She saw me! Luckily, I can run faster than her. I left Growlie behind though. I’m sure it’ll be happier at home than with me. This nice trainer directed me to a school called Pokémon Technical. I’ll hide out there for a while.
I’m here! They took me in! I claimed that I had no memory of my past and they bought it! I can’t believe how lucky I am. I think I’ll write a song about my luck…
Great (!). I’m sharing a room with a guy who sounds like a smoker with laryngitis. His name’s Butch. I mean, who would name a kid Butch? It’s incredibly cruel. His only friends are these two bitchy girls called Jesse and Cassidy. I feel sorry for him. They’re always hitting him. Rather him than me.
I’ve changed my mind. Jesse’s quite nice once you get to know her. A bit withdrawn perhaps. She won’t mention her past either. Rumour has it that her mother was killed while working for this corporation called Team Rocket. Jesse wants to join after she graduates. Koffing is doing well, but I think it’s making Butch’s throat worse.
Actually it’s not day five. I cheated. I’m 16 now. I couldn’t be bothered to write in here anymore. But I have important news; I’m joining Team Rocket with Jesse. I’ll bring you up to speed…Jesse and I failed our exams because we stayed up late partying. But we found out that Team Rocket will hire just about anyone! So we’re setting off tomorrow on the 10:12 train. Jesse and Cassidy fell out about a year ago, so we’ve become really great friends. Together we’re unstoppable.
We’re in! and I must say, I look very dashing in silver and red (!). but we have to have another Pokémon besides ours. A dumb Meowth. And I only mean dumb intellectually, because this Meowth can speak!!!!!!!!!! He’s got a really funny accent. New York I think. But he seems to think he’s the leader, just because he’s the Boss’ favourite Pokémon. Our boss, Giovanni, is really nice.
We were doing really well at Team Rocket, but today this little twerp and a Pikachu stopped us in the middle of a crime. I have a feeling we’ll meet again…. >evil laugh<
We went to see the Boss, but just as we got to Headquarters it blew up! An usual Pokémon flew away as it happened (I wouldn’t have noticed it if Jesse hadn’t nudged me). The Boss was pretty mad, but not at us for once. I wonder what that Pokémon was.
That little twerp foiled us again! The Boss was really mad this time. He might actually fire us.
One of the twerps has gone. Looks like the younger ones will be getting it on soon. Doesn’t surprise me. Funny how friends can suddenly become much more. Good thing Jesse is so mean to me. I couldn’t possibly love her in that way.
There’s a new twerp…Tracey. Looks gay to me.
Meowth almost abandoned Team Rocket. He landed on this Island where the people thought he was a God. I’m glad he’s back. But I really miss my bottle caps.
The other twerp’s back.
I captured a Pikachu! I can’t wait to show Jesse. It’s her birthday tomorrow. Meowth knows, and he’s sworn that he won’t tell her as long as he gets credit. He learned Pay Day in order to beat it. He’s very proud of himself.
She cried!?!?!?!?! At first it was because she didn’t think we’d remember her birthday. Then when she saw the Pikachu…she burst out in uncontrollable sobs and muttered something about someone named Miyamoto. But she’s asleep now on my lap with Meowth. I’ve never noticed how pretty she is until now. I guess she’s just felt like a sister. Always picking on me.
Well, we now have a newly evolved Raichu. Jesse named it Jimmy, after me. We deliberately went looking for the twerps and challenged them to a match. And hey, I found my old Gyarados. Once I’d apologised for kicking it as a Magikarp, it wanted to join us. Jesse cut her hair short today and it looks really nice. Maybe I should grow my hair…
We were defeated yet again by the twerps. I’ve noticed that when Jesse gets angry, her left eye blinks more than the right. Weird! She commented that I haven’t squealed lately. I said ‘Whaddya mean?’ She said that I squeal whenever we’re in trouble. I don’t know what she means. I don’t squeal, do I?
We saw Butch and Cassidy when we visited Headquarters. Butch was smoking! I knew it!
Bad news. The Boss is pretty mad. He said a Raichu and a Gyarados wouldn’t make up for our failures. I’m worried now.
The Boss wants to split us up!!!!! I don’t know what to do. Meowth is worried that the Boss will send him to a dog-food factory. I asked him what made him think that. But he temporarily forgot how to speak Human. He just sat in the balloon muttering ‘Meowth, outh, meowth.’
I HAVE TO WORK WITH BUTCH AND CASSIDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s the ultimate punishment. They do nothing but scheme. I’m so bored. They’re planning a robbery right now. I refuse to join in. It’s mine and Meowth’s Poker Night.
The Boss has seen the light! He’s letting me work with Jesse and Meowth again. Meowth is looking smug. He’s been sneaking off every night since about Jesse’s birthday. I wonder where he’s going.
Arggghhh!!!!!! You’ll never guess what!!!!! Miyamoto is Jesse’s mother and a former Team Rocket member! She was partnered with Mrs Ketchem! Ash and Jesse’s father is Giovanni! Meowth is a father! I can’t cope. Meowth left us to find his girlfriend and kittens. And Jesse – Brace yourself – is spending time with the twerps so that she can get to know her ‘little brother’ better! I’m only 20, I can’t deal with this pressure!
Miyamoto has overthrown Giovanni and we’ve left Team Rocket. Meowth writes to us every week. We’re staying at the tw- sorry, Ash’s house. Mrs Ketchem is a great cook! So is Brock. I don’t like the way Misty keeps looking at me…
I got a card from Jessebelle as usual. I got two anonomous ones and one from Brock (!). I didn’t send any though, and Jesse is looking at me evilly. I would send one to her…but I don’t handle rejection well. Ash gave one to Misty – quite sweet really. Those two have been playing it by ear since they first met. So have I.
I think I’ll ask Jesse out.
I did it! I more than did it…I proposed! Jesse started crying again…but it was purely for show, I reckon. Giovanni returned home to Mrs Ketchem. So we moved out and got a place in Celadon. We run the Team Rocket Casino there. Meowth has come back with his girlfriend and family of five (Jesse, James, Misty, Ash and Brock). He’s living with us. As it’s Princess Day today we’ve been racing around trying to please all the girls (something which I find easy!). Right now it’s the end of the day and the four of us are drowning ourselves in liquor. Brock is so drunk that he thinks Tracey is Nurse Joy and he keeps hitting on him. I worry about Brock sometimes…
No, not mine. Brock and Tracey’s! We’re on one of the Orange Islands because it’s the only place this is legal. Brock is going to set up his Breeding Centre here, and Tracey is making posters and sketches. He’ll probably be an architect someday. Misty is pigging out on cake and Jimmy and Pikachu seem to be getting friendly (if you know what I mean). Togepi has evolved into what is temporarily named Peegato. Jesse is helping Misty finish off the food. Typical. I suppose it’s all right. She is eating for two, afterall.
Ash asked me to be best man if he and Misty get married. It was my turn to cry then.
I know, my wedding is taking a long time. But Jesse and I have decided to wait until our daughter is old enough to be a flower girl. She’s only two. Miyamoto is so sweet! Jesse wanted to nickname her Mimi, but I said that Digimon would sue us for trademarking. Yeah, like their stuff is original (!). (Oh, Peegato has evolved into Togon)
Well, looks like my life is too busy for a diary now. So I’ll just tell you everything up-to-date… Ash and Misty have two girls called Fern and Rainey. Tracey and Brock are world famous for their Breeding Centre. Even Professor Oak is taking lessons. Mr and Mrs Ketchem own a Mr. Mime ranch near Cerulean City. Butch and Cassidy run Viridian Gym (together). The Meowth Casino is very profitable and my new wife and I have given it to Meowth. We are now travelling the world. We met Gary the other day. He’s a Pokémon Master. When he asked how Ash was we said ‘Who cares? That twerp is nothing to do with us.’ And just for fun we said the Team Rocket motto. I miss those days. But we must all grow up someday.
