Words

At an absolute loss for words
Never knowing truly what I'm trying to say
Feelng deceived and foolish and yet
Something else, something more
I don't know what I'm looking for
I don't know what I'm trying to say
I need to let go, but I want to hold on
And I have to let go, but you're coming back
And I don't need this anymore
I need a change, a drastic change
They're all around me
But are they for me, or I for them?
If I took the chance, would they stay
Or would I lose all chance at happiness
No matter how small
If I gave up what I already have
I had to leave my world to find what I have
But could I find more, closer, in sight?
For the longest time, no
But now?  Could it happen?
Do people see me as I am
Or what I was
Do they refused to acknowledge change
Or do they accept it
Or do they ignore the better, see only the worse
So many risks, is it worth it?
Am I worth it?
If I took it, could I keep it
Or would I, eventually, desire another change
Cor te reducit
The heart leads you back
The heart pulls you in.
But back to what?
Into what?
Am I even making sense?
I don't know, I don't think so
I need to be alone.

February 28, 2003

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