetic condition that evolved in reponse to mass brownie addiction in populations).
So, in conclusion, I must say that brownies are good. No, not just good, fantastic. And I don't know why. Not a clue. They must have crack in them or something. That ol' Betty knew just how to hook people. Just don't put nuts in them! They suck with nuts! Don't listen to your parents or that giggle-head down the block; brownies with nuts are terrible. Just take 'em plain, preferably cake style. And don't fight them, it is no use. Just let them take control and enjoy the ride.