In memory of a dream so near,
Yet forever forgotten.
I burn your roses,
Hoping the scent will draw away my fear.
The midnight skies,
Reveal my innermost loves.
While the beauty of day,
Brings out my darkness and hate.
Sometimes when I wake from slumbering,
I can feel my dreams slip away.
In memory of an unborn dream,
That just happened to be,
Forever forgotten.
Hopes and dreams,
Shatter like glass.
Wind sweeps through,
And dampens the sound.
My eyes burn out,
As I realize what is gone.
I wipe my eyes,
Trying to remain strong.
I sweep up the pieces,
Hoping to mend the breaks.
But then I drop them,
Realizing everything I ever dreamed was wrong.
The light from the moon reflected upon the water, just as the stars sometimes reflect in ones eyes. The night so crisp and clear, not a single cloud in the sky, yet somehow I could still smell that smell that comes just before it rains. I sat down patiently, waiting for something, I wasn't just sure what yet, but I knew I was waiting for something that night. I looked up into the clear night sky, listening to all of the wonderful sounds of summer happening around me. I closed my eyes, letting the light breeze gently brush across my face, it all somehow soothed me in a way that I had never felt before. There was something different about that night, something different about me that night. I brought my head up, and opened my eyes, watching the lightening bugs fly through the air, suddenly remembering chasing them, trying to catch them, wondering what made them glow so beautifully. Thousands of memories of my childhood came back to me all at once, chasing bugs in the backyard at night, playing and running until my whole body ached, food fights at the picnic table, and laughing at a my brother when he did something funny. Such sweet memories, what I wouldn't give to go back and relive some of those precious few moments that I took for granted as a child. I left my magical place, in search of something more, what else I was looking for was a mystery to me, but I knew there was something else I was meant to find or maybe even realize that night. I got in my car and drove, I wasn't even sure where I was driving to. I ventured in my car for hours, stopping only once to find out where I had ended up. Suddenly my surroundings became familiar, I hadn't been to this place in years. I shut off my car and got out, planning to venture around the area, breathe some fresh air, maybe relive some old memories again. This place somehow was different than I had remembered in my dreams, this was the place I had come to meet so many of my friends when we needed a quiet place to most simply exist. The trail was just as I had recalled, it curved this way and that finally letting out at the most magnificent and calming spring fed lake. Even being as late as it was, the moon was full and I could see the reflection of everything near by. There was a place that I would always sit with my friends to talk about what was bothering them or even what was making them happy, whatever it was on their mind, we would sit here and talk about it. A sat on the cold rough stone, and gazed down into the origins of the lake as I had done many a time before, running my fingers through my tangled hair. I closed my eyes again to capture all of the sounds I had forgotten I missed over so much time away. More memories came back, running and laughing through the woods behind the lake, sitting and talking, taking pictures of other people passing by, and trying to figure out why they were here. What was bothering them, or were they perfectly content, is that even possible. So many things running through my mind, too many memories to sort through. A tear rolled down my face as I remembered so many of the things that I let slip out of my life, friends, opportunities, so many people that used to mean the world to me, and barely exist to me now. Seems funny how things change so dramatically, one day it's one thing the next day you don't even remember what you were so infatuated with the day before. I always recall telling myself that I would never forget any of it, the experiences, the friends, the things we had to have. Somehow I ended up forgetting a lot of it, if not most of it. The guy that I had a crush on in the ninth grade, my first love, the people in my life I thought would always be there, so where is everyone now. I may see some of these people again someday, run into them at a grocery store or maybe the mall with all of their screaming children running after them. At this point I almost have to wonder what the goal to all of our struggles is, do we just have kids, get fat and ugly, and then drive really slow in front of people we know are in a hurry, but we figure it's okay because we're old and senile. My mind finally wanders back to reality and where I am. I must have been thinking for quite some time, the sun was starting to peak up over the horizon. I closed my eyes and took one last deep breath of the fresh cool air. I walked slowly down the path tracing every step I made, knowing full well I might never come back to this place. I got back to my car, got in, and drove away, leaving everything behind me like I had always done before, but this time was different, this time I knew that I was never coming back and that I would inevitably forget everything I had always promised I would remember.
I sense the tension in your voice,
I see the unmistakable pain in your eyes.
I hear the fear in each breath you take,
I know your dreams when you sleep at night.
I sense the tender hostility,
Buried beneath you.
I can feel the pain,
Each time he breaks your heart.
With each breath,
She sighs out another lie.
Not to them,
Not even to him,
But to herself.
Everywhere she turns,
Everywhere she looks,
She sees more lies,
That she has created,
Unwittingly under her breath.
She lies to herself,
About who she is,
And why she still remains.
So many times,
She thinks she should have left,
Back when nobody would have missed her,
Who knows if they even would now.
But still,
She keeps on breathing,
Living,
And Lying to herself.
I light the candle,
Mesmerized,
I watch the flame burn out.
I light another hesitantly,
Yet without revealing my doubt.
This one burns,
For what seems to be forever.
The wind tries to blow it out,
But I race to give it cover.
This candle seems so different,
From all the others.
This candle burns more beautiful,
I love this one the most.
This candle is special,
Because it burns forever.
Someone else tries to blow it out,
But I would never.
The flame burns hot and bright,
But the wax refuses to melt.
I wish I hadn't lit this candle.
Now it makes me feel things,
That I never should have felt.
I watch her shadow,
Dancing among the others.
Suddenly she stops,
Feeling outcast from them.
Dancing around,
She sees what she never did before.
She sees that she is no one,
And belongs nowhere.
Just floating,
Drifting in between the others.
She is nothing to everyone,
And no one to herself.
Her shadow intermingles,
Amongst the many others.
Once again she stops,
Feeling outcast from herself.
The moon hangs high over the tree,
Kissing her branches in delight.
The air around them seems much cooler,
Much softer than I had remembered.
I used to sit under this tree,
Sometimes alone,
Sometimes with him.
He always knew to find me here.
I always loved watching the moon hover above the trees,
Even while the sun is still out.
It's like everything has two faces.
I sit at the base of the tree,
Huddled within myself.
I gaze around.
I am alone.
I see her reflection in the mirror,
A thousand times a day.
She is always called perfect,
They say she is perfect in every way.
But all they see is the outside,
What she shares with the world.
For inside,
Fear and darkness does lay.
Everyone calls her perfect,
But they never look inside.
They are afraid to look inside,
Because she's not who she seems to be.
I see her reflection in the mirror,
A thousand times a day.
Maybe someday someone will look within,
And understand that she's not who they said she would be.
It's getting colder,
The light is slowly fading away.
Please,
Hold me,
I'm cold.
But you don't hear me,
No one does.
The night falls upon me,
And I am alone.
I can hear you breathing,
Somewhere in the distance.
Come closer,
I need to be near you.
I need to feel you near me.
I hear your footsteps,
Did you change your mind.
Wait,
No,
Don't leave.
Stay here.
Hold me.
We stood on top the bridge, watching the cars pass by. This road, this highway, it was our ticket out of this godforsaken town. I began walking away from him, he was part of the reason I wanted to leave. Not to get away from him, but to be closer. He was home for the weekend, but one weekend every month and a half just isn't enough. He was a streak of light in my life, just as the headlights were streaks of light on the pavement. I walked closer to the railing, leaning over the edge, I felt his hand come around my waist. I felt like jumping, I wanted to jump, but he held me there close to him. Cars passed by, speeding, everyone wanting to get out. I reach out my hand to them, hoping they will take me away from here. I've got to get out, get away, from here, from him too. It hurts, I can feel the pain, deeper and deeper. Make it stop, why can't he just go away.
I look at the highway, It's my ticket out. I'm right here, I'm at the highway, so why can't I leave. The streaks of light pass by my eyes, and I yearn to join them in their unknown journey. I realized I was still holding the rail, I pushed myself away from it, but only closer to him. He held me even harder, not wanting me to leave him. I knew I had to leave, but never have I wanted to go. If only I could walk along the highway, and become a streak of light on the pavement. The rain began to trickle down, the streaks began to blur in front of my eyes.
I turn to look over my shoulder, and reacquaint myself once again with his lips. I pulled myself away, but he still gently held onto me. He couldn't let go. Not because he loves me, but because he's afraid of something strange, something new.
I pull myself closer to the rail, could I jump, would he let me. I look down at the highway, the streaks are growing few and far between. How did I get to this, I just want to leave this place. Why do I want to jump, I don't want to die. I want to jump to be closer to him, and yet I want to leave to get away from him.
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