I feel it all the same as I did then
The hypocrisy in calling you a friend
I feel it like yesterday...my god, I feel it like no other
I'm not your equal, Not your concubine and I'm not your mother
I felt like shit and I felt blind
I felt like you should pay...I felt us falling behind
And you...you feel nothing...you...you light another cigarette
And I even felt like I was paying for sins we hadn't even commited yet
A child was born
A lover was torn
A spell went bad
A memory was dwelled upon for the times that were had
I felt the polarity in everything we used to do
A pretty face hiding an ugly soul...I know that soul was you
When the awkwardness grew so thick it could be cut with a knife
I felt the silent joy in greeting the others you brought into my life...
I feel haunted when I remember
The flames of power we created...and every fucking ember
I feel ashamed that I...I of all people had been had by such a lost soul
I felt myself sink deeper...and you...you just turned away to let me fall into this hole
A child breathed in her first breath
A lover's own cries made himself deaf
A spell went on...a spell grew cold
And I..I grew up along the way and broke the reflection...because looking at it became so old...
A child cried out in the night
A lover lost his sight
A spell broke and so goes the same for you...
And I...I just broke the reflection because I grew tired of you
Not with a bullet
Not with a blade
Not even with the weapons you made
I felt myself die and become born again within the pain
I felt myself break the reflection...I felt you pay for everybody you had emotionally slain
Not with a fist
Not even with a smile
Now you know...I broke the reflection...
And I felt myself breathe...for the first time in a while...
I had no special needs
Other than to be heard at times like these
Nothing left from the get go...
So...You better go please
I'd say I wanted to someday hold the world in my hand
Then you'd roll your eyes at the idea... because you really didn't understand
The fine line between love and hate...the way we would intentionally frustrate
But then again from day one...between us...it was too late
Somewhere through grace and this little space
I'm living cold, becoming my own ghost and not being able to recognize my own face
Somewhere along the way, I have become my own hostage
Breaking the reflection and recalling it all as garbage
What to do when you can't undo
Then snap your fingers - I'd crawl to you
An "S" over the "EX" - We'd do that too
But it's hard to hang on when you feel yourself ready to slip right through
Somewhere in this great big space
We devoured our place in this human race
Somewhere we had the idea
But you didn't hear me and it was then that I just didn't feel you
What to say when you can't speak the language
Then you'd drink your fears and I'd smoke my mental anguish
A "D" before the "IE"...and we were
But you couldn't make up your mind when I was always for sure
Somewhere in this world we'd become
Eachother's black holes...and just feeling nothing but numb
Somewhere two souls collided by chance
...And killed each other with the circumstance...
What to see when you have gone blind
If we could have only started out leaving each other behind
An "E" before the "ND" which was always at heart
But then again, sometimes, It's better when these things don't even start
They say there's a logical explaination for everything
For life, death, God and almost anything
They say so many things...which don't make sense
For every question I ask there is another pretense
I'm face to face with myself once more
A stranger knocking at my door
Ashes to ashes... and dust to dust
Feel it slip through my fingers...and slowly earn back human trust
And it's almost amusing how it never seems to fail
The way I'm asked what happened and in the end I always tell the tale
As if there is a reason for why this has to happen to any human being
And just when I learn to love again and touch again...Is when I have trouble believing
The place I call home...The place I'll always feel alone
The place I feel my heart....Is the same place I feel the past tearing it apart
I can feel the emptiness...almost feel the brink of being whole and then....
I can almost see and I can almost feel that in the end there is no Heaven
My life, My love, My vision's
Which make me afraid of fate's fucked-up little decisions
And whatever you may have thought about me in the past
May have been cold and dark....but it should be buried at last
I'm looking out of my window durring the day
My face seeimg like yours...but in a different way
And I don't see people experiencing daily bliss when....
I close the mini-blinds and silently mouth the words "There is no Heaven..."
I can't seem to stop tossing and turning
I can't seem to stop burning
Because I can't seem to stop thinking of yesterday
The very day the whole world went away
The place I call my own....The place which leaves me alone
The place I want to be in....Is the same place etched in stone
And it's then I scream and cry outloud when....
I become convinced that there is no Heaven
My hands, My eyes, My mind
My concience always trying to remind
My silence, My agony, My discord
The way I asked for answers...the way I screamed hystarics and implored
My tears that have fallen...Myself wondering what perpose they serve
My disbelief, The way I get tongue tied...My raw nerve
If they could just tell me why things have to end up this way
The day God left me hallow, took my faith away...and didn't care about what I'd have to say
Another day...I awake and look at the hour
I gotta get myself ready...I gotta will myself to use that power
The person I used to call myself...The person who once became blind
The person who never really cared about anything at all....The person who struggles to leave the past behind
And when a memory like that strikes me then...
I still want to slam my fists through walls and scream in glass breaking pitch " Maybe there is no Heaven!
I once thought that we could hold on
I thought I was that strong
I actually thought we made a good pair
Then we suddenly ceased to care
The way our hands touched... but not quite
We both couldn't get through the night
In the strange way we seemed to meet
We both couldn't stand on our own two feet...
I once thought we would have had a little life together
And when the chance presented itself I was filled with such terror
It's not like it feels so good to say the things I do
You wounded me with what you had to say too
Standing naked
Standing strong
Taking the blade
Thinking of past wounds I made
Laying down
In my sleep I drown
And if you asked me if I needed help
I don't think I'd make a sound...
You asked me what was wrong and why I couldn't get my shit together
And to this I said "Find somebody else...you know you deserve better..."
You asked me why I didn't believe in God and why I was so dark
To which I replied "It's in my blood and soul and even the darkest hours have their spark"
Standing soaking wet
Thinking i'm not dead yet
Taking another pill
Staying still
Laying face down on the floor
And if you asked me to get up
I don't think I'd want to breathe anymore
It's been a while since I saw your face
The same smile that could deliver me back to grace
Sometimes I still smell your scent and stop to remember
The way we'd crack each other up and cherish every second together
It seems like forever since I heard your voice
The same sound that rendered me powerless with no other choice
The way we'd say nothing at all to each other in the middle of the night
I once thought this was how we were going to remain...but I wasn't right...
Standing in the same place as I did back then
Sometimes thinking of you every now and again
Wondering if you sometimes think the same
Knowing this is what it feels like when you realize love is not a game...
From across the world and within the worlds nobody else knows
I try to find the many things now lost...reminded of them all each time the wind blows
And I wonder if you are doing well and if you are still that same element of fire
And wonder why it's been so damn hard to attain the many spelndors I desire
I'm haunted in my own mind
Trying to find the pieces I could never find
I'm haunted in my own skin
Still getting used to the person living within
After the sea salt has been swept away
I'd do anything to make you want to stay
It is after the books and charms have been locked up
I see how I have altered so many things knowing i'm not finished with whats been called my corrupt
After the stones have been casted I silently wonder why
That I have to banish the harsh blows life has given...and always continue to try
The world seems so big, The world seems so small
Often times it seems the world doesn't care at all
And the world seems so empty, The world seems to be cloaked in denial
Often times I have to push myself to get up and walk, to breathe and to smile
I am haunted by the past of my little life
The sarrow stains I inflicted upon myself with a hidden knife
I am haunted, cursed and or blessed
With the ability to see through what hasn't been stressed
From across the room I move objects and hang on to the idea of normality
Look in the mirror and often question my own sanity
Of the loves who moved mountains within my mind
And with all of the heartache...I had to leave these souls behind...
The world doesn't seem to care...Certainly doesn't make much sense
And the world hides their demons in their closets occasionally letting loose skeletons to paint their picket fence
The world seems absent, Unaware of real pain and masking it with meaningless expressions
And I see the world, All the people, All the silence and it's often joyless impressions...
I am haunted in my own skin
Trying to understand who I am within
I am haunted and Excorcised in my own way
Feeling free when I can raise my glass and feel blessed there is another day...
Though I am haunted within
It's never an option to just cave in...
From across the world and all the beautiful people who walk it's surface
I'll always tell the tale of me...I'll always be of service
From across the despair and pain of those who believe things are too late
I'll be working in the shadows, In the moonlight and doing my best to aid in helping their hands of fate...
I am born again in some way...and see David in the stars
Snow falling at Morven...and masking each of the parked cars
The steps I took at that time...The ones I should have taken
Every little kingdom in doom...and this is where I was foresaken
Walking lightly never disturbing the resting souls...I thought Jesus was in bed
Allowing anything to save me, rake me over my bed of hot coals...Feeling both alive and dead
Living in Hell, Making my own Heaven and somehow living inbetween the two
Matilda as a name, Unhealthy habits just to pass the time...completely unaware of what I used to do
( but everybody kind of knew... )
Nobody wants to speak up...Everybody wants to take a quiet stand
Nobody has the nerve to scream it as I do...Maybe I'm the only one who can
Everybody acts as though their mouths have been stitched shut
I could play the part of a Nun and still remain pain's slut...
I am clean and dirty all the same
Still feeling the need to pin down the blame
'Cause there are only so many times you can hear somebody say they love you
Before they slip into their real skin and reveal who they really are to you
I am casted stones and silence
Still needing some form of guidence
'Cause there are only so many things that can happen before you attain a broken spirit
Before you contemplate taking yourself out of your head, throw the towel in and eventually quit
( but everybody's got a line to cross before they split )
Nobody wants to do anything you'd hope they'd do
Nobody feels the need to
Everybody's gone deaf and blind
Everybody's been gutted of their own mind
Nobody feels the need to adress the things which need to be
Nobody has the raw nerve to ask me
I'm a little older, Going full spectrum these days
Looking to free my mind and break my set ways
Everybody's turning the other way
Nobody wants to stick around when I ask them to stay
( and thats more than okay... )
(The image above is an actual photo of Lancaster's infamous Red Barn weeks before it was destroyed.)
Strike a match and feel yourself burn in fear within the Holy Strega's name
It's so hard to not fall apart when the world never really feels the same
The things you can believe, The many things you doubt when right before your very eyes
In another time, In another realm entered and you can hear the wild's cries
The bright went dead - The night runs out
In the middle of the day at Darkness Falls - The demons shout
If you don't lose your mind you might survive
After time spans, Darkness falls, This gift could consume you alive
And you can't believe when those who tremble start to pray
Knowing fear attracts fear - You fight the battle and you stay...
We're at Darkness Falls - We've lost our ability to sleep
What you know, What you'll be...When you hear the faceless begin to weep
And you can't wait for an old friend to show you the right way
Knowing you've have to catch your own fall for the third time today
We are at Darkness Falls
Hearing the unknown calls
We're at Darkness Falls...
We're alive... but hardly at all
This is where we are but how we arrived remains a mystery
The chosen few, The Fallen and this place has taken over me
A piece of your heart taken and you hear a breaking bone
Even the strongest calls to the PASSIM-PASSIM are never heard - You ARE all alone
This is where blood was shed - Where Kings and Monster's were born
This is where many came to believe only to take leave - You ARE utterly torn
At Darkness Falls you slowly start to believe me
At Darkness Falls the light is hard to see
At Darkness Falls you lose your grasp on sanity
At Darkness Falls what will be...will forever be
And it's seeming you're believing everything as I do
The shadows scream - The shadows bend towards you
And it's starting to crawl underneath your skin
Every fiber of your being screaming to get out when you were begging to get in
And now it seems you feel you've had enough of this night
Every time you laughed and said that I was wrong...Now crying out that I was right
We're at Darkness Falls
We roamed the endless pitch black halls
We were at Darkness Falls when I took your shaking hand
I saw you verge on insanity before you could finally understand
After Darkness Falls...
The urgency in your calls...
It is only after Darkness Falls
You realize you're never safe behind the comforts of your own four walls...
Run it all together and work it all in mysterious ways
Pick at the scab, Watch it bleed and count bacwards to the days
When you tried as hard as you could to leave the past just there
When you moved foward into a different time and there was nobody else to care
When the world was screaming outloud that they knew your name
When you learned feeling alive doesnt really feel the same...
Nobody knows what you've seen...What you've done to keep on breathing
Nobody understands what you've tried to obtain...What you're still needing
I'm not that person anymore
I'm not asking for anything more
I've tried as hard as I could to uncover the entire world
I've remained tongue tied...When all took was one word
Run as fast as you can to escape having an ego
Pick up all the broken pieces and learn to let go
When all is said and done and all you can fear is the future of yourself
When you've got enough karma for three people...and you still won't ask for help
When the world ended
When God said Good-Bye
When the end of the world came
And your own evolution was to blame
I'm not that child anymore
I grew up somewhere and lost my way
Still seen as the same fucked up being
I've remained absent...Now it's always the same thing i'm seeing
When the world ended
When God left you to your own devices
When you experienced the end of the world
And hated each of your own sacrifices
Run as far as words can fly
Watch the tides of humanity run dry
When you tried to make ammends and were told it was already too late...
When you finally broke apart your own clean slate
When the world ended
When God didn't even leave a sign
When the whole world came to an end
When you supposed that you were going to be fine...
I'm not that person anymore
I'm not trying to be seen as anything more
When the world ended without so much as a sound
I'm not going to walk on water if I can't even walk on solid ground this time around
When the world ended...
...When God was nowhere to be found...
Times that I hate...Everything I create
All the times somebody's so fucking sorry...and it's a little too late
Times when I feel so twisted to everybody who used to care
To the souls who suck you dry...And to anybody else who might dare...
To talk to me in such a way that I have to strain to hear their chatter
And to the wants and needs left starving and being asked if it all matters
The damage I have done and the desperate urge to fall...
Into a place that has no name...Into a life that doesn't exist afterall
Sometimes you don't know what you're doing
Sometimes you don't even realize where you're going
And these times I wanna feel you slip
These are the moments I want to see you lose your grip
You don't know that I've been breaking
That the world I've been living in is shaking
You don't know that wrong often proves right
And then sometimes after all this has been made...I start to lose sight
The nerve it takes
To make me break
The pain inflicted
To leave me sickened
Again, I hear you speaking if you're speaking at all
...I'm not gonna be there to catch you if you fall
All the times that we could have ended it then
And again and again...
Sometimes it feels better to be enimies then to be friends
Sometimes it feels so much better to smite and spite rather than to make ammends
(when it's all just gonna end...)
And I hear you've been feeling lost and torn
And all the things that were spawn from scorn
And if you don't like the way I live than get the fuck out of my way
And if you want to lecture me on right and wrong...then I don't care about what you have to say
The nerve it takes to make me break
The life you chose to escape the heartache
And if you're talking...you can't be heard at all
...I don't really care anymore and I'm not here to catch you if you fall...
The awsome power it takes to make me wanna crack
And have you rattle off all the self-rightious things I lack
And I don't expect you to overcome this selfish thrall
...Pitty yourself and leave me alone...I wasn't born to catch you if you fall...
Everything is different and all the rooms went cold
I can't hear...The words you whispered when I was told
To be a little less dark in my frame of mind
When I couldn't see...Now I feel as though my life's gone blind
I'd take the blade just to bleed the pain away
I'm the seeker of all things big and small
In a way, I've become the flavor of the day
I swear this time around... you can't even taste me at all
Break the reflection
It's all a rejection
Break the silence and wash away the tears
Through the mindless chatter and everything that appears
Just take it all in stride
Well, There's nothing left to hide
Break the reflection
...And slip on your armour of mental protection
In a box I keep all the sarrows I'd once weep
'Cause time just wont turn the other way
In a fortress that I've learned to build I keep
And it's still as fresh as yesterday...
Fuck the life I used to live and all the things I had
Like a hole in my head and the incidents that have left me mad
Screw the years that flew on by and it's not like I didn't try
To make this life a little longer...But still, inside I die
Break the reflection
It's just a little injection
Break the walls down
And learn to swim before you drown
Well, There's really nothing left to say
All the events which are on re-play...And do it over again each day
Just break down the souls who once claimed love for you
...And learn to break the reflection before it all has a chance to kill you too
Everything is strange and all so clear
Now days it's my own soul i'm learning to hear
Everything is different and all the same
And I'm learning the meaning of my own name
Break the reflection
It's not a common misconception
Break down the things that bled your mind
And learn to leave what you once cherished behind
Well, There's really too much to be said
Just break it all down before you're left haunted in your own head
All of the accidents which left me feeling like I had been cast away
...And learn to break everything that might just break you down anyway...
(* 'Cause we were all thinking it...)Though I heard myself say three more times that I'm only feeling dead
That I'm not gonna be falling in and out of light when you said
That I'm not used to failing and feeling alone when you took away
Everything sweet until this day
And we're both simple and simply screwed up in the head
Everything white is now seen red
And we're both children and childishly dishing out pain
Every desert of confusion has been flooded again
I heard myself whisper Oh My God when I heard the news today
I kept on repeating the same lame three words of Oh My God 'cause I really didnt know how to say
That we've been up and down and through this space and time we never found solid ground
That you started to fall and no matter how many times I tried to pick you up...something else is on the bound
I heard myself say I can't believe this is what all of it will be
Then the nights that I could hear my soul speak and ask why you were hurting me
I even heard myself wish that I could take away
The very first time I ever spoke to you....And why we even came together that day...
'Cause all the unknown sources in the world have repeated
That I have been walked all over - My spirit's been depleated
And all I know is that through it all we kept on going never knowing why we must
After the start of it all, piercing the heart of it all who can you really trust?
I heard myself whisper Oh My God when it all started to set in
And the many years it took for you to wear my shell this thin
I even heard myself say Oh My god when you broke this to me face to face
And the way life is given, taken and it's all for granted in the first place...
All the magic in the world couldn't save me
Matters to me now that I've been thinking of this lately
And should I fall down and watch everything turn to dust
Till the end of life who can you trust?
I can't believe this is what it comes down to
The ammount it takes for me to drown into
And I still can't believe the God damn path you'll be taking
And the many times I did my best to make you feel worth saving
I can't believe this is what's gonna be
And all the vicious ways you said to me
That we've kept a safe distance but it seems we've slowly turned to dust
And in the end it doesn't really matter 'cause till the end of time...who can you trust?
I can't believe the things I find myself saying these days
Everything's inside out and upside down in several different ways
Still, I can't believe that this is what really matters in life when you play the game
Everything's become strange to me - The legacy of my own name given to a girl who's not the same.
I heard myself scream Oh My God when I couldn't really get passed the shock
The tone in your voice, the smell in the air and what time it stuck on the clock
I heard myself say Oh My God silently as I learned what it felt like to have the most cherished taken away
The loss for words and the promise we might be able to figure out what happened some day...
All the magic in the world made a slave of me
It matters to me now that I've been wondering who's crazy
And should I fall to my knees and watch everything start to rust
Till the end of whatever matters most.... Who can you trust?(* 'Cause we were all thinking it...)
