Sappho Parodies

Disclaimer: The characters are property of MCA/Universal. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made from these parodies (… or so it seems to me).

Author’s note: This is a response to a challenge on the TX forum, based on the famous Sappho scroll that Xena gave Gabrielle for her birthday in “Many Happy Returns”. Everyone commissioned Sappho’s verses back then! Just check out these.

Original poem:

There's a moment when I look at you
And no speech is left in me,
My tongue breaks,
Thin fire runs under my skin
And I tremble and grow paler than the reed
For I am dying of such love,
Or so it seems to me.




Joxer to Gabrielle

There's a moment when I look at you
And my legs wobble dangerously
My sword breaks
My helmet slips over my sweaty forehead
And covers my eyes
And I stammer, and stumble
And land right in the campfire - not that I care,
Because, uh... you look really nice today...
Or so it seems to me.

Gabrielle to Ares

There's a moment when I look at you
And there's no speech left in me
(Which is sayin' something, now!)
So I just shake my head in a sad sort of way
And go back to tending the fire
Because, frankly, if you don't tell her now
You're too much of a coward to deserve her
Or so it seems to me.

Aphrodite to Cupid

There's, like, this moment, see,
When I look at you (doesn't happen often)
And go - "Man!"
Because you have wings, and fly
Like a - what do you call it? - birdy-thing
And I grow scared, and my lips tremble
Because let's face it, you didn't get them from me
And I've never done it with a bird ... or so it seems to me.
(Have I??)

Borias to Evil Xena

Zere'z a moment venn I look at you
And I haff to pinch my noz
And retch
For you are vearing a smelly hide
Covered viz deer blood, and zere are
Antlerz sprouting from your forehead;
You haff bin vizitinn zat Alti again
Or so it seemz to mee.

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