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This unruly silence
resounding in my ears
keeps bringing up the memories
attached to all my fears ...


These are,
The confessions
of a broken heart


-Lindsay Lohan




Look at me, my depth perception must be off again
Cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did
It has not healed with time








From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.


Quotes:
--Saliva
--AlfredTennyson&
-Edgar Allan Poe





Two roads diverged in a wood,
and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
-Robert Frost





In and out
you slowly fade away
everything but me
just drifts
and leaves
Never again to be
Shimmering is
the last memory
as I watch it fall
softly down
to join them all
oh, condemning reverie
completely has me
lost in this state
of nothingness
An eternal bliss
of pitiless
pitch darkness.

















Dreams colliding,
Into my reality.
Is this real?
Or just another thing,
created inside of me ?
My mind plays a game ,
where both worlds,
are one and the same.
Am I the only one ,
not knowing when I wake ,
If the madness is really done?
Images shift before my eyes.
In them-and in what they become ,
is where my fate does lye.
Such a fragile line in between ,
live or die .
And there is no choice for me.
I am forced to walk it,
blindly.


art:andyworhol&BarbaraAliaga



snowflakes drift down,
on your face,
so tenderly.
And there is no one,
In this scintillating twilight,
to see,
except me.
they sweep down,
and brush across,
your dark brown lashes.
Little white,
momentary flashes.
Just watching you,
sit there,
with frozen crystals,
gleaming in your hair.
You look so peaceful.
Thinking something,
I'll never know.
You can be so beautiful,
and not even know it.
your eyes innocent - Radiant,
as your lit,
by this pale atmosphere.
The world has forgotten,
us here.
And in this moment,
we have nothing,
to fear.




Here we are,
stuck out here,
in the rain.
I didn't think,
it would happen again.
I thought you had learned,
the last time.
Why do you keep,
returning here,
as soon as,
the skies begin to clear?
Oh, you lose yourself,
all the time.
I'm beginning to think,
that you just don't,
want to try,
-anymore-
And I've asked myself,
so many times,
why do I,
still have to cry?




Tonight I'll dream of you
and I'll wake up crying in the dark
I know your listening
I feel you here with me
every smile
every look you gave me
it is here with me
in my heart
where no one can take it
I lye here
and I wonder
can you feel my pain
and my happiness
feel my very thoughts
upon your soul
So many times I've wished
I could talk to you
as freely as I talk to you
In my imagination
I can see you
sitting next to me
smiling at me
but I open my eyes
and my smile slowly fades
as I realize
you are not
and would never be
Is this what is meant for me
forever lost
forever lonely ?







How can I get you to see
I would be there every second
If it were only up to me
Little blue eyed child
Filled with innocence
I know baby
It’s hard to understand
This world of consequence
Tears fall freely
Down your face
Delicate features
Drawn out of place
Little drops of stars they are
Twinkling in moonlight
A borrowed piece of heaven
To fill your troubled sight
Dripping down they come to dwindle
Upon your little lips
Gently meeting your fingertips
You silently blow a kiss
Returning them to the sky
For even just a few
It would surely come to miss
Let’s place within each one
Of those gleaming little stars
This captured memory
To be
Forever ours to see
Now we will always have
Something just between us
Softly now I sing to you
In the quiet of the nigh’
A little lullaby
My heart preparing
For the breaking of Good Bye
And as you drift
Into a world of pleasant dreams
Twinkling stars of my own
Burst forth
From the seams





******************************************************

Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
- PINKFLOYD
******************************************************

******************************************************
I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me there's just no hope
I never meant to be so cold
-CROSSFADE
******************************************************

******************************************************
here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are
as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends
-Green Day
******************************************************

******************************************************
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know were it goes
But its home to me and I walk alone
-GREENDAY
******************************************************

******************************************************

















Leaf by leaf and page by page
Throw this book away
All the sadness all the rage
Throw this book away
Rip out the binding and tear the
Glue
All of the grief we never even
Knew
We had it all along
Now it's smoke
The things we've written in it
Never really happened
All the things we've written in it
Never really happened
All the people come and
Gone
Never really lived
All the people come have gone
No one to forgive
Smoke

Chorus
We will not write a new one
There will not be a new one
Another one another one

Here's an evening dark with
Shame
Throw it on the fire
Here's the time i took the
Blame
Throw it on the fire
Here's the time we didn't speak
It seemed for years and years and
Here's a secret
No one will ever know the
Reasons for the tears
They are smoke

Chorus
Where do all the secrets live
They travel in the air
You can smell them when
They burn
They travel
Those who say the past is
Not dead
Can stop and smell the smoke
You keep saying the past is
Not dead
Well stop and smell the smoke
You keep on saying the past is
Not even past and
You keep on saying
We are, smoke


-BENFOLD'SFIVE
art:(right)jimdine(left)Olga Kaesling

******************************************************

‘Twas noontide of summer,
And mid-time of night;
And stars, in their orbits,
Shone pale, thro' the light
Of the brighter, cold moon,
‘Mid planets her slaves,
Herself in the Heavens,
Her beam on the waves.
I gaz'd awhile
On her cold smile;
Too cold — too cold for me —
There pass'd, as a shroud,
A fleecy cloud,
And I turn'd away to thee,
Proud Evening Star,
In thy glory afar,
And dearer thy beam shall be;
For joy to my heart
Is the proud part
Thou bearest in Heav'n at night,
And more I admire
Thy distant fire,
Than that colder, lowly light.
-Edgar Allan Poe

*****************************************************



The most wasted of all days is one without laughter
-E.E. Cummings




Do you not see me
I'm standing right in front of you
Do you not see my heart open
Not see my eyes
as my hearts being broken
oh run away, far away
I have to go now
turn my back on everything
when there is nothing to say
the leaves are falling like butterflies
all around
Just walk right through them
unseeing-as I'm being led
to a place where I cannot be found
I don't have to watch where I go
this path is one that I know
I've come here a thousand times
when I am the victim
of your crimes
will happiness for me
always be -- so fugitive
you have taken so much
and I don't know what's left to give

art:CharlieWaite



why do I have to cry?
Cause I feel so alone
that is something
I Can't deny
I hear a prayer
whisper through my head
frustrating are all the things
I should have said
As I sit Not knowing
Why I am here in my bed
reading books
that I've already read
I can't concentrate now
So I let my thoughts
drift away instead
I feel the blackness fall
and hear the Demon call....
I've got a picture in my head
the world is dark
and I am dead
I cannot say a word
you cannot hear my screams
everything is made of stone
and all is nothing
of what it seems
How did this nightmare
come to be ?
My fate is waiting patiently
how long will this feeling
take to dissipate?
Never for you
she sighs
it is too late.....

I wake up screaming
Dampness upon my brow
down my face
the tears are streaming
I feel so helpless now
books are spread
lying open pages torn
like my life I've shred
my heart is worn
I go to my window sill
outside it is so quiet
and the world sits still
wipe the window pane
with my blood and a single tear
watch it mingle with the rain
It won't change a single thing
I never did see clear
break my vision my reflection
now multiplied a thousand times
shimmering in these pieces of glass
strewn across the floor
My countenance does not hide
the way I feel inside
I cannot be here anymore
I walk outside and close the door
the wind blows softly through my hair
And as I step without a care
I see a tiny flash of white
and I turn
taking into sight
an almond blossom
come through the night
blown off the branch
thrown into flight
through the shadows
a single ray of light



Slip into your world of stone
In it you'll find your all alone
Stand and face that tough stone wall
as you climb , you start to crawl

My heart is aching
My screams are breaking
The silence is broken
nothing left for me
Just leave me here ,
you cant save me i'm too far gone

Jagged stones burn your lies
over the wall you hear your cries
look back, and see stone grey
fall to your knees , as your mind slips away


I let go finally
All that's left is tears ,
for all eternity
Place me in a distant memory
Place me somewhere, where you can't see
all that's here what's left of me
you can't save me i'm too far gone

People laugh , as you start to cry
how could you let your life slip you by?
I'm so hurt, I'm so broken, I'm torn apart
No words Unspoken
you can't save me
I'm too far gone.

art:JudyMandolf



light shines through the window
and illuminates your beautiful face
I smile as I watch you across the room
my heart fills with warmth of our love in early bloom
beautiful eyes so full of wonder
tell me
speak softly
of all your hopes and dreams
I lay back and surrender
to the sound of your voice
close my eyes
listen closely
and hang on every word you say
please tell me I can linger
in this moment... in this day
for all eternity
so wonderful all the love your heart transpires
when your with me
you fill all my dreams
all my desires
just hold my hand for a little longer
I can feel the emotion
and it's growing stronger
Promise me you'll never let go
I love you I whisper.....
More than you'll ever know


******************************************************
I'm only happy when it rains
I'm only happy when it's complicated
and though I know you can't appreciate it
I'm only happy when it rains
I only smile in the dark
my only comfort is the night gone black
I didn't accidentally tell you that
I'm only happy when it rains
-GARBAGE
******************************************************

******************************************************
Remember me , don't forget me ,
I have something true .
My path is dark, my steps uncertain , Unless I walk
with you .

- BENKWELLER
******************************************************
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you
Disarm you with a smile
And leave you like they left me here
To wither in denial
The bitterness of one who's left alone
Ooh, the years burn
-SMASHING PUMPKINS
*****************************************************


It must have been a mis-conception
you thought you were worthy of a redemption
only to find there's nothing waiting for you
on the other side
-we are through-
leaving destruction upon your path
leaving me withered
there is no going back
behind false smiles
is the truth
I didn't think you capable
of the hate and bitterness
that resides in you
but your gentle face turned ugly
for all the world to see
except me -
holding back secrets
telling me lies
no hesitation
only bleakness inside
you brandish my heart
forgetting i'm human
feeling every movement you make
as a pain that rips through me
leaving permanent scars
in their place
permanent torment that will never heal completely
look at me now
how you have left me..



Black mascara lines,
down my face.
staining my sudarium,
of worn crimson lace.
The wind rips,
and tears at my skin.
the kind that hits deep,
and pierces within.
I do not feel ,
the cold and the pain.
numb in this torpid state,
Just let me remain.
I have been walking,
in the rain for hours.
It’s my little piece of happiness,
my last hope it empowers.
forgotten here,
I don’t want to go back .
to the place I thought home ,
to the emotion you lack.
tumbling down,
from the heavens upon me.
cleansing my skin,
for the whole world to see .
ponderous drops ,
continue to fall from the sky.
but they are no measure ,
to these tears I now cry.
The silence,
and chill outside.
tries to break through,
this barrier behind which I hide.
Out here by myself ,
knowing your not where I’m prone.
even though I feel scared,
I can ignore being alone.
I let myself dream in the fear,
a dream of falling slowly .
down until I melt out of this world,
where I may be lonely .
but at least I’d be happy,
that’s where I want to be .
away from you,
not just dreaming of being free .
until then with you,
is where I’ll remain.
always forever,
lost in the rain .


******************************************************

There's a cold voice on the air
You've been looking everywhere
for someone to understand
your hopes and fears
-KEANE

******************************************************


I find myself in a flower field
laid out across the land
a blanket of vibrant colors
cradled in Earth's gentle hand
every color draws the eye
blurs of brilliance as I go by
yellows, oranges, and lots of green
the stark comparison of the solid sky
no match for the land's uncultivated sheen
I imagine myself
nestled in the rich embrace
of Black Eyed Susan,
and Queen Anne's Lace,
in my hair is intertwined
aromatic Sweet Pea in a single vine
I bend down to drink from the stream
And in sunlight the Forget-Me-Not beam
whispers of friendship that tickle my ear
a meaning behind this flower that I hold dear
I frolic in the breeze
listening to the euphonious song
from the birds in the trees
butterflies flirt in the warm sunshine
naught a care in the world
they mingle and play
and so do I ,
For the rest of this day
I lay down as the day comes to an end
under scintillating stars
with hopes that this world will forever be ours
I fall asleep to the soft sound of a distant lullaby
a maternal song from the lady of the nigh'
I awake not in the flowers
which disappeared in the coming of night
Not with the butterflies
in with the coming took flight
But in my simple bed here in my room
Don't worry I whisper
I'll return to you soon....








******************************************************
Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up
I feel like giving up
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only my only one

-YELLOWCARD
******************************************************


******************************************************

she cries her life is like
some movie black and white
dead actors faking lines
over and over and over again she cries

-FUEL

*****************************************************


oh little child
look at the mess you've made
there is no going back for you
nothing left
for you to do
noone to pick things up
and put everything right
no comfort
no safety when you turn out the light

What have you done to yourself ?
you don't recognize
your own face
what have you done with yourself?
why are you still standing
in the same place ?

Spent the last seven years of your life
being left behind
lonely and confused
it made you blind
Is there something for you still?
or will you forever be
waiting until - -

What have you done to yourself ?
you don't recognize
your own face
what have you done with yourself?
why are you still standing
in the same place ?

always standing in the same place
waiting until - -



I am lost here
I am lonely here
I think that I am
not the only one here
all of the faces
have found their places
locked inside
depression’s cages
vain expectation
in my eyes
listen to life’s deprivation
and hear my cries
fallen into the darkness
filled with lies
and I am confused now
feel so used now
I have to get up from here
-somehow
but this unruly silence
resounding in my ears
keeps bringing up the memories
attached to all my fears


Is it my fault I can’t talk to you
the way you want me to
don’t you know the torment
that you have put me through
I stand out here in the storm
crying out for more
just one more drop
to help me fall
Yes you - have ruined it all
all of those times
that I was here all alone
where were you
was there something you could do
I tried so hard to keep
the bitterness from my heart
but my emotions are now torn
and I’m letting myself fall apart
hello from where I am
can you feel this -
the insanity of my loneliness ?

******************************************************


-smashingpumpkins



******************************************************


The sky can turn gray
so suddenly
and I can be this way
so easily
I just don’t understand
what’s wrong with me
everything is different
than it should have been
what kind of cycle
have I found myself in ?
******************************************************

******************************************************
so what ,
so I’d rather lye here
unchanged for an eternity
then spend eternity
trying for things
that just aren’t meant to be .

******************************************************


******************************************************
What others tell you won't be true
I walked a thousand miles
While everyone was asleep
Nobody's really seen my million subtleties
Got bruises on my heart
And sometimes I get dark
If you want my autobiography
Baby... just ask me
-AshleeSimpson
******************************************************


sadness rips through me
I am falling in agony
Can't you see me ?
You stand and watch
with no emotion on your face
I'm dying in front of you
look what you've put me through
Do you even care?
So many times I wished you could have been there
I'm crying in the dark
I am all alone
How could you leave me here ?
to be eaten up
and ripped apart
left to dwell with the things I most fear......

Does anyone care ?
Does anyone see me ?
I'm standing right in front of you
Please dont push me away
I've got so many things
that I've needed to say
It's too late now
I'm being pulled down
by the burdens I've left my self with
nightmares haunt my sanity
threatening with every whisper
to overtake me
Please?
I beg you don't leave me here
Where I'm prone to the things
I've tried to hide
Prone to the fact
that I'm dying inside .



I curl up in a ball
In the middle of my bed
I imagine myself
somewhere else in my head
How did I get so alone
Does anyone even know that I'm here ?
I drown in my sorrow
and arise with the fear
that this is the time
I won't get myself up
everything that happens
oh Lord, I've had enough
I look fore ward every day
for the next
only to find
that the next brings the next
Every reality I've been forced to reject
Times in my life that I'm forced to reflect
Oh how good I can hide
all the hurt that I'm feeling inside
but I feel all these chains
and their tearing at all that remains
tugging and pulling
Me down to the ground
and here in my room
is where I break down .

******************************************************
You are not wrong who deem
That my days have been a dream ;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night , or in a day
In a vision, or in none
Is it therefore the less gone ?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream .
Edgar Allan Poe

*****************************************************

Sunlight spreading
across my twilight eyes
awakening in them
the bluest of skies
I feel the warmth
of Earth's maternal womb
the fluttering movements
of flowers in bloom
I am kissed on the lips
by wet morning dew
the world is alive
fresh and anew
the crisp early air
tickles my nose
energy spreading
from head to my toes
No boundary this day
on where my life goes .

art:JudyMandolf



I live inside a dream
a distant memory
praying in my heart
it will become reality
if only I could tell myself
if only i'd believe
that these feelings are not real
a contrived thought that became
because I want to feel
I drift through my eternal thoughts
and ponder in the same place
I ponder in my memory
a picture of your face
I am lost for all of time
please just let me go
at least inside my mind
I wouldn't have to know.



You placed in my hands
a single red rose
an enigma of the stream
in which my love flows
nurtured by your tears
constructed of stone
the insincere emotion
ever have you shown
Shocking is the color
against my pale skin
thorn covered stems
form a penitentiary within
evoking the guilt
placed so easily
severed my defenses
and let you pursuade me
to this desolate world
built of your toxicity
never would have thought
a thing of such beauty
would be the essence
of my captivity



My heart is torn
In one hundred different places
Within each space I see them
One hundred soulless faces
That you’ve shown me
My body is withered
I am still where you’ve thrown me
My spirit is shattered
In so many different pieces
Of scarlet jagged glass
Broken by all the lies you’ve told me
And it’s burning
Now here I am
Branded for life
You are now my enemy
And I dwell here in this strife
Tears of pain streak down my face
Leaving a permanent scar in their place
My features forever contorted to the anguish
How could you do this ?
I didn’t even taste the bitter poison in your kiss
You’ve tainted my trust
And left a hurt
That will always be
Manifesting for all eternity
In this corrupted form
That once
Was me






******************************************************
there's a part in me you'll never know
the only thing I'll never show
-MUSE


*****************************************************




*****************************************************

*****************************************************
Trying to find a hand to hold
but every touch felt cold
to me
-ashleesimpson
*****************************************************

*****************************************************
all you have to do is run away
and steal yourself from me
become a mystery to gaze into
you're so cruel in all you do
but still I believe, I believe in you
- SMASHING PUMPKINS

*****************************************************


*****************************************************

Dark Angels: Just because I'm not a Saint it doesn't mean I'll burn in Hell


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Coffee makes us severe, and grave, and philosophical.
~Jonathan Swift




ALL POETRY COPYRIGHT PROTECTED AND IS THE ORIGINAL WORK OF ERICA SANDERS UNLESS OTHERWISE STATED E-mail any Question or comments to: unrulysilence@hotmail.com




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