Interveiw with the Cult from Hell
Interview with a Cult from Hell :-) This is an IMAGINARY story about what would SUPPOSEDLY happen if we (the Cult) were to become famous and get interview by a famous idg then this is what might happen ...**********************************************************************
::The Sagi Cult is attheir favorite place, Subway. ERIN is gnawing on the counter while hungrily waiting for her 3 bagillion cookies (she just wants a frickin snack for gods sake) KATIE is singing sing-a-long Howdie Doody songs to a bunch of young buddhist babies while sitting on the coke machine, RENEE and STEPHANIE are shop-lifting (VERY unconspicuously) the ceiling fans, AUSTYN is beating up a bad-tasting sandwich (she doesnt like subway), whitney is banging her head on the table screaming: WHY????, and Irene is strip-dancing on the table. Reporter LOTSA NEWS walks in and tries to interview ERIN, because she's ruining the counter.)
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LOTSA: I am here with the multi-cultural Sagi Cult, doing their daily business ... ::Approaches ERIN:: Erin, that is your name, right?
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ERIN: ALFGALEJSF
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LOTSA:Excuse me? ::ERIN, who is still very hungry, attemps to bite the reporter. She misses and falls flat to the floor and starts gnawing on the floor. LOTSA next approaches AUSTYN, who is tearing the poor sandwich apart.:: Austyn ... how do you feel about your cult success?
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AUSTYN: WOOF!!!
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LOTSA: Eh?
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WHITNEY: Austyn hangs out with her dog too much. and her dog is possessed, i think the monster got into Austyn now. Anybody got an exorcist?! ::she goes back to banging her head on the table::
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AUSTYN: BARK BARK. WHA HA HA. ::AUSTYN's eyes go red and she runs out of subway across the street to Safeway for dog food. (Is anyone noticing a pun here ...heh heh ...). LOTSA, becoming frightened of being the only sane one in the environment, she moves on to the partically sane looking ones (theyre soo inconspicuous) RENEE and STEPHANIE.::
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LOTSA: So, Renee and Stephanie ... what do YOU think about your cults success???
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RENEE: ::Bangs her head on the lamp:: HUH??? GO AWAY!!! were trying to uh ... UNCONSPICUOUSLY ... uh ... trap turkies in the lightbulb so they'll be ready to serve at thanksgiving dinner...
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LOTSA: Interesting...
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RENEE: It is. Now go away.
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LOTSA: LET ME JUST GET A FRICKIN INTERVIEW FIRST!!!!!!!
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STEPHANIE: SHE SAID FRICKING!!! OH MY GOSH, JOSH! (inside joke) ::STEPHANIE joins WHITNEY in the joy of head banging.::
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LOTSA: Oh dear. I am torn. I have ruined her pretty little virgin ears!
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IRENE: Dont, worry about her, we're trying to train her.
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LOTSA: ::Noting IRENE's obscene dancing:: Dear God! What are you doing??
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IRENE: Im the devil so im creating hell dammit :-)
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LOTSA: Oh dear .... **********************************************************************
IRENE: Yes, would you like to come live in hell with me and my lover Frank Sinatra? We could have an affair, Frankie doesnt have to know .. ::Scary Face. Suddenly AUSTYN bursts in the door ...::
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AUSTYN: ::Nibbling kitty litter:: NOOOOOO IRENE DONT LOOK AT HER THAT WAY YOU SICKO!!!!!!! YOU KNOW YOUR NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE BED ... ER ... WAIT ... DEJA VU???
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LOTSA: Screwy. Anywho...:: SHe Approches KATIE now, being very cautious...::
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KATIE: ::To buddhist monkey childs:: ... and slim shady shouted to the world "F** off" and the birds chirped and thats how the world began ... :: noting LOTSA:: WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT??? I AM GOD!!! THAT IS RUDE!!!
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LOTSA: Pish posh. God is up there.
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KATIE: FINE!!! THEN I AM THE SAVIOR!!! BOW TO ME!!
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LOTSA: Not until you give me an interview... ::KATIE becomes anger and does the little transformer majig and turns into Sailor Venus and starts babbling crap about a moon at LOTSA.::
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LOTSA: What the ... ::Suddenly, ERIN, who is still hungry, bites LOTSA's ankle and KYLA runs in singing a rousing chorus of "It Bit Me.", a S Subway Chikkitas song. Then the whole danged thing turned into a musical and everyone was dancing on the tables singing and LOTSA the poor reporter laid on the floor twitching while ERIN fed upon her prey. But TIM got mad and made them all leave. And so the madness continues ...::
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END!
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