Child of War
A Child Of War
I have never been to war,
But I know all about it.
I surveyed a childhood,
With lots of enemies
I knew I was in danger,
And always very afraid.
My trauma was, child abuse,
Sexual abuse and torcher.
I did not have a weapon,
I was not drafted,
Or did time over sea in a War.
It was there from birth,
Till the time I left.
Then it did not stop then,
It was there still ,
Only to be called a liar.
Returned to my tornmenter.
Even when I told no one would listen.
If the dishes were not done right,
You did them over and over again.
You had a white glove inspection,
If there was dust you paid dearly.
A quarter had to bounce on your bed.
I tried but was not enough.
I did not know what was wrong.
A normal childhood, what was that?
I was always on alert for danger,
Just fighting to survive.
Never knowing what was wrong,
I always had to be alert.
I was put on guard to be ready,
To do combat to survive,
It was a war zone,
Even when we went somewhere.
We had to stand at attention,
With arms out straight,
Or having to hike 10 miles
Not knowing why.
Because you was bad?
Never knowing what u did wrong.
I never knew when I would get beat,
With a bow whip, a buggy whip, or a paddle,
Or the garden hose,
Or the bomb would hit.
If you were hungry you did not ask,
You did not take it for fear,
You would be maded to eat and eat.
You never talked back,
Never had feelings.
Never exspected any if you did,
You you did as you was told or not told.
Night time or day time was bad,
There was no guards at the gate.
I never knew when it would happen,
So afraid of the family friend or relatives.
Would put their hands on you,
In the wrong way.
If you did not say anything,
There was no danger,
Because no one would know,
So I said nothing.
And lived with the shame.
Ive ever dreamed
I knew I lived in a war zone,
It was not a war with soilders,
Or the Gulf War,
A battle field of fear,
And confusion was the rule.
Everytime I was allowed the feelings,
I would have panic attacks,
Wanting to hide.
If I stopped fighting to live,
I knew I would die for sure.
I had to keep fighting to survive.
I will hurt before another.
Never the dictator who keeps me.
A PRISONER OF WAR
HAMS
March 30, 1998
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