|
|
|
A section dedicated to stupid jokes. Note: "Stupid" doesn't necessarily mean "lame." These jokes were all taken from other sites because mine aren't as funny. Please excuse the poor grammar--I was too lazy to correct them. A guy is in a bus station, and goes into the men's room to piss. When he walks in he sees a leprechaun with the most enormous dick he had ever seen. As he pees, he cannot avoid spying on the giant member of the tiny man dressed in green. The leprechaun zips up and the man asks him if he is indeed a real leprechaun. The little man says, "Aye me boy, I'm a leprechaun, and I can grant you three wishes." "Oh neat," comes the reply, "What do I need to do?" "Well, havin' such a large cock makes it a bit awkward with the ladies, the thing not fittin' and all...I'll grant you your three wishes if you wouldn't mind suckin' me dick until I come." The man is a bit taken aback, but agrees, because he knows he can wish for anything he wants later. After the green man has come, he starts to walk away. The guy says, "Hey, what about my three wishes?" The leprechaun asks, "How old are you me boy?" "25," he says. "Aren't you a bit too old to still be believin' in leprechauns?" ================== A sixteen year old virgin girl goes to confession. "Father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch yesterday." "Why did you call him a son-of-a-bitch??" the priest asked. "Because, father, he touched me on my arm without permission" "Do you mean like this??" He touches her arm. "Yes father." "That's no reason for calling him a son-of-a-bitch." "But father he also touched my breasts." "You mean like this??" He touches her breasts. "Yes father." "That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch." "But father, he took off my clothes." "Like this??" He takes off her clothes. "Yes father." "That's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch." "But father he then put his you-know-what in my you-know-where." "Like this??" He put his you-know-what in her you-know-where. "Yes father," she says sometime later. "But that's no reason to call him a son-of-a-bitch." "But father, he has AIDS." "THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!" ================== "You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness. ================== A guy reads a newspaper ad that says "All the weight you can lose for 1 dollar a pound". So he calls and asks if its true. "Sure" the guy says. "Just tell me the amount of weight you want to lose and your credit card number." Well the guy says 20 pounds. "No problem, our representative will be there in the morning." Sure enough at 8 a.m. the doorbell rings. When he opens the door theres a beautiful blonde standing there with nothing on but a sign that reads "IF YOU CAN CATCH ME, YOU CAN HAVE YOUR WAY WITH ME". He does and sure enough when he weighs in he has lost 20 pounds. Excitedly he calls back the weight loss company. "This time I'd like to lose 50 pounds." The guy who answered the phone says "Fifty pounds is a lot of weight at one time - but our representative will be there in the morning." Sure enough at 8 a.m. the doorbell rings. The man rushes to answer it. When he does it's a 500 pound male gorilla with a sign that reads : "IF I CAN CATCH YOU, I'LL HAVE MY WAY WITH YOU". ================== Former U.S. Presidents on a Sinking Ship: Ford: "What do we do?" Bush: "Man the lifeboats!" Reagan: "What lifeboats?" Carter: "Women first!" Nixon: "Screw the women!" Clinton: "You think we have time?" ================== 
|
[Back to Miscellaneous]