Comin' Around

That feeling is coming back again
That empty, sick, butterfly feeling
And I don't know what's caused it
It isn't him this time
No, something deeper
Something much deeper
Something I've been ignoring far too long
And I don't even know what it is.
It is so exhausting to make
People believe you're happy
When inside, you're not
You gotta keep them happy
But who gives a shit if you're happy?
No one, that's who
You think about killing yourself
You fantasize about how you would do it
But you know you're not brave enough for it
At least, I know I'm not.
This is about me, after all
I can take a razor blade
Press it against my skin, drag it across
Make it bleed
But never hard enough to die
All I can do is sit here
Focus on the pain I can't explain
Try to breathe past the smell
Try to make my heart be still
It beats so hard I can feel it
I just push the feeling back for now
Who knows,
Maybe I've been attacked by an incubus

November 1, 2002

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