Some are titled, some are not, so you must go by numbers...
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[ 51 ]
Darkness pierces this white heart with its sweet melody
Drifting upon the brackish waters of estrangement
Alone withal, in myself delving into the depths of everything
And the nothing that it encompasses
So silent does it return to me
A migration that endlessly circles
The distance incalculable
The distance ever growing
Like some strange flower
Blooming in the night.
TOP
Moon above, filtering through the leaves of oak
Sitting in silent contemplation
The stars dancing in their eternal journey though the heavens,
Watching the lovers wrapped in each other’s souls and minds
Dreaming of that day,
The day they wont have to part when the night grows late,
Eyes sparkling, diamonds in the rough seas of adolescence
Wishing for a moment, they were just a few years older
Kissing to the melody of the crickets and cicadas
Lips tasting like the candy that only lovers can know
And ex-lovers long for once again.
The moon fades the clouds fill the heavens,
The rain washes away the earth,
Nothing exists, but these two in each other's arms
Hoping that eternity has finally found them.
TOP
Die Ragen Fallen
Donner Spricht rühe über alles
Die Blitzen ist die Licht der Himmel
Meine Freundin schläft in meinen Armen
Die stille Wöter die ich spreche
Ich lese durch die dunkel Nacht
Und die musik mienes Hertz
Speilt über das Radio
Translation:
Thunder speaks peacefully over all
Lightning is the light of heaven
My lady sleeps in my arms
The silent words that i speak
I read through the dark night
And the music of my heart
Plays over the radio
TOP
Night fades in upon his chariot,
Drifting upon the melodies of unchanged life
Bound only by the freedom of his soul
Drinking in the myst and magic
Of all that is and was
Peering silent into the abyss
Thinking, dreaming, wondering
"Is this what I really am?"
And the dawn beckons,
The whore of light
The Garish slut;
Rides she in on her furious steeds
Flames and Desires raging
Looking to make night weak
"Curse the darkness," she says
"And fuck the Daylight."
TOP
Unfurl your robe of fire
Show me your power
Let me breathe your flames
And your smoke fill my lungs
Feel the power surge
Rage of the furies,
Screaming and writhing
In excruciating passion
Upon a horse
Nude
Only love may save me
TOP
Once there was a boy,
He believed in something
I don’t know where he went
He pretends to know
But he doesn’t even believe in nothing anymore
TOP
Sense of self,
Is that what is left of me
To know how I am
Because I only know others
TOP
My life is
Reeling, tumbling, in my mind
Looking for an out
TOP
Is this what it all comes down to
To spend the rest this way
Singing, sinking in this dessert of what was once love
Can I ever get back there
Is that journey too treacherous
You would think I would rot and die
Worms eat my body and my soul
As I clamber back to her
And then wonder is it really worth it
Or is anything worth everything
And everything nothing
Is this what I have come to
A cynic writing a litany of lies
Trying to tell her I don’t care
That I am okay
All I want is to see her
And to kiss her
Make love to her
And to make her feel the love
That not even a thousand men posses
That not even I could ever hold for anyone
But her
-Jan 11 2001, 10:30pm
TOP
Lying
Naked
Waiting
Hoping
Pining
Calling
Getting
Nothing
From
Me
-Jan. 11 2001, 11:31pm
TOP
Fire is breathing in my eyes
I just stand watching, wondering
Wondering why she cries
I can’t move
Stricken by my own loss of self
By my own lack of everything
And her complete grasp of me
Her complete grasp of everything
-Jan. 11 2001, 11:35pm
TOP
The tides are pushing me
Sweetly drifting somewhere
Looking for my goddess,
Hoping she will once again love me
Where is she,
Is the ocean too deep now
Will she dance with me
Why do I think these things
Where is my life now
Is it ended
Is that life
I miss her already
And she is not even gone
Can I live without her
I guess I have to for now
Drift along
Discontented, unhappy, hoping, waiting
For a sign, for that star
Why did it lie to me
Can I breathe, or is that too much to ask of myself
I don’t want to breath, if I am not breathing with her
Our hearts beat together once,
Now, now, the rhythm of my heart
Is terrible,
slow,
like to stop
And perhaps it will
Stop
For lack of what it needs
And maybe then,
Maybe then
I could live again
- Jan 11 2001, 12:00pm
TOP
The flames spoke silent to us on the pyre
Feasting on the folly of great men
Whispering webs of lies
Telling us not be afraid
Consuming our souls
Charring our desires
Sending our souls into eternal nothingness
-Jan. 18 1:33am 2001
TOP
Do the angels play their harps this night
Can that melody be heard anywhere but here
Do they dance in the moonlight
Underneath the twinkling of a candelabra of stars
Do they light upon the delicate tree branches
And rest in the soft billowing clouds
Drinking from chalices of honey and ambrosia
Watching the beauty of this spring night
Do they soar upon the wings of the wind
Do the ocean waves rock them to a gentle slumber
Does their song ring brightly through the mountains
Do they live this night
Do they ever live
- Jan. 18 2001 1:47am
TOP
Endless
Night
Darkness peers through the windows of despair
Waiting for dawn to caress heaven with her gentle hands
To drive this blackness from this live
And hide the mocking stars
The green inconstant moon
Disappear in the light
Disappear in the fire of heaven
Vanish with my loneliness
Vanish with my love
- Jan. 27 9:50 pm, 2001
TOP
Whispering winds in the darkness of these flames
Burning cold with my hopes and dreams
Extinguished by the waves
This ocean dashing against the flame-lit shores
Of my soul
- Jan. 28 2001, 3:50pm
TOP
Plead to My heart
Oh my weak heart feel not this pain
For she may love you once again
Oh weep no more please my dear heart
For I then too shall have to start
Think not of eyes green as the seas
Nor of a touch like a cool breeze
Please close your ears and do not hear
Her voice, so sweet, so pure, so clear
See her soul, its radiant light
Smiling sweetly, true and pure white
Love her truly forever more
You then my heart, ne'er will be sore
- Mar. 1 2001, 1:39 am - Revised: Mar. 1 2001, 5:20 pm
TOP
Silence
of a Dream
Dance with me to the music of the night
To the winds' sweet melody of rustling leaves
And the summer symphony's songs
Played to the rhythm of our heart
Dace with me in the gentle light of darkness
As the stars above mark their path
By the undying passion of my soul
And the moon reflects the soft white light of our love
Dance with me in this blissful eternity
And kiss me in the thunderous silence of a dream
TOP
My heart cries in the rapture of lost love
Hoping for a smile again from her eyes
Longing for a soft kiss
A kiss to end the pain by
A kiss to be the last memory
TOP
She comes to tell me she loves me
She comes to tell me she's gone
All I can do to breathe now
Is pretend she thinks she is wrong
And everything is so hard
When you're living a lie
Everything gets harder
God I wish I could fly
From this dessert of passion
And into the sky
And everything would be better
'Cause I'd understand why
Yeah, she told me she loves me
She said she'd already left
Left me alone standing
Completely bereft
And what are you feeling
In the arms of another man
What are you feeling
When I say this is all that I am
Can you understand me
That I don't want to be here
And that all that I want now
Is for you to be near
Yeah, when she told me she loved me
She was already gone
God I hope one day,
She realizes she's wrong
TOP
Eyes burning with cold fire
Void of feeling
Searching for a meaning
A meaning he will never find
Meaning that doesn't exist
- Jan. 18, 2001
TOP
Souls locked like lips in love
Watching with watering eyes
His life washed away with those tears
His life loosing luster
His life loosing meaning
Wondering if the magic will return
Or if he will starve for lack of love
Starve for lack of sustenance
- Jan. 18, 2001
TOP
She slept soundly on his chest
Breathing with one set of lungs
Blood pumping with one heart
Two bodies
Two minds
One soul
He held her tight
Arms like great walls
Stones built for her protection alone
Like his soul
Standing alone it would fall
This was eternity
This was everything
- Jan. 18, 2001
TOP
Constant thoughts
Pouring like rain
Washing my sense of self
Drowning me in the agony
The agony of life
Wondering how I got here
- Jan. 25, 2001
TOP
Gestating in the womb of fire and fury
Writhing in the flames
Waiting for life to begin
Waiting for one hell to end
Waiting for another to begin
- Jan. 25, 2001
TOP
Two new stars shone
Sparkling with silent splendor
Quietly questioning what they now beheld
TOP
Silence in the dissonance of this night
Cold stars shining empty light
Dancing alone
To the music of loneliness.
TOP
Two souls
Colliding like atoms
Unleashing the power of love
Two souls
Alone in themselves
All is theirs and theirs alone
Two souls
Lips locked in love
Lives locked in friendship
TOP
I stood
Amidst the bustling crowds
Amidst the rush of days
Amidst so many who knew
I stood
Waiting for something
Waiting at the brink of existence
Waiting for love
I stood
Not knowing me
Not sure of anything
Not wanting to be here
I stood
Hoping I would not fall
TOP
Sparkling summer tides
Glinting in the love of the sun
Drifting up on the currents
Whither the wind will lead them
Hoping for a shadow of what was
An ne'er again shall be
A dream lost
Never to be dreamt again
TOP
This was the beginning
The creation of all that was and is
Drifting motionless upon a sea of hope
Knowing it would never
Bask in the warmth of the sun
I waited, a madman crying
Crying into the dusk
A voice of dissonant harmony
Waiting for love
Knowing it would not be found
I stood watching the moon
Bathing in the waters of spring
And the lovers dancing
In her glorious light
And I, standing alone
Remembering the dance
of love
The song of that dance
lingering in my mind,
And I,
I Cried,
Cried for a beauty I wished
To know again
TOP
This is probably one of the first poems I edited after it was written, I don't know that the
newer version is good, but it certianly better than the original.
Lay me down
In the torrents of reality
Streaming by me in a mad rush
Towards humanity
Alone in my self wrought estrangement
Trying to find a sense of self in
this labyrinthine heart
Through the rush of days
Before these
days end
Before new
days begin
Lay me down
Inside this swelling river of all that is and was
and leave this strange sad soul alone
Alone to live
Alone to die
Alone, that I
That I, one day might finally understand
TOP
As silent splendor played on
Chords drifted on the breeze
Chords sparkled with stars
In the twilight of yesterday's tomorrow
Waiting for the dissonance to resolve itself
Into love that should have never ended
TOP
Did i see silence
burning with desire
with this tainted reverence
and in the dying fire
Did i see her standing
waiting for my hand
hoping for some strangeness
in this blackened land
I found a darkened passage
leading to her heart
lost my way within it
before i got to start
And somehow this blighted morning
all things seem to me
to always and forever
be as they should be
- September 8, 2001, 4:26 pm
TOP
I thought i saw you this morning
Through the falling rain
A vision i created
To ease my troubled brain
I thought i would find solace
In the apparition that i made
And i found myself wondering
How love could ever fade
Perhaps it was just our fate
Perhaps i didnt try
You were here, then were gone
In the blinking of an eye
So i walked alone and saddened
The rain washed away my tears
And i was left quite helpless
As it dredged up all my fears
TOP
I Could Not Say it
I could not say it
The clouds filled my solemn eyes
Rent
And the deluge drenched the earth
And though I could not be heard over the crashing thunder
I could not say it.
I was left prone
Chest bared to all the pricks and stings
Of that that was and may ne'er be again
and still
I could not say it.
I looked into those oceans of green
Felt the waves separating me from the shore
Strained and struggled
And for all my efforts, I drifted still
Were I to closer be
I think still
I could not say it.
Away I vanished into the darkness
Like so many unknown spirits
Alone
To mend this dam, to close the floodgates
Wondering if I said it, would it matter,
Would the floodgates burst forth
Would the rift in me be filled again
With the clean pure water
or would this dying trickle that once was a river
Die
So in silence I stared
Transfixed by beauty and by love
and yet
I could not say it.
TOP
Here's a little story 'bout Bill and his Mom
They lived together, never quite got along
If ya'll don't believe me, well here is some proof
One day ol' mom stood on the roof
She held a pieana with the greatest of care
Bill looked up and said "Ma, whatcha doin' up there?"
She look down down and said "Now m'boy, dont you worry none
You wont feel nothin' by the time I'm done"
Well bill wasn't stupid, he had a trick up his sleeve
So when Ma dropped it and started to leave
Well Ma screamed like Tina, and Bill screamed like Ike
Bill was dead, and in Ma's head a spike
Those two in Hell gave good ol' Satan much grief
So he asked his friend God to give him relief
"God, my friend, I gotta problem," He said,
As Bill and Ma spun round in his head
"You gotta tell me what to do with these two
Bill is a moron, he can't tie his own shoe
Ma is a bitty, and never stops bickering
With all her bitchin', and all of his trippin'
I can never give either of them a good lickin'"
"My good friend Satan You're the master of sin
I don't know the answer, but I think i'd begin
By buildin' a room with no windows or doors
no beds, no bathrooms, not even multiple floors"
With that the devil said, "Thanks, I gotta plan"
An with a wink in his eyes his evil began
He cloned first 12 Mas, and then cloned 12 Bills
Then he gave each hyperactivity pills
He then put each one of them in his cruel pen
Bills and Mas quarreled, and fought, and killed each other over and over again
So there they remain 'till the end of all time
An though the moral be not quite divine
I say to ye all, get rid of your hatred
For the master of sin's appetite ne'er will be sated
TOP
Away, into the starry eyed splendor of the night
Away, into this dark world where I alone
can be me
Into this world where the woes and troubles
The sorrows remembered and forgotten
no longer exist
Away, into myself,
hoping to find
me
TOP
Is it better to have loved and lost
Is it better to sit among the falling leaves
remembering the happiness of days gone by
of moments never to be recaptured again
Is it better to have embraced perfection
never to hold it again
Is it better to dream
hoping for even a moment of that love lost
knowing it will never come again
It is better to remember love's beauty
to be lost in thoughts of only her
and wonder what life could have been
what it once was
Is it better to sit, alone
waiting
knowing nothing will ever come of it
knowing no one can ever replace her
Is it better to have looked at beauty
never to see it look again
Is it better to wait an eternity
for something that will never come
TOP
And sleeping through this darkened night
with lights of stars and candle-light
burning deep into to my senses
dissolving all my former pretenses
should i dream in tragic bliss
of the ones we're wont to miss
or silent drift upon the waves
in the peace that my heart craves
TOP
Should I stand alone in silence
Should I run from the fold
Should I offer up resistance
hide myself from the cold
Should I part with many blessings
Should I leave without a trace
Should I sing this final measure
to the human race
Should I flee in desperation
Should I take a final bow
Should I depart with reverent spirit
solace my lasting vow
Should I pass without a struggle
Should I put up a fight
Thus I go unremembered
walking, silent, into eternal night
~ 11-10-01 4:08 a.m.
TOP
Spring
Loving sun embraced the sky with her warm heart
saplings sprouted - reaching to her
birds sang gleefully as they coursed the heavens
flowers sprang out of the earth
the nestlings cried for their nourishment
that they might one day fly with their brethren
He sat, alone, on his bench
his ag`ed hands,
his withered remains
fingers, bony, stained, yellow
unnumbered nights alone
with a brandy in one hand
smoke of countless cigarettes gently curling from the other
fingers, bony, stained black
the ink of his soul leaking out of a pen
too old to be of use
reached into the small bag
the remains of his dusty cupboards
scattered them upon the ground
for the wing`ed rats he once so despised
now his only friends
They flew to the crumbs of his last loaf of bread
too moldy for even his consumption
took all they could find
and left
Breathed in the fresh cool air
filled his lungs with life and love
sat silently alone
Watched the lovers pass
the flowers blooming at his feet
the buds of the trees
branches swaying to the winds sweet song
felt the day swell as his twilight descended
Death stretched his arm slowly
placed a clammy hand gently on his shoulder
He closed his eyes
never opened them again
~ November 13, 5:12 a.m.
TOP
As You Wish
"As you wish," I said
And she did not understand
Wrapped her arms around me,
Asked me to be hers forever
"As you wish," I said
And she did not understand
Said "kiss me please"
"As you wish," I said
And she did not understand
New and green by clear shining
Grass springing out of the earth
Sweet rain
Splashing in the puddles
Running through the misty morning
She said, "stay with me always"
"as you wish," I said
And she did not understand
Lazed about the endless summer
Lemonade and hammocks
Under the oppressive yellow orb
Danced and raced at night
To the waters edge
Midnight swimming
And the consummation of young love
She said, "I want to marry you"
"as you wish," I said
And she did not understand
Heat faded
The leaves turned to spectacular red
Heated by the passion
Of the dying trees releasing their final throes
Before the winter grasped their delicate hearts
She said, "hold me tight, I feel a chill"
"As you wish," I said
And she did not understand
Fire raged behind the hearth
Blankets, a bed upon the cold hard floor
In each others arms,
Sipping cider
Watching the snow drift gently
To kiss the earth sweet and twenty
She said, "this is all, this is bliss"
"As you wish," I said
And she did not understand
Snow covered sidewalks lend to footprints
Where feet are not to tired
And the snow man's cheery face
Covered by the wanton blizzard
Earth frozen to the core
Dead and unforgiving
She said, "leave me, I love you no longer"
"Always as you wish," I said
And, still, she did not understand
~ 2:45 AM 11/14/2001
TOP
Beth
Stood in the misty light
under the soft yellow glow of a street lamp
for a moment gazing into each others eyes
burning with rapture,
finding unparalleled beauty in darkness
Stood silently, not knowing what to say
needing nothing more to say
The world stopped for an eternal moment
as eyes searched for something,
finding everything they needed
Stood there waiting for another word
another clue, a glimpse at the thoughts
that only we could understand
if only for a little while
Then away, into the light rain
out of the soft yellow glow of a lonely street lamp
and out of my life forever
- November 29 2:08 a.m.
TOP
I Remember
I remember the star
Coursing across the heavens
Blinding my eyes,
ever after i could see only you
heat so strong, it fused our hearts,
so it would remain yours always
I remember kissing under the eternal flame
as it melted our hearts together
young love that was to remain forever
even after youth no longer was,
even after we departed from this life
I remember dancing
holding you close to me
and knowing you were the only one
i could ever love
I remember cupid's arrow
his purest arrow and truest aim
piercing my heart and soul
I remember you leaving
taking my heart with you
as it beat, painfully,
the rhythm of true love
- December 2, 11:39 p.m.
TOP
That is not it
That is not what i meant
No, that is not it,
that is not what i meant
And as these tears stream down my face
causing canyons on this
the stoic dessert of my visage
digging deeply into the mettle of my soul
I wept wishing i had not said what i had said
Wishing what i had said had not been said the way i said it
misunderstandings then misinterpretations then agony
a heart drowning in a salt lake
no longer pounding blood
just the thin acrid water
of tears so recently shed
that collect and threaten to flood within me
as i weep, wishing
That is not what i meant,
That is not what i meant, no, not at all
- December 3, 12:19 a.m.
TOP
Here
Here i lie awake
as god sullenly paints his oranges and pinks and blues
upon the canvas of the heavens
as lonely birds cry when their dreams become fantasies
Here my soul shifts restlessly in discomfort
as pain fills my eyes, burning with acid tears
as i thirst for the last drops of happiness
Drops that have long since evaporated
Here i lie wondering what's to come
as this melancholy subsides into torment
Here i look into my eyes
filled with sadness and hope
while a few notes on the piano play loneliness
Here i feel lost
as i wander aimlessly through a lifetime of hope
riddled with despair
a lifetime of comfort
riddled with agony
Here i find myself
alone and drowning
~ December 5 7:36 a.m.
TOP
What Would Not Be
Through smoky air
heated by the passion of unsatisfied young love
burning with desire and young lust
Lips locked and tongues twisted
as music pounded
and my intoxicated senses were altered
by the expectation of things
that would never come to pass
Bodies pressed to one another
fueled by curiosity and the romance of now
Toughing flesh in an excruciating moment of sensuality
as night ended and we parted through the smoky air
heated and empassioned by unsatiated young lust
- November 7 3:00 p.m
TOP
I believe this is one of my most powerful poems, as i read it at my and Ken's poetry reading, i almost started crying, as did a few of the members of the audience. I think it also derives its power because everyone can relate to the emotions and the situation described by it.
Going Home
Do not cry, my love,
i am only going home
Home where the angels dance upon the clouds
Where my path will be marked
by the trepidation of the stars
Hold me tight, my love,
i am scared
Voices are singing in cacophonous melody
They are calling me to them
But i see nothing
I see no lights
The darkness only grows darker
I see my life again
Remember when we danced under the moon
I sang softly to you and you fell asleep
protected by these walls
that now lie broken and in ruins
I need your walls
I need peace
That i might find peace hereafter
Let me see your eyes, my love,
they are my stars
and as i drift into the stars
becoming a star
these stars will be the last i ever see
My breaths grow shallow, my love,
I am starving for air
and my blood grows thin as it leaks
into the earth from whence it came
I can hear your heart, my love,
i cannot hear mine
It grows faint
Let your heart beat for both of us
because i never want to leave you
Where are you, my love,
my vision fails me
The darkness has surrounded me
Kiss me again, my love
for my flame is dimming
Once so full of passion and heat
I feel only the bitter cold of nothing
I need your warmth
Do not cry, my love,
i am home
TOP
Cease Not
I
oceans of sorrow separate me from myself
straining and struggling against the torrents of tears
waves swell upon swells
stranding me upon these foreign wind-swept shores
leaving me to dry in the heat of a gray cloud covered day
or to lie shivering in the cold gray of night
no wood for even flames to warm me
to warm my wearied soul
II
Here there is no life
Here there is nothing
Here where I cannot find even myself
I wander upon twisted paths
turning upon themselves
leave me reeling no longer knowing
all that once I did know
darkness only can be seen
no moon to cast a shadow
the stars are hidden from my tear-drained eyes
this ground is cold
I dare not lie upon it
for I may never stand to walk again
I may never stand to even stand again
lost in the labyrinth of my heart
lost in the lingering love of love lost
III
These springtides have passed me by
and autumn brings with it the promise of tomorrow
but not many more,
not many more
trees dead and bare of leaves
shiver silently in the cold frosting night
frost that glistens upon the barren branches
frost that silvers the blades of grass
and the ground
promises to keep me from the cold
promises to make me eternally cold
that I might not feel this frost upon my hands
Would that I might sleep
sleep again through this night
and waken to a new day
to find that only dreams do trouble me now
or to never wake again
to never wake again
IV
a stone to sit upon
through the bitter cold
these mine troubles vanish
carried by the wind
I become that I am
becoming nothing
here I sleep
and never wake again
never will I wake again
~ 1-21-02, 4:30 a.m.
TOP
Forever
Sweet words cannot succor these gaping wounds
Wounds so deep
not even the passage of the present into eternity
can begin to thread the first stitches
Not even the passage of eternity into eternity
can begin to mend them
Wounds cauterized, seared, burned, inflamed red and reopened
by the raging fires of misdirected passion
of the love she ruefully denied she felt
Hopes are born and reborn
only to be smothered by the reality
of a soul mate whose mate leaves his soul unmated
The reminders of blood trickle languidly
through this broken young frame antiquated by use and abuse
Molasses blood
clogs this crumbled heap of blackened shards and slivers
that slow the thick mass to near nothingness
when once, red, it beat the rythem of life and true love
The essence of life spoils and sickens
Green, it must be released
Received by only a cloth
Discarded, useless, meant for something that once was
but isn't
This soul that once soared
sits
augmenting the lake of tears
hoping for pain to end tortured torment
death to end this dolorous journey through eternity
These tears are
forever
This broken body will lie in ruins
forever
TOP
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